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IMDb being owned by amazon is hilarious when they have their own streaming service. And rotten tomatoes being owned by warner. All three are leftist outlets trying to leverage emotional manipulation for a more successful business venture. Netflix is a garbage machine.
These people do not care about you, just your wallet. They are pumping your last escapism outlet with political propaganda to warp your way of thinking and it will never stop until they are defeated.
... Is what I WOULD'VE said if I was a wacky conspiracy theorist! Anyways, I write super impactful reviews that change people's lives with how insanely thoughtful they are, every day I get 10 emails from crying mothers telling me what a good job I've done. So if that's you Jessica, hope you're having a good week!
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Reviews
Upside Down (2012)
Opening a jar from 2010
There's a very dream-like aesthetic, and potential for a great story, but it is held back its length and inability to tell the story. Contrary to other people's opinions, I didn't think the visuals were that impressive, mostly because it was claustrophobic and unnatural looking. Though, the washed out blue filter was a nice look typical of that time period.
This is before things got politicized and it shows, with a low stress take on cinema, so I need to give them props there. And if they didn't try to cram so much into what would benefit from more showing and less telling, perhaps also making the story believable, it would be good.
Warcraft (2016)
Enjoyable, simple fantasy movie
Warcraft is a simple movie, but most importantly one that was worthwhile to watch, albeit short. With the allotted time do I think they could've done more to expand on the lore and characters that what we received? Yep. Do I think the acting was subpar? Yep. But there was not a single thing that was noticeably off-putting to me about it, honestly.
Visually appealing with really nice CGI, and mentally appealing with a relaxing and straightforward plot that is largely carried by events taking place rather than pure dialogue.
I like medieval fantasy, I like mythical creatures, and I love magic. Does that make me biased? Absolutely. But do I think that my rating for this is exaggerated? Not one bit. This is a pretty solid movie. And the industry is pretty much starved for good movies right about now. So 7/10 seems fitting. It's nothing special, just good.
Splice (2009)
Good start, had more potential
When I saw the trailer for this as a child, I was mortified. The uncanny valley look to the woman's head, and the laboratory environment make the perfect setup for the horror of playing god. In the beginning, this show was delivering exactly that: what is this abomination and why is it developing so fast, oh god it's seducing him, it's fast, etc. But there's a detour about halfway through, about where they move to the barn, that things get a little weak. First of all they should've just kept it in the lab, it added a lot of atmosphere. Second why did they give it wings? Just looked dumb.
I also think that they should've left it mute, or made it sound disturbing when it tried talking like towards the end. People will have their reservations with the sex with all and that's fair, but personally I think it added to the story. At least before they did that weird gender change stuff out of the blue, that part was just cheesy.
Sisu (2022)
Filling my 3/10 quota with this absolute cheesefest
It's like chuck Norris with nazis in the worst way. The nazis are depicted as cartoonishly evil and stupid, which completely detracts from realism and adds a totally unnecessary cheesy, lazy touch to what maybe would've been a mildly interesting survival movie, IF they didn't use some of the most ridiculous "self defense" maneuvers I have ever seen, throwing any sense of real life out the window:
The whole time I was thinking "bullets don't work like that". A mounted turret shooting bullets probably the size of your fingers aren't going to stop in that corpse you put between you, no, they will go right through both of you... That's kind of the point of guns.
For crying out loud they had him getting shot at from an entire squad and using a shield to block the bullets! Ignoring the fact that the bullets would go right through that as well, if they did somehow get blocked, the ricochets and shrapnel would've sawed his legs off.
This movie has gotten undeserved praise, and feels like the brainchild of an idiot.
Silo (2023)
A sci-fi dystopia where source material dries up and causes bad writing
The first two episodes delivered an intriguing sci-fi mystery, and then it jumps off a cliff into the most egregious example of lazy writing - making it turn into something like law and order/ forensic files with a great deal of plot holes, as well as NUMEROUS cinematography and editing errors that completely shatter any hope of immersion for an attentive audience:
Early on you see the girl's leg move when the guy bumps into her outside, and without putting any spoilers, that should not have happened. Later we see her climbing down a ladder and we look up and see... The actual night sky, from wherever they filmed? Yikes. Then we see the obvious silhouette of the real sun from the window behind the set piece wall, barely covered and a door that has been sloppily spray painted green where you can still see the outline of a checkmark box (won't ask). There are points where they are standing in front of a green screen and it is not at all convincing. Despite being a generations old, and completely isolated society, people STILL HAVE ACCENTS including the main character who keeps accidentally sounding British.
The series picks back up on episode 7, after 5 straight episodes of tedious flashbacks and depressingly cookie cutter, sitcom level TV to finally deliver more of the initial premise, only to portray a myriad of annoying tropes such as glaringly illogical choices while under pressure and of course a cliff hanger so they could make a new season.
Well guess what? It is simply not worth it to watch the second season after this. They could barely make a season with what they had and gave the project to a bunch of amateurs probably hired off of fiverr to improvise the bulk of what we got. You spent your whole budget on a couple episodes for special effects and ran out, I get it, but make a movie. Repetition kills any hope of entertainment or allure. Christ, fiction isn't meant to be a chore.
Ready Player One (2018)
Visual masterpiece, albeit very formulaic
This is by far one of the most impressive spectacles I've ever seen, the level of detail in the animation was honestly fantastic. It also takes place in what is more realistic of a future than it seems on the surface, as the future of entertainment will be enhanced immersion, and ultimately sugarcoat the overly complicated world.
The Harry Potter-esque game is thematically brilliant, and adds gravity to the main questline, where we were introduced to the main character's love interest, which started with the badass girlboss trope, and unfortunately followed the other trope of manic pixie dream girl, both of which obvious to experienced viewers. There were other strange cliches throughout the film, from comically stupid bad guys to "diverse group of heroes equally win", which has been done a million times before. Additionally, they were not very creative with how the first key was found if you apply critical thought to the series of events, as it's completely unrealistic that nobody would drive backwards. In general the movie doesn't take into account how many people there are in the world, and will be by 2045, though they really nailed the eSports predatory competitive gaming organizations, adware, and as discussed prior, the possible future of video games.
The confines of PG-13 made points in the movie incredibly awkward, such as the sexual scenes where they neither went all in nor held back. Likewise other parts of the movie can't decide if this is a dystopian sci-fi or if real life is truly cartoonish. This again goes back to the lack of focus, likely due to chain of command and many writers, and the overall push towards broad appeal causing it to be more like a case study on the psychology of entertainment rather than the inspiration of a single writer's universe.
So, despite it having some of the best CGI you will ever witness, it is unlikely to leave a lasting impression or create fans out of most who watch it, simply because it is a product meant to be consumed above all else; the equivalent of asking Chat GPT to write you an easily liked movie script.
Severance (2022)
Finally a good show
For me, not having a specific critique is a good sign. Severance was the sole reason I signed up for Apple TV, a company I vowed never to use, and let me just say it was worth it.
This had the entertainment value the last season of Black Mirror lacked, and jam packed with detail: from the creative intro, to the engaging suspense and character depth, to the comedy which actually did get some laughs out of me, this show was an excellent escapist sci-fi drama for the singular season it provided.
While I doubt it, I hope this level of quality becomes normal at some point. There's just been too many lukewarm releases lately, and it was nice to experience this again after the downfall of other series.
Invincible (2021)
It's an interesting take on superman
I actually think that the gore, violence, and overall dark nature of the universe this takes place in is actually refreshing. Selective realism, in an otherwise absurd alternate universe, all wrapped up nicely through a young adult's point of view.
I do often feel when I'm watching modern entertainment, that it's a good idea with a corporate board telling them where to sprinkle in political references, and this show is no exception with some rather forced and embarrassing lapses in self awareness, however they're at least fleeting and the show is overall good enough to make up for it.
Some episodes feel rather distinctive, episodes 1-2 are good examples of a very nice start. Others seem padded and formulaic. The identity of the show is not consistent in that and other regards, as it also teeters between comedy, sci-fi thriller, and something more monotonous with overextended filler.
But those are my only gripes, as for the most part I was genuinely interested to see what happened next, entertained by the dramatic scenes and above all the gruesome violence, reminiscent of game of thrones to show us that there is a gravity to life in this world.
Hopefully we get more dark takes on superheros in the future, as they portray modern day demigods in a practical sense.
Infinity Pool (2023)
A little nauseating but well put together
It's a pretty great euphemism on the past putting consequences on future generations as though it was not a part of oneself - allowing them to get away with murder while their own legacy pays the bill.
It's entertaining throughout and maintained my interest. There's nothing glaringly bad about it. But the feeling it leaves you with is uncomfortable, which I'd imagine was intentional.
Personally I'd rather walk away from a film feeling as though there was a point to it. And to be honest, senseless gore and disgusting acts of degeneracy just don't do it for me.
There was something both fascinating and unnerving about how the movie danced around the idea of karma: the sexual degeneracy becoming violent degeneracy. But the overall vibe is like a bad trip or a strange nightmare you somewhat remember. Very surreal and only reflecting a small part of reality.
I must say, it has been a while since I saw a film that truly deserved "R" rating. But this is it. I am glad that I am not the main character, lol. Absolutely disturbing.
Ultrasound (2021)
Underrated psychological thriller
In some alternate timeline, frequency manipulation alone is capable of making some people suggestive to the extent of persistent visual delusion. Naturally this becomes an interest to politicians and the military. Ultrasound follows a group of characters trapped in multiple layers of false realities attempting to break free.
This movie is a testament to the importance of acting and writing over most visual elements, as despite this movie possessing minor sci-fi qualities, there is practically no CGI whatsoever. Further, this movie was still enjoyable despite the presence of obviously overlooked factors... Such as inside shots of a car that's supposed to appear as though it's driving, when it is clearly parked.
Overall very enjoyable movie. Perhaps not meeting its maximum potential, but certainly better than most.
The Empty Man (2020)
Explaining the plot + my overall rating
After a bit of contemplation, I think I understand the meaning now.
Since the beginning scene with the hikers happened before the main character is introduced, we can safely assume that in this story The Empty Man is not a crazy man's delusion, and that the hospitalized man (who the main character could not have known about) is also real.
So with that being said, here is the plot: Some dark remnant/ spirit possess a man, and then uses his body like a psychic conduit to infect the minds of people (usually ending in their death or servitude). The "cult" is a mass of hypnotized people who have been indoctrinated through a form of nihilistic psychic brainwashing, complete with practiced messaging to instill a lack of self. Manifestation is practiced to harvest the belief of these people, acting like a lifeline for the entity.
So, medication can only be a red herring as surprising as that sounds. That, or the lack of it is what deluded him into losing faith in himself. By day 3 he is confronted with the spirit, who explains through others his need for a new living host, and how the current one has grown too weak. But the longer the main character says in the presence of the entity, the more detached he becomes, and the hypnotism works. The entity and the man converge, and he kills the hospitalized man, who was powerless. Right before he dies, the hospitalized man's eyes open, likely his first moment of consciousness in decades.
The story basically ends with the "Empty Man" entity winning. Take that as you may, it is a horror movie after all.
I'd classify this as a psychological horror, as it does have many dark, philosophical and exploitative premises beyond the supernatural. The story isn't wrapped up well towards the end which is why so many were confused; them portraying mystery was perhaps too much a priority in the storytelling.
The ghost really reminded me of one of those halloween decorations you always see of the grim reaper, and only looked scary at the end when it morphed into some screwed up thing and went inside of him. It's odd: production value was low for the ghost guy, but so high everywhere else.
Anyways it's a good movie. Not the best but I enjoyed it. Not much more to say about it, 7/10.
Leave the World Behind (2023)
Good doomsday thriller, still a missed opportunity
Kind of funny to imagine the most advanced miliary of all time not being there for a foreign invasion, but if you can look past that and other plot holes it is decent. The character writing is average to weak, with a few too many coincidences and unnecessary identity politics but that's Netflix every single time they do anything.
What I really enjoyed, however, were the alien-like weapons being used on just everyday people. Like the shrieking, communications hacking and vehicle hijacking. It really put into perspective a doomsday-like event suddenly occurring to a peaceful and complacent world. I think they could've went a step further, to really shake the audience into realizing the darkness of the government that is unfathomable to a tourist, but I expect less from most media.
But come to think of it, I really can't get over everything that wasn't done in this film. There's just something terrifying about a real war, one that uses weapons of the future. I would've loved to see atmospheric military aircraft launching, weather warfare, biowarfare. Now THAT would freak me out. These larger than life scenarios that take you out of your small room, and into the night sky where you realize just how little control you have. I have had so many dreams like this, and it's a great fantasy for closure.
Anyways, it was decent, but the character writing suffered, and the plot was riddled with holes and unrealistic circumstances.
Don't Breathe (2016)
Rather ridiculous, not-so interesting "thriller"
I'm just struggling to understand why this was made, it's not very good. From this movie I have a feeling someone thought "Hey, an old blind guy forcing someone to have his baby through artificial insemination sounds interesting" and then made a movie off of that. First they thought "Well wait, doing that to an innocent person would make us look weird" and then proceeded to make them all bad people. But now there's no good people so they try to just make the robbers look good by comparison.
Ugh, the trope with the dog being supernaturally omnipresent and annoying, given sedatives but it only falls asleep for like 30 minutes. Not to mention that the premise is entirely ridiculous of a blind guy being able to apply his sight-based veteran experience after he became visually impaired which means that none of that skill would carry over. THEN the trope of only the woman being able to defeat this guy, after he swiftly murders the two other men.
Like give me a break, what a waste of time and money for such a mundane conclusion to a premise that could've maybe worked with less half-assed, contrived writing.
Hell or High Water (2016)
Gorgeous movie and iconic
Top-tier cinematography, smooth acting, tuned aesthetics and a feeling of nothing being out of place is the hallmark of an amazing team behind this production. As far as ideas go, I can't say it's the most unique setting, plot or dialogue, though it was definitely a stroke of genius to give a solid action sequence with real casualties; I am glad they didn't hold back any punches.
In this case the high appraisal of this film I'd say is warranted, as they did an excellent job. While it's certainly polished, to give minor criticism I'd say it lacks a more diverse creativity, and the whole native American stigma persisting in the age of smartphones seems unlikely.
But it was worth watching, and overall quite enjoyable.
Lost (2004)
Uh, so, did we watch the same show?
Season 1, Episode 8 I decided to turn it off. Maybe it's just me. But I can't be bothered to sit through a single hour more of these clichés and character tropes explained so god damn slowly through lukewarm "sentimental" talks. It gets a 5 for holding my interest, but it feels like I have wasted my time. The only character that I liked was the bald cripple guy, but by now I've already forgotten his name too.
This is a big reason I stick to movies man. Because at least half the shows you watch will pump unimaginable amounts of filler. I'm sorry but this just isn't nearly as deep as it pretentiously tries to be, and after looking into it, seems the story isn't that put together regardless.
Hot Fuzz (2007)
I guess it's not for me
Went into this movie after seeing it was critically acclaimed, expecting an unforgettable comedy with action gimmicks. I guess in some ways it delivered, as at times it was funny, but otherwise I felt rather bored. It was as though I wanted to laugh more than the movie made me laugh. The pacing to me felt very off, with too much attention being given to side characters I didn't find interesting.
Conceptually though I have to say it's a wonderful idea. UK police do look kind of silly to us Americans, and I can imagine self aware comedy being quite effective. Sadly, I just didn't get wat I wanted out of this movie despite my best efforts.
Trick 'r Treat (2007)
Amazing subtle humor and acting
The charisma in these actors is absurd, really complemented by the subtle humor of the plot and generally just subverted my expectations. This was the definition of a "fun" movie, nothing but pure entertainment from start to finish.
I've never even seen this, and yet it's so nostalgic. I'd kill just for a show with the same cast and personality. They all mesh together so well, and it has all of the best elements of early 2000s television, with none of its downsides.
Intellectually speaking, there's not much to it. Everything is nonsense, albeit fun nonsense. This movie is underrated but not at the same time.
Doctor Sleep (2019)
A superhero movie that wants to be a horror?
It starts off on a light tone, as one of the two protagonists, Danny, learns to imprison ghosts. However things quickly take a dark turn with a boy being killed, and his essence being inhaled. This was sickening to watch, but was one of the best highlights of the movie, as it created a legitimately scary event.
Unfortunately this is pretty much where the horror elements end, and from here on out it contrives a multitude of Disney/ Marvel-esque tropes of diverse women just needing to realize how strong they are. Which, honestly may have worked better if they actually introduced more horror to the film.
Overall the movie was enjoyable, but not scary in the least. Certainly better in terms of production value, design choices and entertainment than most movies coming out recently. I guess what I'm trying to say is it's a good movie, but could've been a great movie. It's not entirely memorable or something I'll attempt rewatching in the future, but it passed the time.
Freddy vs. Jason (2003)
Blatancy in horror
This movie, and the characters themselves, feel unrealized.
The costume/ makeup design needs work, but the gore is done nicely. It's a bit difficult to feel compelled by Freddy for this reason. That, and the fact that his power is portrayed a bit ridiculously and he's too 'down to earth'.
The concept of a child murder who dies and becomes an evil demon that haunts people to death is really cool, whereas Jason's story seems more emotion-driven and makes little logical sense. Jason's motive is explained, not his powers. Freddy's powers are explained, but not so much his motives. Both backstories feel incomplete.
Trashiness is very forced. Vocal narration of sex, death and drugs is entirely unnecessary and as the title would imply: overly blatant. There are logical inconsistencies to other key elements of the movie itself: if federal organizations such as the FBI are barred from involvement, then it is extremely unlikely that Elm Street would be able to fund drug development or host a private psychiatric ward.
This movie needs to take itself seriously. Don't try to make the audience gravitate towards either antagonist: Freddy doesn't need to be funny, and Jason doesn't need to be an anti-hero.
Satirizing things doesn't help with it not being scary enough. The only time the movie should've lost suspense is at the very end, when the two fight. But the idea of a horror being fear-inducing was very lost in this movie.
With all that being said, the final battle was epic, and should count towards multiple points in my rating. It did deliver on that, but it feels like the minimal of what was expected from such a movie.
Host (2020)
Just above average for the genre
For horror the acting is surprisingly good. But good writing and plot development were sacrificed for a shorter run time.
The length of the movie undermines the premise: with acting and cinematography based on realism, you need to add more context to the characters and entity. While it's commendable to cut filler, immersion can't be formed that quickly.
The impersonal, brief nature of the film detracts from the already overplayed scare tactics. For that reason it's a bit forgettable. I liked how the girls were written, it was very natural. And I liked some parts, such as the pre-recorded background. But it's all soft core to someone who's not easily scared.
Overall it was entertaining, but basically designed for normies with a short attention span.
Appaloosa (2008)
Cuckoldry in the wild west
I enjoyed the scenery, the photography, and the way they captured that period of time. But as far as the plot goes, well it's hard for me to understand being with a woman who is disloyal as one of her defining traits, and that taking up so much of the screen time.
What I would've liked to see, is him getting angry and disowning her, and going out guns blazing taking revenge. Instead it is very slow, with a lackluster conclusion, and an unfortunate lack of realism.
A lot of the things people said or did in this movie just did not seem like it would ever happen in real life. They did deliver some action sequences, but when that wasn't happening, I was scratching my head in confusion. Sometimes it felt like they captured how boring it was to be there a little too well. But failed at other things.
So despite me liking period pieces such as this, and some of the acting being good, my rating reflects the flaws.
Grimm (2011)
Cheesy/ 10
Tired of cop films? Well throw in some horrible vampire costumes and CGI and you get Grimm. Good god this was a disappointment. I can only hope that the ratings are botted, which judging from the low user reviews they probably are.
This is trash television, not even worth your time to watch. Modern fairy tale gone wrong. Not only is it not interesting, it's in your face cheap. Can't find anything to watch so I suffered through an entire episode of this slop.
You can feel the stench of sitcom radiating off of the characters as they change scenes. It's nauseating. The "beasts" or whatever were so fake looking and stereotypical that you'd have a better time just imagining a werewolf/ vampire in your head.
This is a certified hood classic on death row to make the process easier for prisoners.
The Sacrament (2013)
Honestly it kind of sucks
They start out with this massive Vice logo, which was a weird choice for a pseudodocumentary. But we're immediately introduced to very poor acting. It gets even worse when we meet the guy's sister.
So the acting is bad, the set-up is weird, now comes the ridiculous story. Starting with some unbelievable scenario of some investigative journalism in this random "place" for no good reason. Of course they go out in the middle of nowhere to these misplaced english-speaking african militia men (?) and also pretend to make a phone call with very bad acting. "The father" is introduced through the speakerphone as the stereotypical cult leader antagonist. Welcome to the hosh posh of african villagers and old white people, lol.
Pacing is off, there is 0 reason to care about anyone by the time they koolaide it up. Especially no reason to care about "the father". It was so boring and stupid I quit watching it.
Who is in charge of funding these dumpster fires? This movie is not a 6/10.
Radius (2017)
With this concept you could've done more
It just seems way too relaxed, dramatic, etc. This movie doesn't get cops right, they always call for backup and there's a lot more of them. They also wouldn't just let them get away for as long as they had.
This is the type of idea where you should escalate. I want to see him get stormed with special agents, etc. Should've been studied by the government for a potential weapon.
I don't know, just feels like they didn't do enough with it. Sappy, slow, cliche... Why would they even add the woman who nullifies his power? Doesn't even make sense, takes away from the plausibility of it all which was already slim.
Seems like they wanted the sad ending. Well, you got it. Not what I would've hoped for but whatever. It wasn't exactly bad but it wasn't good either in my opinion.
Cast Away (2000)
A classic dashed with Hank sauce
From the beautifully shot crash, to the final escape, it's hard to bring up survival media without being reminded of this movie. Is it perfect? Well that's a matter of preference. It falls to an eight for me simply due to the blasé drama and romance typical of movies from this period and of Tom Hanks.
He is an exceptional actor, and the advent of Wilson was iconic, providing some much needed humanity (ironically) and dry comedic relief. These are the strengths of this movie, and have cemented it as a classic.
There's a lot you can do with this setting, and the time span of 4 years. In fact, a lot more would happen than what's even shown, assuming he wouldn't have developed an infection in his leg from that under-emphasized major injury. He does no base-building, and is even depicted sleeping on a rock, which is uncharacteristic of men. Since the movie is somewhat based on reality, these are weaknesses.
To be frank, the beginning was boring for me, and the ending too "bittersweet", leaving me with a feeling of emptiness. This is something I'm not a fan of, and I'm assuming others given the rating. But I understand that this is also less common in cinema, and was built to add meaning.
Yet with the level of cinematography, acting, etc. As well as a favorable setting, it is hard to go wrong. And, of course, Wilson. So it has earned its place, to say the least.