Nude Nuns with Big Guns
is a movie starring
Asun Ortega, David Castro, and Perry D'Marco.
Mentally abused, enslaved and coerced into prostitution, a left-for-dead merciless Sister will take on a mission straight from God, whacking sinners in a strictly personal, no-prisoners vigilante Holy War.
"Pure Nude Yoga - Zen Garden Goddess" artfully explores the practice of yoga without the confinement of clothing. In Pure Nude Yoga, beautiful 26 year old Yogini Wenona gracefully moves ... See full summary »
A young woman inherits a mansion and discovers a centuries old diary which details the exploits of Dr. Fellatingstein, who has created a man to satisfy her insatiable desires but he doesn't... See full summary »
Alcoholic werewolf cop Lou Garou springs into action when an eccentric businessman with evil intentions seduces Woodhaven's residents with a new brewery and hockey team in this outrageous horror-comedy sequel.
Clint Ramsey has to leave his job working at Martin Bormann's gas station and flee after his wife is murdered by psycho cop Harry Sledge, who tries to pin the murder on Clint. Crossing ... See full summary »
Two teams, one consisting of two models and one of two dancers compete in a bowling contest. Since there are prizes both for the winning team and for the sexiest bowler, the four girls ... See full summary »
Hazed from a drug overdose and brutally beaten, Sister Sarah will find herself in the middle of a bad trip, mentally abused, enslaved and coerced into prostitution for the evil and sleazy El Chavo's "Los Muertos" biker gang. Right on the brink of demise and totally abandoned by the pious merchants of dope, the left-for-dead Sister will take on a mission to put the fear of God into sinners and to persecute all those who stand against Him. So, without delay, prepared for vengeance while armed with God's tools and a heavy arsenal to do the Lord's work, merciless Sister Sarah will start whacking priests one-by-one in a strictly personal vigilante frenzy. After all, she is the Hand of God amid Holy War, where no one is spared and no prisoners are taken.Written by
An exploitation masterpiece that joyfully relishes and wallows in its excessive sleaze, brutal violence and gratuitous sex! Hallelujah!!!
If your looking for a movie that is a perfectly stylistic rendition of what a grindhouse movie from the seventies wanted to be but probably never was then this shocker has everything you've been waiting for with style to boot. What makes this movie a winner is not just it's excessive bloodshed, in the form of bloody shotgun blasts to the upper torso of naked nuns, multiple blood-spraying head-shots leaving nice red meaty holes in the wide-eyed gaped-mouthed faces of the victims, or a corrupt priest having bullets pounded systematically into him in the form of a cross. It is not the bevels of naked slave nuns forced to cut cocaine instead of contemplating Christ, the rampant lesbianism involving strung-out biker chicks and rapture-seeking sisters of the cloth, the endless parade of beautiful dancing bare-breasted whores, or the scenes of rape that are so visually exaggerated and overzealous that they are as stomach-turning as they are comical. Neither is it the deliciously sadistic dialogue which ranges from surprisingly reverent, insightful and philosophical to the downright racially profane, colorfully sadistic and intimately vulgar.
This movie is ALSO great because it is so well-made. Despite other misguided hecklers who have denigrated the plot for being lacking in many regards the narrative structure is quite snakey, sophisticated and intelligent using flashbacks and a veritable sideshow of sleazoid characters to interlink all the violence, sex and perversion on screen while never failing to propel the twisted tale of Sister Sarah's vengeance full speed ahead towards it's ever increasing violent climax. Unlike in "Kill Bill" where Uma Thurman's character basically hops from one confrontation to the next in a tediously simplistic fashion Sister Sarah is surrounded by villainy and deceit in the form of psychotic bikers and sociopathic clergy all with their own agenda that is as equally threatening and as merciless as her own. The filmmakers and cast take considerable pleasure in fleshing out these unlikely though gleefully perverse situations and each scene and shot is greedily milked for every possible iota of sleaze, moral filth and sexual violence that they are worth.
Now technically the film is also a triumph of style, lighting and cinematography. The images manage to look both grimy and crisp in all the right ways. The picture is lit with heated reds, glowering dirty yellows, and somehow is still able to present a crisp picture while capturing the grimy corrupt texture of every image without being compromised by the shadowy murkiness of its own polluted atmosphere. Every image in the movie is shown with perfect clarity and yet the movie never loses its grip on its own dirty vile charm for a second. Amazing. The pacing is another amazing feat. The filmmakers seem to pride themselves on keeping the action not only going but as volatile as possible without losing cohesion, with constant zooms on exaggerated dramatic moments, colored filters and repetitive images creating visceral shot montages, and freeze frames to capture the moment of impact of many of the most violent scenes. The special effects are perfect for the movie's psychotic tone consisting mostly of perfectly formed gun-shot wounds that look good enough to stick your finger into. One last thing to mention is also the superior music and sound effects which effortlessly capture the mood of each scene while enhancing the violence and tension, both seen and unseen.
"Nude Nuns with Big Guns" deserves it's praise not only for it's energy, dedication to style, certainty of character, and unwavering delivery of all the violence and sex that have become iconic staples of the mythical exploitation genre, but for being a beautiful piece of cinematic art full of style, great lighting and cinematography, dead-on dialogue, great character acting, juicy plot and narrative, and doing it all on a meager budget of what the IMDb site estimates to be $85000. For that alone it is an incredible feat but even if the budget were five times that much I would still considerate it to be an incredible masterpiece of filmmaking talent that is equal to, and perhaps surpasses, the likes of Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantio. I may not be an exploitation cinema expert but from what ideologies and iconography I've absorbed out of all the low-budget violence-filled and sex-soaked films I've watched when I think of an exploitation film this is exactly what I've imagined it to be.
9 of 10 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful to you?
| Report this