Holy Christ. Why? Why make this film. I don't mean why bother making such a bad idea, why bother ripping off a recent big movie? I mean why bother wasting my time with a dull pointless plot, characters and concept.
Dull as gray. I mean it takes some serious apathy to take the idea of a giant robot building kid climbing a tree to find a queen in a magic flying castle where his *SPOILER* Dad who's been trapped in an alternative time strain maintains the furnace of said flying castle. I mean I think that's what going on but you know what there's so much going on that I don't care about it was like watching that welsh soap opera that's on the that digital channel that you accidentally stop on when flicking through because you can't remember the number for E4 and you want to see if they're showing Big Bang theory during the afternoon but the phone goes so you stop flicking and the TV stops on the Welsh channel.... see I'm so bored of even thinking about this movie.
So there's some kid, some girl who we never discover who she is, though based on the set up she could be his sister, then we meet some parents who it turns out aren't his parents, but by this time I didn't care... and we were only 6 minutes in.
Kids gets magic beans in the post (nice to tell a story people can relate to) he throws them all away but *SPOILER* they all re-appear at the end by the magic of continuity errors.
Beanstalk grows over night into a poor digital effect... *SIGH* kid climbs it for some reason, I forget why, but it's Jack and the Beanstalk so he has to, the reason is irrelevant.
Oh do you like pointless shots of a kid walking across hills? Well this film has 10 minutes of that, but they're boring so I don't recommend them.
They mess about in a flying castle which looks like a stately home on the inside. There's some tart in the bath who's sexy but bad but dull as well.
Everyone else stands around on earth looking up at the beanstalk doing nothing about it apart from telling the massive crowd of 3 to back away.
I must have fallen asleep for an hour or 2 minutes as then for some reason dinosaurs or something attack a church yard in Liverpool, trashing half the city causing dozens of pounds worth of damage. Though the people who show up to see Paul McCartney perform are disappointed that they got the wrong end of the stick when someone told them about an annoying Liverpudlian dinosaur.
The film them ends in a lot of poor green screen close up shots, emphasizing the style and theme of no budget.
The giant robot then arrives, yeah giant robot, in a scene that even the Power Rangers would be embarrassed to show....
The film gets better as it goes along, as each minute we're closer to the end credits.
You know what, Eff you, you go watch it, I did.
Dull as gray. I mean it takes some serious apathy to take the idea of a giant robot building kid climbing a tree to find a queen in a magic flying castle where his *SPOILER* Dad who's been trapped in an alternative time strain maintains the furnace of said flying castle. I mean I think that's what going on but you know what there's so much going on that I don't care about it was like watching that welsh soap opera that's on the that digital channel that you accidentally stop on when flicking through because you can't remember the number for E4 and you want to see if they're showing Big Bang theory during the afternoon but the phone goes so you stop flicking and the TV stops on the Welsh channel.... see I'm so bored of even thinking about this movie.
So there's some kid, some girl who we never discover who she is, though based on the set up she could be his sister, then we meet some parents who it turns out aren't his parents, but by this time I didn't care... and we were only 6 minutes in.
Kids gets magic beans in the post (nice to tell a story people can relate to) he throws them all away but *SPOILER* they all re-appear at the end by the magic of continuity errors.
Beanstalk grows over night into a poor digital effect... *SIGH* kid climbs it for some reason, I forget why, but it's Jack and the Beanstalk so he has to, the reason is irrelevant.
Oh do you like pointless shots of a kid walking across hills? Well this film has 10 minutes of that, but they're boring so I don't recommend them.
They mess about in a flying castle which looks like a stately home on the inside. There's some tart in the bath who's sexy but bad but dull as well.
Everyone else stands around on earth looking up at the beanstalk doing nothing about it apart from telling the massive crowd of 3 to back away.
I must have fallen asleep for an hour or 2 minutes as then for some reason dinosaurs or something attack a church yard in Liverpool, trashing half the city causing dozens of pounds worth of damage. Though the people who show up to see Paul McCartney perform are disappointed that they got the wrong end of the stick when someone told them about an annoying Liverpudlian dinosaur.
The film them ends in a lot of poor green screen close up shots, emphasizing the style and theme of no budget.
The giant robot then arrives, yeah giant robot, in a scene that even the Power Rangers would be embarrassed to show....
The film gets better as it goes along, as each minute we're closer to the end credits.
You know what, Eff you, you go watch it, I did.