utterbolx Reviews

Land of Bad (2024)

I unsuccessfully tried to suspend my disbelief

[3/10 · 10 March 2024]

I'm not military, but I have military in my family and I know that never in a million years is the military going to go into a spec-op not knowing whether or not a new member of the team has ever done a halo jump, never mind the actual member hasn't even ever done it on a training mission.

Also a drone with IR surveying an LZ, cant see 500 fearless 'militia' with trucks and rocket launchers and trucks and rocket launchers surrounding the LZ that they magically knew where to be at that given time.

We've got F18's, Drones, Hellfire missiles raining down everywhere, and the untrained arabs/vietcong/russians just keep running into the line of fire without a care in the world!

Not to mention, truck eastbound, mounted patrol westbound, ok I'll just stand in the open chatting to command and then jump in the water at the last minute and not keep moving into the tree line!

Dale Dye will be spinning in his grave at the inaccuracies. Silly film.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023)

Made by children, for children

[4/10 · 13 July 2023]

Contrived stunted dialogue.

Every piece of dialogue between the actors just sounded like children mouthing off at each other. No chemistry.

They managed to stretch this to 2.5 hours and I'm not really getting these 9/10 - 10/10 reviews, are these plants? Because if you saw GotG 1 & 2, there's no way you are giving this mess anything more than 7, even if you are the worlds biggest die hard fan.

The music score was just wrong, wrong, wrong. Best friend has been gravely wounded and it's touch and go if he lives? Lets put on an iconic rock song and lets go kick some ass! What?

I'm giving it a 4, purely because of the visuals and because of how much I like the individual characters, the story sucks, the score sucks, the dialogue sucks and the screenplay sucks.

Andor: Reckoning (2022) Season 1, Episode 3

Can't story tellers write a cohesive script anymore?

[4/10 · 24 November 2022]

Whole town is running about scared and panicky - a main char also runs about a bit looking slightly panicky. Evilcorp man grabs her why are YOU (specifically) so panicky I think I'll randomly handcuff you!

Whilst Mr. Whatstheworstthatcanhappen comes running down the stairs screaming at the armed killers 'get your dirty stinking hands off her you damned dirty apes!' You know the same guy that thought it would be a smashing idea to report the person he knows is a friend of his gf to the authorities as a possible hit on the killer they are looking for because jealousy and stuff (she'll be fine, probably...)

All this is going on WHILST the other evilcorp squad members are being wiped out and blood curdling screams are coming in over comms they go 'nah.... we'll just randomly stand here and beat up panicky woman'.

Also, super rare box let's just keep chatting and walk over 150yards away from it, 'cos it will be really 'cool' if happenstance he has to try go back and retrieve it Indiana Jones style when all these random engines on chains start falling down!

Surely it can't be too hard to make a script that remotely reflects how people actually act.

Red Dragon (2002)

Great prequel to Silence of the Lambs

[9/10 · 30 August 2022]

Maybe not as good, but that's a high high bar. An excellent film. Silence of the Lambs gets a solid 10/10 for me. Red Dragon gets a 9/10.

I'm utterly perplexed as to why Frank Whaley was uncredited in this film. He was great as Ralph 'the walking hard-on' Small part in the grand scheme of things but really stood out and made an impact, I mean who didn't feel sorry for him when he gets murdered by Francis Dollarhyde? His was only crime was being attracted to and trying to look out for Emily Watson's character

A great movie that I find myself re-watching almost as often as I re-watch Silence of the Lambs. In fact, I think I'll watch it again tonight.

House of the Dragon (2022– )

I knew it was going to be poor

[3/10 · 23 August 2022]

As soon as I saw the 're-imagined' Iron Throne with all the stupid spikes around it. Ridiculous. Even in a fantasy medieval world I'm pretty sure someone would object to that on health & safety grounds.

Even stupider was the fact the king kept cutting himself on the chair and he didn't go 'f this, I'm the king, put some bloody cushioned armrests on this stupid chair.'

As for the House Targaryan. If that's how lame they are, no wonder they were usurped.

Don't get me started on the bad wigs & woke agendas. Disappointing.

Travel Man: 48 Hours in... (2015– )

Best Travel Show Evar.

[9/10 · 14 February 2022]

Dancing? What's it for?

/me gives Richard an awkward high five that doesn't quite connect properly.

Needs another season! The diversity of people he manages to convince to come along with him to these places is brilliant. One of my favourite episodes was probably the Paul Rudd one, genuine wtf moment.

Road House (1989)

Fine Wine

[10/10 · 28 October 2021]

It gets better with age, and I loved it in the 80's, I think I love it more now.

100% pure unadultered cheese. Inject it right into my veins.

One hundred and fifty chars...

Mare of Easttown (2021)

Blown away by the grittiness of this

[9/10 · 21 May 2021]

Evan Peters portrayal of a drunk at the bar is Oscar worthy, or Grammy or Emmy or w/e.

Nailed it.

Dracula (2020)

Didn't last 10 minutes

[1/10 · 7 July 2020]

I got as far as the letter from Hawkers wife.

More woke re-imagining p*sh.

No thanks.

The Invisible Man (I) (2020)

Paint

[1/10 · 2 June 2020]

I spilled some paint once. I'd like to know the voodoo magic the protagonist had to clean up that paint so quickly from all those intricate crevices.

Midway (2019)

Ed Skrein's accent

[6/10 · 24 January 2020]

Ruined it for me, I like Ed as an actor, but for the love of god, please don't do an American accent again. Stick to sinister Englishman!

Good film, just couldn't stop hearing the awful accent. For that I deduct 2 stars from my rating.

Mr Inbetween (2018–2021)

Beauty!

[10/10 · 6 January 2020]

Came into watching this show with very low expectations, had nothing else to watch.

Mesmerised from the opening scene! Dark, funny, brutal and emotional.

Everything from the sibling conversations between Ray & Bruce, to the friend conversations between Ray & Gaz, Ray's daughter, being well exactly how a daughter is! Real human interactions and reactions. The Anger management meetings, everything!

Just binge watched Season 1 & Season 2 over the weekend.

Nicholas Cassims performance of Bruce is sensational.

The Rookie: Free Fall (2019) Season 1, Episode 20

Who knew!?

[2/10 · 2 January 2020]

That LA was riddled with so many nationalists and white supremacists!

The Rookie: Greenlight (2019) Season 1, Episode 16

Rapid downhill decline

[1/10 · 1 January 2020]

First 14 episodes I gave this series a solid 8 out of 10, then after the maga hat wearing in the previous episode to this, with the 'bigots' - I was irritated, but hey it's Hollywood, was prepared to overlook the not so subtle propaganda. So I gave that episode a 3* hoping that the politicking was a one off.

Please stop pontificating and get back to entertaining. Why ruin a good thing with Jussie Smolletistic storylines?

The Rookie: Manhunt (2019) Season 1, Episode 15

Give it a break

[3/10 · 30 December 2019]

The predictable red hat wearing gun toting 'bigots' vigilante group PC drivel put a huge dent in a series I have given a solid 8 for.

I'm British and don't care either way about US politics, but this scene was beyond the pale. Dragging the 'illegal' out of the bushes yelling 'I got one', pathetic.

Please keep political propaganda out of entertainment. It's so very tiresome.

The Grand Tour: The Grand Tour Presents: Seamen (2019) Season 4, Episode 1

CLIMATE CHANGE!

[2/10 · 16 December 2019]

(mumble mumble... china dammed the river.. mumble mumble)

BUT CLIMATE CHANGE!

Yeah, GT, you just lost a faithful viewer.

The Boys (2019– )

I was done with Superhero stuff

[10/10 · 6 August 2019]

I was done after watching some episodes of Umbrella whatever, I then watched MCU's Endgame and it felt so tired, so self congratulatory - that was it, I am UTTERLY done.

A friend nagged me into watching The Boys.

So glad he did, this is absolutely brilliant, as another reviewer said 'Karl Urbans accent finds itself after a few episodes', but the story, utterly brilliant, who's the bad guys? who's the good guys? everyone?

Dark, funny, gruesome, refreshing, original.

Stranger Things (2016–2025)

Season 1 & Season 2 were sensational, Season 3 however...

[6/10 · 5 July 2019]

I was transfixed by Seasons 1 & 2 - they were brilliantly done.

Season 3 made me drop a 9/10 rating to 6/10.

I lasted 1.45 episodes of S3 and had to turn it off. Stilted, predictable, obvious, too much kitsch. All that was missing was the canned laughter, comedy sound effects and the sad trombone when someone made an oopsie.

Disappointing.

The Umbrella Academy (2019–2024)

Just what we needed, more of this utterly tired genre

[1/10 · 1 March 2019]

If I never see one more angsty superhero 'drama' it will be one too many.

I'm different and I'm special, accept me because I'm secretly good for you and society. Kill me now.

Star Trek: Discovery (2017–2024)

Absolute detritus.

[1/10 · 28 February 2019]

Don't waste your time, watch The Orville.

ST:D if the name fits, wear it. Emo, virtue signalling codswallop.

A Star Is Born (2018)

No politics

[7/10 · 26 January 2019]

This makes me happy. Very faithful to the original.

But

Once I realised that Bradley Cooper sounds like Jaime Gumm, I couldn't watch it for the third time.

:)

Robin Hood (2018)

20 Minutes

[1/10 · 24 January 2019]

Of my life that I will never get back.

That's how long I could tolerate this.

From the very first introduction of 'Marion the theif' every second afterwards hurt my brain.

This film is a sh™stain.

Tin Star (2017–2020)

Started off well

[2/10 · 28 November 2018]

Then by episode 2/3 - stupid, yawn, tired, predictable in a bad way.

The end of episode 2 had me raging at the stupidity of it. With that kind of planning, 'the artistic crazy psycho' should be trouncing 5 grand masters and big blue at chess simultaneously, whilst juggling chainsaws that are on fire. Don't waste your time, you'll be dumber for watching this. OR you can suspend your disbelief with the help of very strong lagers.

Liquid Science: that's genius (2017)

The straw that broke the elephant's back.

[1/10 · 10 July 2018]

I am 20 IQ points dumber for having watched this.

This tripe was the final nail in the coffin for my Netflix sub.

Star Trek: Discovery (2017–2024)

This is unwatchable

[1/10 · 26 October 2017]

I'm a Trekkie, I have watched every single episode of TOS, TNG, DS9, VOY, Enterprise over and over and over and over again.

I haven't made it through a single full episode of Discovery. I've tried but my attention drifts as I just turn off/lose interest halfway through.

The Klingons are awful. Joyless 'evil' non-entities, obviously 're-imagined' by the same person that designed Idris Elba's makeup in the equally awful Star Trek: Beyond.

Klingons were space vikings, lived life to the full, drank, fought, living life with honour and a huge slice of joy.

Michael Dorns football head in ST:TNG S1 was more watchable than the Klingons in this abomination.

Shaka, when the walls fell... :(