patriots3428 Reviews

Last Three Days (2020)

Garbage

[1/10 · 12 April 2023]

Stunned that trash like this gets made. Not a single moment of good acting, writing, directing, or cinematography. It felt like watching a movie made by grade schoolers who were told "write a story about guns, gangs, stereotypes, and cars" and this is what came out. Imagine all the good that could be done with the money spent making this drivel. Anyone associated with it should request to go "uncredited" so they don't ruin their careers. If you have a choice between doing laundry and watching this movie, do the laundry. You will feel much better at the end and you won't wonder why you wasted 1 hour, 26 minutes and 35 seconds of your life.

Intrusion (II) (2021)

Tedious

[1/10 · 28 January 2023]

Shocked how trash like this gets made. There must be so much money sitting in Hollywood studios that a script this bad actually gets a green light. Not a single relatable character, just dripping with tired stereotypes and worn out plot lines. Did Covid melt all the creativity away from writers? Even when there was a presumedly suspenseful scene, it was so predictable that I was tempted to fast forward past the obvious. No wonder so many people believe they can make it as a successful actor or writer. When they see something this bad, they must be thinking "surely I can act / write / direct better than THAT!"

Jack Ryan (2018–2023)

Covid Killed Jack Ryan

[6/10 · 10 January 2023]

Season one was excellent. Fast paced, interesting characters, believable storyline. We looked for to each episode. Season two was a bit slower, the characters less appealing, the story line less edgy. Still watchable but if it was the first season we wouldn't have looked forward to another. Season three was horrible. Jack has become overly self righteous and boring. Greer is no longer the quick-witted partner with attitude and none of the antagonists are particularly interesting. The break in production during Covid must have dulled the writing and creativity. It's as if the cast lost interest during Covid as much as the audience has. Please don't make a season four.

Dark Crimes (2016)

Just bad and not in a good way

[1/10 · 23 October 2022]

Poor Jim Carrey. Watched this because of him. What a waste of time. Poor writing, direction, acting. Jim should stick to comedy, that's his wheelhouse. Every time he walked into a bathroom I expected him to start beating himself up like in Liar, Liar. The only benefit I got from this is I now know I will never see Poland in person. Why would anyone want to watch a movie so depressing? It's not depressing in an introspective, thoughtful way, it's just depressing. Not a single character was relatable, likeable, or even watchable. I hope Jim finds his way back to comedy, I could use a good laugh after watching this sad flick.

Ambulance (2022)

One Star is Being Generous

[1/10 · 7 October 2022]

Shocking that such trash gets made, and millions spent. Even more shocking is that it actually made money - $52M on a $40M budget. Imagine all the good that money could do to help the homeless, feed the hungry, literally anything other than make this movie. How did they talk Jake into doing this flick? Must have been a huge payday - the writing was AWFUL!!! Michael Bay predictably overlays blaring music over "tense" scenes, which apparent he believed was happening the entire movie. Do yourself favor - don't watch this movie. You will feel like you won the lottery not having spent 136 minutes of your life on such drivel. If you are a Jake fan, watch Source Code instead - much more interesting storyline and you will actually like the characters.

21 Bridges (2019)

Like Eating Junk Food

[3/10 · 6 October 2022]

Well cast but disappointing. Predictable plot in every way from every bad cop movie you have ever seen, with sadly unoriginal writing. Too bad the script did not do the actors justice. Chadwick Boseman, Sienna Miller, and J. K. Simmons are all very good actors, but there was nothing there to surprise or entertain. None of the characters were particularly interesting or relatable. I kept checking the time remaining to see how much more I had to endure before the oh so predictable ending. Thankfully I watched this on vacation, so it was not as much of a waste of time as it could have been. Save yourself - watch The Accountant instead - very good JK Simmons flick.

The Transporter (2002)

Bad Bad Bad

[2/10 · 21 August 2022]

I was expecting a great movie based on all the reviews. What a waste of time. Bad guys standing around waiting for Jason Statham to hit them. Not a single scene was remotely plausible. Makes me worried that the bar has been set so low that this movie has so many 8+ reviews.

The Big Lebowski (1998)

Disappointing Waste of Immense Talent

[1/10 · 24 July 2022]

One of the worst movies ever written. I love Jeff Bridges and really wanted to like this movie, especially after Bridges evoked his Dude character in announcing that he had cancer. Expected so much more from such a powerhouse cast, but it was the script that ruined this movie. If you love movies with f bombs in literally every dialogue and enjoy low brow humor, this movie is for you, otherwise don't waste your time.

Unhinged (I) (2020)

Awful!!

[1/10 · 8 December 2021]

Predictable, stupid, not a single redeeming quality. Russell Crowe looks like he ate John Goodman. None of the other characters are likeable. The police are made to look inept in typical Hollywood fashion. The storyline has the female lead making decisions like they do in bad horror movies. Amazing that a production company can make money on such drivel.

Yellowstone (2018– )

Would be a 10 without the gratuitous profanity

[7/10 · 21 November 2021]

Having spent nine years in the military I'm no stranger to profanity, but the writers of the show seem to have forgotten that selective use of swearing has so much more impact than when it is every other word. They try to justify it by saying that's just how cowboys talk, but it misses the point of leveraging selective usage to make an impact. They may be trying to maximize viewers by appealing to the lowest common denominator, but it is with detriment to the quality of the story. At some point it just becomes tiresome.

The storyline, actors, and cinematography are all fabulous, as well as the horse riding and back stories of living on a ranch. If they cleaned up the dialogue even a little it would result in a much more enjoyable story.

Dr. Death (2021–2023)

Would have been better without the back & forth in time

[7/10 · 21 September 2021]

Great cast, storyline and script, well acted, poorly directed. Ever since Breaking Bad directors have been over using timeline changes, creating confusion and disruption in the storyline. Like anything else, concepts and creative tools are most effective when used sparingly. Seems the director was more focused on the frequency of these changes than in telling the story. Unfortunate.

The Ice Road (2021)

This is why people don't go to the movies anymore

[1/10 · 25 July 2021]

Painfully predictable, horrible script. It's amazing that movies this bad get green lit. The ending was obvious in the first five minutes, as well as each scene that played out. Liam Neeson and Laurence Fishburn are better than this. I've suffered through LMN movies at my mother in law's that were more watchable than this tripe.

Out of Time (V) (2021)

Painful to watch

[1/10 · 4 July 2021]

Don't waste your time, even if you have binged watched everything during COVID, and this is the last movie you have not seen. The script was blasé, and the acting felt like one of those LMN movies where the actors really think they can act, sort of like when someone thinks they can sing when they can't. If you want an alien movie with comedy, rewatch any of the Men in Black series, if you want an action alien version, watch Edge of Tomorrow, or you could go old school and watch the original Alien - one of the most classic alien movies. Actually, just about any other alien movie but this one.

Fargo (2014–2024)

Watch Season 1 then find something else

[4/10 · 5 June 2021]

Billy Bob Thornton was excellent in season one, as was the script and supporting cast. Each successive season got less interesting with dull dialogue, less intriguing storylines, and an increase in the frequency of "artistic" touches such as the overuse of split screen with no apparent dramatic effect. You are better off re-watching Ozark than the next three seasons.

Dead in the Water (2021)

Too Painful to Watch

[1/10 · 19 January 2021]

How can such a bad script ever get made? Painfully predictable, uninteresting characters, drab dialogue. The only redeeming quality was the scenery, which looks like the northwest coast.

Independence Day: Resurgence (2016)

Just a payday for Jeff and Bill

[1/10 · 29 December 2020]

An awful sequel which lacked any sense of originality or imagination. Essentially a rehash of the original with even bigger badder aliens. All the key characters have been resurrected with drab dialogue that often references the first script. Bill Pullman and Jeff Goldblum must have needed the work. Will Smith was smart enough to stay away from this one. So should you.

The Contract (2006)

Not even great actors can save a bad script

[3/10 · 13 December 2020]

Morgan Freeman and John Cusack are great actors, but this is just a poorly written script. A tired premise laced with predictable stereotypes for supporting roles and story sequences that result in a disappointing film. It makes one wonder how these films ever get green lit in the first place.

The Assistant (III) (2019)

Definitely not Ruth from Ozark

[1/10 · 28 June 2020]

Utter waste of time. Worst movie I have seen in years. Horrible writing, drab dialogue, unintelligible muffled phone voices, not a single redeeming aspect to this movie. If you can choose between watching this movie and going to the dentist, choose the dentist.

Death Wish (2018)

Sad attempt to remake a classic

[1/10 · 10 March 2019]

Some remakes are as good or better than the original. A Star is Born with Bradley Cooper is an example.

Death Wish is not.

Bruce Willis' acting reminds me of a comment Will Smith made after doing Wild Wild West "I found myself promoting something because I wanted to win versus promoting something because I believed in it." BW obviously did not believe in this remake and neither should you.

Do yourself a favor and watch the original with Charles Bronson and don't waste your time on this one.

Acts of Vengeance (2017)

Don't Do It!

[1/10 · 9 February 2018]

Don't waste your time...unless you want to see Antonio Banderas in his worst film of all time.

The TSA dog did a better job of acting than Antonio did. At least I believed the dog could get a job with the TSA.

When Antonio takes a couple of Karate lessons he can suddenly kick four much bigger dudes' butts all at the same time, and later he beats up a huge cop who has been beating up dudes on a regular basis - really?

The funniest scenes were when Antonio took a vow of silence and had to answer questions from the nurse...so bad!!! Almost worth watching because it was so uncomfortably awkward.

I don't have to ask for money back but I'll never get the time back. Ugh.

Murder on the Cape (2017)

Zero Stars not an Option?

[1/10 · 30 January 2018]

The reviewers giving 10 stars are hilarious - either intentionally or not. If you have the choice between getting your teeth extracted without novocaine and watching this movie - pick option A.

Reminds me of the Siskel & Ebert review of John Travolta's train wreck Battlefield Earth, where the only reason S&E said to watch it was so you could say "Yeah, but was it as bad as Battlefield Earth?" Answer - ABSOLUTELY!