cheflounder77 Reviews

Albino Farm (2009)

Add this to the list of all time baddies

[1/10 · 5 February 2010]

When a WWE Wrestler is the "and" at the end of the starring credits, its gonna be bad. This worthless piece of trash is filmed in a town in Missouri where they supposedly have this "Albino Farm" that is of legend somewhere in the Osark Mountains. Everybody there is inbred or has some type of physical deformity. The Main characters are a joke. Four college kids researching rumors in the Osarks - Stacy, Brian, Melody, and Sanjay - for a class assignment. WTF? What school are they going to? Then Brian, the jerk, wants to make fun of some rednecks so they go into this revival and sit there and talk to a guy that looks like Chris Elliott in Scary Movie 2. Then they go into town to eat and meet a girl with hoofs for hands. They then split up and one team talk to Chris Jericho to take them to the Albino Farm. Then comes the first redeeming quality of the movie - Melody flashes the hicks to get them to go. As this goes on and on, on the albino farm, there are disfigured people who want to kill everyone and then Stacy, who was clearly a B cup earlier in the movie has opened her polo to partially expose her now obvious D cups to become the second most redeeming quality of the movie - you don't see them, but they bounce a lot. In the end almost everyone dies, and Stacy goes crazy. This movie was an absolute travesty and I REALLY want the $5 I spent at Blockbuster (This was a new release?) and the 95 minutes I wasted on this back. I think Chris Jericho owes me.....

Kill Switch (2008 Video)

The worst movie I have ever seen.

[1/10 · 5 February 2010]

I have found the four most scary words in the English language: WRITTEN BY STEVEN SEAGAL. I have wasted many hours on bad movies. I have wanted those hours back. This one hurt me. Physically Hurt me. Segal must have needed rent or something for this piece of dung to be released. First it shows his twin brother being brutally murdered (Which is never answered) then he is beating up some guy and throwing him out the window. As he goes out the window his back is going out, but when the scene changes, he is going head first. AND WHY DOES HE HAVE THE STUPID ACCENT? Every time he talked I needed to turn up the volume so I could hear his crappy dialog. And then at the end, he disappears and goes to a new house (Which could be somewhere in the Shire) with a new wife(who looks 19) and two kids and I think a nanny who looks like Meg from Family Guy. His teen wife strips for him and the movie is over. The fact that this movie an almost 4 rating (at the time this was written) on IMDb, makes me think that the majority of users have down syndrome. Because for anyone to rate this higher than a 1, they must be retarded. The worst movies I have seen in the theater are still 100 times better than this piece of crap on a good drunken $1 at Blockbuster Night. This becomes my new #1 worst movie of all time, due to the unbelievably bad Scooby-Doo ending that has me wanted to send him hate mail for the $6 I paid for this travesty that I bought in the Wal-Mart S--t bin. I wanted a good laugh and found myself with a nose bleed when it was done. Save yourself some time, and masturbate with a cheese grater - you will have more fun with that then watching this worthless effort.

Top 5 Worst of all time 5. Boo 4. The Pumpkin Carver 3. The Stuff 2. Teenage Caveman 1. Kill Switch

Teenage Caveman (2002 TV Movie)

This was by far the worst movie I have ever seen

[1/10 · 27 March 2009]

For those of you who thought this was a good movie, you should be ashamed of yourselves. The movie started off laughable with some Edward Fulong wanna-be (The kid with the starter mustache) talking about boobs and then they meet up with Vincent and the Asian Chick and then it becomes Kids-esquire when all these Teenagers get naked in a hot tub. The movie progresses along with drug use and sex, then the ending comes with the main character dressing up like Gene Simmons asking for all the children. This piece of cinematic garbage should be classified as the WORST MOVIE EVER! The main bad guy, Vincent, was so flipping unbelievable bad he should be shot. The Asian chick, i think her name was Juila, has no emotion, but when she gets mad she throws a temper tantrum that would make a 2 year old stop and wonder why they were throwing one in the first place. Larry Clark should, if he isn't already, be on some list that watches him as I think he is a pedophile. If someone says, hey lets watch Teenage Caveman, you need to kick your friend in the junk, throw him out the door, and then never call him again. This abomination cost me 90 minutes of my life that I will never get back. I died a little inside and this movie made me even stupider. The future does suck, and it is because of this movie.

CSI: Miami (2002–2012)

The cheesiest of them all

[1/10 · 21 March 2009]

For those who think this is a good show you are wrong. It should be called CSI:No emotion. Not one person shows any emotion for what is going on around them. Caruso was a good actor, but not anymore - I can tell you how he rolls as Horatio. While in interrogation, he whips off his sunglasses, flips his coat back as he puts his hands on his hips, says some smart ass remark to the criminal and then rolls off camera. End Scene. The chick that plays Calliegh is good looking, but I have seen people that have just got botox injections have more facial expressions then she does in one episode. Jonathan Togo looks like a the robotic brother of Gregg of CSI, who is constantly flawed, and the guy who plays Eric has a look on his face like he is constipated. The stories are not that good and the characters are laughable. This show is bad. To say it is better then CSI and CSI:NY someone is smoking something that impares their judgment. Give Gil Grissom, Mac Taylor, or even Ray Langston a try. You will definitely enjoy them much better than this piece of dung.