If I got completely hammered one night, drank a little more, then sat down in front of a computer and wrote a script, it might come out something like The Mummy 3. Except it would probably make sense and not suck so horribly. For those of you who remember, the Mummy used to be a legitimate franchise that combined horror, action, and comedy into fairly tight packages. The first movie is rather good. This apple fell far from the tree and then was left out to rot in the hot sun.
The movie picks up roughly ten years after the Mummy Returns, although no one has aged but Alex who has dropped out of college and is now running a high profile dig in China. Rick and Evelyn, replaced by the insufferable Maria Bello, are chilling out pretending to be happy. After a plot device or two, Jet Li, an emperor who's curse is either to live forever or to talk like a woman, is raised from the dead. The previous mummy effects were pretty damn good, This claymation Jet Li is laughable, especially when he's taking off layers of his face and throwing them as weapons.
But I was along for the ride. I was. I was struggling to deal with Isabella Leong's inability to act in her role as Lin, Alex's love interest. Then, they decided to stroll up to the Himalayas, find an oasis city like they did in Returns, fight off a bunch of bad guys, and get rescued by, wait for it...
Yetis.
What in the name of god possessed Alfred Gough to put yetis in his script? But good old Al decided yetis weren't gay enough, so at the beginning of the films third act, Jet Li suddenly gains the power to turn into a three headed dragon. Take a moment to soak that up. A three freakin headed dragon.
I'm all for going to the movies and having a good time, turn your head off entertainment can be good fun. But Rob Cohen cannot expect us to eat up this crap and not vomit in our popcorn bowls.
The Mummy 3 has not one, not two, but zero redeeming qualities about it. It's a four year olds dream movie dressed up with PG-13 gore. This means that it can't really appeal to anyone. At least anyone with half a brain. So, in the end, this movie sucks and if you see it you are as dumb as the people who made it and that is pretty damn dumb.
The movie picks up roughly ten years after the Mummy Returns, although no one has aged but Alex who has dropped out of college and is now running a high profile dig in China. Rick and Evelyn, replaced by the insufferable Maria Bello, are chilling out pretending to be happy. After a plot device or two, Jet Li, an emperor who's curse is either to live forever or to talk like a woman, is raised from the dead. The previous mummy effects were pretty damn good, This claymation Jet Li is laughable, especially when he's taking off layers of his face and throwing them as weapons.
But I was along for the ride. I was. I was struggling to deal with Isabella Leong's inability to act in her role as Lin, Alex's love interest. Then, they decided to stroll up to the Himalayas, find an oasis city like they did in Returns, fight off a bunch of bad guys, and get rescued by, wait for it...
Yetis.
What in the name of god possessed Alfred Gough to put yetis in his script? But good old Al decided yetis weren't gay enough, so at the beginning of the films third act, Jet Li suddenly gains the power to turn into a three headed dragon. Take a moment to soak that up. A three freakin headed dragon.
I'm all for going to the movies and having a good time, turn your head off entertainment can be good fun. But Rob Cohen cannot expect us to eat up this crap and not vomit in our popcorn bowls.
The Mummy 3 has not one, not two, but zero redeeming qualities about it. It's a four year olds dream movie dressed up with PG-13 gore. This means that it can't really appeal to anyone. At least anyone with half a brain. So, in the end, this movie sucks and if you see it you are as dumb as the people who made it and that is pretty damn dumb.