Coventry Review of Deadtime Stories

Deadtime Stories (1986)

"I got a meat cleaver and I know how to use it !"

[5/10 · 9 June 2006]

The quote in this comment's subject line illustrates a beautiful example of what the dialogues sound like in this oddball and ultimately cheesy 80's horror anthology based on fairy-tales and children's bedtime stories. The sequence involves an elderly lady trapped in her house with a werewolf outside. She tries scaring him away by assuring him she has a meat clever and she knows how to use it! No offense granny, but meat cleavers usually don't come with manuals and everyone knows how to use them! You just pick them up and chop! Anyway, we're rambling off the subject… "Deadtime Stories" has a fairly ingenious basic idea but it's incredibly poorly elaborated and it ends up being more of a comedy instead of a horror film. A stereotype thirty-something bachelor, with only TV and naked models on his mind (in other words, someone you'd NEVER allow to baby-sit your children), is looking after his 8-year-old nephew and faces huge difficulties getting him to sleep. He tells him three bedtime stories that are all very personal interpretations of famous fairy-tales, namely Peter & the Wolf, Little Red Riding Hood and Goldilocks & the three Bears. The first story is really dull but contains a handful of decent gory make-up effects. A young man is enslaved by two sibling-witches that live in the forest and command him to lure people to their house where they'll be sacrificed in order to resurrect a third sister. Trust me, it's a lot lamer than it sounds. The second story starts with totally gratuitous (but nonetheless weak) masturbation sequence! Little Red Riding Hood is a hot teenager who loses her grandmother AND her virginity in one day! What an exciting day! Her long-anticipated "first time" impresses her even less than the death of her granny. The werewolf-transformations look ridiculous and the acting is terrible, still this segment offers a couple of chuckles and a nice looking young actress. The third & final story is arguably the best but certainly the most original one. The "Bear"-family is a trio of lunatics escaped from an asylum and Goldilocks herself is a supernaturally gifted serial killer that impales horny young men for fun. The two parties combine forces and do more crazy stuff, like…um…going out for pizza! This story lacks in the blood & gore-department, but it bathes in an atmosphere of genuine black comedy and the performances are actually quite good. Especially gorgeous Cathryn de Prume is great. "Deadtime Stories" is irredeemably bad but fun and there are far worse ways to spend 90 minutes of your life.