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1/10
The Good The Bad and the Ugly
1 July 2021
No words can say how stupid and bad this is. The only good part of this is the nude girls who sold themselves short to appear in this trash. I am surprized that this was not another production by The Asylum. Bad acting, bad direction, bad everything.
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Baghead (2008)
1/10
Well now.... Found Footage BS
2 October 2020
Endured about 20 minutes of this nonsense then had to delete as I was loosing more brain cells by the minute. Crap, trash. Found footage nonsense. I have seen some bad style films, and this has to be in the top ten of the worst I seen
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1/10
1 is not low enough of a score for this
30 January 2020
I came into this thinking it would be something interesting to watch. I was so wrong. I managed to skip through the long opening credits then had enough at the 7 minute point. I have seen some doozies that are crap, and this is yet another masterpiece of crap to add to the pile.
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2/10
The Nerd,The Princess,The Jock,The Basket Case,The Criminal... Sound familiar?
23 January 2020
Plot: Five high school students are having Saturday detention in a former Correctional Facility, and must find a way to outsmart an unseen menace out to kill them.

Review (in short): The Breakfast Club (1985) but set in jail rather than in school...with a poor excuse of a Freddy Kruger..... Enough said. Poor and lame.
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2/10
High ratings are most likely fake
23 January 2020
Warning: Spoilers
It is obvious that the high rating of 8, 9 or 10 are obviously fake, considering the overacting and the overplay of the character Carl (James Wirt) who is supposed to be a "natural born loser of everything". In a way, this came across as a ripoff of the 1994 film, Greedy. But with a low or zero budget. The only redeeming aspect of this was the ending. This could have been a lot better if the script and directing was more fleshed out, and characters that were more third dimensional.

I will point out a "goof" here, in that Carl had been fired "couple months ago" (as revealed at the 8 minute mark), and he was unemployed, for "a couple of months" so where was all the money coming from the pay the mortgage? (revealed at 9 min 35s). If the wife (Leigh) was that much of a control freak, she would have had access and control of all their banking, and she would have known there was no income coming in.

The final nail in the coffin for this: The character of Jerry Ryan (George Deihl Jr. ) they tried to make him sound like Phil Hartman. (listen closely around the 8 minute mark to hear the comparison).

Honestly, this could have been a lot better.
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Mummy Reborn (2019)
1/10
wow is all I can say
17 January 2020
I survived Mummy Reborn all of 5 minutes to give it any kind of rating. Waste of time and waste of budget. Only gave it a 1 for Tiffany-Ellen Robinson. Otherwise I would rate this a Zero
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6/10
While the reviews are bad....
6 September 2019
I would not say that this movie is all bad. The Shadow People starts out bland enough. A newlywed couple driving home swerve to avoid a person on the road, and ultimately, their car gets stuck. What follows in n unraveling sequence of events that, at first only Megan can see.

My initial thoughts here were: Why didn't Andrew turn off the car before they decided to prance home in the rain? Why didn't one of them call a tow truck when they got home instead of getting down to sex? Was Cain supposed to be a remake of a similar character (Kain) in Poltergeist?

It is not until the final act that we see the reality of what happened in that "near miss car accident with mysterious girl on the road".

I am not going to say anything here to give away the spoilers, but, the acting by Kat Steffens and Bug Hall was good enough to make me watch to the end.
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3/10
Such a waste of good talent
23 August 2019
This was such a waste of good talent. Especially the talent of John Barrowman and Jenny McShane. This film could have been a lot more enjoyable if the effects were done properly, and the actors who knew to "act". The only ones who knew how to act in this was John Barrowman and Jenny McShane. The rest of the actors were as believable as any other amateur hour audition.
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#Captured (2017)
1/10
If I could rate this a Zero I would...
28 August 2018
I managed all of 10 minutes before I had to stop watching this monstrosity of amateur softcare wanna-be porn. Budget must have had a grand scale of ten dollars as none of these people could act to save their lives.

Don't waste your time on this crapfilm.

I seriously give this a ZERO.
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Parasomnia (2008)
1/10
I could not follow this....
11 July 2018
I could not it through more than 15 minutes of this dribble. Not a movie I would recommend to anyone.
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Clawed (2017)
1/10
Nothing to see here
9 July 2018
Literally, there is nothing to see here in this film. Normally I will give a low/no budget film the benefit of the doubt and will try to watch to the very end. But this film I could only get as far as 15 minutes then turned it off, it was that bad. 9 minutes in and the opening credits start to roll. Before this, a podcaster with a clock ticking so loud to the point it was distracting. The effects were horrid and the acting was very one dimensional. If I could rate this on the negative scale, I would give it a Minus 10, it was that bad.
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1/10
Forget all other Zombie flicks...
6 July 2018
This was one movie I wanted to watch, only because it had Russell Hodgkinson (Z Nation) as one of the main roles. Needless to say, this movie was a waste of time, talent and budget. The only other movie that seemed to be quite similar was the 2003 Aussie film, Undead, only this one was cheesy, disappointing and a complete waste of my life. If you want a move that will put you to sleep, then go ahead and watch this snoozefest.
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Samson (2018)
1/10
Boring, tedious, bland and highly insulting to such films of cinematic history.
3 May 2018
Samson (2018) - There is a reason MOST directors should never, EVER try to take on the GIANTS of film, such as Cecil B. DeMille or Alfred Hitchock. This is one such classic film that has been cut to crap by a amateurs.

Being a remake of the classic Samson & Delilah (or whatever they want to call it) I found it quite boring. If you are going to "try" and do a remake of what that DeMille did, make sure you are worthy enough to step into his shoes. Even the scene where Samson kills he lion is very poorly done compared to the 1949 version. Story was full of plotholes and endless scenes that were non relevant to the actual story. This seemed to be a hybrid story to appeal the followers of Twilight at best.

Boring, tedious, bland and highly insulting to such films of cinematic history.

This version at the box-office worldwide raked in $4.7M only, while the 1949 version ranked in $29M in the US alone (nearly 300M today). What does that tell you? :)

Rating: 0 out of 10. Rating for Cecil B. DeMille 1949 classic: 10 out of 10.
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Coverband (2014)
7/10
It's A Long Way To The Top If Ya Wanna Rock 'N' Roll
21 November 2014
Warning: Spoilers
When I first saw the title, my first thought was that this show was about different coverbands in New Zealand. So I decided to watch this, and for a moment I thought I would be treated to see some people I knew many moons ago when I lived in NZ.

I am glad that this wasn't a reality show :)

Coverband NZ is a comedy TV series about a group of hapless guys who are left with nothing more than a pocket full of wishful thinking, (after their lead singer, Ivy, scores a major record deal on the basis she dumps her band).

Stranded and broke, Matt gets his brother to pay for his flight back from LA, then he starts to make plans to "get the band back together".

One pitfall after another ensues with the band, as they struggle to get one gig after another and find that being a rock 'n' roll star is not all what they had hoped it would be.

This series does remind me of other shows like Housos, and The Inbetweeners. This New Zealand grown show is down-right good fun and bloody hilarious to watch. With names like Knuckles and Jukebox, this show is bound to be a hit not only in NZ but maybe in Aussie too. Lets hope that this series gets the funding to go beyond the 6 episodes it is currently scheduled for.

Not only is the storyline fun to watch, but has some really cool songs from the likes of The Chills, Split Enz, Dragon, The Clean, Exponents, Chris Knox, Tim Finn, The Datsuns, and many more.
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Soul Mates (2014– )
7/10
Bromance through the ages
21 November 2014
Warning: Spoilers
Soul Mates follows the story of a couple of friends who are continually drawn together across the course of human history. In 2013, they are a pair of fashion-obsessed Hipsters. In prehistoric times, they experience all of life's firsts as a couple of cavemen. In 1979 they are two New Zealanders known as Kiwi Assassins. In the year 2145 they are working in a time travel agency called Travel Time.

Soul Mates is a hilarious Australian comedy show that pokes fun at just about everyone and everything in between. Such as when they are in pre- historic times, the cavemen lads assume that in order to reproduce they have to masturbate on the "Tree of Life", then they discover oral sex, and hence they perform it on each other.

Jump forward to 1979, and the boys are a couple of Kiwi Assassins, sworn to protect New Zealand from the lures and traps of Australian life. They are a crack team of Kiwi secret agents, recruited by the New Zealand "Munistry of Dufinse" to protect NZ's international interests against Australia in the 1980′s. Their first mission in Aussie is to try and convince Russell Crowe (who is a child actor) to move back to New Zealand. Of course the boys fail miserably by epic proportions. (Watch the scene where the lads open fire on the weeds).

Jump again to modern era, and they "work" in a clothing store, and discover that they are on the brink of releasing a new fashion label called "nothing".

The show pretty much involves a non-stop series of skits, and is blended together nicely to bring to Aussie TV something I have not seen since Steve Vizard's Full Frontal.

Soul Mates is entertaining, and although somewhat offensive in parts, it is a good show that is set to run for an initial 6 episodes.
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5/10
Watch the original instead. More entertaining!
21 November 2014
Warning: Spoilers
We all know the story by now. 4 mutant turtles are raised in the sewers on NYC by a giant rat, who teaches them the way of Ninjutsu, to protect the city from the likes of Shredder and the Foot.

The action and SPX were good to a point, then it started to comes across more like Transformers. (Especially when Shredder dons his armor suit).

Megan Fox plays the role of April O'Neil. The wanna-be journo who is stuck with doing bits on trivial going's on in the city, while she desperately aspires to be "a real journalist". I will just say here that her character comes across much like Fox's acting… Desperate. Ms Fox may be attractive (according to some), but her acting abilities are very much lacking. It is obvious she struggles with any real depth in making a character believable. A good portion of this film seemed to be dedicated and focused on Ms Fox, rather than the story of the TMNT.

Will Arnett plays the role of Vernon Fenwick, April's "sorta" love interest and partner in filming crime. Vernon is the stereotypical character who constantly makes with the bad pick-up lines, and always helping April out of at a drop of a hat. (Doesn't this guy have a real life?)

Tohoru Masamune plays the role of Shredder. The badass of the film. While the back-story on this guy goes completely off the rails compared to the original films, his acting was okay.

I did think that the film could have stuck with the original plot, of Splinter being raised (more or less) by Shredder, to give the film more credibility. But, in this version, our pal, Splinter, is the "lab rat" (no pun intended), who is injected with test mutagen to see what the effects would be. When a fire destroys the lab, April (the child) saves the turtles and rat by dumping them in the sewer (great job!). It is in the sewers that Splinter becomes a ninja master, all by reading a book he so "conveniently" finds. With no sparring partner or mentor of his own to instruct him in the ways of Ninjutsu, Splinter becomes a ninja master and then instructs his clan of 4 mutated turtles in the ways of being ninja's. Hmmmm. Too many plot holes here that it does my head in :)

I was sadly disappointed that this film went completely off track from the original storyline. And for those who watched the original animated cartoon series, and the original movies, you will know the back- story all too well.

The only redeeming feature of this film was the epic fight scene between Shredder and Splinter. For that I give a huge thumbs up. But the rest of the film was sadly lacking.

I will say that as far as appealing to kids, this is not a film I would allow my 6 year old son to watch. The original films, yes, but not this.
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Disaster L.A. (2014)
1/10
Watch Z-nation instead
21 November 2014
Warning: Spoilers
Disaster L.A. follows a group of friends who have just celebrated their first year living in Los Angeles. The mood quickly changes when on the following day, a group of glacial meteors strike the city causing chaos and panic to spread. Unbeknown to them, the smoke that covers the city carries a foreign amoeba that causes people to turn into zombies.

Another zombie flick for the taking. There is a lot wrong with this film that I don't even know where to start. In a city of millions, there is, at best, a dozen zombies. the SPX was poorly done

I really cannot say much for this film, and to be brutally honest, the film was dry, dull and boring that about an hour in, I skipped to the end to see how it ended….. Which was not much.

This film could have been done much better.
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7/10
No one is what they seem
21 November 2014
Warning: Spoilers
First of all this film has a great cast. With actors such as Ben Kingsley, Michael Caine, Kate Beckinsale and Jason Flemyng, you know that you are in for a film that will exceed your expectations, and I for one was quite impressed.

Without giving the game away on this one (you can watch it for yourself), the film starts out in 1899. Sturgess plays the role of Edward Newgate. Ed has just graduated medical school and takes a job at a mental institution. From there, things go from the average to downright freaky.

There are plenty of twists and turns in this film to keep you guessing until the end, and one spoiler I won't give away :)

The acting, scenery, and characters were well developed in every aspect. A must watch film for November!
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8/10
Good family entertainment for all!
21 November 2014
Warning: Spoilers
I have always liked a good Mark Twain story, and even moreso, the adventures of "Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer" (1979 - ). I remember watching the TV series in 1980, before I would make the 15 mile hike to school through treacherous backwoods, through alligator infested swamps… nah just kidding :) I did walk to school which was about 5 minutes walk, but in those days when I was young, I would re-enact some adventures in my mind and imagine I was there with the lads, having adventures of my own.

So when I came across this pearl, I naturally got excited as a child at a free "all you can eat" candy shop. :)

The film opens with Mark Twain (Val Kilmer) recounting a story to his grand-kids, and hence the adventure of Huck and Tom continue. In this installment of the much loved tale, Tom and Huck find themselves in a graveyard at midnight, and there they witness Injun Joe (Kaloian Vodenicharov) carry out a murder. Fearing for their own safety, Tom and Huck make a vow of secrecy to never tell a sole. However, that is easier said than done when Muff Potter is the scapegoat and framed for murder. The boys take it upon themselves to clear Potter's good name by any means necessary, even if it means putting themselves in the firing line if Injun Joe.

Needless to say, the boys get themselves into all kinds of misadventures in this film, and show that boys will be boys in a time when it was all cool to run around town with no shoes, and sleep out in the woods :)

A couple of memorable scenes is when Tom (Joel Courtney) has to paint the picket fence, then he easily cons a few other boys to paint it for him, for a price (nicely done Tom); And in a later scene, when he gets "engaged" to Becky (Katherine McNamara), then makes the reference of when he was engaged to another girl :) (Becky didn't take that too well)

The acting by Jake T. Austin (as Huck Finn), and Joel Courtney is wonderful in this adaptation of Mark Twain's novel.

I would have given this film a higher score, but I did feel that the casting choice for the role of Injun Joe was not as good as what it could have been, if they would have given the role to a native American to preserve the authenticity of the character.
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The Babadook (2014)
5/10
As scary as Scary Movie….
21 November 2014
Warning: Spoilers
Australian films are a rare find. Even rarer are Australian horror films. And even rarer are Aussie films that are exceptional. Of the Aussie films that I have seen that would rank on my list, the only one I can think of is Wolf Creek. So when I watched Babadook, I was expecting something good, or at least, would give some form of chill experience.

Babadook starts off with Amelia (Essie Davis) reading a bedtime story to her son, Samuel (Noah Wiseman). However, this is no ordinary bedtime story, but a creepy version of "What's Under The Bed".

This film is disturbing on many levels.

First, Amelia reading a scary bedtime story to her child was the first thing I picked up on. I can only surmise that she really likes to scare the crap out of her son to the point where he is seeing real monsters, or she just didn't give a rats ass about him. Amelia is the type of woman who will not win the "mother of the year award", in fact, her parenting skills are very lacking in every department.

Second thing I noticed was that she lived in a large 2 story Victorian-era home. Now, either she was renting the home, or she was paying a mortgage. Regardless of which, it is doubtful that she could afford renting/paying off such a home, considering the realistic home prices in Australia, and being a worker in an aged care facility, it is highly doubtful her salary would cover the basic mortgage costs.

Third thing: The Babadook…. The Babadook makes appearances here and there, and even calls her once or twice. One scene in particular is when Amelia answers the phone and we get to hear this creature say in a "creepy" tone "Ba… Ba… Dook"…

Fourth thing: (Spoilers): At the end, when this demon/ghost/creature/whatever couldn't have her son, it flees into her basement to live out the rest of it's existence, with Amelia feeding it a strict diet of worms… Yeah… Okay…..

This film may be scary for some, and others will say that is was brilliant, but to be honest, this film failed to raise any scare factor for me to the point where if this "monster" was real, it wouldn't scare me outta a daydream.

The SPX were passable, but the Babadook gave me the impression that it was a mix of some of the characters that Johnny Depp has played over the years (Edward Scissorhands/Willy Wonka).

I did find that the acting was mediocre, with the exception of Noah Wiseman, who was very exceptional in his debut role. I will say here that Noah has a brilliant future ahead of him if he follows his acting career.

The writing and directing by Jennifer Kent was good, but sadly the film did not live up to the hype and expectations.

My Rating: 5 out of 10 (5 being for Noah)
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Left Behind (I) (2014)
8/10
Apocalypse Without The Zombies
21 November 2014
Warning: Spoilers
While some movies touch on the subject of the rapture, and even fewer explore Biblical themed movies, there are those "bible inspired" movies which I would recommend, and those that I would personally like to see destroyed and erased from existence.

Left Behind is a film that we both enjoyed, and actually had Anna asking me questions about the Rapture. While the exact account of the rapture is not clearly evident in 1 Thessalonians 4:17.

Left Behind tells the story of a small group of survivors who are left behind after millions of people suddenly vanish and the world is plunged into chaos and destruction.

Nicolas Cage plays Rayford Stelle. He is airplane pilot for a major commercial airline, married to Irene (Lea Thompson), who is a born again Christian. During a routine flight from NY to London, a handful of people onboard the flight suddenly vanish, along with one of the air-hostesses and his co-pilot. Not knowing what has happened, he races against his own inner demons and time to make sense of the chaos and to keep the passengers and remaining crew sane.

Left Behind has been slammed by some, and praised by others. That being said, if you put the religious aspect aside when you watch it, what you have is a film that tells the story of one family,from their POV, struggling to make sense of a world gone to chaos, and fighting their own inner demons and moralities.

Even though the film ended with Ray landing the plane safely back to NY, I did feel that more of this needed to be explored, and I am sure that the directors will continue on with the series in due time.

The acting centered mostly on Cage, and that is fine as he is a good actor in his own right. The SPX scenes were great. But it did need an element more to this film, apart from the ending we saw.

I would recommend this to anyone who can put religion aside and watch it for what it is.
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