robin_a1 Reviews

The Matrix Reloaded (2003)

Matrix Rebooted

[26 June 2003]

If you are a prepubescent or not so prepubescent numbskull, and smoke too much weed and play video games all day, then this film will be heaven.

You can smoke bongs with your friends and "discuss" the finer points of this hokem endlessly. Well, in between more video games and munchies.

What is the Matrix? What is the POINT of the Matrix?

It is a long tedious load of a**e. Don't look too deep because you may find a few flaws in the story (!).

This is boring boring boring. Okay the special effects are great and the film is well made technically. But that is not enough. The acting is wooden. Not surprised with some of the lines they have to spout. The story could be used to strain your spaghetti there are so many holes and flaws and gaps and tosh.

Why doesn't one of the frigging agent guys just shoot Morpheus or Trinity? Oh no, we couldn't do that could we? Then we would avoid twenty minutes of tedious fighting where nothing of consequence happens. I know Neo can stop bullets but the other twats can't. Just shoot the numbnuts. And why doesn't Neo just shoot the bad guys? He had plenty of weapons in the first one, but only when they got tired of Kung fu.

In fact this film has a lot in common with the TV series Kung Fu. It's full of karate and pathetic philosophical hokem.

If I have to listen to more phrophecy rubbish spouted by the pompous, idiotic Fishburne I will have to shoot the f'''cker. In the Matrix or out.

And when Neo flies. Perlease!!!!!

This ain't superman. Or is it? Well, Superman actually had a plot and believable characters. if you can believe that.

Headache material. Smoke another bong and grow up. or at least draw the curtains in your bedroom and experience some reality. Any kind will do. Even another movie. Though not Matrix 1. Otherwise you'll never get out of the matrix and we wouldn't want that. Or would we?

The Pianist (2002)

An overrated, dull, non-story

[30 May 2003]

It seems that the apologies still have to go on. Call me a fascist but haven't there been enough holocaust movies that have done everything in the genre possible. This film takes one step backwards. The main character is not even a character. He is a non-active "participant" in a series of sketches showing how horrible the nazis were. Summary executions etc. all shown in scenes which provide nothing to the story and do not move the film along in any way whatsoever.

It seems that Polanski wanted to finish the book on nazi nastiness. Well, he succeeded. However, a good film this does not make. Having virtually every scene fade to black shows the lack of continuity and story in this movie. The protagonist is not a protagonist. He does nothing throughout and those around him are of little interest. There are no other proper characters and his "character" as I said before doesn't count.

I heard the book was great and went to see the film thinking that this guy was active in his own survival, somehow playing music for nazis and avoiding the gas chamber. That is not the story and what is presented is a little more than the straw that broke the camel's back in this type of film. There is nothing new, no story, no great characterisations and there is little that holds the viewer, except their unconscious or worse still, conscious guilt. The SFX are pretty cheap and it's overlong.

The best bit is the end, when he plays the piano for a long period over the titles. This is a clever gimmick as it means that you can't leave the cinema before the piece ends or you may seem to appear not truly affected by the "weightiness" of the subject. This film will bore you if you are not either, jewish, polish, or easily pleased when it comes to "worthy" material. Oh, also if you have no idea what film is about. Hopefully good film is about story. This is a non-story. 5 out of 10.

Talk to Her (2002)

Rapist?

[17 January 2003]

I'm sorry, I can't sympathize with a rapist. Especially one who has sex with a coma victim.

Apart from that, it's a good movie. It just fails on the level that I can't relate to the male nurse rapist. It's just not acceptable. I don't care how he's portrayed.

Breaking the Waves (1996)

Breaking Wind

[7 January 2003]

Von Trier has surpassed himself with this overlong, self indulgent piece of banality. The performances are oh so worthy, the script is diabolical (hopefully it was improvised so no one person can get the blame), the sentimentality appallingly over done. The camera work made me sick, the images going in and out of focus, jumping around like some drunkard had the camera. Oh, it must be a great film. Detect the irony here? This film drags like nails down a blackboard. The one minute images between scenes were annoying and the only chance to put some pop tunes into this vacuous mess. What a dreadful concept! When the Doctor says "I love you", I wanted to puke. How ridiculous. Then the bells ringing in the sky at the end - you have got to be kidding. This must be a p***take of the audience who are taken in by it. I think that this may be true as old Lars is a bit of a wily git. Avoid at all costs - if someone asks you what you though of it at a dinner party and you didn't see it, then just mention the above and that will make them shut up and think about their sad little lives (that's only if they liked it). If they have some points in criticism then okay.

Final Voyage (1999)

Hopefully final.

[2 December 2002]

HMS Britannic was sunk during world war 2 so how this film is set on it is beyond me. However, the plot, acting etc. belong at the bottom of the sea. The bad guys are very BAD. Ice T is pathetic. It looks like it was filmed in a power station somewhere. Avoid. Unless you like unintentionally bad movies.

Moulin Rouge! (2001)

masterpiece

[19 April 2002]

I totally agree with Rob, from NY. My girlfriend is from Spain. She thinks with these simple universal love stories they distill love to the bone and create an a new original version of an age old idea. The film is a work of art because it really does take you on a journey and if you fail to be taken in by this story then you are a cold hearted cynic and shame on you. This is what love should be and hardly ever is. Life is never like this but at least for a couple of hours we can believe it and love it. If you love your partner take her/him to see this film. If they don't come out loving you intensely, then dump them. It's true. Believe me. My favourite bit is Like a virgin with the aristocratic lothario and the Moulin Rouge impresario. My girlfriend's favourite bit is the dialogue/song battle using all the songs you've ever heard of in a seamless medley of intense pleasure: love versus convenience and who's paying the rent. Ultimately it's a fable but hey, it's fun and let's us all forget the drudgery of normal life for a moment. And if they actually had the final production/theatre piece on stage anywhere in the world in real life it would be sold out forever, forget Les Mis or other such rubbish, this was exciting and vivid - and I HATE musicals. Except Grease of course. What can I say, forget the US cynic critics and follow your heart. At least for once. Some people say you love this film or hate it. Maybe it's whether you get it or not. I hope you get it. Maybe it's because I have loved and been loved in return I love this movie but hope others can follow this path. Remember kids, there IS nothing else to life apart from Love. Don't forget it.

Lovers: A True Story (1991)

A love triangle

[19 April 2002]

Pure country catholic virginal Spanish innocent girl meets hot sexy mature land lady who's after her boy. Of course it all ends in disaster because these guys are Spanish. This film is very moving for young Spanish girls because they recognize real life here. It says you can experience freedom through sex but you have to know what you're doing. Unfortunately Spanish mothers are very conservative and you're lucky if they tell you about the "curse". A nasty surprise for girls. In this film it may be tenfold, so Spanish mothers, get a grip and educate! If not, light a candle and pray because the world is changing even in Spain. Sex is healthy and normal. Punishment is weird! Isn't it? My girlfriend is Spanish and she knows what this film means.

Monster's Ball (2001)

Hilarious

[9 April 2002]

Spoilers - This film really is a laugh a minute. Not only does it have a really fat, greedy kid that never fails to make you chortle, it has a hilarious sex scene and lots of funny deaths. I don't know if this was meant to be funny but I was laughing out loud a lot. You Americans crack me up. Life over there must be real fun. By the way, when the fat kid is hit by a car why didn't it stop? It couldn't have driven very far, being a wreck and all.