umimelectric Reviews

Smile (V) (2022)

Borrows a lot from other films in the genre

[5/10 · 20 November 2022]

I'm late to the party so there's a lot of reviews out there to surely bury my own at this point, but for anyone checking more recent reviews-

This film borrows a lot from It Follows, and some from Oculus and Truth or Dare, with the very predictable final act feeling a bit inspired by the original Evil Dead as well. The idea of a downward-turned head and eyes looking up through a cheerful smile being something ironic or sinister in horror is not new itself, either. It felt to me as if the director just said "hey, I'm going to take the smile from Truth or Dare, the hallucinations from Oculus, the cabin from Evil Dead, and the stalking and paranoia of It Follows and make the ultimate horror movie!" Unfortunately, for anyone who isn't a teenager sneaking into an R rated film for their first time, this whole hand was overplayed and felt generic and forgettable. It started out spooky and ended up hilarious when they show too much of the monster and even have it speaking cheesy lines. You never show too much of your monster, and should rarely have it speak- it's a critical mistake that too many filmmakers never seem to learn. If you can steal from those before you, you should also be able to learn from their mistakes. 5/10 stars. Not the worst, but far away from the best.

Barbarian (2022)

Major plot holes that still don't ruin the fun

[7/10 · 27 October 2022]

First of all, let me start by saying that I enjoyed this movie and none of the plot holes ruined the experience for me. But there are several issues, and my review is just to point them out from a logical point of view:

The first time something weird happens, when the main protagonist awakens because of the floor creaking and finds the bedroom door open, and sees the dude making weird sounds while asleep on the couch, along with us seeing the basement door close in the background, of course that was the creepy mother coming out as she does at night, so if she is so aggressive at night when she comes out, even later to venture out of the house to try and take people back, why would she not have done anything that first night when we hear the floor creak and the door was ajar? There was obviously no shame in her game as we saw later in the movie, so why would she not have done anything to the defenseless sleeping people that she definitely saw in the house when she came out? Also how did she get out of the basement at all then, and later on, when the door locks and can only be opened from the outside? That's the first thing that doesn't make sense to me.

The second thing that doesn't make sense to me is if the home was listed on Airbnb and HomeAway, wouldn't the protagonist have seen poor reviews from other guests about the area? You could say, oh well the other people who stayed there were captured/killed by the crazy mother lady, so they couldn't leave reviews, well okay then do those other people not have relatives and friends that would file a missing persons report? That knew they were staying in that home? Traces of their transaction on these websites? The home was never investigated in the past? I mean if they would have gone into the police arriving and not caring or checking into it, which also doesn't make sense on its own, and explained that by saying the town police were aware of the lady and a literal serial killer living down there, and they were covering it up or had some agreement with them, then that would have been explained for sure in the story, right? I just don't think that was very well thought through. Also, almost none of it would have happened if the protagonist did the most realistic thing possible from the beginning, not stay in the home with a stranger, and definitely not venture deep into a potentially dangerous underground shaft/tunnel to find said stranger versus leaving and bringing the police back with her. I liked the movie and enjoyed it, but those elements made it feel amateur in its writing. Still a very good time, and I'm glad to have given it a shot.

Echoes (2022)

The definition of hit or miss

[6/10 · 21 August 2022]

There's good & bad elements to this show, with a very smart although convoluted twist/misdirect standing out as a huge positive that nearly counteracts the sometimes inexcusable acting, over-the-top drama, and unrealistic plot turns. Overall, being only 7 episodes, I would recommend it for someone who has Netflix and is looking for something to get into requiring minimal commitment. It is a good thing it isn't any longer of a series though, because this show would definitely prove that too much can be a very bad thing. 6/10; an intriguing mystery that is weighed down by being a little too heavy handed.

Valley of the Dead (2020)

Surprised me

[8/10 · 23 July 2022]

Very entertaining international zombie flick, featuring superb English voice acting dubs, but I'm sure there are subtitles available if you need/prefer them. With genuinely funny moments, an interesting setting, impressive action sequences, very cool variety of characters, and a magnificent finale, this film is too charming to pass up for anyone who is into the genre.

The Gray Man (2022)

Fun action movie with top tier presentation, but formulaic script

[7/10 · 23 July 2022]

Short & Sweet: If you are looking for great fight scenes, high-budget cinematography, and gripping entertainment then look no further.

There are a couple of silly plot holes, some dialogue that maybe shouldn't have made it into the final cut, and a by-the-book script that doesn't mark any new territory, but if you miss the days of old school action thrills, you already can look past these flaws and enjoy this for a couple of hours. You could do a whole lot worse.

Arcane (2021– )

Amazing, and I've never played the game.

[10/10 · 30 November 2021]

The animation and art style are awesome, voice acting is superior work, and the story is exciting and engulfing. I'm going to credit this show for making me care about animation again, and I've never even played a second of the game. I think the show does a great job of explaining things to the average person so they can enjoy it too. I hope for many more seasons if they stay this good.

Malignant (I) (2021)

OMG this movie is awful

[2/10 · 11 September 2021]

2/10 seems super generous in this situation, but oh man this is one of the worst films I've seen in a long, long time. I was so excited for it for the last couple of months, and I cannot explain the level of disappointment I feel, as a big fan of the horror genre. Absolutely laughable, especially when you find out the "twist" of what's been happening this entire time...oh man, towards the end it randomly tries to be The Matrix or something and...I just can't. What were they thinking? Supremely cringe example of cinema right here, avoid.

Servant (2019–2023)

Insulting

[3/10 · 23 May 2021]

Great pilot episode that had me feeling like I found my new show- all the way up to the middle of the following episode. Some negative reviews on here have indicated they made it to season 2 and the plot is going nowhere, but the insulting season 1 episode 2 plot hole of "we can't tell the police about the baby we suspect was kidnapped" just to keep from upsetting the insane wife is just too stupid to bear. For a couple of guys (the husband & the brother) who act like they care so much about the kidnapped child, they sure do rule out the possibility of contacting the police real early. I can only imagine the rest of the show continues to ignore this very major plot hole and because of that, I am already done. Typical M. Night Shymalan crap plot on display here, but I give it 3 of 10 stars for the first rate cinematography and production quality.

Freaky (2020)

Decent slasher with a gimmick

[6/10 · 4 December 2020]

This movie has some big plot holes and some super bizarre and absurd scenes as a result of the whole body switching gimmick. In my opinion, it would have been better without that aspect, as its a rather competent modern slasher flick on its own.

Still, it's something different and the final girl is pretty likeable, along with the rest of its decent cast providing some comic relief. It's somewhat satirical of the genre, yet you never feel as though it doesn't take itself seriously, which I think it does. 6/10.

To Your Last Death (2019)

Cartoon bloodbath

[7/10 · 18 March 2020]

While not a masterpiece, how could anyone rate it only 1 star? That's confusing to me, as it seems a lot of care was put into producing this. Some people seem to have a problem with the animation, but I kind of like it. It's more of a comic-book art style full of gore and murder, and that appeals to me a lot more than Japanese animation does, even if the excessive blood isn't exactly what I look for in a movie. I'm not much for the torture porn, but this film balances it nicely with dark humor and an atmosphere of dread and anxiety. It's not going to be everyone's cup of tea but it's definitely not boring, and I give it 7/10 for at least being an original animated horror feature within the manhunt sub-genre, and not just another remake of something old.

I Hate the Man in My Basement (2020)

A grim, unsettling dose of inhumanity

[6/10 · 14 March 2020]

A dark indie tale that tips the scales of revenge and compassion, with a grieving protagonist who begs both for your sympathy and your contempt. This drama gives us some amusing moments peppered into its disturbing themes, but most importantly it's watchable and I never felt as if it had to struggle to keep my attention. There are elements to the story which are a little unrealistic, namely some things that unfold around the protagonist's budding romance, and I believe it would have been better overall if it had run a little shorter. The last 20 minutes sour things slightly, but not enough to overtake the surprisingly powerful performances delivered by the film's two male leads. 6/10.

VHYes (2019)

Uniquely strange

[7/10 · 6 March 2020]

I can't really call this a movie, in the common sense. Sure you'll see some semi-recognizable faces who have held smaller parts across many comedy shows and movies, most notably a few cast members from Reno 911, but there is not a straight forward narrative here. Instead we have more of an anthology of faux-public access and infomercial skits (think Tim & Eric Awesome Show) specifically created and filmed deliberately in amateur style under the pretense that a young boy recorded these bits of cheesy TV over a VHS tape that was originally once reserved for his parents' 1987 wedding footage. You'll see classic clips of horribly acted 80's porn (the story scenes), exaggerated jazzercize infomercials, the blue vertically scrolling preview channel, absurd advertisements, boring public access programs about rock bands and conspiracies, knock-off Antiques Roadshow and HSN bits, and peppered in between all of this you have quick shots of the kid's parents' wedding video and times where him and his friend were messing with the camcorder during sleepovers. Everything is pretty convincing here and as an 80s/90s kid myself, I appreciate the authenticity. This is a love letter to a certain kind of person, of a certain age, with a certain sense of humor. If you get it, you really get it. If you don't, then you just weren't the target audience. This film is like one endless inside-joke, and it's absolutely brilliant for what it is.

Impossible Monsters (2019)

It may not be a nightmare, but it's no dream either

[6/10 · 5 March 2020]

A dramatic thriller based on the very creepy subject of sleep paralysis proves to have some very disturbing dream sequences, and a generally unsettling mood overall. The pacing is a little erratic, sometimes all over the place, with a muddy story that may leave you behind if you aren't giving it your full concentration. And even if you are, it may still lose you a little bit. Not bad, but not really great either, and probably a bit forgettable. If it were just a bit scarier and perhaps focused more on the nightmare sequences and less on the characters' lives I think it would have made a bigger impact...but with good production value and decent acting forgiving its flaws, it's a 6/10.

Guns Akimbo (2019)

Over the top, ridiculous, and entertaining

[7/10 · 1 March 2020]

This is the kind of film you have to just put your mind on autopilot for and enjoy. The action and shootout scenes are very well done, with some sharp direction and editing. The story is a little too absurd and not based in reality whatsoever, but that's the point. It reminds me a bit of the movie Shoot 'Em Up, which was another tongue-in-cheek gun extravaganza, but fortunately Guns Akimbo is a lot funnier and more stylish, making it a pretty cool watch if you're not looking for anything mind-expanding.

Greenlight (2019)

What a relief...it didn't suck!

[6/10 · 26 February 2020]

This is no masterpiece, and the premise requires a fair amount of suspension of disbelief, but I was pleasantly surprised by the decent camera work, colors used, sound editing, and overall presentation of the story. It's more of a dark comedy/drama than a horror or thriller, with some amusing, well-written scenes. The acting is mostly pretty good among its main characters, and carries the story nicely even if it has a somewhat lukewarm finale. On a day where I watched and reviewed a truly terrible horror movie with F-list actors, I was appreciative of this film's cast. The beginning minute or so made me a little nervous because it looked like it was going to be another garbage movie, but then that part ended up being an intentionally goofy scene where our protagonist was pitching a bad movie to a producer. Is it a classic? No. But if you're sick of giving chances to unknown indie films that end up exploding in your face with stupidity, you may agree that Greenlight is a surprisingly enjoyable trip into relative madness. 5.5 out of 10

Verotika (2019)

Couldn't finish it

[1/10 · 25 February 2020]

The fact that there are a couple 10/10 reviews for this film just proves the problem that IMDb has with shill reviews. If I produced this film, I would at least try and be realistic about it, instead of pretend it's some legendary piece of cinema by giving it a perfect score. Let's be clear here, 10/10 means masterpiece, and while I know there are plenty of legit moviegoers who exaggerate and give movies they like a perfect score every time, it's movies like this one- cheap cinematography, very poor acting, and awful writing that can have their perfect scores explained only by fake reviews generated by somebody close to the film, who has only ever reviewed this one film. I'm not blaming the movie itself- look, Danzig or not, if a person wants to make their own movie, make it as campy or low budget as you please...but let's not pretend like it's good. This film should only be shared with the friends and family of the production team, and not released to the public...even if people find a way to see it for free, our time is priceless.

Not for Resale (2019)

Digital Killed the Cartridge Star

[7/10 · 19 February 2020]

A very interesting documentary about the last breaths of the small business, used video game store industry. The stores featured are really impressive...massive collections of games across the entire lifespan of physical gaming, and even more exciting is the passion from the people who facilitate these operations. Many of the retro shop owners opened their doors at least 10+ years ago, before or when digital copies were just struggling to break into the mainstream, and have in recent times discovered the gradual decline in interest in their business they love so much. They still seem to get a lot of trade-ins from customers, but perhaps the sales have faded in comparison to yesteryear, evidenced in some cases by warehouse-sized basements of back-stock beneath the shop. As someone who grew up in the times of 80's and 90's cartridge gaming, but now exclusively makes digital game purchases out of convenience, this perspective was eye-opening to me in some ways. What happens if 10-15 years from now some of our digital purchases have licensing issues for this reason or that reason, and licenses we once bought but deleted for storage reasons, are no longer available for re-download from Nintendo's eshop cloud, or Playstation Network's store? We've seen this already with some older games on Steam, where even small things like unwanted changes a developer made to a game cannot be undone because that digital media received an update that we can't refuse. Or look at Google Stadia...what if this goes under (which it looks like it really could) but people who paid full price for the right to play a cloud game on Stadia could no longer play that game because their account, the cloud that hosted their digital library, or the service itself are now closed? Scary stuff- I guess you don't really own something unless you can hold it in your hands. Thought provoking doc for gamers everywhere.

VFW (2019)

Grindhouse gore & little else is still a recipe for fun

[6/10 · 16 February 2020]

Fans of Planet Terror, Assault on Precinct 13, Hobo with a Shotgun, Machete, Green Room, & other ultra-violent bloodbaths should get some enjoyment from this. It's pretty standard fare if you know what you're getting into- nothing groundbreaking or overly interesting but you've got your hordes of "mutant" punks storming a ragtag group of survivors with their backs against the wall, dark cinematography & crunchy kills. If you're on this review page to begin with, what else are you really looking for? Go for it!

After Midnight (2019)

Dreadfully Boring-I guess the other reviews so far are from the crew

[2/10 · 15 February 2020]

If you like horror films, or creature features, you should definitely PASS on this film. If you like indie dramas about an annoying couple painting a house together while getting into tickle fights, before seemingly unexplained problems in their relationship cause a rift that makes up 95% of the story then you need to grab your significant other and buckle up for 90 minutes of you giving each other quirky glances whenever something onscreen resonates with something in your own annoying relationship. The story is boring, the setting is dull, the dialogue at times reads like a small-time theater production and less like a movie, and most importantly the monster is on screen like one and a half times if you count a short glimpse of it halfway through, and when you finally get a good look at it, it's a freaking joke. I don't know if that was some deliberate attempt at being offbeat but the monster design just comes off as cheap more than anything else. I still don't fully understand why his girlfriend left him to begin with? Because she didn't like living in the country and wanted to go eat food from street vendors? I'm not joking...paraphrasing her character here but she left her boyfriend who she seemed so in love with in flashbacks because she suddenly decided she didn't like living in a small town and she wanted to drink funky wines and eat sushi and food from street vendors! I wish I was joking... That's some college girl stuff, man...can't really sympathize with her. Just goes to show you, being a good and loving partner is just boring for these women anymore. 2/10 because I'm feeling generous.

Knives Out (2019)

I must have seen a different movie than you did

[4/10 · 15 February 2020]

A great whodunit? I don't know about all that. No spoilers here, but you know exactly whodunit at the very beginning of the film- it's just the story evolves around that information, adding convoluted plot twists involving a couple other characters. The trailer makes it seem like it's some deep mystery up until the end when in reality you know exactly how the murder happens within the first 30 minutes of the film and very little changes, except the story becomes unnecessarily complicated as it progresses (they had to fill 2 hours somehow). Plenty of pointless political commentary provided as well, with the scales tipped heavily in favor of Leftist ideals, needlessly injecting opinions from the filmmakers about how Republicans are Nazis, and other lies. So edgy...so woke! What an over-hyped waste of 2 hours.

The Good Liar (2019)

McKellen makes the film; the messy finale almost undoes it

[7/10 · 26 January 2020]

This film earns 9/10 stars for Sir Ian McKellen's superb performance...and let's add another star for an overall enjoyable and well-crafted, gripping story. If that is all I could say about it, then I'm talking about a rare 10/10 picture here. Unfortunately as expected, this is no masterpiece, and that is made apparent in the final act. The story becomes messy, tripping over itself in order to hastily explain its shocking twist, which is not as impactful as it wishes it could be. As the viewer, we primarily see Mirren's character through the eyes of our presumed protagonist (McKellen), and don't get much else in the way of her development, so when the bomb drops it's just missing a little something. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it just doesn't have the bite that a mystery like this requires, when finally giving away all of its secrets. The explanation of the twist feels so random or out of left field that it's somewhat absurd. We just didn't know enough about Mirren for this to matter...and so I subtract 3 stars for a head scratching finale that itself feels way too depressing to be attached to the rest of the film. 7/10

Listening (2014)

Some really grating cinematography

[1/10 · 13 January 2020]

Why would you film your movie like this? I just am dying to know. Scenes are either all blue, all yellow, or all green, and have moments of blinding glare that hurt the viewer's eyes. Why can't you just use natural colors? Also how about we hold the camera still? The colors and wobbly camera are both nausea inducing, and make the film look cheaper than it even is.

The characters are college guys with poorly written lines and they really ramp up their immaturity. They meet the female lead on campus, and the token obnoxious sidekick starts staring at her nonexistent rear (which we get a closeup of) and acting like a fool. I'm not meaning to insult the actress but it's just really absurd and forced the way the reaction about her body was written, when really there isn't much to notice about it. This comes a couple scenes after we're introduced to the lead character's wife, who is a joyless ball and chain who acts like she wants nothing to do with her husband anymore. What a rough break for any female who got a role in this movie- you can either play the cold "no fun zone" wife, or the obligatory sex object whose purpose is only to show skin and elevate the male characters. The "eye candy" character at least ends up being decently insightful with their experiment, a trait which is described in the movie as being "more than just a hot body."

I understand indie film-making isn't always on par with a more experienced crew with a larger budget, but there are some pretty obvious ways to not make your film so hard to look at, and maybe that's worth the extra effort. The premise is kind of cool, so maybe it could have been a decent book instead.

The Perfection (2018)

Remarkably weird

[7/10 · 11 January 2020]

I didn't know what to expect...thought it was one thing, then a huge U-turn later, the plot is something completely different than what I ever would have guessed.

The route the story goes in is certainly a stretch. That doesn't mean it is bad by any means, but there are probably a number of viewers that can't hang with the twist, and I really can't blame them.

Most surprising story I've seen in a while, and being unique never got anybody in trouble with me. Great acting, tense scenes, and an all around bizarre thriller. 6.5/10

Angry Video Game Nerd: The Movie (2014)

Too many people miss the point

[4/10 · 11 January 2020]

James is a smart guy and also a pretty big fan of B movies. We also know that he has made a career of mocking conceptually bad media and entertainment, primarily relying on archaic technology in order to do so.

This is what leads me to believe that he completely knew what he was doing when he made this film. That doesn't make anyone feel better who spent money on seeing this or expected something amazing, but seeing this without having any previous knowledge of this or the critical reception, I can tell you that I immediately understood the idea he was going for here. Of course he would make an annoying B movie, and whether people want to believe it or not, it was his intention. I've seen James speak highly about many well-made films as well as having adoration for campy films, knowing full well what they are.

Perhaps I'm not as let down as other people because this is exactly what I would have expected, but it's not a 1/10 film, let's be honest. Now that doesn't mean I love it, obviously because of the 4/10 I've rated it, but I've seen some 1/10 and 2/10 films, and if you're being honest about how to rate them, those scores should only be for films that look like class projects, have absolutely zero plot coherence, have actors who simply can't deliver their lines, or editing and cinematography that is unintentionally nauseating (Birdemic: Shock and Terror).

While I am a longtime fan of Cinemassacre, I'm certainly not James' apologist or some fan boy who supports anything made by a person or company I like. I'm just being realistic here, and even though it's underwhelming, it's not as bad as people have said, and it was made this way on purpose. Frankly, I'm shocked that more AVGN fans do not understand this.

If you go into this film with low expectations, or have an open mind about it, you may find yourself chuckling at its many raunchy jokes like I did.

Countdown (III) (2019)

At 5 out of 10 stars, this was better than expected

[5/10 · 11 January 2020]

Another horror film that has decent enough production value that it really shouldn't slip below a 3/10, but not a solid enough narrative to be anything over a 5.

Plot holes, uneven storytelling, constant jump scares, questionable acting, and a pointless #metoo subplot are what hold this film back. The more I think about it, I think the only good thing about this was its production value, and it's sad when a horror film's budget is something to be excited for but there's just so many terrible modern films in this genre that look like class projects. The production quality is the nicest thing I can say for it, but it's still a lot closer to being a good horror flick than some others.