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bioniczombiebaboon
Reviews
Haute tension (2003)
For those who prefer Maniac over Scream
Looking for the latest plastic teen celeb vehicle with PG-13 scares and a hip nu-metal soundtrack? Keep moving. Feel more like some straight-up vicious old-school horror that skips the clichés and delivers gore and tension in spades? This is your flick. Enough has been said about the plot and the controversial "twist" so I won't dwell on these things. Instead, on to what counts(!): - the kills are wickedly graphic and pack a whollup. - fantastic performances all around - a brooding soundtrack that highlights the violent moments making them even more unpleasant - no lame comic relief to keep things "safe" - some naughty sexuality (one scene being hot the other being stomach-turning). - that "twist" that, love it or hate it, you'll be discussing long after the credits roll. Ultimately, this is a real horror movie. It's bloody, uncomfortable and full of tension.
NOTE: the version I've reviewed is the UNCUT edition. It's reported the one hitting our screens is missing about a minute of gore, but, when a flick is this bloody, a minute is no big deal.
Malevolence (2003)
Old-School Horror Was Never This Dull
The buzz surrounding this indie flick suggests it's a trip back to old-school horror. A homage to the good old days of 70's and 80's terror. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I recall those films to be loaded with suspense, gore, nudity and/or general nastiness. Recall the glorious raft massacre of The Burning. The foreboding and dread of TCM. The pile of blood- soaked bodies and horny half-naked teens of the Friday the 13th series. The suspense of Halloween. In Malevolence we get no suspense, no gore, no nudity, no tension. In place of these crucial elements we get a country bumpkin with a sack on his head bloodlessly bumping off some crap actors. And taking way too long to do it. Hey, I'm all for slowly establishing the characters to give the deaths more impact, but when we could care less about these people, "fleshing" them out just feels like celluloid that could have been better spent on grislier kills. Bottom line: wanna see a true old-school homage, check out the uncut Haute Tension.
Maniac (1980)
Now this is horror
This is horror. Gory, unrelenting, uncomfortable and disturbing.
A slimy, overweight serial killer with a hate-on for women stalks the bowels of New York city preying on unsuspecting ladies out past the witching hour. After nastily dispatching them, he collects their scalps to nail to his mannequin collection. 'course there are some serious mother-son issues at play here. While not the most original idea, Maniac uses strong performances (the late Joe Spinell being the obvious stand-out), graphic gore (some of Tom Savini's most gruesome work) and unshakable ugliness to spin one of the most horrific of horror yarns I've seen. As mentioned, the gore is plentiful. Scalpings, stabbings, slit throats, head rippings, and arguably the "best" head explosion put to film will easily satisfy the gore hounds. But, beyond these great moments lies the films greatness. The "icky"-factor. Throughout, one can't escape the uncomfortable feeling of an unsensitized film willing to to go too far (imagine Last House on the Left without the stupid "humour" scenes to break the tension). The gore, ickiness and dread ultimately climax in a finale that has been tattooed on my brain since first viewing some in the 80's. While some may not be as rattled as i, those who find those blank face mannequins creepy should be warned,
Ghost of the Needle (2003)
Finally. A decent DTV horror flick.
I generally don't like low-budget direct to video horror. So often I've gone into these with an open mind, willing to give them a little slack for not having all the Hollywood gloss only to be kicked in the knackers, robbed of my money and time (ie-steaming turds like "13 Seconds" and anything from "Brain Damage Films"). Imagine my utter shock when this little gem actually turned out to be good. In fact, it's damn good! A nutty photographer with a penchant for drugging, killing and snapping shots of his victims then wrapping them in plastic and storing them in his basement violates the wrong chick and ends up in a whole lotta trouble. To say more would ruin this fine flick. The director here makes great use of his low budget. Instead of loading the screen with shoddy gore effects ala "Hells' Highway" we get creepy atmosphere, a chilling score and sound effects and a tight script with a twist or two. The acting, while not stellar, is above the norm for mini-budget horror and manages to keep the viewer engaged instead of repelled. An impressive, chilling ride. This almost restores my faith in the DTV horror genre.
The Burning (1981)
In uncut form it's a must!
While far from original and strictly for slasher fans, this vicious little mother is one great horror flick. Camp dude gets fried in prank gone wrong and returns for violent revenge on anyone at or near the camp of his tragedy. So why watch this? A few reasons. 1) The awesome and chilling synthesizer score from Rick Wakeman. 2) decent T and A 3) The gore. Oh my yes. In it's true uncut form this features some jaw-dropping kills courtesy of Mr.Savini. While most video stores will carry the useless censored version, there are many on e-bay hawking uncut (careful, there are some selling uncut versions that are not truly uncensored) copies for a reasonable price. 4) Jason (George Costanza) Alexander with hair 5) The gore. (worth mentioning twice.) Let's explore:
- hooker gets scissors in the gut (multiple shots)
- skinny-dipper chick with gushing cut throat
- the "raft massacre" : one of the greatest moments in slasher history. See it.
- "Glazer" gets sheared in the neck and pinned to a tree. Yowsa.
- nerd pinned to wall with garden shears through arm
- one ugly skin-graft-gone-wrong face
- shears through burnt dudes' neck
- axe in the head followed by immediate body incineration
Bottom line, slasher fans will not be let down if they catch true uncut version of this fine slasher. Creepier, more vicious,unsettling and with more Seinfeld alumni than any F13.
13 Seconds (2003)
Don't believe the hype.
After reading such positive buzz about this one I just had to check it out. Now, I realize some slack has to be given to these indie horror flicks but my generosity was stretched beyond reason here. First, are there not enough starving performers out there that we couldn't find even one that could act? I mean holy sh**balls(!) these are some of the most stunningly awful performances I've seen this side of an elementary school talent show. The story was pure Jacob's-Ladder on-a-budget complete with the straight-jacket-clad dudes with spinning heads (though the effects team couldn't figure out how to make the head spin like in "Jacob's" so we get the actors shaking their heads ala "no-no-no" with some skin slapping sound effects over top. As for gore, yes, there is some decent bloodshed but it feels like a ploy to distract us from how awful everything else is. Ultimately, I'm less floored by the "oooooh he's actually dead"-style ending than I am by the amount of praise this turd has received.