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Reviews
Run a Crooked Mile (1969)
Great Plot, Great Stars, and a Lot of Fun
I don't know why I am so enamored of this particular TV movie. I viewed it on broadcast TV when it first aired in 1969, and it has stayed with me even though I haven't seen it since. As you undoubtedly know, the basic plot involves one Richard Stuart (Louis Jordan), a London bachelor schoolteacher who witnesses a murder in a large deserted country mansion. When he takes the local constable there, the murder has naturally been covered up, with the caretaker scoffing at them. In attempting to investigate the murder, he is rendered unconscious, and awakens two years later in a Swiss hospital, but with a completely new identity. According to the hospital personnel, he is a rich polo-playing playboy, who had an accident while playing polo. However, the last thing he remembers is witnessing the murder in London two years earlier, in his real identity. Things get more complicated when his self-proclaimed wife, Elizabeth Sutton, played by a delicious looking Mary Tyler Moore shows up to see how he is recuperating from the polo accident. Richard is of course suspicious of her, thinking that she is part of the "plot". When he is released from the hospital, he realizes that he has indeed lost two years of his life from his previous identity, and that he has actually been living as the playboy for this period. I doubt highly that such a case of sustained amnesia and/or schizophrenia is medically possible, but who's counting? It's just a movie after all, and so what if it requires a little more than the usual suspension of disbelief?
It's interesting to think of the possibilities if this movie were to be remade currently. In the 1969 version, when Richard tries to passionately kiss his supposed wife Elizabeth as a "test", he is of course rebuffed. He naturally accepts this behavior as part of the plot against him, suggesting to Elizabeth that her payment for portraying his wife did not include having any intimate relations with him. Since their relationship was strained before the accident, she has indeed justifiably rebuffed him, and she attributes his bizarre behavior to the polo accident. But she slowly comes to believe his incredible tale of a murder plot, and together they try to put the pieces together while falling in love (again). If I were in charge of remaking this movie currently, I would downplay the part where the male character is rebuffed, and perhaps redo it so that there is an immediate attraction between them. Also, I would cast Orlando Bloom and Kate Bosworth as the leading characters. Or perhaps Ewan McGregor and Megan Fox. Or Hugh Jackman and Jennifer Biel. After all, the two roles call for an Englishman and an American woman. Thus, with any of the appealing twosomes suggested above, and a little creativity in re-writing their respective parts in getting to know each other, we could sit back and let the sparks fly where they may.
This was a Universal Studios British production, but there are so many clichés in the movie, it has Hollywood written all over it. And instead of Switzerland, I would place the locale in Nice or Monte Carlo. Much more romantic.
So it will indeed be a miracle if this is ever released on DVD, and a greater miracle if they ever do a remake. But hey, we can hope.
Casino Royale (2006)
This Turkey Marks the End of an Era
As a long time James Bond movie fan, this stinker is a real letdown. Yes, there's plenty of running and acrobatics, a high body count, and collapsing buildings, but that's where the "fun" ends. The ridiculous script with its incomprehensible dialog also subjects us to a boring interminable European poker session, total confusion where people who are supposed to be on your side aren't, and stoic resistance to torture, the latter scene being an overlong and disturbing paean to sadists and masochists.
As for Daniel Craig, he is not nearly as good-looking, suave, witty, charming, debonair, and sophisticated as prior Bonds. However, he is certainly more muscular and athletic - as though that makes up for it. I just don't think the producers understand who Bond is.
Also, must M always be angry and upset with our Mr. Bond? Can't she just once say, "Hey, Jimmy, nice work, you saved the world again."
Some critics have actually praised this turkey, calling it "darker" and "more sinister" than prior Bond films. Talk about understatement. Where is Q with his gadgets, where is Moneypenny with her flirting, where is the charm, appeal, and finesse of prior Bond movies? Alas, gone forever I fear.
Lost (2004)
Plot Gimmicks Point In One Direction
And that direction is down. WAY down. The only viable explanation at this point for all of these totally weird plot anomalies is that all of the survivors are dead and in Hell. It's a classic Hollywood copout. The writers have dug so many plot holes that any attempt now to explain these mysteries in the real world would be far-fetched and ludicrous. Thus, being in Hell as an "explanation" eliminates the need to connect the monsters, the black horse, the polar bear, the "Others", the Dharma Initiative, and all the other mysteries of the island. According to the rules of Hollywood scriptwriting, if you're in Hell anything goes and doesn't need explaining. But it's still a copout. Of course, they can always resort to that other Hollywood copout: It was just a dream.
The show is still fun to watch but it would have been so much more enjoyable if the mysteries had a believable, logical explanation in the real world. If they're not in Hell, why are the writers so reluctant to reveal any mysteries? Two puzzling but less obvious mysteries: (1) Why didn't Hurley lose weight after eating nothing but nuts and fruits (at least before he found that food stash in the hatch)? (2) Why didn't the raft crew attempt to circumnavigate the island instead of heading out to sea? They may have found a luxury resort on the other side where the locals would have said, "Oh, we don't go to that part of the island. It's private property owned by an eccentric billionaire named Zeke Dharma".
Pride & Prejudice (2005)
A great movie, but rushed for time
The problem is, we were spoiled by the excellent BBC version which in five hours time was able to follow the book rather closely. Thus, the dialogue in this new movie version feels very rushed and condensed, as though the script had been written for the Readers Digest. It just seems that in their hurry to get their lines in, the actors' elocution in many scenes is clipped, and thus difficult to understand. Aside from the two older sisters, the three younger sisters have little opportunity to distinguish themselves or to develop their characters. There simply isn't time. I kept waiting in vain for my favorite conversations and confrontations to take place. Most were there, but shortened almost beyond recognition.
Two other problems: The propensity of the Bennet family members to eavesdrop together on private conversations was extremely annoying. Also, the casting of Donald Sutherland as Mr. Bennet was a bit misguided. He seemed, at 70, more like their grandfather than their father.
However, one of the many redeeming features of this movie (the beautiful locales being one of them) is the casting of Keira Knightly as Elizabeth. She was superb and radiant throughout. Her scene with Mr. Darcy at the end of the movie, where they meet by chance at dawn outside her home, has to rank as one of the most romantic scenes in cinematic history.
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)
Visuals 10, Plot 2
SW3 Revenge of the Sith is the most visually stunning and graphically satisfying movie I've ever seen. It was an immense cinematic achievement to get all those incredible scenes on the screen. Yet, the plot bothers me no end. Yes, I understand that George had to connect all the dots, fill in the storyline gaps, and portray how the arch-villain Darth Vader came to be. Still, what a great movie it COULD have been - if George's hands hadn't been tied to that downer of a plot.
Just one of the deleted scenes on the DVD, where Obi-Wan and Annakin escape the lair of General Grievous, gives us a teaser of what a marvelous treat this movie might have been. An involved and appealing plot concerning the adventures of these two powerful daredevils, complementing each other's strengths and weaknesses while overcoming the most nefarious of enemies throughout the galaxy, could have been a classic of science fiction movie-making to rank with the best. (And at least once in the script, one would have to say to the other, "I have a bad feeling about this.") Their chemistry, as depicted in that one deleted scene, was the stuff great movies are made of.
But it was not to be. We had to stolidly sit through what we all knew was going to happen anyway. Annikin would be seduced by the Dark Side, Padme would die while giving birth to Luke and Leia, and Obi-Wan would leave his friend and apprentice in agony on the lava flows of Mustafar. What a shame. Still, as Emperor Palpatine might have said, "It is inevitable." But I still wonder if it would do any good to petition George Lucas to make a new movie based on the very appealing adventures of Obi-Wan and Annikin. I'm sure we could thoroughly enjoy their swashbuckling light saber battles throughout George's galaxy without contemplating what lies in their future.
Knock on Wood (1954)
One of Danny Kaye's funniest
This, in my opinion, is one of Kaye's funniest performances, showcasing his comedic, singing, and dancing talents to the fullest. Not to be missed is the movie's finale, where Kaye finds himself on the stage of a London ballet as the leading dancer while simultaneously trying to escape from the baddies.
Ten Thousand Bedrooms (1957)
Lousy plot, still fun to watch
As a Dean Martin fan, I can forgive his lack of characteristic charm and charisma in this movie. The plot is really the movie's worst failure because the locale and other production values are good. All the movie really needed was a completely different script. In spite of all that, it's still fun to watch.
Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)
George Lucas takes us to worlds we could only previously imagine.
The original Star Wars movie broke new ground in the genre of SF movies. Nothing before it had come close in terms of scope, grandeur, and enjoyment. "Phantom Menace" continues that tradition of providing SF entertainment on an order of magnitude above the competition. It is a stunning achievement in imaginary filmmaking. Sure, George, it's only a movie, but man, what a movie!