Several folks find themselves being terrorized on a remote island by a deranged and dangerous family of backwoods cannibal hicks. Sound good? Well, it sure ain't. Man, does this mind-numbing schlockfest strike out something rotten in every possible way: The flat (non)direction by Henri Charr, the painfully plodding pace, the jumbled narrative that awkwardly jumps back and forth in time, the trite, tedious, and talky script by David Golia and John B. Pfiefer, the extremely poor acting from a lame no-name cast, the insipid cardboard characters, the severe death of both suspense and spooky atmosphere, and the crudely rendered graphic gore all make this turkey a truly grueling chore to endure. Luckily, the delectable Kirsten Baker, who played the sexy skinny dipper in "Friday the 13th Part 2," spends all of her screen time in a yummy red bikini that shows off her smoking hot tight body quite nice (and the less said about her underwhelming plywood performance the better). Moreover, wizened veteran character actor Hank Worden injects some much-needed (and appreciated) vigor into the otherwise lifeless proceedings with his enjoyably hammy portrayal of grumpy hillbilly patriarch Gramps Jebediah. But overall this crud proves to be so dull and draggy that it alas can't quality as a good bad time for connoisseurs of craptacular cinema. Absolute claptrap.
Review of Please Don't Eat the Babies
