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Reviews
Disturbing Behavior (1998)
Retread rerun high school movie
Remember the movies you used to like to watch every time they came on TV when you were feeling nostalgic. They took you back to a time., maybe in high school or college that you'd like to go back to. Sometimes you just get lost and think about how good things were when you were younger. Well, this ain't that movie. This one takes you to a point where you're like, I can't believe people paid good money to go to the movie theater and sit through something that was almost as boring as a documentary on the travels of J. K. Rowling. Bad, predictable writing. Bad acting. Bad lighting. The only cool scene of this movie was predictable, and ruined when Lorna started saying, "Bad. Wrong. Bad. Wrong." You know what I'm talking about.
Road House (2024)
Roadhouse regurgitated
I didn't like this movie. I don't think the people in it liked it either. Jake Gyllenhaal wasn't in the movie, like he was physically in the movie but not metaphysically in the movie. It looked like Jake was in the movie because of community service or a debt. Jake acted like he was on Redilin and Conor McGregor appeared to be on Speed. The acting was so bad I thought I was watching Debbie Does Glass Key. Folks liked the original, including me. The only holdovers were the main character's name and the name of one of the businesses in town. No Kelly Lynch. No Jeep. No Billy Ray Cyrus look-alike. Dalton doesn't have a Mercedes hid in the barn. Shameful.
Disaster Movie (2008)
My bad
I messed up and stopped on this movie because I thought it was the Disaster Artist, which is a great movie. Not this one. My Bad. I've seen better stunt coordination on a poisoned fire ant bed. The editing, the effects, the dialog, the Chipmunks, the worst I've ever seen. They took scenes from every movie from the mid 2000's and made fun of them. If you're wondering about watching this movie, let me give you a scene in the movie that will change your mind forever. The Chipmunks, the singing ones, have rabies, attack and kill a pregnant girl. Then they begin to eat her spine, while she's still alive. This movie is aptly named, because it is a disaster, an unmitigated disaster.
Fantasy Island (2020)
No fan of Fantasy Island
This movie is harder to follow than a Michael Crichton novel written in Esperanto. There was a point at which the movie might have had a shot at being entertaining, but that ended when it fell off the cliff with Michael Rooker. Is this your fantasy? No, it's his. Oh no, it's hers! She lured you all here to get revenge after her first date died in a fire that was started accidentally before she had a chance to spend enough time with him to get tired of him and dump him on Facebook. The plot for this movie is as thin as single ply, biodegradable, camping toilet paper. My fantasy is to go back in time to stop myself from watching it.
Dark Skies (2013)
Never again
This is one of the worst movies I've ever seen! It proves the point that movies need to be resolves before the credits, otherwise just don't make them! The paranoia and disconnection between the family and the other characters produces an awful movie. The ending could have had closure several times, but the makers chose not to. They even wrote in that the family was in legal trouble after their child was abducted by aliens, or whatever. In the end, they were left hopeless when they received a message from their lost child and couldn't do a thing about it. Talk about pushing the audience off a cliff! There are movies I've regretted seeing, and then there's this one. It reminds me of the ending of the Fog. What about a sequel so I can sleep!
The Choice (2016)
I like it and you do, too
This is a very good, sweet movie. The love interests complicate things and the beau's sister pushes him into doing something he doesn't want to but has to do to avoid a lifetime of pain and regret, which actually happens in real life since there really are brothers and sisters looking out for each other in the world. I didn't like that there was an automobile accident, but it wouldn't be a movie without some drama. I didn't know how it would end several times but was glad it all settled out in the end. People say its formulaic or predictable, but I call it comfortable and something good to watch compared to what else is being produced.
The Last American Hero (1973)
An American Classic
Every youngun in the Southeast should see this movie before graduating from high school. So why has this movie been buried for the last 50 years? I can't believe I didn't get to see this movie until I was 44 years old. Beautifully shot, Junior Johnson's semi-biographical film feels like it should be considered a classic, right up there with Ben-Hur and Gone with the Wind. I'd watch this movie every day because it reminds me of car racing back when it was the greatest sport on tv, before money ruined it. Jim Croce provided the soundtrack for the movie, with "I Got a Name" as the theme song. The movie was released less than two months before Croce was killed in a plane crash.
Weird: The Al Yankovic Story (2022)
I hope maybe you get the joke 'cause I didn't
Weird Al has always seemed to think we all were in on the joke, but really not. The movie grinds along painfully like a Progressive Insurance commercial practice reel that never takes off. I didn't know if these were gags or not, because they were so over the top. I finally tried to watch through the pain and finally had seen enough! When the accordion salesman came to the door, I began to realize it was all a joke, but a joke only a small group of people would get. Yes, I'm not part of the group that understood the joke. If you don't have anything to watch, don't click the Weird movie on your Roku. It's free, but the price of time lost you'll never get back is much too high.
Windtalkers (2002)
Awfulest acting I've ever seen!
I love World War II movies and am very glad we won. But the acting in this movie is so bad, it makes me think we didn't. The dude giving orders has a thick German accent that makes him sound like he's still doing commercials for Volkswagen. Who thought it was a good idea to hire a German dude to play a US marine in a World War II movie? Cant make this stuff up! Nicholas Cage's acting is so over the top that he looks like he's still trying to impress Lisa Marie Presley. Adam Beach is the only good actor in the whole movie, but that's not enough to make it watchable. This is an odd movie that seemed thrown together and dropped by the delivery man before it made it to the theater.
Heaven's Gate (1980)
The biggest box office bomb ever
I watched this movie to see why it was such a loser. I'm glad I could fast forward through most of it and still managed to get the just of the plot because this movie is about 3 hours too long. Jeff Bridges was the only good actor in the whole film. The love interest of both men was so plain that she and Kris Kristofferson would be indistinguishable during their naked scenes if he didn't have a beard. The battle scene was laughable. The Johnson County War is not good movie material for several reasons, the biggest one is that nobody outside Buffalo, Wyoming cares! No wonder they lost so much money. They should have lost their director's license too.
Barbarella (1968)
Pre VC Jane
A future space travel movie with the cockpit of a spaceship obviously filmed in Graceland's Jungle Room, without Elvis's consent. When she steps out of the ship, she lands on what looks like the set of a high school prom with the themes Ice Age and Torture Chamber. Jane Fonda is the only reason anybody watches this movie and if it had been filmed four years later, nobody would have watched it. I don't know if the director was trying to make soft porn or a space flick, but they ended up with soft space porn. Maybe he just wanted an excuse to see Jane dressed in cellophane or naked through several opaque barriers. Definitely the drug supplier should have been in the credits on this movie somewhere.
Idiocracy (2006)
A case study of the human condition
Every teacher, principal, lawyer, government representative, employer, employee, preacher, policeman, firefighter, businessman, coach, farmer, bus driver, shrimper, butcher, baker, candle stick maker, store manager, carpenter, plumber, sales clerk, bus driver, mother, father, etc. Should see this movie. It is a glimpse into where we are headed. The fruits of generations of sorriness and ignorance are on full display in this movie. It isn't far fetched. It's right on the money. I watch it every time it comes on and recognize scenes that are playing out 500 years early. Mike Judge is the next L. Ron Hubbard.
Dredd (2012)
Good name for a movie
Aptly named Dredd because I dredd watching this movie. It is so bad and violent that I dredd getting old if the future is really this dreddful. They decided to remake the movie so the planets would realign after the dreddful job Sylvester Stallone did in the first movie, I guess. I didn't like the first one either but I wouldn't have wasted any more time remaking it or redoing it or whatever. This is a very violent movie that crossed the line. I've seen a lot of things in life, but this movie sticks with me. I don't scan the channels anymore and I blocked the one I saw this movie on. Yes it is That Bad.
Becky (2020)
Bait and switch
Kevin James is a comedian, not a convict. Either playing an escaped prisoner from the Aryan race, or whatever, was on his bucket list or his brother-in-law is his booking agent. I sat down to watch this roadkill of a movie and didn't realize it wasn't a comedy until it was almost over because I was too tired to change the channel. I still don't know where the necklace they fought over came from or what powers it held. It wasn't clear in the movie and I sure ain't worried enough about it to watch it again! Watching Kevin James cut his eyeball off his face is something I'll never forget. Thanks Kevin for the memory.
The Dukes of Hazzard (2005)
Movie folks making fun of Southerners, what a novel idea!
I love the Dukes of Hazzard tv show. I can probably quote every line in every show, even the ones starring Vance and Coy. This movie has the car and nothing else from the show and if it could talk, it would have refused to be a part of this awful picture. The jump scene coming out of Atlanta was the only good thing about the movie, but that's no reason to watch it. If I had a choice between watching a minute of this movie or serving time in Huntsville, I'd ask if I could have the top bunk. How about a movie remake of the Golden Girls? That probably would have turned out better. Next time, study the source material before you write the script.
Wheelman (2017)
Awful...bad...
Awful! A dude sitting in a dark car cussing at who knows who on the other end of the line. You don't know where he is because the scene never changes. The chase scenes are shot inside the car. I don't need to watch this because I've got NASCAR on the local channels. And find a couple more nouns, verbs, adverbs, adjectives, and conjunctions besides the f word. Maybe just skip paying the script writer next time and use only that word because it seems like that's the only word the actors know! The lead is going through a divorce which makes it like the story wasn't bad enough, let's make it personal too. If I wasn't sick in the bed, I wouldn't have wasted 33 minutes of my life on this movie that I'll never get back.