joeyg-149-99444 Reviews

Naked and Afraid: Melt Down Under (2016) Season 6, Episode 10

Worst contestants ever

[1/10 · 11 December 2023]

This episode should have been scrapped. It started out just like any other episode. Both contestants getting along and looking forward to making it though the challenge. But as soon as they get to the chosen campsite, it goes to hell. The first night they barely get a shelter built and no fire and it rains all night. Nikolas cries all night like a baby in Laura's arms as she comforts him. The next day, Nikolas turns into a completely self centered no-it-all jerk rubbing Laura the wrong way. Laura is trying to work as a team, Nikolas refuses to. Even to point of shushing her when she tries to give him suggestions. Then he has the audacity to say "I didn't mean to make you fell sad (something like that)" Later, he is resting in the shelter and Laura asks him to hand her the knife that is behind him and he refuses to hand it to her because he's resting. Literally says "no, I'm resting". She gets angry and says "one of these days I'm gonna kill you". Nikolas then plays victim and acts like he didn't start this whole debacle. Laura puts out the fire. At this point, the producers should have just forced them both to tap out and scrapped the whole thing. But what do they do? Just kick Laura off because of her "threat". Nikolas is left by himself and barely survives by logging in the shelter and swimming to keep cool. He catches a rabbit in a dead fall trap but other than that really doesn't do anything. Yet they raised his PSR and praised him for making it to the end.

If you haven't figured out they switched from caring more about the journey/challenge to caring more about drama, this should seal the deal.

Quasi (2023)

This is supposed to be a comedy?

[1/10 · 17 May 2023]

There is absolutely nothing in this movie that is funny. And believe me, they tried. What's worse, is they truly believe that they succeeded. I like raunchy, stupid comedy, I really do and I also enjoyed Super Troopers...but this was just obnoxiously bad. Also, why did they need to have so many actors to play two characters each? It's not like there's a shortage of actors available, hell there's extras galore in this movie. Anyway. This is just a complete bore from start to finish. Bad script. Jokes that all fell flat. Acting was eh. I only continued to watch it to see where they were going with it and I was tired of scrolling.

Fist Fight (2017)

I don't know why there are so many bad reviews

[7/10 · 13 May 2023]

This movie stupid but it's supposed to be. It's a riot! Sure there are parts where they played the joke a little too long (and possibly took it a little too far) but other than that I enjoyed it. Ice Cube is great and you can't beat the talent show scene hahaha!!! The underlying personal growth and bromance gives it a bit of depth...like, a very little but it's there. Bonus: blooper reel! Yay! Ugh, why did imdb start requiring such a long review? Ok, so anyway, this movie is really just made for laughs and it delivered on that all the way through. If you were expecting more, remember not all movies need to be.

Peter Pan & Wendy (2023)

Wendy & Hook featuring Peter Pan

[3/10 · 1 May 2023]

Where to begin. Let's start with the positive. Ever was amazing in her role. That's it. She is a great actress and was very believable and since this movie was really about her, I guess that works then. Oh. And Tinkerbell...was fine. She was cute, expressive and it worked. But here's what's wrong. First, the green screen & cgi were utterly laughable. It's barely 90s quality. Jude seemed to just be there for the paycheck, it was obvious that he really wasn't into the role. Everything else I've seen him in, there was no doubting the character. Also, why are there girl Lost Boys? It completely goes against the story. Wendy was special because she was a girl. And the line "but you're not all boys...I guess it doesn't matter" was so obvious in-your-face "we don't care what you want". And why oh why did they remove ALL the songs but add new ones? And where were the mermaids? The main issue is that, just like Aladdin, the movie was no longer focused on main character, the character the movie was named after. Disney took a story for the boys and turned it into female empowerment. Wendy and also Tiger Lilly are the heroes in this story. Wendy get Peter to change and grow up, at least mentally. Peter growing up worked in Hook, because, well, that was the storyline, he actually grew up. This movie lacked everything that made Peter Pan Peter Pan. I've said it before and I'll say it again, Disney, stop with the live action remakes. Because you are just ruining the magic that made the originals great.

Pinocchio (I) (2022)

Absolutely NOTHING good about this.

[1/10 · 11 April 2023]

Pinocchio is a classic. I could watch the original Disney version anytime and enjoy it as much as I did as a child. But this? This was painful. Tom Hanks Italian accent was bad, and Levitt's Transatlantic/Southern whatever it was accent was awful. And that's not even the worst part about it. Even though this movie was roughly a half hour longer than the 1940 version, it felt rushed. There was a complete lack of passion in this project as if they just needed to get it released and didn't care how well it was made. Disney apparently seems to think all we care about in these live action or "live action" remakes is the iconic scenes. "I Have No Strings" and the boy changing into a donkey in a shadow...which by the way had no where near the same effect here as it did then. Everything added to this ro try and make it fresh, in all honesty took away from what made the original so brilliant. I still can't decide what is the worst of these remakes, but it's now between this, Lady & the Tramp and Beauty & the Beast.

White Noise (I) (2022)

Unfilmable

[3/10 · 3 January 2023]

This movie is taken from a novel of the same name. The novel was dubbed as "unfilmable". This movie shows that that was a correct assessment. I never read the book, it supposedly won an award. Alas, this movie will not. Adam Driver and Don Cheadle are great actors, but you would never guess that by watching this. The acting across the board is dry and completely emotionless. The delivery of every line is nearly monotone. And who talks like that? It's like they grabbed a thesaurus and found every pretentious and dragged out way to say everything. Nothing that happens is believable and when you should get intense reactions to situations, you get the opposite response, just "eh". The film is definitely artsy and it's only because I can see the art of the film, I gave it 3 stars, or else it would be a 1. If you want a summary of how bad it is, just fast forward to the end and watch the weird and awkward and most definitely out of place supermarket dance scene at the end. (No movie spoilers in it as it has nothing to do with the story, it's just...there.)

Velvet (I) (2021)

What...is this movie?

[1/10 · 20 November 2022]

Like seriously? It's Almont nothing but watching a girl do.....stuff. There's a script to this, it's gotta me like three pages long. A few lines here, 40 minutes of literally nothing, a couple minutes of the girl "taking care of business" and few more lines, repeat. The camera work is terrible and can best be described as a poor attempt at an art project. Odd cuts, poor focusing, a lot of unnecessary camera panning and out of place "arsty" shots like focusing in and out on a house plant after watching the main actress just sitting there.

This movie is really nothing more than some amateur film maker's poor attempt to get a woman naked on screen (for nearly the entire film) and a wannabe actresses desperate attempt to get in a film. It's lazy softcover p...

Run Sweetheart Run (2020)

It wasn't as bad as people are saying

[7/10 · 17 November 2022]

Was it a great movie? No. Was it a disaster? Absolutely not. It's a modern day suspense horror "B" film, nothing more, nothing less, and it was fairly entertaining. Script was okay, acted well by most of the actors, cinematography is on par with today's standards. And other than leaving a bit unresolved, there was nothing warranting this less than maybe a 6 in my opinion. I didn't care for "patriarchy" twist, but whatever, it didn't detract from or even really make the movie. "He can smell your blood" seemed to bother some reviewers, really? Is it just because of the mestral cycle aspect? Because that ans extremely similar lines have been said in other movies and I've heard no one complain. Honestly it works with the plot and if you're bothered by a woman's normal bodily functions being portrayed in a film then maybe you should watch something G-rated because you're a child. Period blood? Ew. Head ripped off? Yay! Grow up.

The Lost Girls (2022)

Trust me, it gets worse as it goes.

[1/10 · 2 October 2022]

You know the saying the book is always better than the movie? Well, I have never read the book but even if the book is bad, it would still be 1000% better than this. Reading some of the other reviews, this is a tale of mental illness over fantasy. If that's the case, it was lost in poor script, worse acting and horrendous direction. By the way...the lead (adult Wendy) who was by far the worst actor in this dumpster fire, was also the writer and director. So yeah. Casting was terrible not only because of the acting, the three people who played Wendy, looked nothing alike. At least the child and teenage Wendy had a decent British accent. Not to mention that the same 19 year old girl played Wendy from 13-17 and looked 19. And the same 40ish year old woman played adult Wendy from early 20s to 40s and looked 50 all the way through. Peter was also an obvious 19 year old, so I guess he does grow up? Captain Hook was there to...sorta. In a three piece suit and an obvious stage prop for a hook. And he kidnaps and tried to force himself onto 13 year old Wendy. Also, it's long, overly drawn out and fails to tell a cohesive story. Don't bother with this.

Pihu (2016)

Heartbreaking...

[9/10 · 14 September 2022]

This was heartbreaking to watch. It was a good watch though. Some reviews have stated that it was sick twisted movie, but it was based on a true story supposedly, even if it was loosely based, we know these things happen so it's real enough that it didn't have to come from a "sick" mind. I also didn't find it boring i watched the entire thing without touching my phone and I am really bad about that normally. I recommend watching it. Hopefully it will open people's minds to what can happen if you think about leaving a child behind whether like this or just in general. Please think of your child beforehand, or better yet, get help.

Intersect (I) (2020)

A 2-Star because I was able to sit through it.

[2/10 · 14 September 2022]

This could have been a good movie. It was setup properly for the "keep you guessing" style but it failed on so many other levels. First, the script: it was either dull and bland, or it was over the top. Like in the intense emotional scenes where it was written like a cheesy soap opera or a 90s romance novel...unrealistic dialog. The acting: it's like they auditioned for extras and said, "okay, we're gonna make you guys the stars, and you guys minor characters", and just had the rest be actual extras. He'll, the top billed actor has been playing extra minor characters for 40 years with no significant parts. The main character is emotionless in every scene though every scene he's in requires emotion. And he wasn't even the worst. The two actors that played adult Nathan and adult Angus were by far the worst. The best actors were the two that played (ironically) young Nathan and young Caitlin. There was apparently no lighting or make-up crew on this movie and the camera work was worse than if you gave the cameras to the high school freshman AV Club. CGI...90s quality, but that's a budget thing. The director (also the writer) directed this about as well as he wrote it..."yeah, that works" seems to be the how it went. Another reviewer said it was "like a p*rn movie without the p*rn" and I'd have to say that is a fairly accurate description.

Better actors, a rewrite, a little storyboarding, make-up and better lighting...this could have been enjoyable even with the bad CGI since that was minor anyway.

Interceptor (2022)

Avengers star Chris Hemsworth executive produced.....

[3/10 · 8 June 2022]

After watching this for about 10 minutes (yes, I watched the whole thing) I could tell why Netflix decided to have this as the first thing you read in the description. This was not a good movie, however it COULD HAVE BEEN a good movie. And that makes it worse because it just shows a lack of effort. The script was bad, the delivery worse. Every possible cliché you can think of from an action film was thrown into this clusterfudge. And as much as I love Chris Hemsworth, his obvious cameo as a pointless, minor comic relief character proved to be more arrogant than fun and killed what little vibe the movie had going for it.

Senior Year (2022)

Ok so listen....

[7/10 · 21 May 2022]

This movie is dumb. The jokes are cheesy. The dialog is corny. But it is a great movie. It's fun, it's heart warming and it IS funny. Cheesy jokes and all. Timing and delivery are spot on. It pokes fun at the 90s cliché movies while paying homage to them. It pokes fun at woke culture while still being somewhat woke, basically saying you can have ideals but you don't have to be so uptight about them. Overall it was enjoyable and I'm glad inwatched it, even though it's mostly a throw away.

Meander (2020)

Ummm....ok?

[2/10 · 14 January 2022]

I can just imagine the pitch meeting... Exec 1: "I want to make an action/thriller movie about an escape room"

Exec 2: I want a melodramatic movie about a woman coping with the loss of her daughter"

Exec 3: "I want a slasher/monster movie!"

Exec 4: "hey! Let's do it all!"

Let's Be Real (2020–2021)

Dumb, just dumb

[1/10 · 12 October 2021]

Listen, I LOVE offensive comedy. And I loved the Triumph skits. But I'm halfway through episode 1 and haven't even broken a smile. Just sitting here with a confused look on my face waiting for the funny to start. I don't think it's coming. It's just annoyingly stupid.

Smallville: Fragile (2006) Season 5, Episode 18

Super sweet episode

[9/10 · 19 July 2021]

Watch it for yourself. All around great episode. That drawing made me tear up at the end.

Bill & Ted Face the Music (2020)

Straight up garbage!

[1/10 · 15 July 2021]

So I was extremely excited when they announced this was being made, being that Excellent Adventure and Bogus Journey were two of my favorite movies growing up. Saw it was on Hulu and decided to have a 3 movie marathon with my son, because he loves the original two as well. (I'm 43, he's almost 21 as of writing this in July 2021.) Watched the first two and enjoyed them as much as ever and then put this on....here we go.

Starts off poor and gets worse as it goes. The storyline is boring and is all over the place. It's like they said "let's just do....stuff" and forgot the entire premise of the original plot. If I listed everything wrong with this movie I would be here forever, but trust me. .it's totally cringeworthy and utterly disappointing.

I will give the only three things that I thought were okay: 1. Missy marrying Ted's younger brother in the beginning was hilarious.

2. Brigette Lundy-Paine mimicked the original Ted persona and mannerisms flawlessly

3. There is a joke when older Bill is holding the main timeline Bill & Ted at gunpoint in Dave Grohl's house that made us laugh hysterically.

If I (you) can only list 3 things in a movie that are good/decent...ugh. Itbshould be the other way around.

Two Distant Strangers (2020)

Propaganda, no story.

[2/10 · 3 July 2021]

I saw a clip on tiktok and thought this might be okay. Knowing right off the bat it was the same plot as Groundhog Day, Happy Death Day, etc, which was fine. I like these. Started out okay, but didn't build on itself and no resolution (which was the point). I started to feel worse for the dog than the guy by the time it was over. Then the list of names at the end and the half truths next to them just confirmed the propaganda aspect.

The Big Bang Theory: The Intimacy Acceleration (2015) Season 8, Episode 16

I love this

[9/10 · 24 June 2021]

Not to diminish the death of Howard's mother (or Carol Ann Susi's), but the side storyline at the airport as well as the Escape room, though funny, were throwaways. But I love watching Sheldon grow as a character, and getting to see him open up is always touching. Jim Parsons plays the role so well that you can feel the distance his character is supposed to portray in everyday interactions, which makes scenes like the one in this episode so fulfilling.

Criminal Minds: 'Til Death Do Us Part (2015) Season 11, Episode 3

Hard to get into

[4/10 · 12 April 2021]

This one was cringy. But not in the Criminal Minds way you want it to be. After the phenomenal Season 10 finale and the Season 11 openers (ep 1 & 2) this felt "bleh". The acting from the secondary cast was not believable enough to pull off the even more unbelievable storyline. Everything felt forced to fit the plot instead of unfolding naturally.

Criminal Minds: Burn (2014) Season 10, Episode 2

The subplot is outstanding, the case....eh

[7/10 · 30 March 2021]

This is on of those rare episodes where the subplot totally overshadows the case. And I think it was intended that way. I believe they wanted an episode dedicated to Garcia and this one delivered on that. I was glued to the story around her and the man who tried to kill her (and Spencer) at the end of the previous season...but when it cut back to the team and the case...not so much. The Dante's Inferno killer could have been better but it seemed too throw away for me. This is why I gave it a 7.

Criminal Minds: Route 66 (2013) Season 9, Episode 5

Great case episode but...

[8/10 · 21 March 2021]

I wasn't to fond of the subplot with Hotchner's borderline-death hallucination but the main story was good. It wasn't the most crazy thing they've done, it wasn't even anything technically the BAU would have needed to be assigned to, but the "bad guy" and his daughter were played perfectly. The actors were extremely convincing in the father/daughter roles. And considering that most of the acting by the one-off characters is subpar, this made the episode great.

Criminal Minds: Middle Man (2010) Season 6, Episode 7

Great Episode from start to finish

[8/10 · 20 February 2021]

The 2 people that left poor reviews on here obviously don't understand a lick of psychology or anything about cult mentality. They state that the only person to blame is the person committing the crimes or that a person's past/upbringing does not justify rape & murder. And yes, they are correct. A person is responsible for their own actions and rape/murder is never justified. But they have totally missed the point. The point is to show you how weak minded people are easily manipulated into doing things they normally wouldn't. This is why the Manson girls did what they did, this is why Jonestown happened.

Anyway, this episode played out well. The acting was above average for this show (if you've seen a handful of them then you know that a lot of the additional characters are not played by the best actors). The script was also well written. Fast pacing and the lack of subplots kept the story moving. And it showed well what I mentioned in the first paragraph....weak minds are easily manipulated...and yes, it does make sure that those responsible are shown to be held responsible.

Criminal Minds: Riding the Lightning (2006) Season 1, Episode 14

Talk about a tear jerker!

[10/10 · 1 February 2021]

It's January of 2021, I've seen many episodes of this show, but never this one until now. (Binge watching on Netflix). If you're like me and haven't seen it yet, I will spare you a spoiler. But this....THIS is an amazing episode in an amazing series. Played out flawlessly from beginning to end. Excellent.

Homefront (I) (2013)

Definitely worth watching

[9/10 · 25 January 2021]

I have a love/hatred for James Franco. I really don't care for movies with him in it, but he really is a good actor, and he played the villain flawlessly. Statham was Statham but that's no different than saying Arnold is Arnold and Sly is Sly. You watch it because it's him. And this movie didn't disappoint. Typical action film but done right, you know what's gonna happen but you're still excited to see it. It was refreshing to see something like this when a lot of these new action films screw up such a simple thing trying to make too much of it. It's a time tested storyline that somehow got lost in the 2000s with too much CGI bull... So if you like the Action Hero movies, the real ones, you'll love this.