all560 Reviews

The Safety of Objects (2001)

Oh, SPARE me!

[1/10 · 1 September 2007]

Another one of those awful little films about totally homogenized, interchangeable beings who all look, sound, act and think the same. Ms Close, usually insipid, sinks to the occasion. Absolutely no redeeming value, whatsoever.

Spoiler? There is no way TO spoil this film. One knows from the first frame that the result will be terminal boredom, dished in fatal doses, by single-dimension characters designed to spew rote phrases, knowing smiles, and a vacuum that more and more has come to signify the "enlightened" of our time.

Rest assured that there will be ample opportunities for them all to gather, release the inevitable metaphoric doves of failure, and celebrate each.

Try to tune in for the last scene. The tablecloth and closing "music" sum things up perfectly.

The Lake House (2006)

The Role she was born to play

[10/10 · 19 April 2007]

Don't try to rationalize the framework of the plot. These type films exist - have always existed - for a reason: they allow for the development of an intensity that is often awkward to achieve on film.

I think Cecil Kellaway said it best in Portrait of Jennie, "...there ought to be something timeless about a woman..." Lake House is the reward for those of us who have continued to watch Sandra Bullock through some pretty awful films during the past decade, never knowing quite why.

From the moment when Kate sits, alone on her birthday, in a Chicago bar, Lake House changes. Gone are the cloying, stereotyped characterizations of almost all "romantic" films of the recent past, including the first 45 minutes of this one! In a few moments, Kate comes to life. She realizes what every human being is meant to realize, and she devotes herself to fulfilling that realization. The facade is gone. And that is the point of this type of film.

From that moment on, Sandra Bullock simply glows. Both she and Keanu Reeves rise above anything they've ever done, and - for an all-too-brief hour - they create magic.

For those lucky enough to have that magic in real-life, the effect is simply beautiful.

For those who are not...well...the wait is worth it!

The Locusts (1997)

Awful!

[1/10 · 6 February 2007]

Ever lie awake at night, watch something on some obscure cable channel, and end up wondering why you didn't drink yourself into a stupor several hours earlier? I just did. I'd probably feel better tomorrow, had I chosen the booze.

THE LOCUSTS is a truly awful film. It's one of those that always makes me ask the questions "WHY was it done and WHERE did the money come from?" Forget the attempts, so en vogue today, of trying to date and sentimentalize a film by mindless overlays of classic music! Genuine inability is timeless.

Here is the one good thing I can say about this film: Ms. Judd's make-up artist, Ben Nye, Jr, had the sense to leave her alone. She's radiant...from the safe distance she was photographed. But, everything else is likewise-photographed. I guess the photographer didn't feel comfortable any closer to the storyline.

The acting is laughable, especially the three leads. The kid spends two hours trying to do a James Dean and succeeds only in setting back the cause of the speech-impaired a couple decades. He is in rarefied atmosphere here. Only Jennifer Jason Leigh in KANSAS CITY and Richard Gere in BREATHLESS have given comparable performances. Capshaw is, well, Capshaw. Vince who? Doesn't he do novelty records?

But the plot takes the cake. To think that human beings would allow themselves to dwell in or near this attempt of some swaggering pump-up to inflict his "values" or "Code of the Cool" on a defenseless kid is ludicrous. The mindset of the executive(s) responsible for the allocation of funds and the filming itself, who must have found SOME potential in the story, is unfathomable. There is none. GIANT and DUEL IN THE SUN and LONG HOT SUMMER have been done before. With taste, opulence, style or length to cover gaps in meaning or worth. This film has none of any of that.

Fortunately, the family off themselves at the end, preventing a sequel.

I think I now understand why Orion bankrupted.

Chrystal (2004)

PLEASE see this film!

[10/10 · 2 February 2007]

Grady Harp's review down below says it perfectly.

This may not be the best picture of the last two decades, but I cannot think of a better one. There is not a wasted frame of film, or production dollar.

This is what movies, made by humans for humans, can achieve. Thornton, Blount, and MacKinnon all deserve Oscars for their roles, and the latter for his extraordinary writing, production and direction effort.

Any movie where the hero first appears carrying a six-pack of RC and engages a mongrel dog in a staring contest is already more interesting to me than anything Hollywood has done since computer graphics, Dolby 5.1 and the Foley were invented.

Unbreakable (2000)

Sixth Sense was entertaining...

[1/10 · 15 July 2006]

...if too easy to anticipate. A few weeks ago, I saw Signs. It was OK. Until I saw Scary Movie III last night on TBS, where the commercial breaks are longer than the program segments. That gave me time to think. The parody OF Signs was FAR better than the original, which now seems totally contrived and pointless, but harmless.

Not so, this film! Unbreakable is deliberately, pointedly awful. From original concept, right down to the most insipid minor characterization! Someone, somewhere below wrote something about building suspense and characterization. HARDLY! What builds is the terrible job of audio recording, the "steal something from every master director" approach of the incompetent writer/producer/director, and the sense that Bruce Willis probably washed his hands after each "cut" was called. This is a nasty little film that takes the plot of "Breathless" (now #2 worst movie I have ever made it through...) and collapses it even further inward on its vacuous self.

This film says nothing, portrays nothing, except the empty self-absorption of everyone in it, except Willis, who comes to accept their dilemmas and fall victim to them himself. No WONDER he's depressed! He's married to a woman who sees her life's mission as saving people...from football injuries! And that's just the EASIEST of the characterizations to grasp! Save yourself the time and effort. Rent something worth seeing. Then, make a list of everyone you know who liked this film, and keep your family away from them.