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Reviews
Spartacus: Blood and Sand (2010)
Did the shows own creators watch this???
First off I really want to like this one. However, the writing goes from contemporary speech to some pidgin of expected dialogue often enough to jar you out of being sucked in far too often. Sometimes in the same sentence.
The opening line is "Hold your {profanity} tongues?" and my immediate reaction was dismay coupled with trying to remember what else I needed to do instead of watching TV.
It has its moments. I like the cast. I liked most of the visuals, a few times it seems like they tried too hard to be a comicbook/300esque homage. The talent attached to this show is huge when you look at directors, producers and writers - Angel, Futurama, Smallville, Carnivale, Dollhouse, Alias, Heroes - I didn't even bother listing stuff Raimi - hey look its a Xena!. The cast is familiar and a nice mix from the previous projects of these folks, but the show itself falls really short of the mark.
Again, the language really bothered me, not that it was "bad language", that was expected, but that it was out of place. I had bad flashbacks of the Xena/Hercules episodes when the cast would play people in contemporary times and the whole show seemed out of whack. It was cute then and a little comical, but that was the intention. Here it makes the show feel like a freshman essay paper written by a bunch of PhDs. I hope it gets better. It has a ton of potential based on talent on screen and behind the camera so I will hang in and check out further episodes, I think...
D-War (2007)
Please go take a walk instead...
One of the worst movies I have seen in years. I was interested in seeing this as well as I was screening it for my kids. However, the over use of unnecessary subtitles, coupled with a horrible storyline made this an abysmal waste of time.
Special effects were OK, but in this day and age of CGI and computer animation I would expect no less. Unfortunately as cool as some of the scenes were it couldn't save the acting, storyline, and just overall laughability of this movie.
I would probably let my kids watch it only to show them an example of how bad a potentially good movie could have been. Plus I don't think they would make it through the first half hour with all the subtitles. There was very little blood for a violent dragon infested movie so depending on what you are concerned with I do say its fine for my young ones. They have been brought up in a household of online gamers and understand the difference between the real and unreal when its on TV, but people do get eaten and lots are killed, its just not graphic in nature when it happens.
The Fountain (2006)
Spoilers, minor - not a waste but my expectations were higher
I tend to love movies of this nature. Whats not to like? Time travel, Genesis, Mayan mythology, Hugh Jackman, Rachel Weisz and Darren Aronofsky. Its a recipe guaranteed to succeed in my book. It just doesn't do it for me.
I never felt "lost" but I did feel there was a little too much disjointedness from the beginning. If I followed it right we got to see the book she is writing before he does and that doesn't seem to go together well once he receives it. I don't know, I just felt cheated, or that Aronofsky had cheated the character intentionally as if for fun. It just broke continuity to me. If I am off base... well that means the movie did an even worse job of conveying its meaning. Either way its a negative aspect of the movie.
Its short, it was worth the watch if not only to see some beautiful imagery and great casting plus the you can join the rest of us in the WTF club!
Senior Trip (1995)
Tommy Chong, Tara Strong and Nicole de Boer
I really wanted to like this movie, but I could only come up for 3 reasons to suggest anyone else endure this movie. Tommy Chong, Tara Strong and Nicole de Boer. Quite frankly, Chong isn't enough of a reason since he can be seen in better form in a dozen other choices and de Boer is a minor player at best. You are better off watching the last few seasons of Deep Space Nine to be mesmerized by Nicole. So that leaves us with Tara. Yes, Tara is enough of a reason to watch this movie... once. Only because it is the only movie in existence that she is in as a physical entity. If you don't know Tara is the voice behind 100s of cartoon characters you probably watch with your kids. The movie has a few funny moments, but they are rare and limited. Tara on the other hand is absolutely gorgeous.
The Breed (2006)
OMG Where was Wes during the filming?
OK, there is bad and then there is Breed. I couldn't even finish the movie. I actually finished Alone in the Dark and Battlefield Earth, but this one was enough of a waste of a time after an hour that I decided scraping bird feces off my front porch at midnight was a better value for my energy.
I am a fan of horror, even cheap horror, but this cast was bad - not knocking their other ventures, just this one. They were not even believable and the whole premise was.. well go for a walk or read a book, but don't waste your time with this piece of junk.
I think this is the first 1/10 rating I have ever given on a movie here.
Doom (2005)
Don't expect too much
If you haven't played any of the Doom series, don't bother getting watching the movie. There are plenty of mindless action movies available to fill that desire if you are looking for a way to blow 2 hours with fluff.
However, if you have played and enjoyed any or all of the games in the series this is worth the ride. I also have a weakness for blonde scientists so Rosamund Pike was a well received added bonus! I do believe they could have done much more with this movie in having any real storyline like the 3rd game in the series provided. But it is what it is, a simple search and rescue, umm destroy flick with a basis in a video game.
Grab some popcorn, forget about life for a while, and enjoy some carnage and campy-ness.
The Return (2005)
What a waste!
First off I love Gellar, but that put aside this movie is absolute garbage! I want the last 2 hours of my life back. It is disjointed, silly, and pointless. Even watching Sarah walking around in total saggy bra-less form for 90 minutes couldn't save this one... I really wanted to like this as my wife does not enjoy movies of this nature so when time permits and I get to watch something like this I would like to enjoy it. Unfortunately not this time. It really just makes no sense.
The fact that this whole incident is haunting her from a childhood memory that she didn't even really witness is absurd. Claiming even ghost interaction doesn't really even begin to redeem the lack of a true plot here. I think Ms Gellar just wanted some extra cash and took us all to the bank to get it!