Review of Hotel Artemis

Hotel Artemis (2018)
2/10
shallow and obvious
12 October 2018
Warning: Spoilers
There is not one aspect or moment of this film that in not cliche. Every character, every moment, every concept, every scene has been done almost every film ever made. Somehow this film has managed to bring to screen the epitome of action film, cliche. This is not a film for a movie enthusiast. If in the unlikely event, you have never ever seen any film before, you'll love it.

It would be impossible to really give spoilers in this film by revelation definition, yet I am loathed to tick the box, because I have to point out my major issue with it, which is its whole seen before theme, nothing happens that you wouldn't expect. If it was some 14yo boys home made script that he put on at a film festival, I would give him a very patronising "well done". The fact that Hollywood have now reached the stage where they are financing this drivel regularly makes me fear for the whole industry and the "dumbing down" of humanity.

Even the soundtrack, as good as it was, classic black-woman soul which was totally what you expect to give the character (Jodi's nurse) some sort of melancholy, which was the only layer of a very thin onion of her one dimensional character. Other than that every other character was absolutely one dimensional and seen in a thousand films before; you have the good guy at heart bank robber, his not so smart brother that ropes him "back in", the old woman that is long in the tooth seen it all before, the giant muscle guy that is loyal but not smart, the whiny rich guy who always gets his own way (obviously deserves to die just for being mouthy), the dumb Oedipus son trying to please his dad who knows hes dumb, the rich (father) megalomaniac who rules the city...OMG the list goes on but ultimately concludes with the Russian femme Nikita assassin...typing this list of characters is giving me nausea! and an endless supply of dumb henchmen who seem to get killed for merely being henchmen, even though the people killing them are meant to be the people you ingratiate with. And, of course their interactions with each other are playing into that personality in every sense of the word. You neither like nor hate any of the characters, they all coma and go at a whim, oh, speaking of which there was wedged in some "cop" that carried the story nowhere, had no purpose, revealed no bigger story that for some reason despite being a 20+ storey hotel, had to be hidden from the guests (all three of them) by wheeling her between rooms before she wanders off...was she the girlfriend of the writer or something and promised a part? did she will it in a Facebook competition? what, why? never mind, I've wasted too much thought on this film already.

This film could not get more predictable, cliche and opiatic for the mindless zombies who will give this anything more. don't waste your time...you will, because, the trailer makes it look great, I couldn't wait... take my work...nothing to see here!
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