Change Your Image
carnage-karo
Reviews
9 1/2 Ninjas! (1991)
Fails as comedy but still gives the laughs
I was at a recording studio with my band for a weekend when we saw this one together (There were only Dawn of the Dead, Hills have eyes 2 and this, so..). At first we didn't know what to expect, just looking for something to kill spare time. Nobody read the cover before it started rolling, so we didn't know if it was a serious martial arts movie, drama or comedy etc.
After the first five minutes all of our mouths had just dropped wide open and we all kept asking: "What the hell??" The movie started out with jokes so unfunny, childish and Buster Keaton-like and kept them coming. Since none of us were prepared for this, we started laughing quietly at first and then harder and harder as the quality of comedy kept dropping down.
Some of the stuff in this film, especially some of the one-liners became memorable as hell during that weekend as we had this running in the background repeatedly about a dozen times or so. We were all pretty tired and of course enjoying something this bad as a group with our kind of sense of humor we had really had a blast. I know it's were poor movie in it's genre but we loved it and it will live in our memories for a long time.
Toolbox Murders (2004)
Surprisingly not the worst of Hooper
Everyone was terrified the first they heard Tobe Hooper was working on a movie named after one of the worst films in late 70's. And everyone really thought this was gonna be a pure remake film. But when you think about it, making a remake of a bad movie would be lot smarter than trying to reach the same success than old and good movies. Anyhow, this IS NOT A REMAKE. It only borrows the title, and throws in a new story underneath.
We are introduced to an old hotel in LA, which is being renovated. Right after the reconstruction is started, weird and violent deaths begin to appear in the building. Turns out someone is harvesting the residents with everything you can find in an ordinary toolbox. The main character played by terrific Angela Bettis starts investigating the events and is about to find out a horrible truth that lives inside the walls of this mysterious house..
Angela Bettis really carries the average story forward with her magnificent performance. There is an actress who is able to adapt in various kind of roles with no problems at all. Also Hooper shows signs of improvement. His direction is sharpest it has been in a long time, although the film starts off pretty lazy. Towards the ending he actually reaches a very chilly and creepy in a sick kind of a way atmosphere, plus there hasn't been any sparing of expenses what comes to gore.
Hooper still has a long way up to reach the same disturbed dimensions that The Texas Chainsaw had. But this movie proves he still has the potential, the only question remains: Why doesn't he use it? I give it six stars for the gore, Angela Bettis and several moments of creepiness.
Cabin Fever (2002)
Delicious and twisted mixture of horror-themes
This movie was already a classic before it even came out. Well, by rumors anyway. As Eli Roth's debut film it manages to deliver some serious chills and to be hilarious at the same time.
Of course the plot is a cliché itself: A bunch of college kids travel to a remote cabin to relax but end up being harvested by a bloodthirsty bacteria. One could conceder this partly a unique idea as we haven't seen too many horror films that actually have a disease as the "villain/menace".
This movie is most importantly stylish. The camera work and editing is in fact outstanding and i can see Roth has an eye for this kind of things. The eerie atmosphere is cleverly created with slightly moving camera and fantastic score in the background. Filled with tributes, funny jokes and twisted characters, Cabin Fever is absolutely one of the most precious things in the current horror cinema and if you haven't watched it yet, now is the right time! BTW, love the scene with the accordion. ;)
Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)
One of the better parts of the series
One thing all Jason films have common is that they all have different aspects for the killer's background. In the course of several bloody events they always try to built up some sort of deep, emotional story over the Chrystal Lake legend. This one actually tries to milk desperately some tears out of audience. No success in that, but lets look at this peace of art as a standard slasher entertainment: The story is quite pathetic but thats no problem, it always is. Good thing about it is that the movie actually is very fast-paced without the usual one-hour-nonsense in the beginning. The killing spree starts off right away as the body-count keeps increasing into massive rates towards the ending. Even though not much of gore is shown, but it's always nice to see stupid, I mean STUPID teenagers die. Overall we see few hilarious scenes with the new more humorous and laid-back Jason. For example a decapitation with a punch of a fist! The movie should be titled instead "Jason Goes Sailing" as most of it happens on a ship on it's way to New York. Anyway, an entertaining above the average Jason-movie. Please don't take it seriously.
Howling IV: The Original Nightmare (1988)
Pointless attempt of terror
I've seen many sequels of the original Howling (can't keep track how many actually) but this had my mouth drop wide open right after the first few minutes of it. The concept is almost exactly the same as in the first installment but this one sticks quite firmly to the original book. But it's pretty much like watching the first movie remade by bunch of talentless amateurs (probably even retarded ones).
The acting is worse than i've ever seen before. And to stay awake through the whole movie you should not have seen the first because it kinda gives EVERYTHING away. Bad camera work, bad screenplay with cheesy lines with every possible clichés in it. And on top of all this: Extra low budget. Low budget doesn't mean the movie automatically sucks. It's not worth making a movie with very little money unless you're clever and creative. These guys were not.
Usually this kind of super-sucking low budget b-movies make you laugh and deserve some credit as "Hilarious and good bad-b-movies". But no, this one doesn't and i cannot recommend it to anyone, not even the howling fans.
One star for cool latex-gore effects in the end.
Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993)
Voodoo-Jason strikes back... - again!
After the first installment of Friday the 13th the series began to roll down the hill. Then part 6 came up and brought some hilarious humor and irony to the movies but the downhill started over shortly after it. This one is actually the last traditional Jason-movie with the Camp Crystal Lake and everything between in it, before they really took it too far in the ridicules sci-fi/horror/comedy Jason X and the silliest of the silliest "VS.-movie" Freddy vs. Jason.
Jason goes to hell starts off pretty promising and makes you believe there's actually going to be some good action in this one (finally!). But no - After the speedy opening we are once again introduced to the stupidest teenagers i've ever seen and idiotic deputies standing in front of jason shooting at him and wondering why nothing happens. With just a few barely entertaining gore-scenes and some references and tributes to other famous horror movies, Final Friday manages to be one the most boring Jason-movies of all time. I recommend it only for the true fans of the series, others (even general horror fans) don't watch it, you'll waste your precious time.
Oh, and as you probably already guessed: Jason doesn't go to hell for too long in spite of the title. But then again, these guys always keep coming back. Three stars for the interesting opening and funny tributes.