WatchingInDarkness Reviews

Reptile 2001 (1999)

It makes you wish for death

[1/10 · 23 October 2022]

The plots, effects, script, storyline, and most of all, the acting, make you wish for death, any death.

Those responsible. Those participating. Those funding or producing. Those alleging to act. Your own, failing all others.

This movie would isn't even bearable with the volume off. It screams foreign film, the kind that has some unobservant director trying to replicate what they think American cinema is. It is so bad, it feels like a South American soap opera.

Not only should you never watch it, you should destroy any copy you might find in a thrift store or lying about in a yard sale. Do it for humanity.

I personally did not enjoy the film.

Awful Nice (2013)

Like a 1930's cartoon

[1/10 · 11 September 2022]

About the only thing the script got right was the degree that siblings can differ and fight. There were so many over the top elements thrown in that it resembled the hyperbole found in 1930's cartoons.

One example is the trip to the motel in Branson. The clerk was looking at some online image that was implying he was deviant, possibly with children, and then was wearing mascara and a dog sex collar at work as a hotel clerk. Whereas the intent was likely to make the clerk appear absurd and outrageous, his subsequent sex pitch to the brothers was definitely a type of homophobia that apparently was just fine with the director, producer, screenwriter, and actors. Gays are not predatory freaks, and should not be depicted as some human rejects in predatory mode. Shame on this movies. Not funny in the least. SMH.

Downton Abbey: A New Era (2022)

Downton Abbey has jumped the shark

[3/10 · 20 May 2022]

An erstwhile fan of the series, it is with chagrin that I report how bad the final movie was. The experience reminds me of visiting some beloved childhood place -- a store, a theater, a school, or a home -- and finding it utterly in disrepair and dirty. The director seems to have just phoned it in.

The previews hinted at it, as Hugh Bonneville stood out with a tanned face and hands that could only be explained if he had served a term of tour in India. It was distracting in every scene in which he appeared, completely inconsistent with his character and with English gentlemen in England. Field hands in the American South got less sun. It's baffling why this wasn't fixed with makeup. It was as much of an anachronism as a Walkman.

The filming was also lacking in the lighting that made the series an indulgence in nostalgia for an era that never was. It was too bright, and almost gritty. The difference stood out from the very first scenes.

Characters also lacked their depth so carefully developed over the series' long years. Script and plot and dynamics reduced them to little more than caricatures, almost to the point of tableaus.

Plot "twists" were not only not twists, but were trite, Broadway musicalesque developments that were more implausible than a pair of romantic dogs eating a spaghetti dinner in an Italian restaurant. I'm avoiding spoilers, but after seeing it, you'll have to agree that the outlandish events reduced the story rather than extending it.

Even casting was amiss. The mainstay of Downton has been to introduce new romances and dashing or beautiful interlopers, neither of which were correctly cast here. There was a subplot for an upstairs affair but the actor wasn't credible as a romantic foil for the woman he was paired with. The gay subplot was equally weak, without so much as a hug between presumed lovers-to-be. Unrequited love seems to have become replaced with unnecessary contact for the plot.

And, coming to IMDB, it is baffling to find the American release date almost a month after the rest of the world, which seems some kind of issue, especially in light of the complete lack of any American star or actor to bridge the large market here with the UK's. The series did not ignore that element.

The audience here was VERY slow to warm to the story this time, and never really reacted until a scene in which a downstairs character gives a plucky encouraging speech to one of the elite characters, which is very late in the story. Mind you, this was a room full of Downton fans.

This movie should be withdrawn from circulation. It is an unwelcome as Julie Andrews' topless scene in S. O. B., and undoes years of earned affection for the stories.

Out of Liberty (2019)

Mormon Revisionism All Dressed Up As Cinema

[3/10 · 31 December 2021]

The film makes history almost unrecognizable by the selective focus on the imprisonment of Joseph Smith and others after the violent conflict with the nearby residents AND the Missouri Militia. In doing so, the viewer is left to hear Mormon apologist speeches, turgidly delivered in stiff tableaus, which sell just fine to the faithful in LDS viewings, but are painfully weak by any objective film standards.

Without due accounting for the anti-democratic actions of Smith that led to his arrest and those who destroyed a newspaper printing office at his direction, they plot pleads the LDS case of their founder solely as martyr rather than the less flattering depiction of many who read the accounts and find his motives less than noble.

If Catholics had attempted to portray some pushback against the Crusades as oppression in a similar film, then critics would be merciless in their derision of such preachy, bad "entertainment," but this movie will get a pass out of both pity and embarrassment from those who either don't know enough history to realize it's a (bad) whitewash, or misguidedly confuse it as part of a larger social justice movement to highlist alleged past wrongs.

Unsurprisingly, the movie is conveniently tightly focused on men as the principals and thereby avoids realistic relationships with women, much less any women modern viewers would find appealing. I have Mormon friends but even they would have to admit this is just plain awful.

The Great (2020–2023)

More than disappointing

[4/10 · 1 December 2021]

The production substitutes the salacious for the substantive.

Somehow, in telling one of the most pivotal Russian stories in the history of Russia, the director has managed to strip away the most Russian nature of the characters, the setting, and the script.

The result is little more than a silly romp loosely based on the change of thrones during the 18th century in Russia.

Making even more nonsensical is the incessant scattering of Black Russians everywhere in the cast, and I don't mean alcoholic drinks. Whereas woke producers do need to create more roles for minorities in movies, forcing them unconvincingly into bizarre settings like Russia, the Far North, China, or other historically impossibilities merely makes it distracting.

The English accents all over the place are also silly.

Stormbreaker (2006)

Stunning . . .

[2/10 · 1 October 2021]

. . . ly bad.

The movie appears to be an attempt to lasso teens into a new Bond genre, but taking the willing suspension of disbelief to places it is not old enough to get in.

The cast are all capable and some play their roles up for camp, into a cartoonish reduction of the spy genre that would make Boris and Natasha jealous.

If you were to watch it high or drunk, it might work, but those of us who saw it stone sober were just left wondering why.

It's a silly farce, but not intentionally so, so bad. Don't blame the actors though, as they did their part.

Snowpiercer (2013)

The execution of the film is solid, if the story has glaring misses

[8/10 · 27 June 2021]

If you haven't seen it, do. It's worth watching several times.

The atmosphere is a bit of a cross between Mad Max, Beyond Thunderdome and Aliens and maybe Brazil. It thrives on the surreal.

As a metaphor of the social inequity of human civilization, it pulls no punches, and by the end, all all punished, but protagonist and villain alike.

Swinton and Evans carry the show, as to be expected, but the entire cast is laudable for grit, mostly.

The one thing that challenges the willing suspension of disbelief is the setting of the plot in the near future, driving a necessity of disbelief at so many elements. The train is just a train with a super engine, but not even a futuristic maglev or anything like that. Multiple scenes show it rolling along on conventional wheels, supposedly in perpetual motion for 17 years. It's pure Disney. Train tracks deteriorate all on their own and shift and without a world of ice making it even worse. It's literally impossible to keep a train on the tracks year after year without maintenance of the tracks.

Another gap you could drive a train through is the inexplicable supply of insects for the protein bars. The teacher opens fire in a boxcar full of the very children that are the future of mankind, just to kill an enemy, not likely or plausible, a bit forced.

There are more, but you get the idea. It's not just the OCD viewer who would catch these obvious impossibilities. The author and director want the viewer to think deeper, but then block the way with facts.

Don't let it keep you from watching though. It just requires more acceptance of artistic license than normal.

PBS News Hour (1975– )

News filtered through center left lenses

[7/10 · 21 February 2021]

The show is the PBS nightly news hour, with a venerable heritage begun by MacNeil and Lehrer, but has "progressed" through a series of successor hosts that have left it worse for wear.

Whereas it is award-winning, that doesn't equate to fair and balanced. The format features daily hot spots followed by lengthy analysis and interviews, but from a narrow perspective of New York and Washington DC pundits. Guests invariably represent the usual suspects from the Washington Post, New York Times, NPR, and PBS itself. Unsurprisingly, the gathered often marvel at what the rest of the country is thinking or doing politically, socially, or culturally.

The show's earlier incarnation was well-balanced and diverse. The current (2021) version is a bit heavy on feminism with men treated a bit like some relic of the past. Needs diversity.

Spends too much time preening about its fair and balanced reporting while missing the glaring truth that it isn't either.

Legacy List (2019– )

Mixed bag of goods, kinda like the estates they peruse

[5/10 · 21 February 2021]

The format is a cross between junk pickers looking through estates of the deceased or those who are downsizing, crossed with lots of content apologizing for white privilege. Racial issues are mixed in with "discoveries" of stuff in neglected and hoarded rooms of families.

Bit of a shotgun marriage between collector audiences and SJW's, with really long reaches to splice the two.

Show is a solid 5. Ok when nothing better is on, but not worth regular viewing.

Griffin & Phoenix (2006)

Charming romance with a tinge of arsenic

[8/10 · 21 February 2021]

The bittersweet is very well handled in this romance. Beautiful leads, tragic story, and a metered telling or a good story if an unbelievable tale.

Being unbelievable isn't necessarily a negative. After all, GWTW and Star Wars and E.T. are all more than a little ridiculous, yet all are timeless classics.

This little movie lacks the epic scale of a classic, or Oscar-winning scenes, but it's well worth your time. Have a good hot drink in hand and a box of tissues. The cry will do you good.

Plunkett & Macleane (1999)

Ridiculous Romp, Visually Captivating, Emotionally Fulfilling, and Logically Bankrupt

[10/10 · 19 February 2021]

This movie is NOT to be taken seriously, BUT has just as much place in cinema as any Oscar winner.

Great performances are turned in by Robert Carlyle and Johnny Lee Miller, as well as Alan Cummings, with a good balance of drama, pathos, comedy, and excitement. Relationships are credible. Thank you.

The plot is a Georgian era romp of Robin Hood-ish theme, with a costume-drama on steroids backdrop.

Several plot elements are silly, but the movie isn't trying to be a historical narrative, but a tale well-told, and it is.

Curl up with a friend, or not, or a good snack and watch this uninterrupted. The story line is very well edited.

Everyone should see this movie. It will brighten your day.

Dune (1984)

The movie resembles your best friend who happens to be an addict

[9/10 · 19 February 2021]

Perhaps a necessary comparison due to the plot centering on addiction, but this movie has long since been acclaimed and despised equally, but is unquestionably a classic.

Sets are surprisingly Jules Verne-esque, especially considering the techno-obsessed 80's, but it worked to effect the most important thing of all, to move the viewer into alternate universe wholly. It avoided the cheesy mylar and rayon pseudo futuristic sets and costumes of Star Trek and other mid-century sci-fi greats.

The cult of Dune was upset with the final product, as even the director was, but for the starving out here, we ate up the epic story, told well enough, if not perfectly.

I watched the story many times over the years, and it still works.

The remake due out later this year is welcome, but nothing will take the shine off this old standard. It is a welcome romp through excess, funk, evil, hope, and fantasy. Thank you, Mr. Herbert.

True fact, Frank Herbert was my landlord a few years back. Ok, so it wasn't THAT Frank Herbert . . .