ggrgou Reviews

Arcadian (2024)

Rolling monsters and how to let them get you

[4/10 · 28 May 2024]

Another instalment of absurd dystopian post-apocalyptic circumstances, handicapped predators and idiotic human persistence to ridiculous survival methods.

Like in similar recent cinematic experiments, no explanation is given or can be deduced as to how humanity came to succumb to a ridiculously feeble enemy. Perhaps the threat would be credible if the movie was set in a prehistoric period. However, in the nameless era of the movie, a couple of kids seem to be doing fine with the fewest and simplest of means, which, once again, seem too meagre compared with other obviously modern relics at their disposal.

The bottom line is that, whether you have an acclaimed actress such as Emily Blunt or a washed-up actor such as Nick Cage, the result cannot be better than the ridiculous premise of the entire movie.

Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022)

Too Much In Too Many Places In Two-and-a-Half Hours

[5/10 · 10 July 2022]

Probably better than "Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness", which is by no means a great feat. A plethora of "cinephile" references do not achieve much in strengthening a very weak (and exceedingly naive) story. And it would be too much to call the performances great.

A Quiet Place Part II (2020)

Let the monsters eat them for Pete's shake!

[3/10 · 6 July 2021]

Same as in the first movie, a lot of philosophical questions.

How on earth did these creatures manage to bring down civilization in the first place? Evolution obviously did nothing to compensate for their lack of vision. Their perception of sound is so inefficient that they would be no much for Daredevil!

Why is this stupid family still going barefoot? Haven't they heard of Sneakers or the etymology of the word?

After all the stupid things this mother did in the first movie (first of all, bringing a baby into this nightmare world), how does she manage to leave the baby with her young son forgetting entirely to say, "Do not put the baby in the box! There is not enough oxygen!"

And for all their stupidity, these people are still the smartest in this nightmare world, since they have found so many ways to kill these monsters where all the others, including the Army, have obviously found none!

Everything on Earth is wrecked, but not the boats! So many lovely boats in peak condition!

And, all of a sudden, the monsters learn to sail!

The people in this movie always move so quietly and slowly, supposedly to build suspense. The only thing they do is prolong the scenes needlessly and inflate the movie to 90 boring minutes.

Only scenes I really enjoyed was where a lot of things are happening at the same time (probably because there was no time to realize what was wrong).

And, oh, yes: Cillian Murphy can be great even in the worst movie!

The Expanse: Churn (2020) Season 5, Episode 2

Not quite as mediocre as the first episode

[6/10 · 28 December 2020]

Slightly better than the first episode of the season. No distressed mother seeking her son this time. Amos is back on Earth where, apparently, gravity is no longer a problem for someone who has been in space for three years. And according to a profound lecture at the war college of Mars, "Plan and prepare for every possibility, and you will never act (...) were the words of Xerxes, Persia's king of kings". Yes, the Persian king notable for his pitifully failed invasion of Greece! Obviously the producers have decided to do away with both science and history.

The Expanse: Exodus (2020) Season 5, Episode 1

Something boring this way comes...

[5/10 · 27 December 2020]

I fear that the Marco Inaros - Finding Filip subplots are going to be quite tedious. And, anyhow, I cannot understand the high rating (8.5) in an episode where people just talk and nothing happens - even the Amos space brawl is not shown!

Ex Machina (2014)

Intelligence or stupidity?

[3/10 · 7 August 2020]

One star for each of the "stars" wasted in the movie. Viewers are left to fathom the answer to a deep question: Is the female robot intelligent or are both the male non-robots cretins?

Dark Matter: But First, We Save the Galaxy (2016) Season 2, Episode 13

Naive and full of clichés

[3/10 · 25 May 2020]

Naive and full of clichés. A boring cliffhanger that made me wonder if I really wished to watch Season 3.

Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)

Not bad for kids under 12

[5/10 · 2 May 2020]

Chaotic story, flimsy effects and Holland talking incessantly, desperately and unsuccessfully trying to by funny. Not a bad movie for kids under 12 though.

Stranger Things: Chapter One: Suzie, Do You Copy? (2019) Season 3, Episode 1

Ah, look at all the horny people

[5/10 · 16 July 2019]

OK, obviously there are going to be a lot sexually excited people this season - and not just teenagers. Who cares? (Maybe for Season 3 the series should be re-titled as "Hornier Things"). Unless "something" is going to feed on testosterone.

The Umbrella Academy (2019–2024)

A not-entirely-boring waste of time

[5/10 · 15 June 2019]

There are some good elements here (though occasionally raising suspicious associations with movies and TV series such as "The Incredibles", "Carrie", "Heroes" etc.). If the producers had not wasted so much effort and time trying to make the series look atmospheric, serious and "deep", I would have just relaxed and enjoy it and would not have bothered to mention (in fact, I might have not even noticed) the huge holes and absurdities in the plot. By the way, I wonder: without the slow-motion, song and dancing sequences, would they have been able to turn out more than five episodes? Not an entirely boring waste of time - but a waste of time nonetheless.

Beyond White Space (2018)

Every cliché you would expect

[2/10 · 22 May 2019]

This movie comprises very cliché you would expect from a low budget movie and is still able to surprise you with all the inconsistencies you can expect from works in this category - from the holes in the script and the development of characters down to the ridiculous ending.

Stargate Origins: Catherine (2018)

Underbudgeted rubbish

[1/10 · 22 May 2019]

They couldn't even pay for real actors; how could they ever afford a director, script writer etc.?

The Red Lanterns (1963)

A movie that stands the test of time

[9/10 · 25 March 2019]

A movie that excels in direction, performances, cinematography, music, screenplay originality, music etc. and also stands the test of time. By any standard, a masterpiece!

Legion: Chapter 6 (2017) Season 1, Episode 6

How to waste your time and test your nerves

[1/10 · 17 January 2019]

In a series struggling to stretch to eight episodes by awkwardly employing silly songs, silent scenes and supposedly Hitchcockian devices, this particular episode is the ultimate cacophony. Awful and a complete waste of time - not to mention how ridiculously annoying - and laughably acted - the Lenny/Doctor Busker character is!

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018)

Ludicrous!

[2/10 · 10 September 2018]

Just ludicrous! (Probably the velociraptor is the only character in the movie with an IQ exceeding the level of profound mental disability.)

A Quiet Place (2018)

How did they ever survive in the first place?

[3/10 · 2 August 2018]

A family of idiots make all kinds of stupid mistakes during the span of the movie that one can only wonder how they managed to survive in the first place. At the end, a lot of questions remain unanswered (mentioning the questions would be a multi-spoiler), probably because this the only way for the story to make any sense at all.