Please Don't Eat the Babies (1983) User Reviews

Some Interesting Moments

[Steve_Nyland · 5/10 · 13 June 2009]

I'm going to champion ISLAND FURY here & take a chance by recommending it. Since the movie is issued on the same DVD as Wayne Crawford's BARRACUDA: THE LUCIFER PROJECT it's one that should end up on your shelves anyway. Linking themes between the two films are summer, boats, the ocean, and girls in swimsuits.

This is the less conventional of the two, telling the story of a pair of teenage girls in their mid 20s who find themselves abducted by a gang of pinheads for a golden doubloon one wears as a charm. The gang concludes there must be more where it came from, kidnap the two bimbos from a Chinatown carnival in an odd sequence, and are really mean to the ladies until one of them spills the story of how they ended up trapped on a secluded island as kids & terrorized by a family of cannibalistic hermits.

The film seems to be drawing it's inspiration from the 1982 shocker HUMONGOUS but with the addition of more teen friendly elements such as extensive profanity and Kirsten Baker, fresh from her nude swim in Friday THE 13TH PART 2 and with a new hair perm, who spends the entire film decked out in a red bikini to display her fabulous body. It may not seem like reason enough to bother with the movie but if like me you are a Wayne Crawford fan you'd end up with the DVD anyway & might as well enjoy it for what you can.

I liked the cannibal family, let by a Ma Barker type & good old Mose from THE SEARCHERS who both scuttle about fretting over "the young 'uns" who have come to visit. The movie's sense of humor might be lost on those looking for blood, guts and boobs, and quite frankly I wish the filmmakers had concentrated on either of the two story skeins; it feels as though two movie ideas were compressed into one, resulting in a lackluster conclusion that is far less interesting than some of the bits that lead up to it. I say give it a chance, no it's not a particularly clever film but in the right frame of mind it's a harmless distraction. With Kirsten Baker in a bikini. Hot.

5/10

A.KA Island Fury? That's no fun

[Tromafreak · 3/10 · 10 June 2009]

Although, I had no earthly idea on what to expect from this movie, this sure as hell wasn't what I would have had in mind, had anything actually come to mind. Once I heard of its existence, all I knew was that I had to own a movie called Please Don't Eat The Babies. unfortunately, I could only find a copy under its alternate title, Island Fury. Looking back, I guess I could call it a lose-lose situation. On one hand, I still don't get to be known as the guy who owns a movie called Please Don't Eat The Babies, and on the other hand, Island Fury would ultimately reveal itself to be an awful, pointless, boring, unwatchable piece of garbage. Yeah, definitely lose-lose.

I'm not even sure what genre they're going for here. Just early 80's badness, with a flashback that might actually be longer than the non-flashback. First up, two teenage girls are being chased by two bad guys, once caught, the bad guys bring to our attention that one of the girls have a coin on a string, around her neck, and somehow, these bad guys know of a lot more of these coins hidden on an island somewhere. And this is where things start to get weird, somehow these guys know of a trip the girls took to some island, years earlier, when they were only 10. I guess this is supposed to mean that the girls should know exactly where this alleged treasure is. So, now, we're in the past, while the girls try to retrace their steps, so these bad guys don't kill them, although, I wouldn't have minded if they had. In the flashback, the 10 year old counterparts are on a boat trip with their sisters and the sisters boyfriends, eventually stopping by an island for some air, they get mixed up with some kid and his killer grandparents. Any potential suspense or reasons to keep on watching never shows up, but the flashback was undeniably better than the present, which still isn't saying a whole lot.

For a while there I had forgotten about the original story. At one point, I thought maybe the director had too, and when the flashback ended, that would be the end, which would have worked for me considering this disappointment would have been a half-hour shorter. This pointless movie within a pointless movie does eventually end, and real stuff does happen, but it's stupid. I guess I didn't exactly expect a movie filled with infants being devoured, or anything like that, but I did expect some form of outlandish B-entertainment, mostly just a confusing, inept storyline, unsure of its genre. My advice would be to seek out something worthwhile like Attack Of The Beast Creatures. If anyone, I would only recommend this one to serious B-movie collectors who must have them all, anyone else interested probably has brain damage. What really gets me is that I still have no idea why they called it Please Don't Eat The Babies. 3/10

Ma, Pa, Junior and Jimmer welcome you on their menu

[Chase_Witherspoon · 4/10 · 12 February 2011]

Amateurish account of two young women abducted by thugs after the gold coin worn by one of them is recognised as a rare antiquity. After a lot of threats and intimidation, the girls finally agree to reveal the location of the treasure, recounting in flashback the horrific events they survived as a pair of precocious teenagers when their group was drugged and dismembered by a family of deranged maniacs on a remote island.

An earthquake, a bizarre ritualistic castration, random close-ups of cockroaches, a village idiot and a pair of not-so-wholesome old folks with sinister intentions are just a few of the dubious encounters you'll experience in this offbeat thriller. 30's cowboy staple Hank Worden looks frail but delivers his corn-fed dialogue ("I done got him that time granny, now how 'bout some pie") with professionalism, while the only other recognisable face is that of Kirsten Baker ("Friday the 13th Part II") in a frivolous (and topless) supporting role.

Low budget props and special effects (e.g. the sponge-dummy "body" lying on the ground in the barn when Todd is attempting his escape) earn a high camp value while a couple of gruesome meat hook / meat cleaver incidents and a gratuitous sex scene up the sadism ratio considerably. Quirky and amateurish, but curiously entertaining nonetheless, the film's legacy of wisdom is a warning to all: don't accept herbal tea from old folks.

An "A'" for effort, but . . .

[lazarillo · 24 March 2010]

I'm generally pretty indulgent towards these low-budget, shaggy-dog horror movies from the 70's and 80's. After all, it was hard to make movies back then with very limited resources (I'm less indulgent today when any talentless idiot with a digital video camera can easily foist any kind of unwatchable dreck on an unsuspecting public). The problem with this movie is that, not only is not very competently made, but it's not just entertaining on any level(even an unintentional one).

The current version of this "Island Fury" is actually TWO lame movies--a wrap-around story which looks to have been shot around the time of the film's 1989 release, and the main story which was filmed earlier in the 80's (1983 I guess). In the frame story two older teenage girls are on vacation in the Far East when they are lured off on a treasure hunt to an island where it turns out they'd been years earlier when they were children with one of the girl's older sister and the sister's teenage/college age friends. This is the main story which involves the group running into a family of kindly old cannibals.

The plot is pretty pedestrian. The acting is terrible (having ten-year-old protagonists might be novel if they weren't even worse actresses than your usual teenage horror fodder). Compared to the protagonists the elderly cannibals aren't bad, but as the villains they really needed to be far more compelling. One of the older girls in the main story is played by Kirsten Baker who played a skinny-dipping, extreme short-shorts wearing camp counselor/"Jason" victim in "Friday the 13th Part II". She has a very nice bikini-clad ass. I say this not to be a sexist pig (well, not JUST to be a sexist pig), but because this movie is so frickin' boring I spent all my time staring at it whenever it was on screen (which unfortunately wasn't very much). Baker's bikini-clad tail gives the movie's only really compelling performance (not even Baker herself, she is pretty somnambulistic). Of course, Baker's ass gave an even better (and un-bikini-clad) performance in "Friday the 13th II", and that was a much more entertaining movie to boot. I give the filmmakers an "A" for effort here, but I really hope they kept their day jobs. . .

Amusingly odd, but not very good at all.

[Hey_Sweden · 4/10 · 17 September 2012]

One thing is for sure: "Please Don't Eat the Babies" is a much more memorable moniker for this silly film than the less imaginative "Island Fury". It's a true odd duck of a film, an awkwardly written, directed, and acted production that may be an endurance test for some viewers, while remaining enough of a curio to keep more patient and adventurous people watching. Unfortunately, it tends to be on the dull side of things, and won't be nearly exploitative enough to suit some tastes. The story has two carefree young ladies, Sugar (Elizabeth Monet) and Bobbylee (Tanya Louise) being kidnapped by thuggish mobsters and forced to travel to an island in order to search for treasure there. Turns out, these gals have been to this island before, and dealt with its peculiar problem: the residents, led by easygoing Gramps (Western veteran Hank Worden), are cannibals. The sad thing is that there never is very much in the way of flesh munching in this thing, nor is there quite enough female skin. One good thing is that there is some priceless dialogue to enjoy, and some delicious "so bad it's good" type moments, especially as the survivors struggle to escape the clutches of our nutty villains, including an old lady and a simple minded henchman named Junior. In addition to Worden, there's one other familiar face here, and that's the ravishing Kirsten Baker whom slasher fans will recognize from "Friday the 13th Part 2" as Terry, the gal who went skinny dipping in that film. She looks mighty fine in a bikini, which helps to make up for her listless performance. One of the biggest problems here is how lightweight all of this is; it's just not horrific enough to work as any sort of horror film. But if you think you can take just about anything, by all means go ahead and try sitting through these 89 minutes of tedium. Four out of 10.

A real stinker

[Woodyanders · 2/10 · 28 January 2014]

Several folks find themselves being terrorized on a remote island by a deranged and dangerous family of backwoods cannibal hicks. Sound good? Well, it sure ain't. Man, does this mind-numbing schlockfest strike out something rotten in every possible way: The flat (non)direction by Henri Charr, the painfully plodding pace, the jumbled narrative that awkwardly jumps back and forth in time, the trite, tedious, and talky script by David Golia and John B. Pfiefer, the extremely poor acting from a lame no-name cast, the insipid cardboard characters, the severe death of both suspense and spooky atmosphere, and the crudely rendered graphic gore all make this turkey a truly grueling chore to endure. Luckily, the delectable Kirsten Baker, who played the sexy skinny dipper in "Friday the 13th Part 2," spends all of her screen time in a yummy red bikini that shows off her smoking hot tight body quite nice (and the less said about her underwhelming plywood performance the better). Moreover, wizened veteran character actor Hank Worden injects some much-needed (and appreciated) vigor into the otherwise lifeless proceedings with his enjoyably hammy portrayal of grumpy hillbilly patriarch Gramps Jebediah. But overall this crud proves to be so dull and draggy that it alas can't quality as a good bad time for connoisseurs of craptacular cinema. Absolute claptrap.

mind-numbingly awful

[movieman_kev · 1/10 · 20 October 2008]

Roommates Sugar and Bobby Lee are abducted by menacing dudes while out shopping one day and taken back to a secluded island that the girls reluctantly tell the thugs that they last visited when they were ten years of age and that a fortune is located on. All that just pretty much bookends a movie that is pretty much one long flashback about the girls first visit to the island and subsequent fight with a cannibalistic family.

This one is extremely horribly acted by everyone involved to the point that I started feeling bad for poor Hank Worden who truly deserved much MUCH better. As much as I didn't like "Barracuda" (that's on the same DVD) I have to admit that this film makes that one look like Citizen Kane.

Eye Candy: one pair of tits (they might belong to Kirsten Baker)

My Grade: F

Dark Sky DVD Extras: Vintage ads for various drive-in food; and Trailers for "Bonnie's Kids" (features nudity), "the Centerfold Girls", "Part-time Wife" (features nudity), "Psychic Killer", & "Eaten Alive". The DVD also comes with 1978's "Barracuda"

A mix-up of genres

[Leofwine_draca · 5/10 · 7 June 2018]

ISLAND FURY is an odd and quirky little thriller from the early 1980s that mixes in elements from the horror and slasher genres, although the end result is strictly average. The film begins with a back story that feels a little muddled and unnecessary, but it picks up speed once some titular characters are kidnapped and head off to a remote, mostly uninhabited island by a group of thugs who are looking for hidden treasure. Instead they find a seemingly friendly old couple and something more murderous lurking in the shadows. This is better than I expected, with fairly decent direction at times and a good picture quality, but the acting is strictly awful and the script pedestrian. There are one or two fun kill scenes and a good supporting role for old-timer Hank Worden, best known for numerous roles in John Wayne westerns over the years.

Didn't hate, but I didn't like what I ate.

[bombersflyup · 2/10 · 6 March 2023]

Please Don't Eat the Babies is a poor film, but it isn't annoying at least, other than some boredom.

It's out there like its title, trying to incorporate a multitude of subplots, but succeeding in none. The main theme being the "Friday the 13th" type family of cannibals. The mutated bugs don't fit with the film at all and the whole thing has poor lighting anyway. If no one ever goes here, why do they happen to be waiting and see them coming. The acting's poor, especially by those playing the villains and Jebediah's dialogue's perhaps the weakest aspect of the whole thing. A very forgettable film.

Island of cannibals.

[HumanoidOfFlesh · 7/10 · 2 July 2010]

Sugar and Bobbylee,two teenage girls end up being kidnapped by some criminals led by Sid and taken back to an island that they had visited many years before when they were ten years old.It seems that the island was inhabited by a family of bloodthirsty cannibals including grandpa Jebediah and his wife,a small kid and an older mentally-ill kid.The mayhem told in drawn-out flashbacks ensues...Very muddled and confusing horror flick with a bit of gore and nudity provided by Kirsten Baker of "Friday the 13th Part 2" fame.Fortunately the film is never boring and there is enough cheese for my liking."Please Don't Eat The Babies" sat unreleased for six years after being filmed in 1983.7 out of 10.Watchable piece of trash with bad acting and awful climax.

"There's something really strange about this island Sid."

[Backlash007 · 23 November 2008]

~Spoiler~

Island Fury, a.k.a. Please Don't Eat the Babies, is definitely one of the weirder movies I've seen. That is saying a lot, believe me. The film has two separate timelines going on at once. One takes place in the present that follows two women who are being chased by some two-bit thugs who kidnap them and force them to help find some buried treasure on an island. The second timeline focuses on the same two women when they were little girls during their original trip to the island. In the flashback story, definitely the more entertaining of the two, the girls are traveling with some tweens who decide to treasure hunt on the island. They are taken in by a family who lives on the island and whose presence should raise about a hundred red flags if our characters were smart. Lucky for us, they aren't. The scenes where the tweens are being attacked by the family are truly bizarre. The patriarch of the family is played by Hank Worden, who is about 100 years old in this picture. He was the star of many great westerns in the past, but I know him as the "Elderly and Senile Room Service Waiter" from Twin Peaks. So if you can imagine him being menacing, or trying to be, you will see the dilemma the viewer is faced with. These scenes consist of Worden walking outside his cabin, firing his rifle towards the main characters, and simply walking back into the cabin. This happens several times and is downright goofy. Other head scratching moments that aren't even mentioned by any of the characters are giant bugs, underwater fissures and earthquakes, a nude lady who likes to castrate men, and some...thing who kills people with a pitchfork. I almost believe this is a Night Train to Terror situation where many movies were pieced together and the footage is totally incoherent. There is no logic to Island Fury and for that reason I wish more people would watch it just so I could discuss it with someone. Should you choose to accept this mission, don't say I didn't warn you.

Hank Worden, Mose in "The Searchers", winds down a great career

[ellis11 · 25 December 1999]

Hank Worden, Mose in "The Searchers", winds down a great career with this student film mish-mash of a movie. Yachters use Worden's small island pier/store to stock up on supplies. The island is off limits and there is a curfew for the paying customers. Yachters are supposed to drop a few bucks and push off. Any one breaking the rules discovers Worden has a family inland that bears more than a passing resemblance to the Texas Chainsaw Clan. Which would have been fine. The film gets even more inept trying to inject a monster menace. Aquatic cockroach things that Worden's family has a weird empathy with.

Bizarre and confusing.

[Moshing Hoods · 3 December 2001]

This is a particularly inept and difficult film to watch. Like many other of the early-80s American horror films of the same bracket, there is little in the way of atmosphere or gore to keep one interested. At this particular time, the gulf between US and European low budget horror was enormous. This particular movie takes the worst from the contemporary US horror films (such as HALLOWEEN) and 50s monster movies and creates an absolutely lamentable waste of time. Don't bother.