emperorsclothes Reviews

Road House (2024)

DO NOT WATCH THIS FILM; IT IS TERRIBLE

[25 March 2024]

Everything about this film is exactly what you should not do. The acting is terrible by everyone, including JG. It is cliche. Every actor's voice/breath is disconnected.

The direction is terrible; oh Doug Liman, how far you've fallen.

The editing is terrible, but maybe the editor tried their best with what they were given. There is nothing gritty about this film. This is masturbatorial film.

Watch the original film. It's great. It's not a masterpiece either, but it's fun and kind of supposed to be a bit lower budget pulp fiction (genre not film). Everyone from Swayze to Sam Elliot are awesome in it.

Cocaine Godmother (2017 TV Movie)

Unbelievably bad; I thought it was a spoof

[17 February 2024]

This is insanely bad writing, acting, directing, editing, make-up, set design, cinematography. This looks like a "cool movie" some film school drop-out wanted to do with no budget, but no heart either, meaning the intent is more to shoot "cool scenes" instead of telling a story.

And, the Canadian acting.. oh my.. so atrocious. The sad thing is the bad actors don't know and will never know how bad they are. And, the audacity that some directors believe they can make any person a good actor.

What the hell is with the inconsistent narration? Why does it even exist?

Don't watch this film unless you want a step by step lesson in what not to do in every aspect of a film.

The Holdovers (2023)

Doesn't understand all boys boarding schools are horrific

[15 February 2024]

I'm about 30 min in. The acting is good for a bad script. The writer doesn't understand boys boarding school or he is censoring the horrors.

Drunk masters/teachers accurate. But, up the bullying and humiliation 1000% by the teachers, other students. It's lord of the flies and unrelenting.

Okay, now the film is getting quirky, we'll see where it goes, but to start the film if they want to venture into the horrors of boys boarding school then it has to be all the way, not some mild bullying that stops at night, because at boarding school there is no escape. One does not get to go home. There is no reprieve. You live in fear.

Börje (2023)

oh my... so bad

[1 January 2024]

The writing, the acting, the poor filming of hockey. Some of the guys clearly can't stand on skates let alone actually skate. Salming didn't fight until the NHL, he was a pacifist, so he never would have fought in the game against Barrie. The Canadians would have destroyed the Swedes in fighting. 1 in 10 actors are good, everyone else is brutal. Jason Priestly does a great job. Casting did a terrible job/director must do docudramas or something. Wardrobe did an amazing job. Valter still needs a lot of acting lessons, he's not terrible, but somethings missing. Immediate supporting cast did a great job. I was a big fan of Borje and know that he helped co-write this, but someone needed to go through it and take out the smarmy precious stuff. And, all the stuff in the locker room, terrible delivery, etc, just really bad... ugh.

Quantum Leap (2022–2024)

No

[2 October 2023]

Opening party scene is one of the worst group acting scenes I have ever seen. Some people can do casual funny. None of these actors can. Then way too much exposition. This is a terrible series and an insult the original. I suspect it might get better... actually I'm watching the episode as I write this and the plot holes and bad patches etc is just terrible. Why do they have writers and directors that want to make "cool" movies/shows who have no original ideas. Please stop and go into finance or something. Just go away and leave the creative to the creatives. This is a bad show and even the day players are terrible. Boo.

Aquaman (2018)

one of the worst films ever made

[14 September 2023]

The writing is terrible. The acting is terrible other than Willem Dafoe, Patrick Wilson, even Dolph, but let's be honest, Jason Mamoa can't act and then you put him and Amber Heard together.. worst acting scene where the two of them can't even have a basic conversation on the airplane; she's worried how she looks and sounds and he just doesn't know what he's doing.

There is no plot or unfinished plots or too many unfinished plots with Nerf water guns. Random use of 80s New Wave music. Who green lit this script? Who read this script and said it was coherent? I think Jason has problems speaking when acting with out moving a limb, because he doesn't feel he's interesting enough. Funny thing is, we like him as a person, he needs to chill and take a hell of a lot of acting lessons all day everyday for a few years. And, yes SEE is stupid too.

For Life (2020–2021)

Great series

[10 July 2023]

This show never should have been cancelled. They need to bring it back. Important messages. I'm not sure why I have to keep typing to fill out the required characters. It's annoying. How was your day? Mine was fine. Typing typing typing. I have one orange I should probably throw out. Now I should probably take a nap. One two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven twelve thirteen fourteen fifteen sixteen seventeen eighteen nineteen twenty twenty one twenty two twenty three twenty four twenty five twenty six twenty seven twenty eight twenty nine thirty thirty one thirty two thirty three. Finished.

City on Fire (2023)

..bad everything

[20 May 2023]

If it's supposed to have some homage, it's bad, plus bad writing, plus bad acting, plus bad directing, plus bad editing, plus stupid filter, plus plus plus.

Opening camera/record store scene?? So cliche with bad acting and/or take choice. The two characters have no chemistry together.

I would avoid this show unless you just need noise on in the background while working or if you want to see what not to do.

Also, the opening pair go and buy boots and then a second later they're in a record shop and she tells him to buy a record, and he says he doesn't have any money, but like he has no money, instead of saying "I spent all my money" or something... the intonation was weird and just compounded on top of the rest of the terrible situation this show is. Boo. No. Ha.

The Blacklist: Between Sleep and Awake (2022) Season 9, Episode 7

where to begin...

[7 February 2023]

I like Diego Klattenhoff. His role isn't that flashy, but he's supposed to be the square. But the script and story for this episode got even more beyond the melodramatic, never solve anything, that this show is.

He gets beat up in the back room of the bar with the bartender being in on it. Ridiculous.

Also, this applies for everyone and every time on this show, whenever they are confronted by bad guys, these FBI agents never win. They always get their gun knocked out of their hands and they always get beat up. I guess the FBI get the worst hand to hand training? Ha. And, they all get shot all the time; also very weird.

They also skim the oxycondone/oxycontin pandemic.. yes Ressler has been addicted throughout the show, but if they are going to present this subject, it shouldn't be skimmed. The statements should be clear. The pain scale was a BS scale invented by pharma to prescribe more and more. Also, none of the oxys should be allowed.

Overall a terrible episode. I agree with other reviews. Cliché.

The Swimmers (2022)

I hated this film...

[24 November 2022]

..for how much it made me cry. A beautiful film. Well told. I'm sure there was a lot more heartache and joy in their journey, but this was phenomenal to be able to fit into the length of a feature.. and no buts, purely a fantastic film. Kudos to the director, editors, and everyone involved. I wish to know everyone's story from their particular journey. I know many have had to do this trip and many didn't make it. Inspiring. IMDB is making me write more, but I don't mind just repeating how great this film is. I look forward to seeing more films directed by Sally El Hosaini and writing by her as well.

Blonde (2022)

Acting is fine... script is all over the place

[4 October 2022]

I understand what they are trying to do, make the audience feel the chaos of Norma Jean's life, but the 4:3 constant close up shots makes it hard to follow. Also, this film is an example how 5.1 sound is garbage. I've been in a top end sound studio to go through an edit of a film and still had problems hearing all the dialogue after it had been mastered in 5.1.

Note to industry/sound/editors, if there is dialogue, that is the most important thing for the viewer; I don't give a @#$%@! If I can hear ambient sound... I want to hear the dialogue. It's like a director who should just be a DOP and thinks the shot is more important than chosing the best acting take. Very simply, there are plays that are done in black box, minimal scene/set, how many plays don't have actors/puppets, that are just the set?

Five Days at Memorial (2022)

facepalm

[19 August 2022]

I agree with the lower ratings on here and the comments those reviewers made. I will add the directing and editing are terrible along with the script. There are so many insert scenes it's ridiculous. The acting is all over the place because the script is terrible and there are a bunch of safe Canadians trying to play New Orleanians. Treme was a beautiful series.

Also, New Orleans is still suffering to this day, you're Apple TV, spend the money and shoot there instead of Toronto.

Black Bird: WhatsHerName (2022) Season 1, Episode 4

bad writing and bad acting took away from great episode

[22 July 2022]

...the scene with young Jimmy and his mother where he has a bloody nose. The writing was terrible and the mother's acting was sooo bad... so direction and editing have to take blame too.

The Bob's Burgers Movie (2022)

Automatically lose 50% of audience by making it a musical

[20 July 2022]

I really like this show. I'm not a huge fan of musicals. Sometimes I love them, but rarely. Not sure what the thinking was to make the first Bob's movie a musical. If it was purely a musical show, sure, but otherwise it's a very bad decision.

tick, tick... BOOM! (2021)

How long are they going to keep trying to shove Andrew Garfield down our throats.

[17 March 2022]

His acting is so put on. He is boring and overly sincere. Hacksaw Ridge was the most icky sappy crap and dishonoured the true story. He's just a bad actor; he's so bad he would be considered a star in Canada (Canadians get this joke). Just no. He's smarmy and has no grit. Stop the crocodile tears and show us something or stop pushing him as a star, because he's not.

Late Night with Seth Meyers: Isla Fisher/James Wolk/Tucker Rule (2022) Season 9, Episode 48

Isla Fisher is boring

[13 January 2022]

She is a very good actor, but she is so boring as an interview and funny at all. She said she went to clown school, probably one of those people that never hit... never got it... ugh.

The Matrix Resurrections (I) (2021)

looks low budget

[6 January 2022]

Terrible acting... slow/bad editing... so many actors playing the film instead of being in the character... also worrying about how they sound versus focusing on the other person.

Female lead is pretty good, but she is a bit boring.

The drastic extreme decline of the concept/story/script from the first film kinda gives a bit of evidence to the possibility they really did steal the script from Sophia Stewart. When people steal ideas, they never get them right.

I'm watching the film right now and it's atrociously bad directing.

The whole thing reminds me of when that film student who never listens and never intended to learn anything, just wants to make a "cool movie" like "The Godfather" and then spend their whole time ripping off ideas from their favourite films while trying to pass them off for their own. Not an original thought in their head.

Percy Vs Goliath (2020)

Misplaced funding. Find a true voice or these films will never be great.

[6 January 2022]

English Canada rarely comes out with good films... this was an almost, but its failures are an insult to true Canadian filmmaking by Canadian artists (I know it was a "co-pro").

Quebec knows how to tell its own stories with its own artists and that is why they consistently make great films that are highly respected ie all the Denys, Xavier, Falardeau, etc.

The film avoids revealing that it is Canada for the first approx 25 minutes, pretending to be any town USA.

I understand maybe having one import ie Walken (even though if we believed in our Canadian actors (but also cast the best Canadian actor vs constantly shoving an actor who someone believes is a Canadian "star" into the roles), we would be better off)), might add some automatic international sales, but to add Zach Braff (I am a fan of his), is too much. This film should not have received any government funding for these reasons.

Additionally, Christina Ricci refers to Washington, but mentions nothing of Ottawa until they are going to the supreme court.

I agree with another reviewer... the cocking the shotgun scene was american... we're hockey players in Canada... we don't need the gun.

And, GMOs are bad.. period. I'm amazed the armchair experts here do not understand that GMO seeds are aggressive/virus like... infect the area. The list is so long... it gives me a headache thinking of having to disprove all the bs studies and arguments any idiot who advocates for them uses.

Call Me by Your Name (2017)

A story about rape to titillate the audience

[1 November 2021]

Timothy's character is 17, why isn't he 18? Andrew Acimen wants to make Elio underage to make it taboo and to continue to normalize this taboo.

There is a huge mental age difference between 17 (Elio) and 24 (Oliver). That's 7 YEARS! Elio is just out of highschool. Oliver is a graduate student. Sure, someone 24 dating a 31 year old, no problem (I've done it and wouldn't advise it - ha).

Yes, Elio is attracted to Oliver, but then Oliver grooms him. He's a graduate student living in Elio's home and he takes advantage. He is a predator. He does and says all the things predators do.

And, in the end it is encouraged and celebrated by Elio's parents.

If we continue to celebrate this type of story as erotic romance, we will continue to normalize/justify/rationalize statutory rape/pedophilia. Teenagers are not adults- don't have sex with them and stop criminally prosecuting 13 year olds as adults.

Wu-Tang: An American Saga (2019–2023)

One of the best series in a long long time

[14 October 2021]

All I can say is "yes". Yes yes yes. Watch this. It will make you a smarter person. I'd say 11 stars. Stop watching stupid reality television and watch this.

The End of the Tour (2015)

Segal sucks

[12 October 2021]

I've never been a fan of Jason Segal... I find his voice so disconnected from his body and on mother he always seemed desperately trying to be funny... two things I hate.

Then I saw him in "I love you man", and I thought not bad, he was even okay in this is 40. But, this film shows he doesn't understand what acting is; nor, building a character. He looks ridiculous, sounds unbelievable, and is so boring.

I like Jesse Eisenberg, always have, but there was some weird chemistry these two got that took us to the 9 circles of hell.

Don't watch this film.. I think it might have created a black hole.

Saturday Night Live: Kim Kardashian West/Halsey (2021) Season 47, Episode 2

Old Carnival Prize Hosts SNL!

[10 October 2021]

...that's what I thought of when she walked out looking like Times Square Elmo got bleached pink from an Ibiza foam party.

Influencers are really product spokespeople for whatever crap they're peddling. On average 50% of people despise ads or being sold to; therefore, put a wanna-be perfomer/actor/advertiser as host and 50% of the audience is gone.

Having her host only added to her "brand" and not to SNL and their advertisers.

And, my goodness she is not funny. Luckily her horrific performance made the cast and writers step up a bit, but still a terrible episode.

SNL needs to stop dealing in populism/reality tv etc.... make fun of it, but don't engage it. Yeccch... that episode made me feel gross.

The Morning Show: My Least Favorite Year (2021) Season 2, Episode 1

No

[20 September 2021]

I loved this series. Not now. This episode was ridiculously bad. Reese had some really bad acting scenes (obviously directing and editing choices are to blame as well). Jennifer also needs to not act for the camera. So glad to see her taking on more powerful roles, but when I don't believe she is "holding a cup of tea", it takes away from the great work she is doing.

This whole episode was disjointed. A stupid musical thing. And, the writers told us what happened rather than showed us. If this is the track it's going on, TMS is done.

Y: The Last Man (2021)

really bad acting

[13 September 2021]

Period. Watching actors desperately trying to get into the pocket.. but spending more time thinking about how they sound. Also, bad dialogue.

The White Lotus (2021–2025)

boooooooooooooooooooooring...

[3 August 2021]

This show has some of my favourite actors. I can't believe I'm Dying Up Here got cancelled and then this gets green lit.

It reminds me of the american office, just weird, not funny (British original The Office was brilliant and painfully funny).