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Night Explorers: The Asylum (2023)
Truly Terrible
There was one positive thing about Night Explorers: the location. Shot at Revesby Abbey, it features cool architecture and creepy corridors.
The story, the acting were all horrible: no believable characters, no believable choices. I spent a lot of time saying, Come on.
For example, the Ghost Hunter-types are actually receiving messages from their Spirit Box and they're celebrating. The messages are things like "Get Out" and "There is evil here." So, if they think this is real, wouldn't they heed the warning or, at the very least, be concerned?
Beware of any film with an extended party scene. Toward the beginning, the "party" lasts at least 5 minutes, just enough to pad the running time to full-length. It adds nothing of value. The characters are set to film an extremely important investigation the next day, yet they get wasted the night before?
Time has no meaning. The characters are two hours away from the site. Repeatedly, they say, We'll leave first thing in the morning. They arrive at dusk.
This was a complete waste of time. Aside from the Abbey, there's nothing redeeming. I appreciate the attempt to explain the "paranormal" activity but... none of it worked for me.
Kaleidoscope (2016)
disappointing
I watched Kaleidoscope because I love Anne Reid. The fact that Toby Jones starred was simply a bonus. As expected, the acting was wonderful. However, Toby's brother, Rupert Jones, contributed direction that was slow paced. I believe the kind term is "deliberate." Even given the heightened subject matter, the pace decreased any urgency created. This made the one hour and 40 minute running time seem much, much longer. Perhaps he was aiming for a slow burn. The burn simply didn't light. I do like the a-ha at the ending. The fact that not all questions are answered is also a plus.
Is it worth the slog? Sure. Reid and Toby Jones are great, as always. Just be prepared for a not-entirely-satisfactory cinematic experience.
No One Lives (2012)
Why?
I love revenge films. A lot. This one left so much to be desired.
There is no point to this film. Unless you want to watch a film with a guy killing everyone (where only one might be seen as a justifiable homicide), skip this one.
There's a whole lot of blood. Some of the acting is fine. However, when nothing is justified, it gets boring.
Luke Evans is generally a really good actor. He's okay in this. Perhaps he was not as in-demand in 2012, accounting for his willingness to appear in this turkey.
With WWE films as a co-producer, perhaps I should have hesitated. Please allow my mistake to serve as your warning. Watch something else. Anything else.
Black Mountain Side (2014)
so slow
Black Mountain Side is boring.
For the first hour, nothing happens.
Then, when something does happen, who cares? No one reacts with any sense of realism (like when the dude's arm is mis-shapen, they don't think to examine the arm, after...?)
The cinematography is wonderful, the location is great, the acting is okay but there needs to be a story and characters you care about. A plot that holds together would be nice, too. And that ending. Seriously?!
Aside from the cinematography, the best thing about the film is the line by the Deer God toward the end of the film. Actually, that dialogue between the Deer God and Jensen was quite good.
Don't waste your time with this one. It's a stinker.
Hoax (2019)
and it was going so well...
For the first hour, this was a nicely paced, enjoyable little film. Not relying on gore, fairly well-acted, gorgeous scenery, good cinematography, and Adrienne Barbeau (in a cameo), I was pleasantly surprised. I thought, Finally, a film that is better than its description. Then. It all went to hell. The back woods cannibal people? The inbred sons in gorilla suits? Suddenly, it became a gore fest. The fake and "real" Bigfoot characters were all so fake and cheap, it was comical. The last act seemed as though the production team said, "Well, we need another 20 minutes, so let's just throw this in." The last twenty ruined the whole film for me.
Lilith (2018)
Good idea
Somewhere, in the idea, there's a film. Lilith is not that film. This is just a terrible film. In every way, it fails. The acting, the directing, make-up, "special effects," and especially the writing. It's excruciating to watch. Just a side issue: if you're going to have film with a destroy the patriarchy point of view, perhaps having female representation on the production team would be wise. I doubt that would have helped this steaming pile but I feel it needs to be stated. Don't waste your time with this one. There is no redeeming quality here. I only give it 2 stars for the attempt. It's just sad that the result is so awful.
Asvins (2023)
oh, my
Some of the cinematography is quite good. The filming locations are impressive, especially the mansion, even though some of the interiors seem out of place (like the basement). However. The acting is horrid (especially Vasanth Ravi as Arjun); just when you think someone is doing a passable job, they make a face (I assume they are "possessed") or they fake-cry. There is SO. MUCH. CRYING. And none of it is realistic. Utterly ridiculous. I saw the film began as a short. It makes sense, as much of the film feels like padding. The 1 hour, 51 minute running time feels like much, much longer and the majority of it feels wasted.
Le patient (2022)
pretty meh
Like so many other movies, it sounds promising. There are moments when you feel it might actually be... good. Alas. It's not terrible. Just boring. I struggled to keep my eyes open more than with most "thrillers."
The acting is fair to middling. The plot twist was predictable. Perhaps I watch too many films but I guessed this twist long before I probably should have.
Do yourself a favor and watch "High Tension" instead. That one is simply brilliant and packs a serious punch. I bring this up because "Le patient" clearly was influenced or inspired by "High Tension." Sadly, it couldn't even come close.
13 Fanboy (2021)
Great premise, Bad Execition
What a promising premise! Dee Wallace gave a great performance (and looked fabulous) but was let down by the script in the final act. Horrific acting by Hayley Greenbauer, Corey Feldman, and Ron Sloan further work against the film. If only this could be remade with a better script, some key recasting, and a consistent tongue-in-cheek tone, this would be a masterpiece.
Paris Is Burning (1990)
Unforgettable
It's simple. "Paris Is Burning" is brilliant, raw, and real. It is legendary, iconic, and unforgettable. Going into the film with no knowledge of ballroom culture, it opened a new world. Now, "Legendary" has brought it back into popular focus. See this movie.
YellowBrickRoad (2010)
disappointing
Starting out really well, I had high hopes for this film. However, it started to fall apart. Once the violence began, it all got shot to hell. To begin, the violence came out of nowhere. Had there been a build-up to it (people displaying--then quelching--violent impulses), it perhaps would have run true. Instead, the film veered into another, less successful, genre. I'm sad for what this film could have been.
Ghosts of Goldfield (2007)
One of the All-Time Worst
Y'all, this is straight-up awful. The acting, the special effects, the script: just awful. Dumb characters making dumb choices. There are no redeeming qualities to this film at all. Skip it. Please.
Diana (2021)
not the best but not the worst
I was very wary about watching "Diana." I changed my mind at the first song, "Underestimated." Giving it a chance, I enjoyed some of the music. Though it is fairly derivative, it's pleasant and well-sung throughout. Some of the lyrics are cringe-y, as is a lot of the choreography, particularly when Charles and Diana dance in "This Is How Your People Dance." "The Main Event" should have been awesome and it just was painful. This filmed version would have benefitted from some preview performances and workshops become some of it simply doesn't work. However, it's worth a view for performances by Jeanna de Waal and the incomparable Judy Kaye. The costumes are pretty impressive, as well (particularly the step-in wedding dress.) Keep an open mind. You might be surprised.
Inunaki mura (2019)
Okay
Very convoluted story with some decent F/X and some creepy atmosphere. Not a terrible movie but marred by unfocused story and some bizarre character choices. The most glaring: when Maya started doing the Ginger Snap/Thriller dance, I would have been out of there. Yet out trio just lets her do her entire dance, leading to the death of one of them. There are some gorgeous locations but the jumpy cinematography does not allow us to fully enjoy them. Definitely does not rate with "The Grudge."
Home Sweet Home Alone (2021)
Truly Terrible
The flaw was the initial concept. The "bad guys" had a just, almost noble purpose and the "good guy" was an annoying brat. Not funny. Not enjoyable. The film elicited one smile but that was all. Not worth the time.