ptiming Reviews

L.I.E. (2001)

Shot in my neighborhood.. uncomfortably close in multiple respects.

[9/10 · 12 March 2023]

All the exterior shots were done in my hometown and neighborhood of Dix Hills NY. One can actually hear traffic from the L. I. E. From my parents' house.

The story hits close to home in multiple respects, as I've recently learned looking back on my childhood from what is now my fifties. I don't want to get any more specific than that, for obvious reasons, but.... Yeah...

Oh, and Brian Cox is the shiznit, but we all already knew that.

Also a hell of a breakout performance by Paul Dano.

Watching the neighborhood shots out on Village Hill Drive, McCulloch Drive, and the iconic opening shot on the Carl's Straight Path overpass is pretty triggering.

Extreme Unboxing (2020– )

I'm not much of a businessman (AT ALL), but...

[2/10 · 5 August 2020]

I'm relatively sure you can't count profits until after you've actually successfully sold merchandise and have the money.

The entire premise of this show is that these people buy pallets of unsold and/or returned merchandise and assume they'll be able to resell the items at or near MSRP. I mean, even Multilevel Marketing scams convince people that the products they're trying to sell are worth something. In this case these people are buying stuff that has proven to be worthless on the open market and they get pats on the back if the worthless junk they've gotten is worth more than what they paid when NO ONE PAID FOR THE STUFF TO BEGIN WITH.

I could feel brain cells popping like bubble wrap in my skull watching this.

Space: 1999: Mission of the Darians (1975) Season 1, Episode 9

Space Zardoz....

[7/10 · 27 May 2018]

Except instead of the floating head, it's some dudes in silver spacesuits...

Oh yeah, and Joan Collins.

Cosplay Fetish Battle Drones (2013)

Unwatchable and patently insulting....

[1/10 · 23 February 2015]

I'm writing this many moons after having somehow survived the screening, so I'm short on details... But I found I had to counter all the 7 star and above reviews...

This flick was AWFUL... It was essentially a group of pretentious hipster fucktards rubbing my nose in the fact that these kind of assholes can afford to live in San Francisco these days, and I can't. They made something that they seem to be proud of, but it was quite honestly the most godawful thing I've ever seen. I went on a 6 hour twitter rant that evening about the pain I suffered... I can only refer you to that (as immortalized in Jason's review in jasonwatchesmovies.blogspot.com).

Ugh.... Now I hope to never think about this abomination ever again.

pt

Bad Behaviour (2010)

WTF is with all the low votes...??? (Albeit, only 35 total and the film remains unreleased, so far)

[9/10 · 25 October 2012]

I thought this film was thoroughly enjoyable. It's a darkly humorous, horrific tale of severe violence and best enjoyed particularly with a crowd at a midnight viewing. I find it interesting that with all the apparent low score votes, I'm the first person to actually POST A REVIEW...

I sincerely hope this gets a release at some point, even if it is only on DVD (region 1, please!)

This is only a capsule review at this point as it happens to be ridiculously late at night and I don't think I can give a fair thorough review without a more recent viewing. I have seen it at two separate film festivals in the Bay Area (Cinequest and SF Indiefest's Another Hole in the Head) and the audiences certainly seemed to come away with favorable impressions, even if some found it somewhat disturbing.

Anyway, I hope to revisit this with a more proper review at a later date, particularly if the film gets some kind of distribution/release.

pt...

Sit Down, Shut Up (2009)

Less than 2 minutes into the pilot.... and this is just incredibly UNFUNNY.

[1/10 · 20 April 2009]

Oddly enough, the animation reminds me of the old "Critic" carton with Jon Lovitz...

but whereas the Critic was funny, this is just horrible...

It seems the use of still photos for backdrops shows a shortcutting approach to the animation process, and the use of trite stereotypes and clichés shows a shortcutting approach to the writing...

Does the TV-14 rating mean that this is only liable to funny to those 14 and under..? A waste of good vocal talent...

With the current trend in television, I guess this will run for 4 or 5 seasons... While good shows will continue to whither and die within 2.

Sublime (2007 Video)

Lesson: Life is precious... unfortunately you waste 2 hours of yours to find that out..

[3/10 · 4 March 2007]

I hate this..

I saw this film at it's world premier at the Cinequest Film Festival in San Jose last night..

I come to IMDb, and I find a virgin user's comment section...

And I have to write a negative review, dammit.

I wanted to like this film... and for the first 45 minutes or so, I was moderately captivated.. All the symbolism.. The guessing at what was really happening with the constant flashback.. The weirdness of the hospital setting... The *hot* nurse..

But then they had to do what a film that can possibly be about the internal struggle of a dying man has the opportunity to do: they blatantly ripped off Jacob's Ladder. After somehow convincing his nurse (in the stripper stiletto heels no less) to wheel him into the condemned section of the hospital, he's taken on a Mr. Toad's Wild Ride down hallways past operating rooms with grotesque liposuction surgeries, weird crazy ladies nursing babies..... THE SAME FRICKIN' SCENE AS JACOB'S LADDER... Oh wait, he's on a gurney in JL and in this thing it's a wheelchair....

Anywho... from that point on, I just could not take this film seriously at all.. I found myself laughing at what I suppose (based on the silence in the rest of the theater, with the exception of that one guy snoring) were "inappropriate" times.. It just dragged on and on with this standard "is this happening or not?" motif... Even the gratuitous sex scene with the nurse and the gratuitous violence of Mandingo's scene did not rekindle my interest. Clearly there are about 4 or 5 political messages being bantered about here as well (the state of healthcare in the US, obsequious insurance practices, the Terri Schiavo debacle), but they're just too obvious to be terribly effective. And speaking as a medical professional, there were major liberties taken with some of the healthcare aspects here as well.. No one can talk when they're intubated, dammit! Okay, so at this point, I'm nitpicking I suppose.. Did I mention that the music's pretty terrible as well? Alright... so I hated this movie... And according to IMDb, there's a *152 minute* version of this thing as well??? As if suffering through 111 minutes wasn't bad enough. If only I'd stuck around after A Dog's Breakfast, waded through the line of enthralled female sci-fi fans and gotten to meet David Hewlett.. Then I could have just gone home and watched Jacob's Ladder.

Calgon, take me away! pt

Jimmy and Judy (2006)

Wow... I get to be first on an IMDb comment? Sweet! Annnnyway...

[9/10 · 5 February 2006]

I really enjoyed this film. I don't think I'll be giving away any spoilers here. First off, this film is shot entirely from a first person perspective, ala Blair Witch, but seriously, do NOT let that scare you away.

The titular characters are played by Edward Furlong and Rachael Bella (both of whom attended the premiere in SF tonight). You'll remember Eddie Furlong as the whiny little saves-the-future brat from Terminator II, though you'd do much better to remember his performances in American History X and Pecker, as he's long since shrugged off the child-actor label in these latter parts. Rachael Bella you may recall as the "crazy chick" who witnesses the bizarre death of her teenage friend in the beginning of The Ring (boy, I really hope I didn't give anything away there).

The story unfolds exclusively from the perspective of Jimmy's video camera. He's a video junkie (not unlike the neighbor character in American Beauty) and feels the need to "document" every important event in his life on tape (including certain aspects of his parents' relationship, and there's no way in hell I'm giving up *that* spoiler!).

Jimmy's been in love with Judy all of his life, their parents having apparently been friends for quite some time, but that love has been unrequited until now. He's a social misfit and outcast in all aspects of his life. He finally approaches Judy to show her how he's taken revenge on those that have wronged her in school (herself also being a social outcast, apparently) causing her to instantly fall in love with him.

The remainder of the film is a high tension tale of the love between the two star-crossed lovers and the misadventures they become entangled in as they explore a life of crime and independence. No, this is not a retelling of such "on the lamb" films as Natural Born Killers, True Romance, or The Devil's Rejects. They are not crazed teens on a killing spree, out to kill everyone who gets in their way. They do come across in many respects as honest social outcasts who simply end up in the situations they end up in out of circumstance and their purest desire to remain together and not be torn apart. You can, however, feel the influence of the aforementioned films as the story progresses.

I don't want to go into too much detail so as not to be blamed for submitting any spoilers. Suffice to say, the style in which the film is shot is actually somewhat secondary to the story. It does offer a unique perspective, though, on the relationship that is formed by the young couple and how they grow to bond so strongly. This really is a true perspective, incidentally. Not until the very end of the film (mild spoiler here, but not really) are you treated at all to a third person perspective of the action.

According to the Q&A following the premiere, the film was shot with practically no budget and within 15 days in the Kentucky countryside. The casting of Eddie Furlong was a very very fortunate accident when one of the future crewmembers of the production briefly met him at a party and suggested to the writing/directing team that they send him a copy of the script which he fell in love with. Rachael Bella is also very well cast and is beautiful (to say the least) which will appeal to those seeking the voyeuristic nudity and sex which I'm sure will likely be at the heart of some other reviews. Honestly, there really isn't anything explicit here. Jimmy is a first or second year college student suspended from school due to an incident involving his videotaping craze (at least partly to blame for his severe emotional scarring) and Judy is a high school junior or senior and their relationship is typical of that of late teenage/early twenties relationships when it comes to the sexual element (at least from my own personal perspective), so I'm sure you can figure out roughly what to expect.

The film is a love story... with complications. Honestly, what good story ever came out of an uncomplicated love affair? It's the honest portrayals and realistic style in which the movie is filmed that is it's true driving force. I hesitate to say phrases like "edge of my seat", but it is quite definitely apropos for much of this film. I think I'd prefer to just come out and say that this flick grabbed me by the balls and at no time did it really let go. It's a very fast-moving story once things really get to happening and I soon found myself totally engrossed.

I'm running out of words here, sadly, and I doubt I'm doing the film quite the justice it is deserved. I suppose my rush to try and provide this very first review of the movie (on IMDb at any rate). All I really do have to say, in the end, is that I truly hope that this film gets picked up for distribution (I believe it was mentioned that this has already happened, or is definitely in the works) and if you get any chance to see it, I highly recommend that you do. Hence my "10" here on IMDb... and my "6" on the festival ballot (which only went to "5" = Brilliant!,

see this flick.

pt...

The Matrix Reloaded (2003)

Very cool, opens some new doors, but whats up with the pacing?

[9/10 · 15 May 2003]

Just a brief comment... Having just seen the movie, getting home very late while following a trail of my own mail (including netflix dvds) on the way home because I was dumb enough to leave it on the roof of my car...... but anyway, its late and I really just want to say one or two things before I pass out.

First of all, this is a very good film. The action is of course visually breathtaking, but enough will be said about that. I found the scene with the oracle to be quite touching (considering the actress who played her has passed on shortly after filming). Many new doors are opened and the storyline (at first seemingly somewhat simple) has now become quite complex and can turn out many different ways. The one thing I would like to mention is: Did anyone else get the feeling that half the movie was directed by one person and the second half someone else? Did the Wachowski brothers take turns? It just seems to me that the first 1-1.5 hours had a very similar pacing to the first movie and then suddenly the second hour or so just went in total fast forward. I was dreading some kind of fatal deus ex machina, but they managed to avoid that. It just seemed rather odd how the pacing suddenly changed.

Still, all in all an excellent addition to the Matrix mythos and Revolutions (tho due to a theory I'm formulating, I think the next/last episode should be called "Evolutions") should be very interesting indeed.

pt

Equilibrium (2002)

Equlibrium (2002) = 2435 (1984 + Fahrenheit 451, cute huh?)

[12 December 2002]

Okay, I must first admit that I saw this movie for free (along with Solaris) thanks to a stale pretzel and a kind multiplex manager.. I went to see Solaris but ended up dropping by the next theater over because I'd never even heard of Equilibrium and it just happened to be starting right after I got out of Solaris.. Truth is, I almost left after the first couple of minutes because it just sounded way too cheesy... Way too "should have gone straight to video", but I'm glad I stuck around. If you're a dystopian fiction fan at all (and have somewhat of a sense of humor and suspension of disbelief), you should see this flick. EVERY dystopian story you can think of is here.. Fahrenheit 451, Logan's Run, 1984, Brave New World, even a quickie Beethoven's Ninth reference bow to Clockwork Orange (hell, maybe there was even a character named Sam Lowry in there somewhere - I know at least one or two of you got that one. Anyway, wrap up the Big Brother philosophy of 1984, the creativity crushing combustion of Fahrenheit 451, the Soma-addiction of Brave New World, and the Sandmen of Logan's Run in a big "Matrix-y" package and you have Equilibrium... Oh, and did I mention the perfect dead on casting of American Psycho's Christian Bale as the lead "Cleric"? Anyway, for a good time, call me... errrr, no.. Scratch that, reverse it... Just see the flick, it's neat.

Lost and Delirious (2001)

The pain of loss coalesced onto celluloid.

[11 September 2002]

Like the stupid, stupid male that I am, I rented Lost and Delirious for the "hot girl on girl action". Truth be told, there is some to be had. Both Piper Perabo and Jessica Pare are beautiful and the expression of their love physically is captured here. Little did I know that the box of Kleenex I'd reserved for the screening would be nearly entirely used up for the rest of the film though. This isn't a story about lesbians or outcasts or forbidden love. It figures into the tale, of course. After all, roommates sleeping with each other at boarding school and are then exposed to their peers are going to result in tragic consequences based on stereotypes. But there is so much more here. If you've ever loved someone deeply... and then lost them... and then, worse, been turned on by them and hurt so deeply as to permanently scar your soul, then you'll understand the turmoil that rages through young Paulie. And if you're not in complete tears by the end of this film, you're simply not human.