myopiczeal Reviews

Botched: Baby Got Boobs (2019) Season 5, Episode 7

All the signs tell me Danielle is a charlatan

[5/10 · 7 November 2023]

Good episode, how interesting to see how someone as botched as Ann-Marie can be expertly fixed. So many things gone wrong. I can't understand how some of these quack doctors can continue practicing. The vapid Englishwoman who thought she was impressive for having had half a million dollars worth of surgery to look completely unexceptional. Then there was Danielle, who thinks she's a psychic because a box fell on her head, and then she googled Dr. Nassif and found out he had a mother. OMG!!1! I might have to schedule surgery to fix my eyes, I rolled them so hard. I wonder why her psychic powers weren't able to find her a better surgeon? Hmmm.

Stranger Things: Chapter Six: The Dive (2022) Season 4, Episode 6

I guess a lot of people here weren't alive in the 80's

[8/10 · 19 July 2022]

So many people complaining about tonal issues. Like, not everything needs to be 100% grimdark, guys. This show has always been an homage to 70's and 80's horror, which, last time I checked, is full of stupid, corny humor, intentional or not. Get over it.

Stranger Things has always been this way, and if you don't like it, well, why are you watching?

Stranger Things: Chapter Two: Vecna's Curse (2022) Season 4, Episode 2

"So tired of the bully trope!" say all the bullies.

[7/10 · 19 July 2022]

If the idea of bullies existing is anathema to your enjoyment of a TV show that portrays them pretty accurately, maybe realize you are either one of the normies that didn't get bullied, or (more likely) you're a bully who doesn't like being shown the impact of your behavior. I was bullied in middle school and high school, and what Eleven is going through is painfully real. Yeah, yeah, I know, have thicker skin. Easy for the bullies to say.

Good episode, looking forward to the bullies getting what they deserve. Because too often in real life, there are no consequences for this behavior.

Bad Vegan: Fame. Fraud. Fugitives. (2022)

Bad Vegan: Resting. On. Laurels.

[3/10 · 24 March 2022]

I guess when you're one of the people behind two of the biggest docuseries in Netflix history, they'll just let you make anything. We learn absolutely nothing about why any of this happened. A pretty blonde loses a bunch of money to what appears to be a delusional grifter. How did he maintain control of her for so long on such a flimsy story? How did she keep getting the money to give to him? Was she in on it? Chris Smith spends four hours on this stultifyingly dull story, all to respond to all the questions with ¯\_(^^)_/¯. Unsatisfying, bland, and trying to wring any drop of mystery out of a non-story. Woman gets scammed. Maybe. Who knows? Not the audience.

Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories (2013–2017)

More unfunny from the masters

[1/10 · 13 February 2022]

At least they're consistent. I don't know what's supposed to be funny, or even entertaining, about any of this. I watched four episodes, and nothing happened. It's like someone wanted to poke fun at various tropes, wrote a bunch of episodes, then passed them through Google Translate like six times. Oh, a couple of roommates use random Spanish in their dialogue. Hey, baristas and mixologists are weird, huh? Whoa, three guys secretly live in a bathroom. Oops, a bunch of people crapped themselves. Oh. Wow. And somehow they keep getting handed money to make their profoundly unfunny stupidity. Just stop. Please.

Tom Goes to the Mayor (2004–2006)

Ugly, unfunny nonsense. So, it's Tim and Eric.

[3/10 · 12 February 2022]

More of the same from the unfunniest men in comedy. I thought maybe a through story would provide these idiots some structure. Nope. But hey, if you like ugly, cringey anti-comedy, go for it. I guess making weird faces is easy.

Shadow in the Cloud (2020)

I wonder if Max Landis will ever write a good script?

[3/10 · 31 January 2022]

Because he didn't here. Some entertaining parts, but in more of a "what am I watching?" way. We liked laughing at this movie, but it's not good. So at least Landis is consistent. Good for him. Try not to harass anyone on the way to the next thing, Max.

Star Trek: Lower Decks: Kayshon, His Eyes Open (2021) Season 2, Episode 2

Diggnuts, his butt hurting. Great episode!

[8/10 · 11 January 2022]

I guess humor just isn't for everyone. Personally, I thought including a Tamarian in the crew was great. The little Kayshon puppet was so cute! And it's always cool to see Tendi and Rutherford get a chance to shine, especially if it involves classic Star Trek deus ex machinae. Acidic bones! Some people want Star Trek to be boring, I guess, and that's OK. It's OK to be wrong.

A Christmas Carol (2019)

Bad reviews from people either ignorant or overly nostalgic

[8/10 · 23 December 2021]

So I guess they never swore in Victorian England? Ha! So much pearl clutching about profanity from ignorant prudes! Or it wasn't cheery and Christmasy enough? So much whinging from overly nostalgic Dickens devotees.

This adaptation was great. The staging was simple and theatrical, the acting was compelling, and the new spin on the old boring redemption story was refreshing. Not every Christmas movie needs to be all candles and holly. The winter is bleak, life is hard, and humans don't change. But maybe some of us can find love among the ice and snow, without and within.

Marriage Story (2019)

Not surprised some people rated it low.

[10/10 · 4 February 2020]

What a great movie. What a heartbreaking portrayal of the ways in which people who mean well cause a mostly amicable process to become adversarial and poisonous. I guess if you were looking for a dumb parody of divorce written to lampoon or crucify one side or the other, or had never been through a divorce yourself, you could be forgiven for being disappointed or confused by the tone. Or maybe you're just not the kind of person who understands the nuances of compassion, because you're young and you lack life experience. Or maybe you just (sigh) rate movies low because they get deserved praise, and aren't action blockbusters. You should probably come back and watch this movie again in 10 years. Maybe then you'll understand how petty and small your 1-star rating was. I hope this film gets all the Oscars.

Ralph Breaks the Internet (2018)

Can you say "irony"? Disney can!

[8/10 · 9 July 2019]

I love the irony of a movie about the internet bringing out the internet in the comments. Lots of people with sore behinds because they can't stand someone telling them the things they like are kinda dumb. It's a Disney movie. You wanna whine about "virtue signaling", being "woke", and "cash grabs", go for it. But you're only making yourself look foolish. Hey, maybe you'll get some attention. It feels good, doesn't it? This movie made me laugh. I wasn't disappointed, because it have me what I expected. I know I'm smarter than a kid's movie, I don't have to trash the movie to try and show everyone. Grow up, kiddos.

The Shape of Water (2017)

Wonderful, if you are capable of wonder.

[10/10 · 24 November 2018]

I loved this movie. Just enough worldbuilding, full characters, visually stunning. Sure, it's a story we've seen before, but not this way. Guillermo Del Toro mixes the mundane with the fantastical like no one else. Even the music alone is worth the watch. I feel sorry for the people rating this movie so low because they think it's saccharine or simple. Turning your back on beauty to make a hot take on the internet is pathetic. How one becomes so inured they cannot tolerate wonder is a mystery. And a shame.

Afflicted (2018– )

Wow, people are crazy.

[7/10 · 15 August 2018]

Lots of 1-star reviews from people butthurt because a filmmaker decided to shed light on people who think they are sick with non-existent diseases like electromagnetic sensitivity. Aww. Maybe you should seek help from an actual doctor, and not naturopaths and other quack woo peddlers. Ozone therapy FFS. Yikes.

Is it exploitation? Maybe, but when you buy into a sickness because you read about it on the internet, and ask for attention, and refuse to accept when they tell you that it's psychosomatic, it's hard to feel bad for you. Bravo to the filmmakers. BS dies in sunlight.

Star Wars: Episode VIII - The Last Jedi (2017)

Don't let the "helpful" reviews dissuade you!

[7/10 · 2 January 2018]

With The Last Jedi, Rian Johnson tried and succeeded to do something different. It's such a shame that all the sad, angry nerds out there that wanted their safe fantasy movie didn't get what they wanted. Boo hoo. This movie was not, by any means, the worst Star Wars movie evarrrr. Oh, you didn't like that Rey's parents were nobodies? You wanted to know where Snoke came from? You wanted Luke to train Rey like Yoda taught him? Well, too bad. Take your impotent butthurt somewhere else. This film had its issues, such as the humor being a bit too silly and broad (more Farce than Force, as it were), even for a historically silly fantasy franchise, but it was enjoyable and visually stunning. I particularly like how several characters took advantage of what they knew of the temperaments of those around them to further their various goals. Kylo fools Snoke, Luke fools Kylo. I also like how Finn and Poe basically fail at almost everything they try, and it is the women around them (Leia, Rey, Rose, and especially Holdo) that get stuff done. So don't believe the cadre of idiots circle-jerking the reviews here until only the 1-star ones show up. Give it a shot. You'll probably like it.