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Dark Matter (2024)
All fi not much of sci.
Not much of a sci in this sci-fi, basically only fi.
Modern-day wizard, veiled as a "physicist" builds a magic box, simply called "box" in a series, and uses designer drug, made by his pharmacist friend to trip inside and move between alternate worlds of ours.
They never gave even a hint of how the box operates, and only vaguely explained that the drug is needed to block muh frontal lobe or something because something.
Once you are in a box and high on a "compound," as they call the drug, you find yourself in a unending corridor, (akin to tesseract known from Interstellar, or from Asimov's End of Eternity) with gazillion doors leading to bazillion versions of reality.
For some reason Mr. Genius Physicist designed box with doors opening only inward without any assist, automatic swing, knob, panic button, visor, safety glass or anything of a sort, so basically if you open
the door in a world when box is submerged your'e drowned, or if the sun goes supernova your'e literally toasted. Not really smart for a scientist who won Pavia (I guess that's show's equivalent of a Nobel Prize.)
Anyway, cool idea, with big potential, but significantly dumbed-down for modern audience. Also, main character looks like an alcoholic on his way to homelessness.
Budapest (2018)
LOL
Do the people of France are really that dumb to believe in 2018 that the capital city of the EU and NATO member country, formerly a founding member of Austria-Hungary, is a lawless hellhole akin to Mogadishu? Jesus F. Christ, get a grip on reality. Maybe no-go zones of Marseille or Paris would be better and cheaper options for a rad stag party? I don't know, I'm just tossing some ideas.
Also, this boring rip-off of Hangover and other such movies.
Also, I wonder why imdv requires so many characters? Is it really that necessary to write short essay criticizing such dumb trope?
Don't waste your time on this garbage.
Ancient Apocalypse (2022)
Boring, that's it.
Writing from the position of uneducated, gullible rube, that will swallow any semi-reasonably served revisionist theory like Somalian child protein bar from UNHRC.
Episode 7 and still only questions and vague implications, nothing of substance, just like Graham's books. Very anticlimactic. By episode three, we were screaming, "Jesus, Graham, what's your point?!" I believe that his business model. Remember "Lost"? Yeah, same deal; it gets you hooked up on questions and more questions, and more questions until you start asking the question "are we going somewhere with this?"
The premise of his theories/ideas is valid; humans have been on this planet for roughly two hundred thousand years, and yet we have some sort of civilization for less than ten thousand, or 5%, of our existence. So it makes sense that sometime, during one-fifth of a million years, we would try at least once or twice to do something different than hunting and gathering. And we may have already succeeded a few times to a certain level.
Hancock gives his opponents an argument by using ambiguous terms such as "advanced civilization." Advanced to what level? Renesanse Europe was pretty advanced. Rome was also advanced; they knew the steam engine's principles and had a working prototype. Medieval Chinese had powder, paper money, and silk. All these cultures would seem god-like to hunter-gatherers of the Ice Age.
Overall waste of time; if you are interested in Hancock's ideas, just give listen to Joe Rogan's podcast; you will hear more, and you can do something useful while listening. And if you already have listened, you have heard it all. Peace out.
Oblivion (2013)
What's up Jack?
What's up, Jack? Why don't you wear any helmet, eye or hand protection while working on autonomous flying killing machines?
What's up, Morgan Freeman? Where that cigar came from? Did you just maintain a humidor with your collection of cigars throughout the war that lasted for decades? Or have you just dedicated part of your team and scarce resources to plant, cultivate, and harvest high-quality tobacco? In any case, don't you have other things to worry about than your nasty habit?
What's up, motorcycle? Why are you running out of juice in a world where autonomous combat aircraft run for hours (days?) on eggplant-sized batteries? The same fuel source should last you for years-stupid motorcycle.
What's up, Mission? Do you really rely on verbal communication via FaceTime to keep your team in check? Is it that hard to have resources to keep an eye on two humans 24/7?
What's up, runtime? Do you need to be two hours long? That story would nicely fit in a 45-minute Black Mirror episode and still leave some extra time to be edited out if necessary.
So many questions, so few answers.
Malnazidos (2020)
Typical Netflix trope.
Apparently Spain during Civil War was quite diverse; muslims, Russians, strong female characters and gays were commonly accepted in the 1930's.
Done? Are we at one hundred-fifty characters?
Man vs Bee (2022)
No.
Boring, ninety-minute long feature movie cut into several "episodes," each lasting nine to eleven minutes. It's a dramedy, as main character is a pathetic idiot and utter loser, and a hearty dose of second-hand embarrassment makes it unwatchable.
Windfall (2022)
Snoozefest.
I think they tried to imitate something like "Carnage," or similar small etude, but it clearly didn't work out; it's very slow, very boring, there's not thrill, no laugh, no tension, no twist, you got what you see. I chuckled once, when landscaper accidentally killed himself, but that was it, the rest was a decent snooze fest.
Divergent (2014)
Cringeworthy.
I was cringing so bad, my muscles were producing electricity.
That's all folks. Peace out.
Not 150 words yet?
What about now?
Now?
No?
Now?
Not yet?
What about now, are we there yet?
Still no?
Surely one hundred-fifty wor... here we go.
A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)
Kweshtchan...
Just have one question. How the fök, I, a simple Joe, a wage-plebe, can afford a decent, good-looking haircut on my weirdly shaped head with uneven hairline, while millionaire Liam over there looks like somebody with a handful of hay glued this to his head?
Oh, and also, this movie is garbage.
Tides (2021)
Solid 1/10
Written by children for adult audiences. Unbelievably stupid. It looks like they have a location first- a ship junkyard, and wrote the story around the set on hand.
Don't Look Up (2021)
This show was proudly brought to you by 'skip 10 sec forward' button!
It could be pretty funny if they would satirize the current administration (i.e., Biden's.) It would be easier to write, too, since jokes are writing themselves daily, but they didn't; they took shots at the orange man instead and kinda missed. It's very 1980's political satire, not suitable for the current year of instant fact-checking, immediate debunking, and even your normie grandma sorta-knowing what's up. Besides, there's not even enough material for a feature movie; it could be a decent Black Mirror episode instead. I was skipping and fast-forwarding every few minutes.
Dexter: New Blood (2021)
Great show about marginalized peepls!
Enough about Dexter! You feel me?
Time to bring the BIWOC* Chief of the Police, her CMOC** deputy, an Asian* **influencer/podcaster, and a bunch of millennials.
Great show, solid 1 out of 10.
*Black/Indigenous Woman Of Color
**Cis Male Of Color
***Asian.
Into the Night (2020)
Unwatchable.
The first season was kinda-sorta interesting, mostly because I gave it a credit in a hope it will develop into decent post-apo show eventually, but the second season is outright unwatchable; it's written by a child and you just wish they all will die. I gave up after episode 2 which I watched with a heavy use of "10 sec forward" button.
Save Yourselves! (2020)
Thanks Gods for the Jump Forward Button!
The title is quite adequate to a content; save yourselves from this snoozfest. I tried to watch this on a plane, I was heavily using 15s skip forward button in hope to get to something interesting, to no avail. Bored to death, I switched to Korean action flick and even didn't bother to turn on subtitles, I was just glad something is happening on a screen.
You vs. Wild (2019)
Don't take Bear seriously or you gonna die.
This show's target audience is young kids, not adults; hence the continuity is practically non-existent. The staging is obvious, and the storyline is somewhat nonsensical.
While the interactive "survival" part is for kids, parents will be entertained looking for goofs, like, for example, his butt getting wet, dry, wet, and dry again between shots.
The educational value is zero in the best scenario and negative in the worst; his survival skills are questionable, and instructions are actually harmful and could cause a real threat if followed. He doesn't prioritize properly or at all; hence he often offers the least favorable solutions and often does things just to show off. Very often, the choices given to the audience are between bad and bad.
Lastly, his antics of eating every nasty creature he could find are overplayed since Men v. Wild, and quite idiotic given that most of his "missions" last for several hours, and he's wasting time looking for "something that gives him energy" (i.e., a bug with a caloric value of half of a tic-tac) as soon as he's being dropped off of helicopter/boat/parachute. Some of his culinary recommendations are plain dangerous. Some of them are bad on many levels, like eating raw fish while nearing hypothermia in wet clothes instead of getting fire on (that also doubles as a lacking of proper prioritization.)
Overall it's fairly entertaining but needs to be taken with a grain of salt. A football-sized grain.
Two Weeks Notice (2002)
Trash.
Accidentally stumbled upon this trash while looking for something to watch on Netflix. Went back to browsing after half an hour. Boring, predictable and simply stupid.
Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)
I'm glad humankind got its priorities straight.
Extinction event or not, we always will have the time and resources to make nametapes for our uniforms.
Tribes of Europa (2021)
Meine damen und meine herren who wrote that utter scheiße?
This thing was written by a seven years old sci-fi fan or an algorithm; it's just a bunch of overplayed clichés put together randomly. There's nothing original up to 3rd episode. Then, there are incredibly violent scenes on top of an utterly childish plot, including castration and beheadings. Something that could be expected when an actual adult would be tasked with spicing up a story written by the kid to turn it into "entertainment" somewhat palatable for grownups.
Most of the fun comes from counting plotholes, goofs, anachronisms, and outright stupidity of the writers.
Remember that the story happens DECADES after reverting to the pre-industrial era. It's clearly stated in the exposition at the beginning that sometime in the mid-2020s, civilization as we know it ceased to exist within a short period and never came back.
Clothing. Almost all characters wear 100% factory-made, slightly worn-out clothing and shoes in all sizes, styles, and colors. Everybody is rocking forty-ish-year-old clothes and footwear, like Walmart, just closed its door for business a few weeks ago.
Electricity. There are batteries for flashlights. There's enough electricity to run fancy neon lights inside the buildings. In fact, there are so many lights everywhere; it looks like the current grows on trees or something.
Gas. There are still cars in use, and they run on gasoline. It's a common misconception in the post-apocalyptic genre. The gas you buy at a gas station has a concise shelf life of about six months at most. Military uses enriched fuel, and it can last up to two, maybe three years top if stored properly. A few years after the last refinery goes down, there won't be any viable fuel left. Somebody could probably drill oil and refine it to the point it would work in a gravity-fed carburetor. Still, I doubt it would allow driving a modern military vehicle that makes 10 miles on a gallon and requires high-quality fuel that won't clog injectors.
Societal structure. For some reason, in this tribal society of constant warfare, everybody still treats women on equal footing. Females and teenagers are valuable assets in war parties; they successfully fight brutal, hand-to-hand combat with enemies twice their size.
Lastly, one of the protagonists got stabbed and fell on her back from the cliff 12 feet down into a stone creek bed. She just laid down there unconscious, wet and cold until the following day, then she just woke up, took a deep breath, and walked away.
That should do, I believe. Now, go do something useful.
The Midnight Sky (2020)
Good news is...
...if your first thought about the girl was "it must be his hallucination" you were right, no twist here.
Wall Street (1987)
Well made commie propaganda.
Well made commie propaganda, dr. Göbbels would give Oliver a 10 stars.
The Queen's Gambit (2020)
Artificially hyped.
Somewhat a dark comedy, but quite boring in fact. Seems like all the hype is artificially generated.
Downsizing (2017)
Racial realism at its finest
No matter what kind of scientific breakthrough will change the face of the world, Hispanics will end up in shantytowns cleaning houses of English-speaking folks.
That's what I got from this movie.
Colony (2016)
Space blanket and chicken net.
That's what takes to disable alien technology allowing interstellar travel.
Siedlisko (1999)
Anna Dymna
Once was helluva hot cookie, but gained a lot of weight since "Janosik."
The Sleepover (2020)
El flicko pour kiddos.
This flick should be rated NO12 (no over 12, I just made that up,) if you are older than that, amount of cheese in it will clog your arteries. One good though; there's kid who's 14, looks like 12 and acts like 32 year-old veteran comedian that's about that.