wazza2222 Reviews

Star Trek: Discovery (2017–2024)

Biggles in space

[1/10 · 26 September 2017]

Written or directed by JJ Abrams under pseudonyms I must think... It's 2017 fool, we've known since just after Buck Rodgers and Flash Gordon that spaceships don't need to bank to turn in space... It's 2017 fool, space is a vacuum, we are all growed up now and we know that there is no sound in a vacuum... It's 2017 fool, we know very well that energy weapons don't have recoil... It's 2017 fool, you can't fix Murica's racial woes by being SUPER inclusive in your weirdly jarring vision of the future... It's 2017 fool, ALL of the good television is being made and broadcast OFF NETWORK. All you have done is kill a venerated franchise by writing 'Black List' level garbage and CGI'ing the living feck out of it and hoping we'll watch because all of the females in your future wear tight uniforms.

JarJar, you utterly ruined Star Trek with your vile comic book movies and you are now poisoning the small screen well for good measure. I hope you are satisfied and can now sail off into the sunset and retire in some Michael Bay type of kiddy fiddling fantasy land.

Top Gear America (2017)

A crowd of seals

[1/10 · 13 September 2017]

What's with the pack of seals clapping like morons on camera for half an hour? (oh that's just the hosts) Let's play a drinking game where you do a shot for every time Antron says 'baby' OOPS! I'm already drunk. The only way it could be worse is if they just chanted "USA, USA, USA..." for the entire show. I swear, this is the ONLY motoring show I have EVER fast forwarded through. Absolute garbage.

Designated Survivor (2016–2019)

Seventh ring of cliché hell

[1/10 · 26 May 2017]

I thought that network US television had slumped as far over its drink as it possibly could as it gagged on its own inspired vomit (and the repeated renewal of Blacklist more or less proved my point but)... Designated Survivor takes all of the limp wristed weak-arse lazy writing of Blacklist and adds extra trope and sloppy talentless acting and encrusts it in a spiceless coating of clichés and witless directing. I cannot honestly be bothered listing the endless continuity errors I have endured so far nor can I summon the energy to cover the seemingly unlimited train of product placements and insultingly dumb story 'twists'. I used the word twists as I could not think of a synonym that accurately conveys the sad tired twitching of a fetid corpse as putrid as the Designated Survivor storyline as it feebly tries to surprise its universally dull-witted audience. I got to episode 11 and just deleted the rest so, its not like I didn't give it a fair go.

Diesel Brothers: Tows Before Bros... (2016) Season 1, Episode 2

Fake as f*ck

[2/10 · 8 February 2017]

Why treat your audience like they are idiots? There is NO way that garbage flatbed got itself out of the mud! Note: you cannot see the front bumper as it powers it's way out with a "full pull"? that's because there was a tow line hauling on it. You can see the front wheel isn't even driving, it gets jerked up out of the sludge. $3000 for a tow? what insurance company anywhere in the galaxy would pay that when the dude got it stuck himself while playing in the mud and by his own admission, "gets it stuck every week"? Imagine his premium and deductible if any of this (ANY OF THIS) was true?

Why the B.S. drama Discovery? it's just sad. Be honest for a change.

Fear the Walking Dead: Grotesque (2016) Season 2, Episode 8

Excruciating

[1/10 · 30 August 2016]

What is with this new trend to make short seasons of television and then play them months apart and pretend it has been a mid season break? What does this achieve America? If it is a quality series then I understand! You could just about play it YEARS apart and the fans would be waiting, salivating by their torrent programmes but for dross like FTWD that has no pace, no grace and a hell of a lot of long, long, long, long, shots of cut price actors dragging their feet up a dusty road, nah. When your story-line is this thin and dis-interesting, you are losing what little momentum you managed to build in your previous 1.5 half seasons (or whatever you want to call them). This series is an insult to the franchise and I hope it gets bit and dies in a ditch real soon.

Fear the Walking Dead (2015–2023)

How long can you stand it?

[3/10 · 29 August 2016]

Briefly, if you are reading this, you know the deal already and are looking chronologically at the reviews to see if season 2.1.9.7 (or whatever this is) has improved the writing or pacing... Well it hasn't. This turkey is getting to be smelling even worse now. I don't want to rehash everyone else's critique, most of them are accurate. Let's just say that after all of the episodes played, I have zero empathy for any of the characters dead or alive. They are as wooden, one dimensional and yawningly uninspiring as any I ever watched or listened to in any drama. The story is snail like NO, glacial in its pacing and I have to say, this is the only series I watch that I actually fast forward through the programme to hasten the end every week! The writing and directing are not improving, why can they not see that the time for saving this dog is running out and BIG changes are needed? I will give it till the end of the season to see if they can get any TWD characters involved and then I'm calling it. Pity poor Chris Hardwicke having to talk up this crud every week... sheesh I feel for ya bro.

Harry (2013)

I was just thinking...

[8/10 · 24 September 2015]

I really enjoyed the series and would happily watch more. Oscar and Sam are the class acts (actors) for sure, but there are really no weak links in the caste. As an observation, in case anyone was wondering if this is worth watching... If you enjoyed the series 'Bosch' from the USA, you will enjoy 'Harry'. It is an interesting duality between the two shows. Both titular characters are good cops with a troubled past. Both have issues with authority and both tread a fine line with the law. I rate them equally in quality which is really quite a compliment to the NZ show knowing how small and hard fought for the budgets are in the tiny depressed economy.

Dan Snows Battle of the Somme (2014 TV Movie)

Water thin opinion piece masquerading as a documentary

[3/10 · 17 June 2015]

Don't bother watching this, it is full of historical inaccuracy and opinion (it is not clear whether the opinion and speculation is that of the presenter of the writer) This piece of televisual filler puts words in peoples mouths, puts ideologies in the forefront and labels entire armies and or populations with thoughts, dreams, policies and strategies that no one can possible be sure of. Even if this was aimed at a junior school audience, it still contains enough regurgitated propaganda and nationalist tub thumping to be considered offensively bad taste in a modern age.

Cheap pap produced quickly with poor research in order to capitalise on the centenary.

American Genius (2015– )

Cheap, nasty, quick TV for people who don't care about the truth

[1/10 · 17 June 2015]

Twenty or thirty repetitions per episode of the same set of footage loops? 30% of the presentation is in slow motion? Historically inaccurate? Lightweight skim over of the main events with major omissions? Overly dramatic voice-over complete with soaring musical score more appropriate to a Steven Spielberg weepy?, Repeating the same information after every ad break as if your audience have attention deficit disorder? Yep, you got it! Its a new 'documentary' series from The National Geographic Channel (or to be fair, The History Channel, The Discovery Channel or any number of other purveyors of this lightweight rubbish) This pure filler style of producing a commercial hour of television reminds me that CNN used to produce news and was a really good thing when it started. These channels I have mentioned are now in CNN territory in that they USED to be a good thing but now are ripe for someone else to come along and do it properly. Come on Ken Burns, the world needs KBC (The Ken Burns channel) to ensure that the truth gets told and history is recounted accurately for fear that this 'American Genius' type of rubbish becomes the only record that growing minds get the chance to see!

War Horse (2011)

'Spielberg' is a synonym for sh*t movie

[1/10 · 20 May 2014]

This was the worst movie supposedly about war and humanity I have ever seen. The characters are so thin and unbelievable that it is impossible to develop any empathy for them. By the end, I wished they had all died of the Influenza and the horse was in a dog food tin. The story is less believable than Snow White and the seven Dwarfs and lacks any charm or wit. As for the script? it is cornier than a corn thing with corn sauce and added corn. The whole thing is so full or plot holes and suspension of disbelief that I cannot honestly be bothered going into it. One day, this reeking turd of a movie will show alongside Pearl Harbor, Battleship, 2012 and Independence Day as the five worst American 'action fantasy' movies ever.

Rods n' Wheels (2014– )

Fast 'n Loud without the talent, skill and most importantly, humour

[1/10 · 12 March 2014]

Watch a couple of episodes of this, no go on, I dare you. There can be no spoilers as there is no story nor any kind of suspense.

Formulaic rubbish at its 'reality' worst, the usual tools are put to dreary use to try and drum up some semblance of excitement...

1. personal rivalries are faked and talked up. 2. time limits or deadlines are mocked up and always met. 3. Lots of talk with little or no content. 4. repeating segments of film over and over to pad out the commercial length of the product 5. douche-bag characters talking like experts but merely giving coin to the old saw "it is better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt"

The worst aspect is that most of these guys really DO NOT KNOW SQUAT about cars and their history. This show is full of misinformation and mechanical ignorance, for example "The clutch is good which means the transmission is good which means the motor is probably still good"

OMG give me a break and go back to greasing your hair old fool.

FantomWorks (2013–2019)

Highly derivative and much fudged

[6/10 · 1 September 2013]

First off, I love cars and bikes and I have done restorations myself in the past. The premise that these cars are 'better than new' is ridiculous in the extreme. Whilst there are definitely talented people in that shop, for sure the outcomes are largely fudged and disguised by layers of 'bog' and thick paint (and the cost? WOW) Some of the mistakes they make and the owners curious fixes to rectify said mistakes are mind boggling. If you paint a customers car when they did not ask you to paint the car, it is YOUR mistake and you should not wing a deal to split the loss. Remember, the starting blurb for the show claims that they are all about the satisfied customer and stopping at nothing to do the job right... The curious patriotic angle is a bit off putting for non-American viewers and not really relevant other than perhaps being useful as an excuse for poor workmanship (don't criticise my work or you are criticising America?)

It makes for brain off viewing and is entertaining if only for the cockups, so enjoy.

Star Trek Into Darkness (2013)

Utter Star Wars style cartoony rubbish

[1/10 · 24 August 2013]

This is the worst movie I have seen since I made the mistake of taking my kids to see "GI Joe"! J.J. Abrams just needs to back off and let someone who cares about Star Trek to take it over. It could only be worse if Michael Bay got a crack at it next! The 'plot' is so full of continuity errors that I became enraged at it's grossly insulting stupidity. The mere fact that 35 odd years after cartoon sci-fi hit the screens we are still being insulted with space craft that need to bank to turn, energy weapons that have recoil, engine noise in vacuum and now, phasers that make a 'kool' slide racking noise when you 'chamber a round' proves how little talent and imagination the producers and directors possess. I give One star for Karl Urban as Doc McCoy- he nailed it. One further star for Benedict Cumberbatch as Khan- also nailed it. The rest of the cast were bereft of believability and totally underwritten. As one, they relentlessly overacted in their roles. The sooner we get away from stupid CGI driven shite like this and actually substitute good writing and direction for dumb punch-ups and moronic denial of physics the better.

Under the Dome (2013–2015)

Formulaic, lame-ar*ed, PC rubbish

[1/10 · 15 August 2013]

No spoilers here! I downloaded this series and after watching 3 episodes, I am unceremoniously deleting the rest. This show is utter sh*t! All of the major problems and inconsistencies have been well covered by other reviewers so I won't bother (The writing is poor, the acting worse, the casting is bad and the directing is below average).

Spielberg's name on the banner just confirms my opinion that the man hit his peak with ET and has never been associated with anything worth watching since.

This is the worst adaptation of a King story since 'Maximum Overdrive' and at least THAT abomination had an AC/DC soundtrack to win it an extra star!

Das Auto: The Germans, Their Cars and Us (2013 TV Movie)

Rose tinted glasses much?

[7/10 · 15 August 2013]

Dominic Sandbrook never establishes his credibility to be presenting this diatribe on the British Auto industry. I don't know the guy's work and all I can say is that he comes across as a bit of a knob and not at all a 'car guy'. He speaks of a time when I was a consumer of the product and I have to agree with his assessment of the poor design and poor quality of the cars being produced in the UK, especially the British Leyland efforts (which are regularly lampooned in such shows as 'Top Gear') What he misses through his rose tinted 20/20 hindsight spectacles is that the German efforts of the time were NOT a hell of a lot better! He fizzes away about the Golf like it was some sort of revelation, it wasn't! Whilst it was fundamentally superior to say, the Vauxhall Chevette in several areas like it's power-plant, it was otherwise a very dull, very ordinary, very UNoriginal car. The labour situation at the time in Britain is well known around the world BUT it is only known from the perspective of the Tory run media! I work with guys who grew up and worked in the era and they tell a very different story about Thatcherism and it's effects to this slightly fuzz filtered version being promulgated here. Regardless, I enjoyed the show as it was a nostalgic trip back to the horrendous days of my Morris Oxford/Ford Cortina/Vauxhall Chevette in New Zealand and many happy days working on their unreliable, rusty, poor performing, gas guzzling carcasses. Cheers.

Mulholland Falls (1996)

If you didn't enjoy this movie, you must be quite stupid...

[9/10 · 30 December 2001]

What can I say? I enjoyed this movie from start to finish, Jennifer Connelly alone is worth the rental. It is intense and well paced, with some very amusing and clever direction. The cast is top quality and seemed to enjoy their work (especially John Malkovich) A nice twist on good cop/bad cop and and unpredicatble plot twist ensure satisfaction. Watch it and tell me I'm wrong! Its a good'un

The Hot Spot (1990)

So real, I could sweat just watching it!

[10/10 · 30 December 2001]

I must start by saying that 1. I love Dennis Hoppers work, 2. I love the Don Johnson persona, 3. I just LOVE Jennifer Connelly! This movie makes me want to move to Texas, I was blown away by the settings and the character of the place. The script is lean and mean, Virginia Madsen has more lines (and delivers them very, very well) than the rest of the cast put together, Don Johnson gets his message across supremely well just with his looks and body language and Jennifer is (groan) just gorgeous as usual. A hugely underated movie, its pace is slow and sexy but it lacks for nothing because of it. At the end you realise that you have been wound up tight and I for one, would LOVE to re write the ending...