Change Your Image
Upload An Image
Crop And Save
Diary of a Cannibal (2007)
Oh Ulli, why do I still act like a cinematic masochist by continuing to watch your unwatchable 'based on a true story' (albiet EXTREMELY loosely) waste of celluloid. Perhaps I've answered my own question. I AM a masochist, either that or the last true blooded optimist. Perhaps this one will be better. Maybe i won't long for the sweet embrace of death to keep me from viewing until the movie's end. Alas no. No such luck. i had to suffer through this spectacularly awful movie. Atrociously acted, shot worse than a student film. Unentertaining even in it's insipidness. DO NOT watch. DO NOT even let the idea enter your head.
Seance: The Summoning (2011)
Summon a better film next time
Four college friends who one night summon a demon who readily inhabits one of their bodies, have to figure out a way to defeat the demonic entity.
To say this is Writer/Director Alex Wright's best film is damning it with faint praise indeed, as the only previous films of his that i've previously seen were the abysmal "Wishmaster 3" and equally abysmal The "First 9 1/2 Weeks". At least this one starts off well-enough, if still stilted and unoriginal, before collapse in on itself and limping to it's conclusion. As it stands, the movie is still worthless, yet better than those two aforementioned stinkers.
Eye Candy: Cortney Palm is briefly topless (but as a cadaver, so....)
Brain Twisters (1991)
in order to twist, the film has to have a brain in the first place
Silly me, I thought that "Blood Trails" was the worst film that I'd have the misfortune to watch today. But lo and behold, here comes "Brain Twisters" to again prove me wrong, oh so VERY wrong.
This relatively bloodless tale of an insane scientist (but aren't they all) who's experiments with a video game make his student subjects into mindless murderous psychopaths, has nothing going for it. Insanely bad acting, and horribly disjointed storyline that at times I think was merely jotted haphazardly on paper cocktail napkins. This stinker not only scrapes the bottom of the proverbial barrel, but permanently resides there. It can't get much worse than this.
Blood Trails (2006)
Trailing off into obscurity
Anne cheats on her boyfriend with a deranged cop who turns out to be a psychopath by stalking her and her boyfriend while they're taking a mountain biking trip.
Predictable, unoriginal tripe that features unlikable characters doing idiotic things that will make one yell at the screen in disbelief. Not only did I glance at my phone to check the time while waiting for this film to finally end, thus putting me out of my misery, but i actively hated that i wasted the time watching it. Yes the movie is that bad.
Eye Candy: Rebecca Palmer gets topless (although it could possibly be a body double)
Mine Games (2012)
A mine is a terrible thing to waste
A group of friends stumble across an abandoned mine, while on vacation. There's something eerily peculiar about said mine though and it wastes no time getting the group all discombobulated with it's timey-wimey shenanigans
Highly reminiscent of "Triangle", but not as nearly accomplished as that film. The insipid number has a group of unlikable characters and a script struggling too hard to be clever that it falls over it's own feet several times. Shame as it had potential, only to flounder it all away.
Eye Candy: Lindsay Lamb as Sarah gets topless
The Clown at Midnight (1999)
This film is a clown
A group of kids are methodically stalked by a killer in clown makeup while they are cleaning up an old opera house. Who lives? Who dies? Who cares?
Say what you will, but clowns are just inherently frightening for some reason. Furthermore, it takes some serious talent to make a killer clown that's not scary in any way, sense, or from. Not one iota. This robs the viewer of even silently cheering while the group of stereotypical, asinine, unlikable characters get slashed. A real chore to sit through.
Eye Candy: Liz Crawford as Ashley gets briefly topless
Chasing the Devil (2014)
I want to be chasing a better movie
Patrick takes a trio of TV paranormal investigators with him to observe a couple's daughter, who appears to be suffering from the same possession that Patrick's own sister had suffered from before her untimely suicide, in this low-budget horror flick that's firmly in the 'found footage' sub-genre.
I didn't particularly care for the 'found footage' sub-genre, as in my mind, most of the films can come across as cheap, lazy, badly acted & sloppy. This film suffers from it's faults yes, but it's still marginally better than other swill that populates this genre. Still not enough to rewatch it again anytime soon (or ever) though.
The Rage: Carrie 2 (1999)
Carrie on our wayward son
Rachel Lang finds herself in a fowl mood after her best friend commits suicide. So what can a faux 'goth' half-sister of Carrie White do? Let the telekinesis fly in this unnecessary belated (by a few decades) sequel to a iconic horror classic.
This film might've fared better had it been a stand alone film rather than a sequel to a beloved classic. However this IS a sequel (a point that this movie with constant callbacks to the aforementioned classic NEVER lets you forget) This is one of the two main minuses of the film (the other being Zachery Ty Bryan acting quite poorly)
All is not awful as Rachel coming into her full revenge in the third act is entertaining, although not enough to sit through the rest of the film in my mind. That being said, this film IS STILL a million times better than the theatrical remake of Carrie.
They're all gonna laugh at this abysmal remake
The coming-of-age story of the bullied Carrie While gets shortchanged in this atrocious remake.
De Palma made a classic back in the mid-70's that still has the power to resonate as hard to this day, nearly 40 years later. Unfortunately, this ill-conceived almost word for word remake is not only not as well-acted but also seems to think less of it's audience by 'dumbing' it down exponentially) I, for one, would just rather re-watch the marvelous original adaptation any day of the week rather than suffer through this forgettable tripe. Thankfully in this age of Netflix and Amazon Prime, one can easily do just that.
One of De Palma's best (and the best King movie adaptation)
Based on the Stephen King novel, this film details the ageless tale of Carrie White, social pariah thanks in no small part to her religious zealot mother, as she deals with being bullied.
A great film is able to not only stand the test of time, but not become dated by the era that it was made. Carrie accomplishes both these tasks with aplomb. It still resonates as hard today as it did nearly 40 years ago (has it truly been that long? My how time flies) And even a couple truly atrocious remakes and ill-conceived sequel couldn't diminish the sheer power of arguably Brian De Palma's second best film. (Scarface being his best, there's no arguing that)