Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

The script for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) was written during a corporate boardroom meeting at Paramount Studios. Like all lame, boring, stupid boardroom meetings, people (with no artistic talent) take turns blurting out the dumbest ideas. That is why we should not be giving non-artists such as MBA wallstreet types any creative control. They come up with the dumbest ideas with no respect to the source material. This movie is nothing more than a cash grab.

Allow me to explain everything wrong with this piece of garbage. The casting is terrible. Whoopi Goldberg? Will Arnett? Megan Fox? Sounds more like the cast for a TMNT parody. Megan Fox displayed her worst acting to date. The ridiculously cheesy dialogue kept me cringing through the entire movie. "the 99 cheese pizza", the stupid elevator beatbox scene, the gwen stefani scene. This movie has FLAT OUT HORRIBLE!!! Fart jokes and pop culture references are NOT funny. I'm sure the actors felt embarrassed reciting their lines.

The worst part is the &%#($(*# flying skateboard that Michelangelo has. It took away any sense of realism. I know TMNT isn't supposed to be realistic but the dumb flying skateboard is beyond ridiculous. Some guy who was on drugs probably came up with that idea in the boardroom. All the turtles acted and were designed to look like bad black stereotypes. They made Michelangelo look like Lil Wayne. Giving the turtles "SWAG" in order to appeal to a younger audience is just stupid. The turtles never had swag and making them into a parody of the Cash Money / Young Money crew is a terrible idea. The dumb hipster glasses on Donatello in order to appeal to the hipster crowd is another bad idea. Why the *&%* did they give him a stupid ghost busters backpack. The cheesiness of this movie is way over the top. The TMNT trilogy of the early nineties was cheesy too but not on this level. At least it didn't have #*($^$ flying skateboards and swag turtles.

This movie represents everything wrong with the movie industry today. The corporate big wigs make all the creative decisions. It's time for the artists to take Hollywood back.

CREATIVITY IS BORN OUTSIDE THE BOARDROOM!!