Neurosis-laden rom-comical bucket of fun that will leave you breathless in a brain-dead state with a goofy grin on your face. Possibly drooling. In other words enjoy it for what it is and absolutely do not stress about what it isn't. (ie: relevant)
Reviews
19 Reviews
Ad Astra
(2019)
Decent enough story of humanity's future, but...
7 August 2021
Ad Astra is a fictional story couched in a "Scientifically, this is how it would be" setting but sadly, scientifically this in so very many ways is not how it would be. Enjoyable enough though, as long as one hasn't got their epic sci-fi expectations set too high. Leave all knowledge of physics or in some instances.... reality even, at home for this one.
Hillbilly Elegy
(2020)
A non-critical hit for Ron Howard
6 August 2021
Most of the so-called top critics missed the point on this one. Ron Howard's adaptation of J. D. Vance's biopic novel is actually a feel-good story told in flashbacks through the lens of a young boy's eye.
It is through that lens that we are shown many of the major events, family breakdowns, and arguments that shaped him into the person he is today. A look on the surface of his rather dysfunctional clan and some will be quick to judge them/the movie on the surface.
Hillbilly Elegy offers a deeper look, vis-à-vis the ending, as to how family drama and an ounce of real caring from one or two individuals along the way can make all the difference one needs to find themselves a better life.
It is through that lens that we are shown many of the major events, family breakdowns, and arguments that shaped him into the person he is today. A look on the surface of his rather dysfunctional clan and some will be quick to judge them/the movie on the surface.
Hillbilly Elegy offers a deeper look, vis-à-vis the ending, as to how family drama and an ounce of real caring from one or two individuals along the way can make all the difference one needs to find themselves a better life.
The American
(2010)
Understated and artsy, yet highly watchable
6 August 2021
Clooney's raw edgy bare-bones performance is what drives this otherwise somewhat slow-paced arthouse thriller forward and keeps its watchablity levels high enough to see it through to its predictably inevitable conclusion.
Look for some incredible panoramic visuals and also some solid performances from supporting cast members, especially Clara (played by Violante Placido).
Look for some incredible panoramic visuals and also some solid performances from supporting cast members, especially Clara (played by Violante Placido).
Wild Card
(2015)
Three the hard way
6 August 2021
If you can get through the bogs and freeways of the first two acts, the third act will be worth it, especially for Statham fans. His conscience was a little too much for me to bear at times in this one. There are a few slow spots that really confounded me, one moment in particular where it felt the entire movie was put on pause while he figured out if he was having a flash of brilliance or a heart attack.
But in the end, as usual, the Statham everyone knows and loves finally entered the picture. Does he truly win? You'll have to watch it. Not his best outing, but a good one nonetheless.
But in the end, as usual, the Statham everyone knows and loves finally entered the picture. Does he truly win? You'll have to watch it. Not his best outing, but a good one nonetheless.
Anna
(II) (2019)
Not technologically accurate, yet still highly watchable
5 August 2021
In the style of John Wick or Jason Bourne comes Anna, modelesque hand-picked-then-expertly-trained operative, this time on the Soviet side of the international espionage game. The story is immersive, deep and intense, the plot action-filled and with a smattering of sensuality plus a high body count. Anna moves like a steely-eyed cat as she cuts a swath through enemy after enemy, all with the ultimate goal in mind of earning her freedom.
If I had to give one main reason why I dropped my rating from an 8 to a 7 it's that while the movie is highly watchable on the story's own merit it is a big ask for the viewer to overlook the numerous instances of use of advanced technology, often years ahead of the time these events supposedly took place.
Anna's story deserves an 8, possibly higher. But it is the screenwriter(s) and/or the people responsible for historical accuracy that dropped the ball majorly here.
If I had to give one main reason why I dropped my rating from an 8 to a 7 it's that while the movie is highly watchable on the story's own merit it is a big ask for the viewer to overlook the numerous instances of use of advanced technology, often years ahead of the time these events supposedly took place.
Anna's story deserves an 8, possibly higher. But it is the screenwriter(s) and/or the people responsible for historical accuracy that dropped the ball majorly here.
Homefront
(I) (2013)
Solid Statham fare
5 August 2021
Many of the usual top critics got a little too pretentious in their criticism of Homefront. Statham movies have always been designed to do one thing, that being to bring the Statham.
This outing does just that, in spades. Let this one serve notice to everyone that even the smallest dumbest stupidest incident in life can quickly cascade out of all control or proportion, but especially you are messing with the wrong person. (Eg: Statham) Highly enjoyable as far as standard butt-kicking shoot 'em ups go.
This outing does just that, in spades. Let this one serve notice to everyone that even the smallest dumbest stupidest incident in life can quickly cascade out of all control or proportion, but especially you are messing with the wrong person. (Eg: Statham) Highly enjoyable as far as standard butt-kicking shoot 'em ups go.
The Cloverfield Paradox
(2018)
Filling in some of the blanks while balancing typical and Cliché
4 August 2021
Fans of sci-fi and especially fans of the first Cloverfield movie will want to watch this one regardless of the rash of poor reviews. No question it's worth watching and judging its merit for oneself, which is what I myself did. And what I found is a movie, like many of its conempararies, that is watchable as long as one knows very little about space, or common sense, or the value of training when one is qualified to actually be in space, or... the boiling point of H2O in space.
If one knows anything at all about these things then the movie becomes nearly unwatchable.
The good news is if one chooses to overlook sense, reason, and science itself, then absolutely it's an enjoyable installment to the series that fills in many gaps and answers questions the first two in the series left us with. Which is a good thing. But I really, and I do mean really, would like to see sci-fi producers/directors (and writers!) start considering the notion that having a highly trained and incredibly qualified crew fall apart and become irrational morons when faced with a crisis situation in movie after movie is getting a bit tiresome to endure. Perhaps we change things up a bit and have them NOT stare dumbly at what is clearly a simple magnetic occurence and oh, I don't know, have them TURN AROUND to see what else might be flying towards them at high velocity? Just a thought.
5/10.
If one knows anything at all about these things then the movie becomes nearly unwatchable.
The good news is if one chooses to overlook sense, reason, and science itself, then absolutely it's an enjoyable installment to the series that fills in many gaps and answers questions the first two in the series left us with. Which is a good thing. But I really, and I do mean really, would like to see sci-fi producers/directors (and writers!) start considering the notion that having a highly trained and incredibly qualified crew fall apart and become irrational morons when faced with a crisis situation in movie after movie is getting a bit tiresome to endure. Perhaps we change things up a bit and have them NOT stare dumbly at what is clearly a simple magnetic occurence and oh, I don't know, have them TURN AROUND to see what else might be flying towards them at high velocity? Just a thought.
5/10.
Prison Break
(2005–2017)
From suspenseful action-drama to farcical pseudo-comedy
25 June 2021
So after this many years I finally get around to watching the much-touted series Prison Break, the legendary series that during its tenure everyone and their dog was talking about. And after watching it nearly to its fifth and apparently final season I find myself reviewing it with very mixed feelings.
Had the series ended after season two I would have given it a significantly higher rating. The third year/season involving the Panama plot line was a comedown in quality from the first two but still watchable. Everything that came after that, however, let's just say the producers probably should have repackaged it a comedy and just owned the ridiculousness of it.
The acting is mostly quite solid. Regarding the lead, watch and be amazed as Wentworth Miller whispers and breathy-throaty-talks his way through the entirety of the series, employing his standard two facial expressions: thoughtful eagle-eye and intense blazing eagle-eye, while his legions of loyal fans laud him as a "great actor" all over social media. Look, the level of acting is decent overall, with several standout characters such as Robert Knepper (T-Bag) and Wade Williams (Brad the corrections officer) although as the series progresses they seem to serve more as comedy relief than the deranged dangerous people they were originally intended as. Adelstein was great as the tainted secret service agent everyone loves to hate.
Although the connection between the two brothers remains mostly solid and believable, the romance between Michael (Wentworth Miller) and Sara (Sarah Wayne Callies) delivers no real depth of emotion or feeling. It's just there, as an afterthought, and in my opinion this is largely due to Miller's inability to emote any real intensity of interest. He said the words, but his facial expressions barely vary from the two mentioned previous, and the effort needed to convey just how convict Michael would have been longing for Sara just wasn't there. What little he did deliver was wooden.
Nolasco's performance as Sucre was solid, as was Fichtner's take on Alex Mahone. Danay Garcia as Sofia in the third season was delivered with gusto, however I found it disappointing that there was no further exploration of romance with her and Linc afterwards. After all, he did promise to take her to Paris.
Comedy of Errors.
The series is littered with a parade of goofs, everything from very avoidable errors in continuity to glaring plot holes that simply can't be overlooked. Every series has continuity errors, but those major goofs are hard to see past. So-called trained operatives and agents who fire off dozens of rounds, often using incorrect tactics and rookie-like gripping of firearms all while hitting none of their targets, all things that the series is rife with. Add in the innumerable beyond belief story twists to the insufferably endless allegiance flip-flopping and PB becomes a tunnel of love where you enter with great expectations, navigate its early stages highly entertained, and then you're treated to eyerolling and facepalming agony later on due to its cliches, inconsistencies and often ludicrous turns.
Now to the million-dollar question. Is Prison Break worth watching? People who still haven't watched it want to know, seeing as it's now available on Netflix in its entirety. The answer is yes... and no. Yes, because you'll get the rather intense action and twist-riddled drama you're all seeking, for at least 2-3 seasons. Happy binge-watching. However, I wouldn't recommend getting so attached that you want to go much beyond season 4, because that 4th season is a steady slide into sheer mind-numbing ridiculousness to the point that I can barely stomach the thought of torturing myself with that 5th and apparently final season. Yes, that's right, the series is unfinished and thus will leave you hanging with no conclusion. Prison Break is a good show, just not great. It is nowhere near in league with The Wire, Breaking Bad, etc. It was close for a few moments, and then the writers simply overestimated the amount of sub-par writing they could sell to nearly half of the fan base.
So I'll recommend everyone enjoy as much as you can stand and then once your intelligence has been insulted enough times move on to something else to watch.
Rating -
Based on seasons 1&2: 7 Overall total series rating: 5.
Had the series ended after season two I would have given it a significantly higher rating. The third year/season involving the Panama plot line was a comedown in quality from the first two but still watchable. Everything that came after that, however, let's just say the producers probably should have repackaged it a comedy and just owned the ridiculousness of it.
The acting is mostly quite solid. Regarding the lead, watch and be amazed as Wentworth Miller whispers and breathy-throaty-talks his way through the entirety of the series, employing his standard two facial expressions: thoughtful eagle-eye and intense blazing eagle-eye, while his legions of loyal fans laud him as a "great actor" all over social media. Look, the level of acting is decent overall, with several standout characters such as Robert Knepper (T-Bag) and Wade Williams (Brad the corrections officer) although as the series progresses they seem to serve more as comedy relief than the deranged dangerous people they were originally intended as. Adelstein was great as the tainted secret service agent everyone loves to hate.
Although the connection between the two brothers remains mostly solid and believable, the romance between Michael (Wentworth Miller) and Sara (Sarah Wayne Callies) delivers no real depth of emotion or feeling. It's just there, as an afterthought, and in my opinion this is largely due to Miller's inability to emote any real intensity of interest. He said the words, but his facial expressions barely vary from the two mentioned previous, and the effort needed to convey just how convict Michael would have been longing for Sara just wasn't there. What little he did deliver was wooden.
Nolasco's performance as Sucre was solid, as was Fichtner's take on Alex Mahone. Danay Garcia as Sofia in the third season was delivered with gusto, however I found it disappointing that there was no further exploration of romance with her and Linc afterwards. After all, he did promise to take her to Paris.
Comedy of Errors.
The series is littered with a parade of goofs, everything from very avoidable errors in continuity to glaring plot holes that simply can't be overlooked. Every series has continuity errors, but those major goofs are hard to see past. So-called trained operatives and agents who fire off dozens of rounds, often using incorrect tactics and rookie-like gripping of firearms all while hitting none of their targets, all things that the series is rife with. Add in the innumerable beyond belief story twists to the insufferably endless allegiance flip-flopping and PB becomes a tunnel of love where you enter with great expectations, navigate its early stages highly entertained, and then you're treated to eyerolling and facepalming agony later on due to its cliches, inconsistencies and often ludicrous turns.
Now to the million-dollar question. Is Prison Break worth watching? People who still haven't watched it want to know, seeing as it's now available on Netflix in its entirety. The answer is yes... and no. Yes, because you'll get the rather intense action and twist-riddled drama you're all seeking, for at least 2-3 seasons. Happy binge-watching. However, I wouldn't recommend getting so attached that you want to go much beyond season 4, because that 4th season is a steady slide into sheer mind-numbing ridiculousness to the point that I can barely stomach the thought of torturing myself with that 5th and apparently final season. Yes, that's right, the series is unfinished and thus will leave you hanging with no conclusion. Prison Break is a good show, just not great. It is nowhere near in league with The Wire, Breaking Bad, etc. It was close for a few moments, and then the writers simply overestimated the amount of sub-par writing they could sell to nearly half of the fan base.
So I'll recommend everyone enjoy as much as you can stand and then once your intelligence has been insulted enough times move on to something else to watch.
Rating -
Based on seasons 1&2: 7 Overall total series rating: 5.
House of Cards
(2013–2018)
How Do You Turn a 9 Into A 6 In Once Season?
16 June 2021
Watch House Of Cards to find out.
In truth the first five seasons actually do build a highly watchable "house of cards" full of suspense, intrigue, mystery, spread across multiple layers and driven by powerful acting. Then season six happened and we're left with a steaming pile of uselessness on the table with few answers and very little in the way of closure.
If you haven't seen it and are right now looking for a series to binge on Netflix the question remains... is it worth watching? To that I say a resounding yes. Be prepared to be riveted for 65 episodes, and then brace yourself for the sheer disappointment of the remaining 8.
I give it a 9 overall, with a crushing -3 deduction for the final season and finale, leaving this series a final rating of 6/10.
In truth the first five seasons actually do build a highly watchable "house of cards" full of suspense, intrigue, mystery, spread across multiple layers and driven by powerful acting. Then season six happened and we're left with a steaming pile of uselessness on the table with few answers and very little in the way of closure.
If you haven't seen it and are right now looking for a series to binge on Netflix the question remains... is it worth watching? To that I say a resounding yes. Be prepared to be riveted for 65 episodes, and then brace yourself for the sheer disappointment of the remaining 8.
I give it a 9 overall, with a crushing -3 deduction for the final season and finale, leaving this series a final rating of 6/10.
Lost in Space
(2018–2021)
All-in, yet fell far short in many ways
24 June 2020
As a fan of the original series, having grown up watching it (mostly in early 70's reruns) I was both hopeful and skeptical of this remake. Then I saw the cast, watched the first episode, and began to realize what I'd found. Now, after watching most of the existing episodes here is my take for what it's worth.
You can tell they went all-in with the production. Stunning visuals both in space and planet-side. If great CGI and visual effects are enough for you then this is your sci-fi series. Acting as well, another area where they did not hold back from drawing from the talent pool. It is in these ways that the new series does the original honor.
The music score, although impressive, is a might overdone sound leveling-wise. When the action sequences hit, and they hit often, at times with rapid-fire succession, the sound levels spike so radically I advise viewers keep one hand on the remote at all times. You'll want to adjust the sound on the fly for this reason. And of course when things quieten down it's often difficult to hear what the characters are whispering about even with volume levels turned way up. The sound, music, effects, etc, are thus a roller coaster of annoyance.
As for plot, overall it's a great story, one loosely based around the original so it is in all but can't miss territory. Except the writing here doesn't back that up. The plot is riddled with holes, some big, some tiny, but they annoy after a while. The writers were lazy in spots, not thinking things through or even researching math or conventional scientific wisdom before having the characters go ahead and look foolish. One can only overlook or chalk things up to "Hey, it's science fiction, not science face" so often until a show starts to lose the integrity of its cred. Basic inevitability must be there on some level.
This version of the Family Robinson is well-crafted though, and well-acted. The characters are likable each in their own way, and it's possible for viewers and fans of the original to become invested. If you can manage to overlook all of its shortcomings and just take it for what it is and enjoy the ride you'll be able to stick with it, as I have.
I gave it a 7, plus 1 for doing a fair amount of honor to the venerable original.
8/10
With a bit more effort in the writing department this could easily have been a 10.
You can tell they went all-in with the production. Stunning visuals both in space and planet-side. If great CGI and visual effects are enough for you then this is your sci-fi series. Acting as well, another area where they did not hold back from drawing from the talent pool. It is in these ways that the new series does the original honor.
The music score, although impressive, is a might overdone sound leveling-wise. When the action sequences hit, and they hit often, at times with rapid-fire succession, the sound levels spike so radically I advise viewers keep one hand on the remote at all times. You'll want to adjust the sound on the fly for this reason. And of course when things quieten down it's often difficult to hear what the characters are whispering about even with volume levels turned way up. The sound, music, effects, etc, are thus a roller coaster of annoyance.
As for plot, overall it's a great story, one loosely based around the original so it is in all but can't miss territory. Except the writing here doesn't back that up. The plot is riddled with holes, some big, some tiny, but they annoy after a while. The writers were lazy in spots, not thinking things through or even researching math or conventional scientific wisdom before having the characters go ahead and look foolish. One can only overlook or chalk things up to "Hey, it's science fiction, not science face" so often until a show starts to lose the integrity of its cred. Basic inevitability must be there on some level.
This version of the Family Robinson is well-crafted though, and well-acted. The characters are likable each in their own way, and it's possible for viewers and fans of the original to become invested. If you can manage to overlook all of its shortcomings and just take it for what it is and enjoy the ride you'll be able to stick with it, as I have.
I gave it a 7, plus 1 for doing a fair amount of honor to the venerable original.
8/10
With a bit more effort in the writing department this could easily have been a 10.
Enjoying this series so far, BUT...this episode...
23 June 2020
Warning: Spoilers
I don't want to give anything away by way of spoilers, but it's difficult to make comment on plot without doing so. You've been warned.
In this particular episode, among other things, I found the rover crash particularly faulty. One simple solution that to me should have been obvious was to grab the shovels that were seen in the previous episode that the fuel seekers obviously had with them and just dig under the trapped man enough to lower him slightly, and just slide him out without wasting fuel. Flipping the trailer over entirely on its other side, also an option. Judy's decision to put the entire colony at risk for one life should have been overridden the second she uttered it. Also, no real doctor would seal the doom of everyone in order to save one life, especially one that was suffering from such obvious trauma.
Regarding the tar pit scenes - I've noticed that others see this part of the eposide as "filler". I disagree. As written, it appears to be the pivotal moment that brings the Robinson parents back together again as a couple. The "helium voice" joke and laughing at the end after their escape, also a nice touch.
There are many high points in every episode of the series. A line here, a very credible or believable performance there. But it is also marred and riddled with plot holes and poorly-researched writing that causes factual error after factual error. Passing it off as "fiction" isn't an excuse. This legacy of a once-venerable series deserved better in that regard.
In this particular episode, among other things, I found the rover crash particularly faulty. One simple solution that to me should have been obvious was to grab the shovels that were seen in the previous episode that the fuel seekers obviously had with them and just dig under the trapped man enough to lower him slightly, and just slide him out without wasting fuel. Flipping the trailer over entirely on its other side, also an option. Judy's decision to put the entire colony at risk for one life should have been overridden the second she uttered it. Also, no real doctor would seal the doom of everyone in order to save one life, especially one that was suffering from such obvious trauma.
Regarding the tar pit scenes - I've noticed that others see this part of the eposide as "filler". I disagree. As written, it appears to be the pivotal moment that brings the Robinson parents back together again as a couple. The "helium voice" joke and laughing at the end after their escape, also a nice touch.
There are many high points in every episode of the series. A line here, a very credible or believable performance there. But it is also marred and riddled with plot holes and poorly-researched writing that causes factual error after factual error. Passing it off as "fiction" isn't an excuse. This legacy of a once-venerable series deserved better in that regard.
A Wife's Nightmare
(2014 TV Movie)
Another sub-par-to-average Canadian movie production, yay!
18 June 2015
The poorly-written premise here, supposedly based on 'true events', is about a 19 yr old girl who finds her father after her mom died. The first 70-odd minutes of this movie has a vanilla, almost Disney-like feel to it. The final 15 or 20 will actually be worth it for some, and another predictable and thus disappointing end to others.
While I must admit that I did not fully have the end-game all figured out early-on like some, the 'twist' still came with little shock simply because these types of movies almost always read the same.
Don't get me wrong, there are some few shreds of entertainment value to be had here. For me it was the presence of Jennifer Beals as the troubled and tormented mom. For others it might for all I know be the very slight hints of incest. Still others might enjoy its slow pot-boiler suspense (if you can call it that) with G-rated language.
But the sad fact is that those who are looking for a well-written well-directed and well-acted dramatic masterpiece are in for a letdown. I gave it 4/10 stars, 3 for Beals' presence, and one more for Lola Tash (spelled as "Trash" btw in the Shaw Cable listings writeup for this movie, lol) who was a pleasant surprise. Jenn Beals deserves better than this, and I hope to see Lola in some bigger budget productions in future where she can really show her talent.
While I must admit that I did not fully have the end-game all figured out early-on like some, the 'twist' still came with little shock simply because these types of movies almost always read the same.
Don't get me wrong, there are some few shreds of entertainment value to be had here. For me it was the presence of Jennifer Beals as the troubled and tormented mom. For others it might for all I know be the very slight hints of incest. Still others might enjoy its slow pot-boiler suspense (if you can call it that) with G-rated language.
But the sad fact is that those who are looking for a well-written well-directed and well-acted dramatic masterpiece are in for a letdown. I gave it 4/10 stars, 3 for Beals' presence, and one more for Lola Tash (spelled as "Trash" btw in the Shaw Cable listings writeup for this movie, lol) who was a pleasant surprise. Jenn Beals deserves better than this, and I hope to see Lola in some bigger budget productions in future where she can really show her talent.
In the Cool of the Day
(1963)
All choked up and nowhere to go
5 August 2014
If fashion and Mediterranean scenery tend to dazzle you about a movie then you'll likely be all up in the clouds dancing over this one. For the rest of us who desire somewhat more from our hours invested in a movie, In-the-Cool-of-the-Day falls far short of the mark I'm afraid.
It's your basic "Two people married to other people fall in love on a romantic European trip, having been put together alone due to circumstances and also the situation in each of their marriages." In Fonda's character's case she's simply not in love with her doting and rather 'doormattish' husband. In Finch's character's case his wife (Landsbury) is a miserable joy-killing shrew of a woman who is playing ever the martyr and guilt-tripping him over a past tragedy in their lives. While Fonda's husband can't make the trip, Finch and Landsbury end up fighting and she walking out, leaving he and Fonda to continue on alone.
The back story on Fonda's character is that she has been sickly since early childhood, having had multiple surgeries on her lungs and nearly dying. In any normal family of the time that would mean the only sensible course of action, that being no one smokes near her. But in THIS film the production (writers, director, producer, etc) all thought it was no big deal to just have all involved puffing away like steam engines including Jane's character herself.
While the view on smoking was a little different back in '63 than it is today it is still fairly unthinkable that a physician would raise major concern over a trip by car through the mountains due to a little rain yet have no quarrel whatsoever about a girl with serious respiratory ailments smoking like a chimney.
As for the ending all I'll say is I found it abrupt, unsurprising, and disappointing, Fonda herself is absolutely gorgeous. The vistas and views of the countryside are spectacular. The acting is decent. The story and plot is where this film falls flat.
4/10
It's your basic "Two people married to other people fall in love on a romantic European trip, having been put together alone due to circumstances and also the situation in each of their marriages." In Fonda's character's case she's simply not in love with her doting and rather 'doormattish' husband. In Finch's character's case his wife (Landsbury) is a miserable joy-killing shrew of a woman who is playing ever the martyr and guilt-tripping him over a past tragedy in their lives. While Fonda's husband can't make the trip, Finch and Landsbury end up fighting and she walking out, leaving he and Fonda to continue on alone.
The back story on Fonda's character is that she has been sickly since early childhood, having had multiple surgeries on her lungs and nearly dying. In any normal family of the time that would mean the only sensible course of action, that being no one smokes near her. But in THIS film the production (writers, director, producer, etc) all thought it was no big deal to just have all involved puffing away like steam engines including Jane's character herself.
While the view on smoking was a little different back in '63 than it is today it is still fairly unthinkable that a physician would raise major concern over a trip by car through the mountains due to a little rain yet have no quarrel whatsoever about a girl with serious respiratory ailments smoking like a chimney.
As for the ending all I'll say is I found it abrupt, unsurprising, and disappointing, Fonda herself is absolutely gorgeous. The vistas and views of the countryside are spectacular. The acting is decent. The story and plot is where this film falls flat.
4/10
2-Headed Shark Attack
(2012 Video)
Fun in a "less than 80 IQ" sort of way
30 July 2014
So the basic premise of the plot is a group of students on a school-sanctioned educational sea excursion are besieged by a giant two-headed shark. They seek refuge on a small island where they are served up as a buffet to said shark while often providing eye candy shots to viewers who are starving for anything of value in the film.
The good -- Brooke Hogan shows several small glimmers of hope as a b movie actor. She's the only one of the cast really adding any merit to this turkey of a movie at all, but in light of the poor writing and sub-basement direction that's not saying much.
There are also several eye candy shots of other females, a sex-implied scene with topless nudity, and a modelling shoot style scene custom made for the "star" of the movie Carmen Electra.
The Bad -- Pretty much just about everything else. Terrible writing of a plot machine-gun-riddled with holes, atrocious dialogue writing, producers and a director having no sense of continuity whatsoever nor any imaginative acumen at all.
Carmen Electra's character really doesn't have to be there at all, having no visible purpose other than eye candy and one more person running around until the inevitable (and predictable) end.
O'Connel's acting turn as the teacher who steps up and protects his flock of young charges leaves so much to be desired it is beyond painful to accept much less watch.
In short, this movie is a single star film at best, a waste of effort by all involvede containing so many moronic choices by the various characters that viewers who force themselves to watch it to the end might actually suffer the loss of several IQ points for having done so.
In lieu of actual content it relies heavily on the gratuitous T&A scenes, topless shots, etc, to raise the worth of the film to one worth watching, but that's simply asking too much in this case. The only way that would have happened is if they'd turned it into a full-fledged porno flick and be done with it. And even then it would only slightly have been "less painful" to watch.
However, if you're a fan of b-cheese shark movies with bad acting supported by a production crew lacking any sort of movie-making talent whatsoever, and you love seeing people run around like complete idiots until they become monster chow, AND you can accept the fact that you're taking your chances on getting one of the most implausible endings in movie history, then and only then... this one is for you and is absolutely a must-see.
For the rest of the world my advice is avoid at all costs unless you're trapped at a remote location with a TV/movie player and only THIS piece of crap to watch to pass the time. And even then I recommend you find something else to do.
1/10
The good -- Brooke Hogan shows several small glimmers of hope as a b movie actor. She's the only one of the cast really adding any merit to this turkey of a movie at all, but in light of the poor writing and sub-basement direction that's not saying much.
There are also several eye candy shots of other females, a sex-implied scene with topless nudity, and a modelling shoot style scene custom made for the "star" of the movie Carmen Electra.
The Bad -- Pretty much just about everything else. Terrible writing of a plot machine-gun-riddled with holes, atrocious dialogue writing, producers and a director having no sense of continuity whatsoever nor any imaginative acumen at all.
Carmen Electra's character really doesn't have to be there at all, having no visible purpose other than eye candy and one more person running around until the inevitable (and predictable) end.
O'Connel's acting turn as the teacher who steps up and protects his flock of young charges leaves so much to be desired it is beyond painful to accept much less watch.
In short, this movie is a single star film at best, a waste of effort by all involvede containing so many moronic choices by the various characters that viewers who force themselves to watch it to the end might actually suffer the loss of several IQ points for having done so.
In lieu of actual content it relies heavily on the gratuitous T&A scenes, topless shots, etc, to raise the worth of the film to one worth watching, but that's simply asking too much in this case. The only way that would have happened is if they'd turned it into a full-fledged porno flick and be done with it. And even then it would only slightly have been "less painful" to watch.
However, if you're a fan of b-cheese shark movies with bad acting supported by a production crew lacking any sort of movie-making talent whatsoever, and you love seeing people run around like complete idiots until they become monster chow, AND you can accept the fact that you're taking your chances on getting one of the most implausible endings in movie history, then and only then... this one is for you and is absolutely a must-see.
For the rest of the world my advice is avoid at all costs unless you're trapped at a remote location with a TV/movie player and only THIS piece of crap to watch to pass the time. And even then I recommend you find something else to do.
1/10
The Visitor
(1979)
A b-minus film that should have been a blockbuster of it's time.
26 July 2014
I grabbed this film off of TCM onto my DVR, and am I ever glad I did. But not for the reasons you might think. I'm glad because I now had the benefit of 'fast-forward' functionality. You'll wish you had fast-forward as well if you decide to watch 1979's "The Visitor", trust me.
I won't get much into what the movie is about, or rant about all the easily fixable 'goofs' that occur. What tortured me the most about this film most was the much-misplaced and utterly cheesy 70's 'action flick' music score, and the endless extraneous scenes. Utterly needless scenes that include shot after shot of walking, driving, buildings and passing scenery, actors saying nothing and looking all 'introspective' or just plain confused. Probably as confused as we the viewers.
Add to all that a patchwork of fair-to-weak acting (with a small few rays of sunshine here or there), lame effects that could have been done so much better even in '79, and an overall storyline that could have been a lot stronger with some solid writing changes and you have a pseudo-sci-fi-horror flick that might best be suited for viewing at a drive-in theatre. You know, a place where people are often looking away from the screen for... one reason or another. Because there is so much run-on footage in this movie that even if you only catch half of it you'll pretty much get all you're going to get from it anyway. And sadly that isn't much.
2 out of 10, and that's being generous. It's a movie that had potential but didn't come close to reaching it. But do see it for yourself. As bad as I think it is some do really get off on this type of bad. You may be one of them.
I won't get much into what the movie is about, or rant about all the easily fixable 'goofs' that occur. What tortured me the most about this film most was the much-misplaced and utterly cheesy 70's 'action flick' music score, and the endless extraneous scenes. Utterly needless scenes that include shot after shot of walking, driving, buildings and passing scenery, actors saying nothing and looking all 'introspective' or just plain confused. Probably as confused as we the viewers.
Add to all that a patchwork of fair-to-weak acting (with a small few rays of sunshine here or there), lame effects that could have been done so much better even in '79, and an overall storyline that could have been a lot stronger with some solid writing changes and you have a pseudo-sci-fi-horror flick that might best be suited for viewing at a drive-in theatre. You know, a place where people are often looking away from the screen for... one reason or another. Because there is so much run-on footage in this movie that even if you only catch half of it you'll pretty much get all you're going to get from it anyway. And sadly that isn't much.
2 out of 10, and that's being generous. It's a movie that had potential but didn't come close to reaching it. But do see it for yourself. As bad as I think it is some do really get off on this type of bad. You may be one of them.
Suddenly
(2013)
Poor writing, poor acting, bad directing, awful production
25 July 2014
I am not at all sure what the reason is for so many Canadian movie productions being of such poor quality. The fact is there is NO good reason for it. We have terrific writers, a wide variety of talented actors, and several great directors. A decent film doesn't start and end with any of that though. It starts and ends with solid producing, of which this production egregiously lacks.
Suddenly simply falls flat from the get-go and never really takes off nor goes anywhere. For one thing a Presidential visit to a small town looks like a grand affair, but the portrayal of that in this film comes off as low budget and rinky-dink. The actual Secret Service would have been all over that town.
Much of the dialogue is hollow, along with too much needless footage and shots, all serve to bring the watchability of it down further yet. Liotta's character had real promise but again, with not much in the way of meaty dialogue or depth of story even his is a somewhat tinny performance at best.
Weak writing is usually the main cause for actors coming off as bad, while poor direction is to blame for actors over-acting. Weak writing however can at least to some degree be compensated for with solid directing, but sadly that's another thing this film is sorely lacking in. Thus the entire production comes off as thin and very low budget. Newsflash Canada: "Low budget" does not always have to look as such.
Final thoughts --- This film does not do justice to the original with Frank Sinatra, not by half. The ending is somewhat inconclusive, and anyone who has developed any sort of connection with any of the principle characters is going to be disappointed at the lack of a decent story wrap-up. If you're bored and there's nothing much else on then go ahead and kill 90 minutes, but please don't blame me if you end up wanting your time back.
2/10, and that's being generous here.
Suddenly simply falls flat from the get-go and never really takes off nor goes anywhere. For one thing a Presidential visit to a small town looks like a grand affair, but the portrayal of that in this film comes off as low budget and rinky-dink. The actual Secret Service would have been all over that town.
Much of the dialogue is hollow, along with too much needless footage and shots, all serve to bring the watchability of it down further yet. Liotta's character had real promise but again, with not much in the way of meaty dialogue or depth of story even his is a somewhat tinny performance at best.
Weak writing is usually the main cause for actors coming off as bad, while poor direction is to blame for actors over-acting. Weak writing however can at least to some degree be compensated for with solid directing, but sadly that's another thing this film is sorely lacking in. Thus the entire production comes off as thin and very low budget. Newsflash Canada: "Low budget" does not always have to look as such.
Final thoughts --- This film does not do justice to the original with Frank Sinatra, not by half. The ending is somewhat inconclusive, and anyone who has developed any sort of connection with any of the principle characters is going to be disappointed at the lack of a decent story wrap-up. If you're bored and there's nothing much else on then go ahead and kill 90 minutes, but please don't blame me if you end up wanting your time back.
2/10, and that's being generous here.
The Lost Boys
(1987)
Stupendous! Simply stupendous!!
29 June 2014
The Lost Boys is quite simply one of the greatest achievements in film of the modern age of humanity. It is an understated masterpiece worthy of the cinematic genius of the likes of all the Oscar-worthy wonders of 1939 even, possibly greater.
Okay I'm just messing with you all. ha. Look, The Lost Boys is quite simply this: If you're into the whole 80's scene, love 80's movies, love horror and more particularly you love your horror vampire style and slightly flavoured with campy 80's goofiness, then you will absolutely love this film.
The two Coreys bring their usual A game to the affair, as does Keifer Sutherland. It's well-cast and about as well-acted as this level of writing allows for. The soundtrack to this movie in particular stands out for me, even today.
The whole vampire craze among movie fans is greater today than it was in the 80's, and although this film might pale by comparison to a lot that have come along since, it's still a fun watch and is actually one of the ones that over time is fun to watch again... which is something I can't say for a lot of other movies of it's time.
Just have fun with it, and don't take it too seriously or it will definitely leave you wanting.
6/10 + 1 for "Cry little sister" song = 7/10.
Okay I'm just messing with you all. ha. Look, The Lost Boys is quite simply this: If you're into the whole 80's scene, love 80's movies, love horror and more particularly you love your horror vampire style and slightly flavoured with campy 80's goofiness, then you will absolutely love this film.
The two Coreys bring their usual A game to the affair, as does Keifer Sutherland. It's well-cast and about as well-acted as this level of writing allows for. The soundtrack to this movie in particular stands out for me, even today.
The whole vampire craze among movie fans is greater today than it was in the 80's, and although this film might pale by comparison to a lot that have come along since, it's still a fun watch and is actually one of the ones that over time is fun to watch again... which is something I can't say for a lot of other movies of it's time.
Just have fun with it, and don't take it too seriously or it will definitely leave you wanting.
6/10 + 1 for "Cry little sister" song = 7/10.
Horror Express
(1972)
Highly enjoyable horror film, flaws and all
2 November 2013
This one has it all! -- Horror, gore, suspense, mystery, the alien sci-fi and anthropological horror connections, and as a bonus a few unbelievably attractive ladies (the countess in particular). And zombies. All set during a trans-continental train ride of terror no less.
Low budget look and feel to it, yes, yet still with several big name actors of the time, this film delivers and delivers well, to a level that few movies before or since have. Granted, some of it is rather ridiculous and hard to swallow (the needless 'hand' transfer, pictures in eye fluid, etc), but if we don't overthink it and just enjoy it for the entertaining early 70's B horror that it is, it's simply a gem.
8/10
Low budget look and feel to it, yes, yet still with several big name actors of the time, this film delivers and delivers well, to a level that few movies before or since have. Granted, some of it is rather ridiculous and hard to swallow (the needless 'hand' transfer, pictures in eye fluid, etc), but if we don't overthink it and just enjoy it for the entertaining early 70's B horror that it is, it's simply a gem.
8/10
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