The Avengers (2012)
Robert Downey Jr.: Tony Stark, Iron Man
Loki : The Chitauri are coming. Nothing will change that. What have I to fear?
Tony Stark : The Avengers. That's what we call ourselves; we're sort of like a team. "Earth's Mightiest Heroes" type thing.
Loki : Yes, I've met them.
Tony Stark : Yeah, takes us a while to get any traction, I'll give you that one. But let's do a head count here: your brother the demi-god; a super soldier, a living legend who kind of lives up to the legend; a man with breath-taking anger management issues; a couple of master assassins, and YOU, big fella, you've managed to piss off every single one of them.
Loki : That was the plan.
Tony Stark : Not a great plan. When they come, and they WILL, they'll come for you.
Loki : I have an army.
Tony Stark : We have a Hulk.
Loki : I thought the beast had wandered off...
Tony Stark : You're missing the point! There's no throne, there is no version of this where you come out on top. Maybe your army comes and maybe it's too much for us but it's all on you. Because if we can't protect the Earth, you can be damned well sure we'll avenge it!
Iron Man : [as the fight begins] Call it, Captain!
Captain America : Alright, listen up. Until we can close that portal, our priority's containment. Barton, I want you on that roof, eyes on everything. Call out patterns and strays. Stark, you got the perimeter. Anything gets more than three blocks out, you turn it back or you turn it to ash.
Hawkeye : [to Iron Man] Want to give me a lift?
Iron Man : Right. Better clench up, Legolas.
[Iron Man takes Hawkeye up to the roof]
Captain America : Thor, you gotta try and bottleneck that portal. Slow 'em down. You got the lightning. Light the bastards up.
[Thor swings his hammer and flies off and Captain America turns to Black Widow]
Captain America : You and me, we stay here on the ground, keep the fighting here. And Hulk?
[the Hulk turns and glares at Cap]
Captain America : Smash!
[Hulk grins and leaps away]
Steve Rogers : Big man in a suit of armour. Take that off, what are you?
Tony Stark : Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.
Steve Rogers : I know guys with none of that worth ten of you. I've seen the footage. The only thing you really fight for is yourself. You're not the guy to make the sacrifice play, to lay down on a wire and let the other guy crawl over you.
Tony Stark : I think I would just cut the wire.
Steve Rogers : Always a way out... You know, you may not be a threat, but you better stop pretending to be a hero.
Tony Stark : A hero? Like you? You're a lab rat, Rogers. Everything special about you came out of a bottle!
Steve Rogers : Put on the suit. Let's go a few rounds.
Thor : Do not touch me again!
Tony Stark : Then don't take my stuff.
Thor : You have no idea what you are dealing with.
Tony Stark : Uh, Shakespeare in The Park? Doth mother know you weareth her drapes?
Thor : This is beyond you, metal man. Loki will face Asgardian justice.
Tony Stark : He gives up the Cube, he's all yours. Until then, stay out of the way, tourist.
Tony Stark : [about Loki killing Coulson] He made it personal.
Steve Rogers : That's not the point.
Tony Stark : That IS the point. That's Loki's point! He hit us all right where we live. Why?
Steve Rogers : To tear us apart.
Tony Stark : Yeah, divide and conquer is great, but he knows he has to take us out to win, right? THAT'S what he wants. He wants to beat us, he wants to be seen doing it. He wants an audience.
Steve Rogers : Right. I caught his act at Stuttgart.
Tony Stark : Yeah, that was just previews. This is - this is opening night. And Loki, he's a full-tilt diva, right? He wants flowers, he wants parades. He wants a monument built to the skies with his name plastered...
[Stark pauses; he and Rogers look at each other knowingly]
Tony Stark : Sonofabitch!
Tony Stark : That man is playing Galaga! Thought we wouldn't notice. But we did.
Steve Rogers : Does Loki need any particular kind of power source?
Bruce Banner : He'd have to heat the cube to a hundred and twenty million Kelvin just to break through the Coulomb barrier.
Tony Stark : Unless Selvig has figured out how to stabilize the quantum tunnelling effect.
Bruce Banner : Well, if he could do that, he could achieve heavy ion fusion at any reactor on the planet.
Tony Stark : Finally, someone who speaks English.
Steve Rogers : Is that what just happened?
[Stark and Banner shake hands]
Tony Stark : It's good to meet you, Dr. Banner. Your work on anti-electron collisions is unparalleled. And I'm a huge fan of the way you lose control and turn into an enormous green rage monster.
Bruce Banner : Thanks.
Nick Fury : [to Stark] Dr. Banner is only here to track the cube. I was hoping you might join him.
Steve Rogers : Let's start with that stick of his. It may be magical, but it works an awful lot like a Hydra weapon.
Nick Fury : I don't know about that, but it is powered by the cube. And I'd like to know how Loki used it to turn two of the sharpest men I know into his personal flying monkeys.
Thor : Monkeys? I do not understand.
Steve Rogers : I do!
[Stark rolls his eyes, while Captain America looks proud of himself]
Steve Rogers : I understood that reference.
Pepper Potts : Is this about the Avengers? Which I know nothing about.
Tony Stark : The Avengers initiative was scrapped, I thought. And I didn't even qualify.
Pepper Potts : I didn't know that either.
Tony Stark : Apparently I'm volatile, self-obsessed, and don't play well with others.
Pepper Potts : That I did know.
Agent Phil Coulson : [via phone] Mr Stark, we need to talk.
Tony Stark : You have reached the life model decoy of Tony Stark, please leave a message.
Agent Phil Coulson : This is urgent.
Tony Stark : Then leave it urgently.
[Coulson enters Stark's penthouse, hanging up his cellphone]
Tony Stark : Security breach.
Tony Stark : [to Pepper] That's on you.
Agent Phil Coulson : Mr Stark.
Pepper Potts : Phil! Come in.
Tony Stark : "Phil?" Uh, his first name is "Agent."
Tony Stark : [regaining consciousness] What just happened? Please tell me nobody kissed me.
Steve Rogers : We won.
Tony Stark : Alright. Hey. Alright. Good job, guys. Let's just not come in tomorrow. Let's just take a day. Have you ever tried shawarma? There's a shawarma joint about two blocks from here. I don't know what it is, but I wanna try it.
Loki : Please tell me you're going to appeal to my humanity
Tony Stark : Uh, actually I'm planning to threaten you.
Loki : You should have left your armor on for that.
Tony Stark : Yeah. It's seen a bit of "mileage" and you got the "glow-stick of destiny". Would you like a drink?
Loki : Stalling me won't change anything
Tony Stark : No, no no, threatening! No drink? You sure? I'm having one.
Tony Stark : [to Bruce Banner] You really have got a lid on it, haven't you? What's your secret? Mellow jazz? Bongo drums? Huge bag of weed?
Tony Stark : You know, I've got a cluster of shrapnel, trying every second to crawl its way into my heart.
[Stark points at the mini-arc reactor in his chest]
Tony Stark : This stops it. This little circle of light. It's part of me now, not just armor. It's a... terrible privilege.
Bruce Banner : But you can control it.
Tony Stark : Because I learned how.
Bruce Banner : It's different.
[Banner tries to read the computer screen, but Stark slides the data aside with his finger so the two can see face-to-face]
Tony Stark : Hey, I've read all about your accident. That much gamma exposure should have killed you.
Bruce Banner : So you're saying that the Hulk... the other guy... saved my life? That's nice. It's a nice sentiment. Save it for what?
Tony Stark : I guess we'll find out.
[Banner and Stark get back to work at their respective computers]
Bruce Banner : You might not like that.
Tony Stark : You just might.
Natasha Romanoff : [all arguing in the lab] Are you really that dense? S.H.I.E.L.D. monitors potential threats.
Bruce Banner : Captain America is on threat watch?
Natasha Romanoff : We ALL are!
Tony Stark : [to Rogers] You're on that list? Are you above or below angry bees?
Steve Rogers : I swear, Stark, one more wisecrack out of you...
Tony Stark : Verbal threat! Threatening! I'm being threatened!
[Captain America throws his shield between Iron Man and Thor, stopping their fight in the woods]
Steve Rogers : Hey! That's enough!
[Captain America looks at Thor]
Steve Rogers : Now, I don't know what you plan on doing here.
Thor : I've come here to put and end to Loki's schemes!
Steve Rogers : Then prove it! Put the hammer down.
Tony Stark : Um, yeah, no! Bad call! He loves his hammer!
[Thor knocks Iron Man back with his hammer]
Thor : [to Cap] You want me to put the hammer down?
[Captain America ducks and holds up his shield as Thor leaps at him, blocking Thor's blow. The impact of the hammer on the vibranium shield creates a massive shockwave, knocking Thor off his feet]
Steve Rogers : Are we done here?
Steve Rogers : Stark? We got him.
Tony Stark : Banner...?
Steve Rogers : Just like you said.
Tony Stark : Then tell him to suit up... I'm bringing the party to you.
[Stark in his Iron Man armor leads the monstrous Leviathan into view, heading toward the rest of the Avengers]
Natasha Romanoff : I - I don't see how that's a party.
Tony Stark : [to Steve Rogers] I'm not afraid to hit an old man.
Tony Stark : [Discussing S.H.I.E.L.D] An intelligence agency that FEARS intelligence? Historically, not awesome.
[Fires missiles at a leviathan, which turns to pursue him]
Tony Stark : Well, I got his attention. What the hell was step two?
Pepper Potts : Levels are holding steady... I think.
Tony Stark : Of course they are, I was directly involved. Which brings me to my next question: how does it feel to be a genius?
Pepper Potts : Well, ha, I really wouldn't know now, would I?
Tony Stark : What do you mean? All this came from you.
Pepper Potts : No. All this came from that.
[Points to the energy in his chest plate]
Tony Stark : Give yourself some credit, please. Stark Tower is your baby. Give yourself... 12% of the credit.
Pepper Potts : Twelve percent?
Tony Stark : An argument can be made for fifteen.
Pepper Potts : Twelve percent for my baby?
Tony Stark : Well, I did do all the heavy lifting. Literally, I lifted the heavy things. And sorry, but the security snafu? That was on you.
Pepper Potts : Oooooh.
Tony Stark : My private elevator...
Pepper Potts : You mean OUR elevator?
Tony Stark : ...was teeming with sweaty workmen. I'm going to pay for that comment about percentages in some subtle way later, aren't I?
Pepper Potts : Not gonna be that subtle.
Tony Stark : I'll tell you what. Next building's gonna say 'Potts' on the tower.
Pepper Potts : On the lease.
Tony Stark : ...Call your mom, can you bunk over?
[Black Widow is flying a Quinjet, while a maskless Captain America and helmetless Iron Man stand in the back keeping an eye on Loki]
Steve Rogers : I don't like it.
Tony Stark : What? Rock of Ages giving up so easily?
Steve Rogers : I don't remember it being ever that easy. This guy packs a wallop.
Tony Stark : Still, you are pretty spry, for an older fellow. What's your thing, Pilates?
Steve Rogers : What?
Tony Stark : It's like calisthenics. You might have missed a couple things, you know, doing time as a Capsicle.
[Captain America looks at Iron Man, annoyed]
Steve Rogers : Fury didn't tell me he was calling you in.
Tony Stark : Yeah, there's a lot of things Fury doesn't tell you.
Nick Fury : [having discovered a security breach] What are you doing, Mr Stark?
Tony Stark : Uh, kind of been wondering the same thing about you.
Nick Fury : You're supposed to be locating the Tesseract!
Bruce Banner : We are! The model's locked and we're sweeping for the signature now. When we get the hit, we'll have a signature within half a mile.
Tony Stark : Yeah, you'll get your cube back, no mas, no fuss.
Tony Stark : What is Phase 2?
Steve Rogers : [drops a weapon on a table] Phase 2 is SHIELD uses the Cube to make weapons! Sorry, the computer was moving a little slow for me.
Nick Fury : Rogers, we gathered everything related to the Tesseract, this does not mean that we...
Tony Stark : I'm sorry Nick, what were you lying?
[turns a monitor around showing a schematic of a rocket]
Steve Rogers : I was wrong, Director. The world hasn't changed a bit.
Tony Stark : [to Captain America] In a few hours I'll know every dirty secret S.H.I.E.L.D. has been trying to hide. Blueberry?
Steve Rogers : [about Coulson] Was he married?
Tony Stark : No. There was a, uh... cellist. I think.
Steve Rogers : I'm sorry. He seemed like a good man.
Tony Stark : He was an idiot.
Steve Rogers : Why? For believing?
Tony Stark : For taking on Loki alone.
Steve Rogers : He was doing his job.
Tony Stark : [scoffs] He was out of his league. He should have waited. He should have...
Steve Rogers : Sometimes there isn't a way out, Tony.
Tony Stark : Right, I've heard that before.
Steve Rogers : Is this the first time you've lost a soldier?
Tony Stark : WE ARE NOT SOLDIERS! I am not marching to Fury's fife!
Steve Rogers : Neither am I! He's got the same blood on his hands that Loki does. But right now we've got to put that behind us and get this done.
Thor : You speak of control, yet you court chaos.
Bruce Banner : It's his M.O., isn't it? I mean, what are we, a team? No, no, no. We're a chemical mixture that makes chaos. We're... we're a time-bomb.
Nick Fury : You need to step away.
Tony Stark : Why shouldn't the guy let off a little steam?
Steve Rogers : You know damn well why! Back off!
Tony Stark : Oh, I'm starting to want you to make me.
Tony Stark : [to Thor] No hard feelings, Point Break. You've got a mean swing.
Thor : Your work with the Tesseract is what drew Loki to it... and his allies. It is a signal to the Realm that Earth is ready for a higher form of war!
Nick Fury : Higher form? You forced our hand! We had to come up with some way that we could...
Tony Stark : A nuclear deterrent? Cause that always works well...
Nick Fury : Remind me how you made your fortune, Mr Stark.
Jarvis : [as Iron Man arrives at Stark Tower to confront Loki and Selvig] Sir, I've shut down the Arc Reactor, but the device is already self-sustaining.
Iron Man : Shut it down, Dr. Selvig.
Selvig : It's too late! She can't stop now. She wants to show us something! A new universe.
Iron Man : OK.
[blasts the device, which defends itself with a barrier, blasting Selvig into a wall and pushing Iron Man back]
Jarvis : The barrier is pure energy. It's unbreachable.
Iron Man : Yeah I got that - Plan B.
[he turns to Loki and drifts down to his landing pad]
Jarvis : Sir, the Mark VII is not ready for deployment.
Iron Man : Then skip the spinning rims! We're on the clock!
[Lands and has his armor removed]
Nick Fury : Agent Romanoff, would you escort Dr. Banner back to his...
Bruce Banner : Back where? You rented my room.
Nick Fury : The cell was built...
Bruce Banner : In case you needed to kill me, but you can't! I know! I tried!... I got low. I didn't see an end, so I put a bullet in my mouth... and the other guy spit it out! So I moved on. I focused on helping other people. I was good, until you dragged me back into this freak show and put everyone here at risk!
[Banner slowly gets upset as he looks at Romanoff, who gets unnerved]
Bruce Banner : You wanna know my secret, Agent Romanoff? You wanna know how I stay calm?
[Black Widow and Nick Fury have their hands down to grab their guns]
Steve Rogers : Doctor Banner... put down the scepter.
[Banner looks down and is shocked to see he's holding Loki's scepter; the computer beeps]
Tony Stark : Got it.
[Banner puts down the scepter and heads to the computer]
Bruce Banner : Sorry, kids. You don't get to see my little party trick after all.
Black Widow : [Penetrating the barrier with Loki's scepter] I can close it. Can anybody copy? I can shut the portal down.
Captain America : Do it!
Iron Man : No wait!
Captain America : Stark, these things are still coming!
Iron Man : I got a nuke coming in. It's going to blow in less than a minute, and I know just where to put it.
Captain America : Stark, you know that's a one way trip?
Iron Man : Save the rest for the turn, J.
Jarvis : Sir, shall I try Ms. Potts?
Iron Man : Might as well.
Tony Stark : [on the aircraft carrier] Raise the mizzenmast! Jib the topsails!
Tony Stark : You're good on this end. The rest is up to you.
Pepper Potts : [on the other line] You disconnected the transition lines? Are we off the grid?
Tony Stark : Stark Tower is about to become a beacon of self-sustaining clean energy.
Pepper Potts : Wow. So maybe our reactor takes over and it actually works?
Tony Stark : I assume. Light her up.
[as Iron Man flies to the Stark Tower building, the power is switched on and the Stark sign lights up]
Pepper Potts : How does it look?
Tony Stark : Like Christmas, but with more... *me.*
Pepper Potts : Come on in. We're celebrating.
Tony Stark : Which is why he can't stay.
[flashes Coulson phony smile]
Agent Phil Coulson : We need you to look this over as soon as possible.
Tony Stark : I don't like being handed things...
Pepper Potts : [cuts Tony off] That's fine, because I love to be handed things.
[Pepper exchanges her champagne glass for Coulson's tablet]
Pepper Potts : So, let's trade.
[She takes Tony's champagne and gives him the tablet]
Pepper Potts : Thank you.
Tony Stark : [to Coulson] Official consulting hours are between 8 and 5 every other Thursday.
Pepper Potts : What is all of this?
Tony Stark : This is, uh...
[Different profiles appears in holographic form floating in the air in front of Stark and Pepper]
Tony Stark : This.
[Screens appear of Captain America in action, the Hulk roaring as he attacks the Army at Culver University, and another is of Loki and the Tesseract, to which Stark and Pepper look on in awe]
Pepper Potts : I'm going to take the jet to D.C. tonight.
Tony Stark : Tomorrow.
Pepper Potts : You've got homework. You've got a lot of homework.
[Hawkeye is shooting arrow after arrow against the enemies, and reports to Iron Man:]
Clint Barton : Stark? Got a lot of strays sniffing your tail.
Tony Stark : Just trying to keep them off the streets.
Clint Barton : [smiles] Well, they can't bank worth a damn. Find a tight corner.
Tony Stark : I will roger that.