ekwetherington Reviews

Smile (V) (2022)

Put a smile on my face for the wrong reasons

[5/10 · 15 May 2023]

This movie probably plays a lot better to casual fans of horror, but, for more seasoned viewers, nothing here is original or done as well as the movie they're borrowing from. While Sosie Bacon's performance anchors the whole film, the poor writing sees it all go to waste and not have the same impact as, for example, Essie Davis' performance in The Babadook. The poor writing stands out the most as any subtly and nuance is obliterated by characters directly stating the movie's themes, which were fairly obvious from the opening scene.

The film does have some solid jump scares and, at times, threatens to be tense and engaging, but huge sections feel like filler. It Follows does a much better job in creating a feeling that the monster is always after you and you can never relax, whereas Smile's creature shows up every now and again to remind us that this is a horror movie.

And then there's the demon voice. Any chance that I may have found this movie scary evaporated when the creature spoke using the corniest, most generic vocal effects. My wife and I both burst out laughing the instant we heard the voice and that was that for taking the movie any sort of seriously.

Smile is not necessarily a bad movie, but it fails to improve upon any of the ideas they borrow from other films and left me wishing I was watching one of them instead.

Shadow of the Missing (2018)

Missing is the key word

[2/10 · 18 February 2022]

This movie is missing anything in the realm of plot or character development or scares or anything of any substance. The horror is your standard found footage set up and the humor boils down to the hotel manager rambling incoherently. The biggest shock is that said hotel manager is actually pretty funny. I would much rather have a movie just of him than what we got.

Hinsdale House (2019)

Not the worst movie I've ever seen

[1/10 · 28 June 2021]

But boy is it close. The people who made this seem to not grasp basic concepts of film making. Tons of shaky cams, people talking just out of the shot, poorly times camera cuts, and a ton of bad acting.

The last 7 hours of this movie is mostly our lead actress screaming and I assume she was doing so because she was forced to watch the bits of this they'd already filmed.

It opens with the director dreaming about the house, inspiring him to make the movie, which I assume is what happened in real life. It's only 65 minutes but it feels like an eternity.

Do not believe the fake reviews.

Ghoul (2015)

Mediocre all around

[4/10 · 25 June 2021]

Nothing outright sucks about this movie, but it doesn't really do much interesting. It's not bad, but some of these reviews are truly perplexing.

If you are a found footage fan, an interesting premise and real world link are worth a single watch, but wouldn't be the end of the world if you missed it.

Spirit in the Woods (2014)

Devoid of any merit

[1/10 · 23 June 2021]

There are very few movies that I think are actually deserving of a single star, but this one earns it without question. It is actually so bad that it made me question some of the other 1 star ratings I've handed out in the past. I know it's hyperbolic and people say this about tons of movies, but this may be the worst movie I've ever seen.

Everything about this movie is awful. The early scenes aren't properly mic'd and we get tons of background noise polluting the scenes. There are frequent camera effects that make it impossible to see what's actually going on in the movie. The budget for effects is essentially nonexistent. The adlibbed dialogue is atrocious to the point where the actors mess up and then just say what they meant and it gets left in for some reason.

The fact that this is labeled as a horror movie is a travesty in of itself. The only horror I felt watching this is when my app crashed and it started the movie over from the beginning. Other than that, the "horror" comes from clunky exposition, blurred out visuals, and people saying "I think I saw something." Spirit in the Woods has the classic problem of telling rather than showing. The characters constantly state their fear and anxiety, yet we're never shown a reason as to why that is. The group manages to freak themselves out within 5 minutes of arriving at the woods, despite there being absolutely no reason to be scared. The ending horror sequence features off screen deaths, random screaming, random running, bloody shirts, and obligatory possessions. The thin lore isn't explained or expanded on at any point to give the ending any semblance of meaning.

I watch a lot of found footage movies, so I generally know what I'm in for with the cast of characters that are bound to show up. Here we have the smart girl, stand in for the audience guy, athlete, prissy girl, and friend the no one likes. Usually the friend the no one likes is the most obnoxious character, but this movie does break from tradition by making Kinsley, the smart girl, the worst character. While the other 4 struggle to leave any sort of impression, Kinsley dominates this movie with CONSTANT whining and complaining. By the midway point of the movie, her voice was beginning to make me want to die in the woods somewhere. Also, she's posed as the smart member of the group, as we're so often told, but her behavior and dialogue make her come across as a dimwit and the dumbest of the bunch. She seems baffled, confused, and terrified by literally everything that happens in the movie. I guess it's good at least someone was scared.

I found out on here that this movie was Kickstarted, which would infuriate me if I put money into this. I understand that this movie had next to no budget, but that's no excuse for the complete lack of effort and thought put into this movie. I have seen some people defend this movie by saying "oh, at least they made it" and "they did the best with what they had," but I don't buy it at all. Nigel Bach managed to spit out a way better movie in Bad Ben for $300 and the budget for Spirit in the Woods was FIVE TIMES more than that. This movie was had an incredibly weak premise, no money, and no talent on screen. I get making a cheap movie to see what you can do with it, but when you have literally nothing positive going for you, maybe don't make the movie.

Also, what kind of high school class project is going out and filming yourself picking up rocks and leaves? I would have loved to have seen that syllabus.

In the end, this movie is terrible on every level and fails to even suck in a fun way. The fact that it even exists on major streaming services perplexes me. DO NOT WATCH.

WrestleMassacre (2018 Video)

Glorious garbage

[5/10 · 22 June 2021]

This movie is pure trash and never tries to be anything different. Bad jokes, gratuitous nudity, dumb wrestle fights, and over the top gore. WrestleMassacre is exactly what I was looking for.

Don't Fuck in the Woods (2016)

It is what it is

[2/10 · 22 June 2021]

Not a lot to say here because there's not a lot of movie in this movie. I was hoping for some trashy fun but this movie didn't even deliver much on that.

Don't Watch in Your Life.

Stay (I) (2021)

Fine, better than many like it

[5/10 · 21 June 2021]

The first bit of this movie is blog footage and is really uninteresting. Once we get to the apartment, the movie picks up and has some solid spooky moments and the lead actress has some chops. The plot arc is your standard fare, serviceable, but unspectacular.

Stay does rely heavily on jump scares, but they are handled better than many movies like this.

Overall, a decent, low budget, Paranormal Activity knock off.

#Screamers (2016)

A lot of nothing with a few jump scares

[2/10 · 20 June 2021]

I watch a lot of these found footage movies and I can appreciate the slow burn style, but this movie takes it to an extreme. It feels like they got to the end of the movie and realized they forgot to put in anything scary, so they hit us with a series of the same, lazy jump scares. The first jump scare in the beginning of the movie totally got me, but my immediate concern was "is this all this movie is gonna have?" Sadly, it was.

Nothing is horrible about it, which may have actually made it interesting. Hard pass on this one.

21 Days (I) (2014)

Not much movie here

[2/10 · 18 June 2021]

This movie was pretty lifeless. At every point, it seemed like it was just going through the motions, hitting all the found footage cliches.

Also for some reason, I was anticipating the house to be....more than it was. For a house where it's important that it has a long history, it seemed like a normal modern house.

Brew House (2016)

Meh

[3/10 · 18 June 2021]

This most frustrating part of this movie is that the location is actually pretty creepy. Unfortunately, the rest of the movie is plagued with bad acting and annoying characters. The movie has a few creepy moments, but is overall forgettable.

1st Summoning (2018)

All around stinker

[1/10 · 18 June 2021]

DEAR FOUND FOOTAGE MOVIES, YOUR DIRECTOR CHARACTER DOES NOT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE AN OBSESSED JERK.

It's ok to make a movie with characters that are likeable.

The Haunted House on Kirby Road (2016)

Barely not the worst

[2/10 · 15 April 2021]

This movie holds it together just enough to eke out a second star and nothing more. Not scary, not funny, not much of anything. Plus the final girl is such a stick in the mud that you end up rooting for the ghost.

Snake Outta Compton (2018)

This is certainly a movie

[5/10 · 13 March 2021]

I'm not sure if this was just less garbage than I thought or I'm so tired I hallucinated the whole thing, but it was surprisingly watchable.

The Investigation: A Haunting in Sherwood (2019)

Flatter than horizontal line

[2/10 · 2 March 2021]

A quick summary of this movie: Nothing Nothing Nothing Gravely voice Nothing SUPER CUTE CATS Gravely voice Nothing Credits

Scare Campaign (2016)

Predictable but fun

[5/10 · 24 February 2021]

You can see all the plot twists coming from a mile away if you've ever seen a horror movie, but it has some great practical effects and the villains are quite menacing. Worth one watch.

Sleepaway Slasher (2020)

Waste of time

[3/10 · 19 February 2021]

This movie has an interesting enough premise that has some potential. Unfortunately, that's where the positives end. Sleepaway Slashers falls apart quickly due to poor writing, bad acting, annoying characters, and a silly plot. I cannot think of a single performance of note or a character I was actually rooting for. There were a few moments of practical effects that were decent but they were brief and far between. By the end of this thing, you will wish you were on fire as well.

Bad Ben (2016 TV Movie)

Definitely worth a watch

[5/10 · 18 February 2021]

Bad Ben has a ton of problems and isn't creative in it's plot.....but it does have a ton of charm to it. Knowing that the movie was made for next to nothing and completely done by one guy makes it pretty impressive. That's also what makes this movie fun. Nigel Bach as Tom Riley is a breath of fresh air in these found footage movies. When I first saw that this movie was going to be about a dumpy, middle aged man, I was concerned. I shouldn't have been. Bach has a ton of charisma and has great comedic delivery. Tom Riley comes off as very relatable, with completely reasonable and understandable motivations. I wouldn't call this an all time classic, but it is a charming movie that deserves it's cult following.

Death of a Vlogger (2019)

Definitely something different

[5/10 · 11 February 2021]

I don't know what I expected this movie to be, but whatever I thought, this was not it. It's not really scar, but it did have a few solid laughs. Overall the movie is interesting in how it deals with our ever growing relationship with social media and kept me engaged the entire time. I still can't tell if the movie is silly for all it's twists or brilliant. Either way, totally worth a watch.

Against the Night (2017)

Hard pass

[3/10 · 11 February 2021]

Not really worth watching when there are other, more interesting things to watch. Things like 24/7 cam footage of grass growing or competitive paint drying.

Pros: Production value Totally not ghosts for once

Cons: Tons of characters to not care about 1 and a half personalities split between 9 people Lol meth Stupid plot "twist" the movie basically told us was going to happen the whole time Dan

The Conjuring 2 (2016)

A Hodgepodge of Cliches

[4/10 · 3 February 2021]

The reviews for this movie, and to a lesser extent the first one, have always confused me. Neither movie is bad by any stretch of the imagination, but I don't find either to be anything special either. The stories, characters, and a majority of the scares are pretty standard horror movie fare and do little to conjure (I'm sorry I had to do this) any scares from me. The Conjuring 2 is well put together from a technical sense and the acting performances are serviceable for the horror genre but so much of the content is an old hat for horror veterans. There are a couple of solid scares but most of the rest are predictable and fall flat. I appreciate that the Conjuring series has brought a lot of new eyes to the world of horror movies, but I fear that they just aren't for me.

The Amityville Haunting (2011 Video)

The Absolute Bottom

[1/10 · 1 February 2021]

This has to be the single most nothing movie I have ever seen. This movie fails to do anything in a passable way. It fails to even be bad in a fun way. The Amityville Haunting is the worst Asylum movie ever and that is quite an achievement. Some found footage movies should stay lost.

The Last Broadcast (1998)

Stupid waste of time

[1/10 · 2 July 2020]

I am floored by the positive reactions to this movie. I nearly fell asleep about 15 minutes in. The narrator's voice is only made more dull by the fact that the script seems to be written to induce comas. I don't mind slow building horror movies, but this thing takes the cake. It is so slow that nothing ever really happens. They fall into the trap of telling us everything and showing us nothing, completely removing all sense of fear from the film. Factor this with the fact that the plot was incredibly weak and was largely incoherent and you have quite the mess.

ALSO THAT PLOT TWIST. Gotta love a plot twist that makes no sense and leaves you with so many more questions than it answers. The only thing that makes sense about the narrator being the killer is that clearly he has murderous tendencies as he spent the whole movie trying to bore me to death.

Hell House LLC (2015)

Effective and Enjoyable

[7/10 · 2 July 2020]

I picked this movie at random to watch and was pleasantly surprised at what I found. Hell House LLC is a bit a twist on the tradition found footage location theme, adding the backdrop of a haunted house to add extra tension. The characters are not the most dynamic, but are more than passable. While the plot and writing are fairly standard for the genre, where this movie shines is the pacing. It is a slow burn, tension building experience that left me a little nervous to look down the stairs. It also allows for the actors to show their chemistry, further pulling in the audience. The movie manages to bring out the most scares, while simultaneously doing the least. The ending does leave a bit to be desired and all of the build up does come to a somewhat anticlimactic ending. Luckily, the strengths of this movie overshadow its' flaws and make for a fun, spooky watch.

Willow Creek (2013)

Disappointing

[5/10 · 2 July 2020]

I had heard a fair amount about this movie going into it and had hoped for so much more. The first section of the movie took far too long to get going, while adding very little. Jim is so obnoxious that I was hoping that there would be no Bigfoot just so that he could be wrong. The movie does show promise in the second half, building some nice tension just using sounds and reactions. My issue is that it all takes place in a single night, so there is no real build over time. This film would have done well to cut a decent section out of the first half and used that time to create more tension building moments in the second half. There are some strong parts of this movie, but its' flaw leave it feeling like a missed opportunity.

Side note: Heck yeah, Peter Jason appearance.