maXSepult Reviews

Juwanna Mann (2002)

I tried to laugh...I REALLY DID !

[1/10 · 29 October 2003]

Wow...How this movie got more than 2 out of 10 is beyond me. The main character is annoying as hell, with that high pitch Chris Tucker like voice. Just couldn't stand him. The story is simply unoriginal. The jokes are bad, REEEAAALLY BAD ! Nothing but clichés and stereotypes. And that dumbass character Smokey Smoke...I mean, does anyone here know people who actually act like that, cuz I don't know any pimps...Good god what a poor actor. I am being absolutely honest here, I really tried to enjoy this movie, but I didn't even get ONE laugh. This movie is a waste of time, money, and also a waste of good brain cells that could really someday do great things for you.

I'd call this a turkey, but it would be an insult to those poor animals...

Squawk Box (1994– )

Ah the memories...which I don't clearly remember

[10 September 2003]

I actually used to watch that show all the frickin time. I loved the skits, like fart smelling kids, the Simpsons parody, and...well...I guess over the time pot has destroyed my memory, so thats about all I can remember of the show. I just remember I always found Rov Tiefenbach very funny. YTV should re-air those old shows, like "Rocco's Modern Life" and stuff like that.

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003)

I loved it

[1 July 2003]

Well...coming into the theater I was not very optimistic. I'm a huge fan of the Terminator films, especially the 2nd installment. When I saw the trailer with Arnold saying "She'll be back", I thought for sure this was going to be one hell of a bad flick.

I actually really liked the film. Although Cameron didn't direct it and Edward Furlong didn't reprise his role as John Connor, I enjoyed the whole movie. Nick Stahl gave a good performance, and Claire Danes was also pretty good. It's hard to complement the performance of two actors who don't even have facial expression...well, I guess it must've been hard actually to make all those action sequences without showing any feelings, so I'll give them that. Kristanna Loken is very sexy as the TX, but also very deadly, I really liked her character.

Sure, there were some dumb punchlines, such as the much anticipated "She'll be back", but although this movie is a serious action movie, there were some amusing scenes which didn't fail to make people laugh, just like in Terminator 2.

I was only disappointed that Sarah Connor's philosophy (The future is not written. There is not fate but what we make for ourselves) is proven untrue in this movie. I believe strongly in this philosophy and I find it deceiving to see they're ruining it in this film. Sorta like a christian who watches the movie Dogma...hehe.

Overall this is a really good movie, for every Terminator fan, for every action fan, sci-fi fan, etc...If you want to see an action packed summer movie, TERMINATOR 3: RISE OF THE MACHINES is the one you should definitely go watch.

Late Night with Conan O'Brien (1993–2009)

My all time fav.

[28 June 2003]

Of all the late night shows, this one has to be my favorite. Unlike Leno, when one of his jokes doesn't exactly work, he knows how to make fun of himself instead of carrying on with the same joke over and over. I also like the characters he has on the show, like Preparation H Raymond and Andy "the awful baseball chanter" Blitz. The only problem I've noticed these days is he doesn't often have great musical guests. If only Leno could get the hell off the air so the producers of Late Night could have more money to get better musical guests...Oh well, maybe soon.

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (1992–2014)

Definitely not my favorite...

[28 June 2003]

I must say out of all late night shows, he's my least favorite. I guess what I hate the most, and I know many will agree, is when he tells a joke in the monologue and goes on for about 5 minutes about the same damn subject. Also I find his humour to sometimes be too patriotic. Although he does often have excellent guests, it doesn't make it a much better show...

Queen of the Damned (2002)

Waste of time...

[4 June 2003]

I bought the damn movie before I read the books, because I loved the soundtrack and the little hommage to The Cabinet Of Dr.Caligari at the beginning. I just finished reading Interview With A Vampire and The Vampire Lestat, and I have begun reading QOTD. Man, I can't believe how much this movie disrespects the books. First of all, I just don't understand why they tried to merge The Vampire Lestat and QOTD into one movie. They could easily have made an interesting movie with only The Vampire Lestat. The physical descriptions from the books are just totaly ignored in the movie, and there's a bunch of other things that have been mentioned already, like Marius making Lestat a vampire, Marius jumping on the stage, the fact that we never see Gabrielle nor Louis. And now I'm stuck with this piece of hollywood sell-out trash...Oh well, if you haven't read the books and don't intend to, you can see this movie, but but if you have read them, or intend to read them in the future, just avoid this, because it'll screw up your perspective of it all. Before reading the books I would have given it a 7 or 8/10, but having read the books I now give it a big generous 5 for the intriguing violin score that I just fell in love with...

Metropolis (1927)

Hard to find, but worth the wait

[10/10 · 29 April 2003]

I had looked for this movie for a while, but after something like 2 moths I just gave up. Then, when I got to college, I had to opportunity to watch it, because I had a classed called Cinema & Civilization and we explored the German expressionism era, which had to be my favorite. So I finally got to see this movie, and I wasn't disappointed at all. And what stuns me the most, and I know this might have been said in previous comments, is that this movie was done in 1927, but it's vision of the future could still, in this day and age, be a vision of the future. All in all, this movie is a must for anyone who likes classic cinema. I give it a 10.

Nosferatu (1922)

The original's always the best

[10/10 · 29 April 2003]

Last year I had a Cinema & Civilization course in college and it had to be THE greatest course I ever had in my life. My favorite part was the German Expressionism era. We watched Das Kabinett des Doktor Caligari and Metropolis, which were both absolutely great movies. However we only got to see clips from Nosferatu, so the teacher could show us the characteristics of this era. Then a couple of months later, I found myself staying up late, and by pure coincidence, I happened to catch the movie from the very beginning. It might have been 3am, but I was wide awake throughout the whole movie and thoroughly enjoyed it. This masterpiece will live on forever, and I recommend this film to everyone who wants to know how it was done back then. I also highly recommend Metropolis and The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari if you want to know more about German expressionism. 10/10

Teenage Caveman (2002 TV Movie)

Hum...what the hell ?

[1/10 · 6 January 2003]

Ok, I don't know if it's because we were all stoned and drunk, but this movie really made no sense. The scenes were all too long. I mean, like most every man I enjoy seeing nudity or sex on TV, but those scenes were too damn long. We can understand in less than a minute that they're experiencing their sexuality, they didn't have to make it a 5 minute scene. It seemed more to me like a porn flick than anything else. We rented it thinking we'd be watching a sci-fi b-movie that we'd all enjoy laughing at...hum...but we ended up voting to pass on to another movie. Avoid at ALL COST !

Bloody Murder (2000 Video)

Hilarious !

[7/10 · 6 January 2003]

***POSSIBLE SPOILERS***

I know everyone's p***ed because it's such a rip-off, and what is sad is it's not even a spoof, the director was serious about this... When I read the back of the videotape it said something like "A guy with a hockey mask and a chainsaw instead of a left hand..." which would obviously have been a FT13 and Evil Dead rip-off, but the only murder committed with his infamous chainsaw is in the opening act, and then it disappears forever...

Well, let me tell you I had never laughed so hard watching a slasher movie. Special effects, if we can call 'em that, are simply horrible. There is also lack of music, but after hearing it, I'm glad there wasn't more. There's a "dramatic" scene at one time, and there's this acoustic guitar playing, AND THE GUY MISSES A CHORD ! It sound like s... well you know what, and they didn't even remove it. Also near the end when the bodies hanging from the tree fall, they're quite obviously mannequins. Let's not forget the reprisal of the "Crazy Ralph" character, when the guy says to some girl that they're all doomed, and then calmly walks off in the woods while looking at his feet or something, that was simply hilarious. So, for making us laugh so damn hard we almost p***ed our pants, I give it a 7 out of 10 because even though it's an obvious rip-off, it really is entertaining and funny.