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mike683
Reviews
Runaway Train (1985)
Part of the 1985 bomb parade.
In 1985, which was not a stellar year for movies in general, you had Back to the Future, The Falcon and the Snowman, The Color Purple, and, The Breakfast Club as your top cinematic gems in contrast to Runaway Train. No wonder Eric "Julia's brother" Roberts was nominated for this stinker. If you were an adult in 1985, you were keen on why this movie languished in mediocrity. You put three uninteresting characters on a train that is broke and cannot stop. That's it, nothing more. Yeah, what's not to love, right? To start, I have never liked Eric Roberts. His acting annoys me, and he has never impressed me in any genre he's appeared in. Never mind the fact that I also do not like his sister either, but that's another story. All that said, Runaway Train is a paint drying yawner, that relies on making the audience engage with the character's personality. It did not work for me. If it worked for you then (1985 expression warning) more power to you.
The Mark of Zorro (1974)
Because One Star Was Lonely
This is a very miserable remake of the 1940 classic that I know like the back of my hand. This comical refuse is an insult to Tyrone Power and the rest of his excellent ensemble. I was quite alive when this TV movie was released in 74 and yet somehow, I have managed to avoid it up to now. I am glad I missed it.
Re-creations are always perilous, and seldom do they own up to the original they try to capture some of the essence. Steve Martin trying the Pink Panther on for size was a colossal mistake. He should have learned from this cinematic flop, that classics should be left untouched. In other words, go make your own classic and stop pilfering from the great ones.
All in all, the Zorro brand has survived this blip on the entertainment radar. Banderas saw to that, by making decent renditions. Other than that, leave this franchise alone. It is good where it sits.
The Tall T (1957)
Out in the Boonies
Compared to Ten Wanted Men, where Richard Boone delivers a weak-minded psychotic antagonist, his role in The Tall T is that of a strongminded psychotic antagonist, with a mean streak to boot. The stark contrast from Ten Wanted Men was welcomed.
Cruelty is the mainstay of this fine narrative, as harsh land, harsh badmen, ill-conceived love, and survival of it all is the general rule the day. Scott provides a wandering character, from saddle bum, to hero, and to a man who, "takes what is yours!" It is a classic but dark yarn that leaves one highly satisfied at the end.
The Tall T is not my favorite Scott effort, but when it's on I always tune in to see Boone's performance, which is captivating. Maureen O'Sullivan, well beyond her Tarzan days, supplements one of the steamiest scenes I have ever seen is any western, as she cannot resist the manly Scott's forcible advances. Back then the censors must have been seriously panicked. All in all, this substantial western's complexity is absolutely worth your time.
Top Gun: Maverick (2022)
Mission Impossible?
I was onboard with this heroic effort right up to when the comical objective of "the mission" was introduced to the audience. The question is, if this was a 'catch-us-up-to-Maverick' film, complete with modern weaponry, why on earth was this nihilistic mission the only way to achieve the objective? Upon mission reveal, I felt the movie shifted to a point-earning plot found only in a computer game, which will probably be available shortly. Not to mention, the perceived enemy once again remains so opaque, you never get a glimpse of their anatomy below the neck in a cockpit.
Given the 36-years of sequel gap of Top Gun Maverick, you obviously start with fixating on the associations with Top Gun. You piece who is who, and what ties they had to the original. The "hard deck" rears its ugly head a little too much for my liking. The story thoughtlessly tidies up some loose ends and establish others. The scheme moves in eerily similar ways to 1986, yet they insist on taking you through the archetypal storylines of aged vs youth, middle aged vs ancient, and very young vs aged. At some point one wonders how many Admirals the Navy has and exactly what is the age limit for such a rank.
Top Gun Maverick is technically flawless with realism beyond the typical CGI. The realism extends to the actors, who are truly having their lunch floating to their tonsils if they still have them. Cruise sees to the technical aspects and gives this version a polish that was seriously lacking in the original. The dogfights are exceptional, and the ultimate camaraderie is inevitable. TG Maverick is a very good film, but with a plot hole bigger than the sun. Alas, the mission however, was one for Force 10 from Navarone.
A Streetcar Named Desire (1951)
Uncomfortable Movie to Watch
I despise perspiring. Thus, I loathe movies that have a setting in hot and humid environments, as they make me feel subliminally uncomfortable. Then toss in Tennessee William's dysfunctional yelling, which bores me to tears, and I cannot wait to divert my eyes elsewhere. This film and Cat on a Hot Tin Roof have done nothing to impress me. I love the actors in both films, but hearing people bickering is not my cup of tea, especially when the yelling is based on trivial things.
My take on Streetcar is, skip this trolley and take another one. Better yet, take the long and quiet walk home.
The Dan Patrick Show (2007)
Downhill Racer
If you are not a dutiful listener to the level of their snobbish Danettes clique, then audience members are cast aside as irrelevant and uninformed. Patrick used to be levelheaded and keen with his sense of sporting world, but age and pompousness have render him irascible. Couple that with an egocentric presentation of his overexploited cinematic fame with the "Sandman" and you sense his growing assumption of "celebrity", that lingers on the soured tongue of his dwindling audience.
The fun is over, and the inevitability of obscurity is rather apparent, as his "efforting" to maintain a fresh-faced connection with his audience continues to slide down the slippery slope of delusion.
Gun Shy (2017)
Credits Make the Movie
The variety of characters in this painfully slow tale make the excruciation a bit tolerable. That would normally be enough of a review, but I actually liked this charming effort and it had me laughing, albeit not very much. Sticking with this story is the key. Tough it out, finish your tub of popcorn, and stay for the credits.
Olga Kurylenko and Aisling Loftus are refreshing contributors, and Martin Dingle Wall lifts the banal script to a notch above outright silly. Mark Valley's character is confusing and tediously overdone, although he makes the last half hour a bit more humorous. Lastly, the band of so called pirates are woefully underwhelming.
Yes, Gun Shy is not a perfect comedy, but Banderas carries the movie adequately in an offbeat way that keeps you mildly amused.
Walk of Shame (2014)
A Hodgepodge of Fun
Elizabeth Banks has an acting range that is very impressive. She does not disappoint here, in this lost night "Hangover" style comedy. The situations are campy, the supporting cast is quite good, and the story carries a steady mix of situational and physical comedy that keeps the viewer thoroughly entertained. I give it a robust rating though for only one special reason. That yellow dress and its wearer are an enjoyable distraction, that simply cannot be ignored.
The Big Valley: Rimfire (1968)
Shame on you...a lost art
I love it when the entire townsfolk are given a scolding from a little kid, as he recounts with amazing clarity I might add, each and every instance someone needed his father's help. It's the kind of town-shaming you rarely see anymore. I was literally choking up when the kid started, but it occurred to me that if this kid went through the entire roster of townsfolk, this episode would have needed to be a two-parter. That thought had me chuckling. Let alone if someone simply backhanded the kid, told him to shut up, and proceeded to wrangle the poor Chinaman out of the jail for a lynching. The latter could have been classic material for a Mel Brooks western spoof.
Anyway, Jarrod to the rescue once again.
Gemini Man (2019)
Naw, Not That Bad
Naysayers need to re-watch this action thriller with an open mind. Surprisingly, this movie came out of left field to me through reruns and I found the story highly entertaining from the get-go. Ang Lee reveals a very cohesive piece of directing that obviously leaves the door open for the inevitable sequel, and I would like to see one. With some well-comprised casting, familiar villains, and advanced special effects this cinematic effort manages to deliver the goods. Enjoy it!
The Swimmer (1968)
Needed Chlorination
Like peering through murky pool water, this story was difficult to swim through. I was around to see this picture in its first year of release. I recently saw a rerun and in all this time it has not improved one iota. In 1968-69, this Lancaster effort caught a lot of people off guard. If you review his other roles in the late 60's, this was a serious departure for Burt. He reportedly like this movie a lot. Too bad most of America did not find it so appealing and neither did I.
Bandolero! (1968)
A Wedged-In Western
Needless to say, the late 60's saw the western genre transitioning towards the 70's as a bit long in the saddle, and cheesecake versions, even with the voluptuous Raquel Welch, were not cutting the mustard. Less we forget it was up against Bronson, Fonda, and Cardinale in Once Upon A Time in The West.
The long in the saddle aspect also applied to Dean Martin, as Bandolero was his next to last western and his final effort, 5 Card Stud, was not warmly received and critics described his work as lackluster. Coupled with an aging, far-from-Destry, Jimmy Stewart and Bandolero did not stand a chance. Toss in the fact that Eastwood's trio of "Man with no name" spaghetti westerns were on fire, while John Wayne's cowboy career was winding down after offerings of El Dorado, The War Wagon, and headed for True Grit and ultimately The Shootist. Yes, the 1960's saw the western torch being dimmed significantly. The 1960's world was transitioning as well with assassination's, riots, and Vietnam, as John Wayne's 1968 Green Beret's confirms.
This all being said, I'll give Bandolero four stars for the four stars who showed up for a paycheck, but Bandolero was definitely wedged in between the vacuum of new Eastwood and old Wayne efforts. It was lost in the shuffle and rightly so. There was a lot of new blood standing in the wings and eager to replace the Wayne's, Stewart's, and Martin's of the world.
The Westward Trail (1948)
When a Horse Gets Second Billing
Ray Taylor is acclaimed to be "One of the more prolific American directors". Well, to become prolific one needs to work heartily on his craft. Apparently, this movie was quite the learning experience for Mr. Taylor. Starting from the ill-conceived cinematography and haphazard camera placement to the flawed acting and script, this attempt at a 1948 western fails miserably. I gave it three stars for the effort in the fight scenes, which near the end are comical, but refreshingly tight. You'll do best to skip over this unimaginative snoozer and stick with a few of the other 1948 westerns, the likes of Red River, Fort Apache, and Whispering Smith, where the horses somehow failed to get second billing.
The Monuments Men (2014)
Take Off The Shroud To Be Enlightened
As a young "Army-brat", I was taken to the Acropolis of Athens in Greece, where I mindlessly viewed the site as a playground full of rubble for the tossing. Some years later, as a freshman needing credits in college, I enrolled in a History of Architecture class and with jaw agape I found myself thoroughly exploring what the Acropolis of Athens epitomized to humankind. Thus, I was enlightened.
So, on a recent rainy afternoon, The Monuments Men unfolded on my smaller screen. As I read the movie's logline, it had never occurred to me just how much the world of art may well have lost during World War II. Once again, I was enlightened.
The Monuments Men garnered my attention from opening credits, but the more story unfolded it was as if I too were uncovering a fantastic work of art. Yes, Monuments Men is not your typical WWII battlefield endeavor, but with an open mind you can still unearth the dramatic irony in aging art aficionados weaving their way through resistive warzone commands, while trying to get their collective assignments accomplished. Assignments that transitioned into affairs of the courageous heart, all the while leaving the audience with heart-wrenching passages of tragedy.
Coming full circle, those same people who suffered through my childish antics on the Acropolis, would have been treated to similar escapades if they had also taken me to see a parched genre akin to The Monuments Men. However, I later realized the reasoning behind why my parents forced me to attend those protracted movies and to visit those tedious ancient sites, as such. Now, I thank my lucky stars they instilled that cultural foundation within me to nurture and I do so every day.
To that end, give The Monuments Men its due. The storyline has appeared as a misfire to some, but the acting ensemble, the heroics portrayed, and the curatorial triumphs of perpetuation are very entertaining, let's just say, to those of us with a hint of cultural exposure.
Apollo 13 (1995)
Not a Bad Vehicle...Unlike the Service Module
I have watched this movie over one hundred times, and I find it to be one of Ron Howard's best. From start to finish the viewer is taken on an ill-fated trip that conveys 'contingency' at its utmost. Survival is the name of the game and the film portrays the resilience of the entire space program to bring three astronauts' home. Howard sets the dramatic tone early with a front-loaded revisit to the tragic deaths of the Apollo 1 crew. It is a reminder and signifies the fragility of life as an astronaut.
Howard effortlessly incorporates family and the behind the scenes skepticism of very engaged spouse played perfectly by Kathleen Quinlan. Her onscreen chemistry with Tom Hanks, though limited, is infectious. Along with Hanks, Howard has an excellent ensemble of characters all of who offer insight into the multifaceted background of a space mission. Ed Harris delivers a gem of a performance and absolutely takes command of the film, as he steers the audience through the launch, the casualty and motivates the ground team to get the men home.
Overall, my liking this movie centers on the vicarious nature and the "what would I do" feel of the story. Howard's film keeps you firmly in space and presents the environmental conditions aptly, so the viewer indeed understands the harsh reality the Apollo 13 crew endures. In contrast, he reveals the circumstances with the families, where the stress, strain, and feelings of helplessness are poignantly unveiled.
Alas, it is that emotional aspect that I also feel is lacking at the film's end. We see that the crew returns safely, we see the families react from afar, but after being subjected throughout the film to the intimate emotional swings of the families, one would love to have seen the inevitable and conceivably incredible reunions with loved ones. It is my impression that Ron Howard missed the boat on that omission. Thus, the movie gets 8 out 10 stars from me, but do not let that be an indication I feel it is not truly a 10.
Frasier: Frasier's Imaginary Friend (1997)
Impeccable Comedy
Sela Ward is one of the fantasy loves of my life. She's gorgeous, talented, and her classy demeanor is apparent. To cast her in this episode was nothing short of brilliant. She presented an epic contrast to Grammer and nailed the comedic timing of the Frasier humor machine that makes this episode one of my all time favorites. I downright cry with laughter every time I see it. That said the finale is magnificent, as Frasier escapes the assumptions of his crew with an atypical and savvy retort, "Well, how do you like me now!" Impeccable!
Magnum P.I. (2018)
5'9" Magnum is now a Split literally.
The original show revolved around a 6'4" hunk in 1980 and now it revolves around 5'9" runt. I'm sorry, but size matters, unless you're Jet Li. How can you sell this guy going up against thugs etc. In Champagne bottles a Magnum gets the job done and a Split simply leaves you frustrated and unfulfilled. I give you Split P.I. 2018.
Beverly Hills Cop II (1987)
A sturdy sequel.
Sequels rarely meet or exceed their predecessors, but I must admit this one runs just about par for the course. To start with, a solid cast of bad guys/girls lends to the antagonistic nature of the film. The evildoers rely on a sophisticated and heavy dose of violence to ransack the southern California area, which lends a Thomas Crown aspect to the plot.
Slide over to the protagonist side and you get a familiar treatment of characters, who deliver solid police work wrapped around the antics of the ever-popular streetwise Detroit cop. The inclusion of resistance from department management creates an additional level of odds to circumvent and overcome. Toss in a visit into the world of Playboy and there is enough of a cinematic blend of beauty and violence to satisfy the entire audience.
The pumping soundtrack is a great enhancement to the flow of the story and once again, the relationship between Todd and Foley is as entertaining as it gets. Sit down, grab your popcorn, and prepare to enjoy a fast-paced return trip through the streets of Beverly Hills, with a little Detroit added in for good measure.
MacGruber (2010)
It had me in tears!
I finally ran out of excuses to skip this movie and I must say it was very funny. It was surprisingly funny and a slick approach to transitioning a TV skit to cinema. I really do not follow the neo-SNL gang that much, but this movie is filled with bits and scenes I never expected. Yes, the premise is chaotic, but the plot moves along and the ending never quits on the humorous flow. MacGruber is a good silly time with some great players in the cast. It's tongue in cheek defined. If you thinking this movie is Animal House, you can forget it, but MacGruber is enjoyable nonetheless. So don't avoid it anymore if you have been. Drink it in with an open mind and I trust you won't be disappointed.
Zookeeper (2011)
Got The Job Done
We went out to the theater with my young nieces looking for a babysitter of a movie and a real time killer. This one gets the job done and it actually was not all that bad.
I spent half of the time trying to match animals with actor voices. The other half listening to two gals camped out behind me incessantly giggling at everything Kevin James said or did. I guess they liked the movie too. My nieces did and believe me, they let you know when a movie is bad by their behavior. They did not squirm or complain once.
Overall, the movie delivers the usual feel-good story with a twist. There are some funny moments and some not-so-funny moments, but nothing that morphs into a nightmarish experience. For that reason, I give Zookeeper a hearty 6 out of 10 stars. After all, four women laughing and not whining is pretty good day in my book.
Just Go with It (2011)
OK at Matinée Prices
I am a big Kidman fan, so that made me somewhat comfortable with seeing this cutesy movie with the wife. Too bad Nicole appears sparingly in this comedic folly.
You would have to be from another planet in order to miss where this movie was going after three minutes in. The characters in this Happy Madison genre fumble through the standard romance format, all the while directing us toward the ultimate happy conclusion. There are some good cameos and some genuine laugh-out-loud moments, but not many. Take a date, buy some fresh popcorn, and try to remain interested in this ordinary, but tolerable yawner. Rating it a six was being generous.
Paul Blart: Mall Cop (2009)
Not an Appalling Malling
This movie surprised me. I laughed aloud and often. Kevin James has always been a decent physical-comedy actor, but he exceeded my expectations in Mall Cop by not letting physical be a dominant theme. I also found the hypoglycemic slant very innovative, especially with our hero's classic method of resuscitation on the control room floor.
Mall Cop has an interesting blend of a supporting cast. From Jayma Mays to Keir O'Donnell the casting was adequate to pull off a decent comedy. This feel good comedy worked for me and left me without regrets.
Yes, Die Hard is definitely violated here, but Mall Cop actually took the concept a step further by introducing the audience to a tainted yet dedicated commoner, who bound by mediocrity and thrown against evil forces, arrives on top by using primitive skills that were honed through his own efforts to improve his life. It is an archetypical approach, which is a foundation for thousands of movies, but somehow never seems to get old.
Blart versus McClane is no contest in a sky-rise, airport, tunnel, or in cyberspace, but take the battle to your local Mall and I will take Blart any day.
Taking Chance (2009)
Premium Representation
"Taking Chance" is a straightforward story of a man coming to terms with his own apparent fears through a persuasive occurrence. This cinematic account uncovers an incident that began in Iraq, ended in Wyoming, while bringing one man to a renewed realization that life and death are absolute. Our main intake from this movie should never be too complicated, sinister, or overtly patriotic.
Anyone of us who have served their country, or put their lives on the line for any type of duty, can and should readily identify with the events depicted in this film. It openly deals with the ultimate sacrifice and revisits the extensive affect on society a loss of military life has.
The key revelation is just how much the military honors its losses with an amazing attention to detail. Their care and concern is driven by such a deep sense of sorrow, yet with an underlying sense of pride as well. The movie surpasses when the personalities behind the grim preparations are touched on. One realizes the task needs very special types of individuals.
All in all, as I read in the Wall Street Journal's review of the film, Mr. Bacon nails the role. My brother was a Marine, I was in the Navy, and my career-Army father was honorably buried at Arlington National Cemetery. With that, I believe I know the difference between a bad representation of the military and a good one. This film never really strays from what is reality. A soldier died, a soldier was reborn, a country is grateful, and a family, though saddened by a tragic loss, is extremely proud. We should have pride as well for Taking Chance.
The Bourne Ultimatum (2007)
Again, I saw Bourne...Yesterday!
The Borne Ultimatum has the same great storyline, same great actors, and same great chance there will be more Bourne. The movie collectively reveals a ton of missing pieces, neatly solves the puzzles we may have had, perpetuates the ever popular nonstop action pace, and typically leaves us wanting much, much more. This movie is a solid ten!
Matt Damon now must be considered the new Bogart, Gable, Cooper, or Cagney. He continues to amaze, as he expands his mega-star resume from one hit to another. Suffice to say, he successfully takes us deeply again into the insane world of a dark and brooding Jason Bourne. You want him to survive, you want him to be personable, and damn it, you want him to jump on Nicky Parson's (Julia Stiles) bones. Alas, maybe next time.
A View to a Kill (1985)
Yikes! No more Moore!
Roger Moore should have never opted to do this movie, and with Octopussy being another bad exception he was absolutely fantastic in every other Bond film he made. Suffice to say in "VTAK", he looks tired, outdated, and overused. Christopher Walken is not much better as the inanimate evil villain. Throw in Grace Jones, Tanya Roberts, and a tired cast of inept or aged actors and your get the geriatric version of one mess of a movie.
Believe me, I have tried to find the good in this cinematic mistake, but there is nothing good about this movie and it is the only, I repeat only Bond movie that I refuse to watch.