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brubonch
Reviews
The Mentalist: My Bloody Valentine (2012)
drivel rules
Coming from a fan of mentalist, this episode is one of the worst if not the worst and most preposterous ever. Don't remember when was last that I saw SUCH drivel!!
I believe the show has established a certain standard of quality and the authors MUST stick to it to prevent it from turning into a joke or parody. Hopefully it was just a one-off, not a trend: I would hate to lose one of my favorite shows with such an excellent cast, but variably convincing scripts. Hence it would be advisable for the producers to think of reinforcing the group of scriptwriters to make the plots more intriguing but less predictable and whacky.
Human Target: The Wife's Tale (2010)
the lamest so far
overall it's a pretty watchable series, not least because of the likable diverse team and the main character, for which the viewer is prepared to forgive a lot.
However the current episode just went overboard in the degree of idiocy and preposterousness!!!
Dialogue (particulary the exchange between chance and the wife - is brutally inane and plain unbelievable under the circumstances there both were in) and plot are disastrous,camera-work amateurish and, hence, general impression - awful.
Clearly an odd man out so far - I mean there have already been poor ones but this piece "bested" or rather "worsted":) them all:((
Skyline (2010)
disaster meets disaster to beget another
Well,I'm literally speechless! And I thought Salt was crap!?:)) PhEW..What was I thinking?! Really don't know how to put my raging anger and deepest disdain into words...but I'll give it a try:)
The best word in any language to describe this cinematographic miscarriage would be the equivalent of English "disaster", "calamity", "catastrophe". It's is a minus 1000 stars' movie without the slightest exaggeration with the word "BRAINLESS" ((figuratively and literally - but to understand why literally you have to watch it first, which I would not recommend even to my arch enemy:)running like a thread from beginning to end.
It is a fest of BRAINLESSNESS, a masterpiece of calamitously bad taste and a triumph of ersatz, banality and derivativeness.In every category it scores "-1000" on a 100 point scale:
acting - disaster, plot - disaster, dialog -disaster, originality - disaster,food for thought - disaster, entertainment value - disaster, fun -disaster...This list may continue from here to eternity - indeed, it's extremely difficult to imagine how you can screw up in film-making more effectively and less impressively than the authors of this bastard of a movie!
As a sci-fi fan I hold "skyline" as a perfect, shining example of what a good sci-fi movie SHALL NEVER BE: utterly brainless, flagrantly insipid, and uniquely, insultingly DERIVATIVE piece of totally forgettable CRAP:((((
PS: It is a "must-NOT-see".STRONGLY RECOMMENDED TO NO ONE!
Salt (2010)
utter crap
nonsensical utter crap. I'm a Russian and despise narrow-mindedness in all its manifestations. And I hereby claim that ANY SINGLE PERSON who liked this movie is as narrow-minded as it gets.
What this so-called movie is is a collection of anti-Russian clichés, albeit wrapped up in a slightly different package. However it boils down to the same old "truth": all evil, aggression and brutality resides in Russia, whereas light, justice and all forces of good belong almost exclusively in America. Laughing stock, pulp fiction which is daily fed to the imbeciles of this world!!
I honestly think you should be ASHAMED OF yourselves for being so petty-minded,so willing to embrace all sorts of stale clichés, banalities and sheer asininity regarding Russia which is daily poured upon you in your press, TV and movies. And you just swallow it without a thought as your parents used to during the cold war years, but the truth is: Russia has changed BEYOND RECOGNITION in each and every respect over the last twenty years, people have changed, values have changed, outlook has changed, everything is different now, but they still sell u the same old stories, as in this ludicrous salt, about a backward land full of brutal, imbecilic thugs plotting annihilation of the US. I RESENT THIS CRAP and I'M SICK AND TIRED OF SEEING Russia AND RUSSIANS PORTEYED IN SUCH A HACKNEYED, STEREOTYPICAL WAY as in this flick:(((
Again shame on you for living in the past when it comes to Russia, for not willing to open up your mind and see what is REALLY happening over here for yourselves, rather than gullibly gobble up whatever preposterous and implausible anti-Russian crap your mass media and Hollywood have to offer... I'm totally disappointed not only with the movie but with how many THOUGHTLESS positive reviews this pathetic piece of unadulterated garbage received.
My mark is ZERO stars, but since it's technically impossible to give it azero, i have to settle for 1 star - AWFUL.
From Paris with Love (2010)
cheap trash
In a nutshell, totally ludicrous flick with a totally ludicrous plot and a countless number of plot holes, plain stupidities and unbelievabilities (one of the most irritating of them being the fact that Travolta's enemies appear to be firing blanks throughout the movie - for from whatever distance they shoot and using whatever weapons - they just can't get him((((. Rarely does anything drive u mad more in an action flick than complete lack of REALITY BASE. As far as I'm concerned it downgrades any movie to a "passable" category, to say the very least.
The only positive here is humor, which,though rude, does spice it up a little. Other than that - it's the opposite of borne: far-fetched, improbable, brainless and forgettable fun strictly for teenagers (or Travolta fans).
My grade is 3 (but for the humor, it would be "1").
Na igre (2009)
WAY better than expected
I would've never watched this particular movie for a number of reasons, not the least of them being that all or almost all previous films based on interplay between game and reality proved to be complete and utter failures.(Gamer is just the latest example). However despite my vehement protests, my friends almost literally dragged me into a movie house, claiming it was worth it. No wonder I was EXTREMELY doubtful at first, but totally unexpectedly all my fears proved completely unfounded. THIS MOVIE IS DIFFERENT!
In a nutshell: the winners of a gaming contest receive a bonus prize in the form of a video game which happens to have a glitch, as a result of which the above winners (senior teenagers, btw) assume the skills of their game characters which they can use in real life. And so the show begins! But no more spoiling - just go and watch it, particularly if you are under 30 and/or not a stranger to video games.
Pros:
1) original, solid, reasonable,unconventional, logically well-built plot 2) fast-paced, no time to get bored 3) acting ranges from very good to acceptable, never falling into the deadpan category 4) likable characters (well, some of them at least:)) 5) well-directed, impressive camera-work 6) good action sequences, particularly considering the meager budget 7) ended halfway, leaving you bemused and intrigued as to what happens next (second, and final part, is actually promised)
Cons: 1) visceral violence, not to say gore, particularly in the second half which I find completely unnecessary (although I admit many from the target audience would argue) 2) bigger budget would not be unwelcome, particularly when it comes to special effects.
Summing up - it's a surprisingly good, innovative movie which delivers as promised. Go see for yourselves: you will be entertained.
NB: DO NOT TAKE CHILDREN!!
Gosford Park (2001)
as mysterious as the brain of a cockroach
Well, where to I start... I guess the most important thing that comes to mind in connection with this movie is that it is NOT, NEVER ANY SORT OF DETECTIVE STORY. NEVER. In terms of prioritizing, the mystery-solving element or suspense is in the umpteenth place. It is almost completely IRRELEVANT here, because by the time something does start to happen in this flick(idle talk aside) it is way past the midpoint. I kept wondering: when will it start, when will it actually start, when will somebody do something AT LAST???. But it was hopeless - a detective story it was not to be, but just a neverending sequence of idle aristocratic talk about NOTHING (plain gossip for the most part) set in some rural estate somewhere in time.
On a bright side, though, is the cast - it is impressive, performances are good, natural, and believable - we must stay honest and give the makers credit for that. But again, otherwise this film is a complete waste of time, unless of course gossip, meaningless talk and details of servants' way of life is what you look for in a detective story.
My mark is 3 for one and only reason - acting (the only ray of light here). Other than that it was BOREDOM epitomized.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)
far better than i expected after reading all criticism
The main reason i'm doing this piece is 'cause of the shocking contrast between what I expected to see, having read a host of bashing comments and reviews, primarily on rottentomatoes, and my actual impression of this movie!! Rarely does actual experience exceed the expectations to such an extent. Well, first of all, I would like to encourage EVERYONE (at least everyone with at least a mild interest in sci-fi movies and a fraction of sense of humor) to pay NO attention whatsoever to an avalanche of negative comments prevalent on the net and in the press. Be your own judges - don't listen to overzealous and humorless critics who prove time and again they are the LEAST RELIABLE GUIDE for a moviegoer. Rely on their opinions - and u will be most of the time watching boring wacky cr.p while missing out on decent flicks.I never trusted them, never will...
But back to the movie: without going into detail - just a few words about pros and cons:
I) PROS: 1) very impressive special effects 2) innovative characters (and humorous too - the decrepit,rusty decepticon from the space museum alone is worth a watch:)) a truly hilarious character, the two twin-autobots constantly fighting each other), the gigantic pyramid destroyer composed of a number of heavy-duty machinery units, etc.) 3) EXCELLENT humor throughout the movie, sustained by various characters and situations, starting with shia and turturo and ending with robots themselves 4) very fast-paced, dynamic,entertaining, never boring or going astray (except, probably for blowing the parents' part out of all proportions); 5) Megan fox, of course - pleasure to watch and a rare beauty 6) and finally, the movie gives the impression of a whole, consistent unit, not one fractioned into great but loosely connected pieces)
II) CONS 1) TOO MUCH PROMINENCE GIVEN TO SHIA'S PARENTS - it's totally unwarranted and sometimes plain ridiculous 2) Megan fox, of course:))) (don't get me wrong but she deserves to be in both pros and cons, because beautiful as this girl is, she is true calamity as an actor. hopefully she will pick up, but as of now she reminds me of Michael madsen - ALWAYS THESAME EXPRESSION ON THE FACE (barring one episode where she was crying naturally, which i guess was the result of Mr.Bay kicking her a.se for deadpan acting, so she just freaked out, while the cameraman filmed it all:))) 3) perhaps a touch too long (could've been 15-20 min shorter without any damage to speak of) - mostly, again, due to the overblown parents' part As far as I'm concerned, the pros BY FAR outweigh the cons - it's just beyond discussion - and I would easily recommend this entertaining, in parts hilarious, funny flick to anyone who wants to have some brainless - but high quality - fun!!
NB: IMPORTANT WARNING! - JUST DON'T TAKE THIS MOVIE SERIOUSLY - if from the very beginning you treat it as a fast-paced sci-fi comedy packed wiht action and stupendous special effects as well as featuring funny and memorable characters (among both humans and robots), you will enjoy it from start to finish.GUARANTEED!
PS:Don't hesitate to take kids along - they will be grateful to you more than u can imagine). PPS: goes without saying, a big screen is an absolute must!
Ocean's Eleven (2001)
perfect for boredom lovers
This is about the first time I decided to comment anywhere on any movie. But I really find it hard to contain my emotions after what I've just seen. It is particularly difficult given the magnitude of accolades this movie has received. The only question I would like to ask of all those who seem to be in raptures over this pathetic flick is: Are you out of your mind? if you have any, of course. You can call me opinionated or whatever but I don't - just do not remember the last time I was so truly and sincerely bored while watching what is supposed to be a blockbuster of sorts!!!! Boredom, boredom, nothing more but boredom. It so amazingly slow-paced, developments are so uniquely incoherent, and most importantly - you just DO NOT BELIEVE for a split second that anything like this - I mean the plot - is feasible, possible, doable, achievable - add your own synonym. The viewer is obviously taken for a complete, unadulterated fool to give even a particle of credence to this pileup of superbly sophisticated moves coming from an uncatchable and inhumanely "intelligent" bunch of pathetic morons. The makers of this movie must have thought that the "divine" privilege of seeing Pitt, Cloney, Roberts, Garcia, etc - all in one flick is enough to justify the absolute boredom and unbelievability it conveys. By and large - it is a very poor job which has unfairly earned its high grades - through the presence of the above hotshots - nothing more nothing less. For those of you who would like to enjoy themselves throughout a comical heist movie I would heartily recommend a polish flick: Vabank (1981)(among many others of course). You can trust me - for I'm a Russian and for a Russian to say something good about whatever polish - believe me - it must be reallllll good. And it is indeed. So have a good time watching! You sure will.