bibleboyiam Review of House of 1000 Corpses

House of 1000 Corpses (2003)

H...H....HELP...... M...M....ME..........

[1/10 · 14 August 2003]

I am just now recovering from several self inflicted .357 Magnum gunshot wounds to the head. Even though the hollow point magnum rounds pierced my cerebrum and took most of my brain matter out the exit holes with them, I am still able to write this message to tell you, the beautiful, happy, youth of the world, of the Godless abomination that led me to try to end my previously joyous existence with such a violent display of crude power. One phrase, one set of seemingly meaningless words, sums up the entirety of my newly acquired misery, and it is _THE HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES_!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! The simple utterance of it makes me wish I had chosen a more lethal method of suicide. God, what a cruel world this is!!!!!!!!! This """""movie""""" was a poor poor poor poor poor poor poor, did I mention poor attempt at creating a revolutionary horror flick that would add a new dimension to the horror genre. I love horror movies, even some of the sh*tty ones, but FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS this movie was a train wreck! I've never seen such a failure in all my life! Rob Zombie has not only committed career suicide but has lost a fan, ME!! If I could get out of this hospital bed I'd go rip him a new A**HOLE!! The first thing that I'm guna do when I get home is not to hug my family, not to call my worried friends, but to burn all of the Rob/White Zombie albums that I have collected over the years. GRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!! What else can I say......?

RATING: What the hell do you think!?!

(P.S. For those of you that are so gullible that it took you 15 years to realize that Santa Claus doesn't exist, I did not shoot myself last night, and I am not in the hospital, but admitting myself into the psych ward might not be a bad idea after viewing this film.)