mentalhelp2101 Reviews

They (2002)

Good...In A Bad Way

[7/10 · 13 September 2010]

OK... well this movie, like most, has ups and downs. If you do not know the story, its that a bad actress with a hideously long neck watches some emo dude kill himself. She meets the emo guys friends who share her problem and Mr. Emo guys problem- they had night terrors, or bad nightmares. The friends get killed by the sandman(metallica reference, anyone??)and they have a weird mark. Julia (the giraffe) finds her mark and fights the things. In the end, her boyfriend has her institutionalized and she is dragged to hell.

OK well +'s. The effects were great. The movie was great on atmosphere and mystery, even though we see the creatures, we still wonder. The acting was OK in parts. The story and concept were great. Very Freddy-ish. The music was good in parts.

Now the bad-most of the acting. You find yourself laughing at some of the acting. The music at times has you dry heaving. The stories told by characters are entertaining, but ridiculously cheesy. The script was pretty mediocre in 3/4 of this movie.

Final Verdict- watch it. While stupid and somewhat cheesy, the atmosphere is amazing and the special effects are good. Entertaining as hell.

Predators (2010)

Finally another good Predator movie. At long last!!

[8/10 · 11 July 2010]

I really liked this flick. The effects were stylish and really cool, the story was creative and the acting was surprisingly good. I wasn't expecting the guy who f*cks a mutant to be a good action hero. But he really did a good job. I enjoyed Lawrence Fishburne's performance as he portrayed loneliness and insanity very well.

The best thing about this movie is the action. By far. The more brute predators were fun to watch. The classic predator vs. the new predator was really enjoyable. And Adrien Brody's final fight was amazing.

However, this movie was really very predictable. That is the only flaw. While it is not a big one, I would have liked surprises more.

Creepshow 3 (2006 Video)

Okay... Im very scared after watching this AT THE FACT THAT SOMEBODY GREENLIGHTED THIS FILM!!!

[1/10 · 29 June 2010]

There are some sick people out there. But who ever made and green lighted this takes the cake. This piece of crap makes night train to terror look great! I don't get how that's even possible, but somehow it is. Somebody thought this up and single handedly butchered Creep Show AND tales from the darkside. Well, I guess I might as well tell you why its so bad.

The back story is about a rotten(i hate the censorship thing, don't you?) kid who kills a dog for hot dogs.The cartoon sequences are in the new style which ruins the charm from 1and 2. The art sucks. And nothing about it has any relevance to the story.

Okay, now we come to the first story. My expectations dropped about 70%. But hey, its creepshow so the stories must be pretty good right? WRONG. The first story goes is what follows, no joke.

A girl is rude to a scientist that lives near her. So he makes a TV remote that will torture her. The girls family is given it, and they start to mess around with it. As they change the settings, retarded and even racist things happen that aren't very scary. And the girl is slowly getting deformed from each switch they make. Until the end when she turns into a rabbit. No joke. A rabbit. On my scale, everything got a 1. And as the next cartoon sequence came on, my expectations dropped another 80%.

So the next story is about a security guard named Jerry. He's kinda poor, and his radio breaks. So, being responsible with power, he steals a radio. It tells him what to do. And being a moron, he listens. It tells him to steal money, and he does. Finally in the end, he moves with the stolen money and a h****er who likes him moves with him. But in the best effect in this movie, he gets shot in the head by the girl. And the guy who owns the stolen money kills her. And i was like 'HECK YEAH!!' This is because there was nothing I wanted to do more than shoot the actors in this retarded mess. On my scale, everything gets a 1 but the effects. Because while there is only a small amount, holy crap was it good for this mess. They get a 4.

The next story is about Stripperella's alter ego who is a wh*** who kills people. And she kills another killer whpo turns into Dracula and kills her Enough said. While it's a funny concept, the way it played out sucked. And there's nothing like Creep Show in this. Name a dirty creepshow story. Sure they reference it, but they don't make a whole episode of it. It gets a 2 out of 10.

If you made it through the other stories, then you come to this one. And these 2 guys find out an old friend of theirs is marrying a girl 25 years younger. And being @ssholes they kill her and hide her body parts around the house. Boring. 1/10

The next story is about a doctor who's obnoxious and stuck up and mean to everyone. And yeah sure, some funny moments come out of this but its so annoying. The little humor wasn't even worth it. He accidentally kills a hobo and then the ghost tortures him. That's all I got from it. 1/10 all around.

And how does the crappy back story end?? Its not worth it telling you. Hell, I sat through it and if you want to know bad enough, you can endure my torture. But I will tell you that this ending gets like a 0.0000001. The only reason it gets that is that the creep is there for a sec.

My final thoughts- avoid like the plaque. There's nothing scary about this half @$$ piece of sh*t! Nobody should be subjected to this torture, NOBODY! Fans of the original Creep Show movies or Darkside will hate this. As would any normal person. The forest whitaker twilight zone is better. do yourself a favor and don't see this!!!

Tales from the Darkside: The Movie (1990)

I almost cried when i heard that this was the real creepshow 3.

[5/10 · 28 June 2010]

Well, I want to start off by saying that comparing this to CreepShow 3 this one is obviously better. Also, I want to say how fall short this falls of the other two, and tales from the darkside.

The first thing I would like to talk about is how weak the back story is. If you do not know the details, it's a retarded cannibal wants to fry a kid for a dinner party. And the kid is delaying her by telling stories from a book, Tales From The Darker Side.

The first story is called Crate 247 or something ridiculous like that. It revolves around a wanna be porn star who's making a fetish about west Colombia or something, a Christopher Walken wanna be and two annoying rich assholes. Chris Walken raises a mummy and the other people are the ones to pay. I enjoyed the mummy effects, and the kills were cool. The climax was okay. And the acting and music were decent. This gets a 7.1 out of 10.

The second story is about a cenile old man who calls and assassin or something to kill a retarded cat. As flashbacks play, we see two weed addicts get killed in ridiculous ways and a man spazz out and die when he gets scratched. So the villain of our story, the slasher, not Jason, Freddy or even Chucky, is being hunted by a retarded guy who can't fight him with guns, tranquilizers and knives even though he's a cat. I was sad when I saw how much Steven King ruined himself with this story. The plot was terrible.The acting was pretty bad,except for the main character, who did a good job and even made me laugh at times.The effects were goofy and cheesy, all around unlikeable. However, there is some amazing suspense and tension. The music is pretty good. I rate this with a 3 of 10 because of the story and supporting cast. Otherwise it would be an easy 6.

The gargoyle episode, Lover's Vow was not a bad watch, with some nasty effects and great gore. It centers around an artist named Preston who sees something very unusual occur. After promising not to tell anyone what he saw for his life, he meets a girl. He is generous to her, and they end up falling in love and having children. The reason this works is because the actor for Preston does an amazing job at how he wants to tell somebody and the paranoia of what if he does . And how much the night changed him. He secretly makes artwork of gargoyles, but nobody knows about it because he's afraid he may end up spilling the real information of the night to whoever finds the art. There is a quality to this one that is chillingly human, which makes this so eerie. I don't think I should reveal anything besides this, because you should see it for yourself. You will most likely love the twist!!The story gets a 7 out of 10. The acting gets a 7, because most of the supporting cast sucks. The flawless effects get a 10. The music is amazing, getting a 9.6. So my final score for this one? 8.8 out of 10.

And how does the back story end? Watch it yourself and find out. It kinda sucks. On my scale, it gets a 2.5 out of 10.

My final words- it really has some strong points which can almost save it, but sadly the weak points are overwhelming. If you liked the other two, and Tales from the Darkside, then pick it up if you are curious... Otherwise stick to the superior Twilight Zone the movie for this kind of short story thing.

Splice (2009)

Why? Why? WHY?!?!

[1/10 · 17 June 2010]

Why...

did they have to add awkward sex scenes with an abomination.

did the they have that hideous rape scene.

did Fred and Ginger look like wrinkled shriveled penises.

was this movie even made???

these are the questions i wish the producers would answer. but they must of smoked a few joints or something while making this. Because it was a retarded mess of a movie. The effects for Fred an Ginger were retarded. i could have made better effects with clay and Microsoft paint. Dren looked OK at the beginning of the movie. But she looked bad at the end. at first she was cool. then she changes to a Greek mythological character. a woman top up and a mix of chicken and scorpion bottom down. and what was the deal with those wing things. they were terrible. all in all, avoid it like the plague.

The Dead One (2007)

what was this? WHAT WAS THIS???

[17 March 2010]

this movie was awful. i think asylum films looks like paramount compared to the company behind this awful piece of crap. seriously, there's a dead kid trying to save his girlfriend from the horrible script? the awful effects? while these ideas are plausible, the story was stupid. it turned out that he was saving her from the aztec gods. the only part i enjoyed was when the old Indian was in the beginning. that guy can act. as for the rest of the movie it.......fails. but not your average failure, an epic failure that makes you regret ever turning on the TV. this movie is like crap that sits in a truck stop bathroom until even the flies wont go near it. my girlfriend fell asleep 2 minutes in and i sadly watched the whole thing.

The War of the Worlds (2005 Video)

The walk of the worlds....

[1/10 · 15 March 2010]

This movie was terrible. It went like this-walking,walking,walking and then those dumb unimportant martians that we don't want to see or anything pop up for 3 seconds but then walking, walking, walking and oh yea, WALKING. if this movie had a 20mil budget then what did it go to? a few cents 2 sfx and the rest to shoes cuz DAMN does that guy walk!! ed wood should get an Oscar compared to this crap. this makes asylums movies look like universal!!

so in conclusion they made 1 huge mistake- the title. they said war instead of walk. and they put in stupid unimportant martains which got in the way of our nice long walk.

Night Train to Terror (1985)

What kind of abomination is this??

[1/10 · 13 March 2010]

I cant believe i watched this crap. it was horrible. the rock band was so bad i die a little when i hear the song. it makes ed wood look like james cameron or steven Spielberg. its that bad. there was no story, no logic and is it to much to ask of sense from a movie?? its like a degraded version of creepshow that makes the effects any movie in the 1900s look good. the acting was terrible. there was even a part in the beginning where you can see they switched rooms. its so obvious! and can they EXPLAIN?? is an explanation to much to ask for? SERIOUSLY!! do yourself a favor and don't watch this. it makes plan 9 from outer space look like avatar. making this movie went like this: director: hey guys im making a movie called night train to terror. do anything you want but change the title. heres 5 bucks meet me back here tomorrow.

according to the making of, thats what happened. the money used to make this should hav gone to feeding the poor.

The Matrix (1999)

Great movie

[9/10 · 13 March 2010]

This movie is incredible. The special effects were awesome. The acting was great, Keanu Reeves was great in particular. The story and script were incredible. I love the idea for what the matrix is. I can't get over the stunts. The bullet time thing was incredible and clever. But there were flaws:

1. In the end, how did he come back? (I only saw it 3 times so I haven't completely wrapped my head around it.)

2. How come the agents don't just erase the people from the system when they cause trouble. Wouldn't the people die?

But overall, a great, well written movie with superb acting and special effects.