johnhomicidal Reviews

Slumdog Millionaire (2008)

Kinda not a big deal

[7/10 · 30 April 2009]

This movie was all right, it wasn't bad but it also wasn't spectacular. I really think that the movie industry needed that one special film to push for awards season and Slumdog was a safe bet. The film wasn't nearly as gritty and dramatic as City of God (and I was told that it would be) and all in all, I expected a little bit more out of Danny Boyle (Trainspotting, 28 Days Later, Shallow Grave). There were more than a few plot holes that I guess every movie critic that saw the film decided to ignore (like how the heck does he actually get onto the show?). Also, Sri Lankan rapper M.I.A.'s music is terrible for the film and sounds kind of corny when played in context with some of the scenes. I mean, let's face it: "Paper Planes" was old the minute the first screening of the Pineapple Express trailer was finished; and Slumdog Millionaire plays this particular song like three different times in the film. Also, the dance sequence at the end of the film is just plain dumb (I'm guessing its paying tribute to Bollywood films or something); it really takes away from the dramatic punch and tone that the film had been trying to establish.

Man Behind the Sun (1988)

Shocking as Heeeeel, man

[8/10 · 9 December 2008]

T.F. Mous "Men Behind the Sun" will forever be one of those "mythic" films; and by mythic I mean it's probably only really well-known in somes circles--I absolutely don't mean it possess any type of special ethereal quality that makes the viewer feel good on the inside and overall a better person just for watching it. No, in fact it's quite the opposite--"Men Behind the Sun" will make you feel bad, no filthy for watching it. Made independently in 1988, "Men Behind the Sun" has caused controversy wherever it was screened outside of China. The first time I read about this film, I mentally grouped it in the same category as cheesy women-in-prison films like "Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS." It wasn't until reading an amazon.com list of the sickest movies of all-time did I decide to check this bizarre little gem out for myself. Essentially the plot examines the experiments performed by the Japanese on Chinese and American POW's during World War II at the infamous bacterial-weapons research facility Camp 731. It tells the story of a group of Japanese children-soldiers forced to work at the camp and who are witness to the grisly experiments that take place therein. But the film isn't really about plot as it devotes more than ample time to the gory, almost unwatchable experiments on the helpless, hapless Chinese prisoners. Notable mutilations include: a man put into a compression chamber until his intestines explode out of his backside; a woman subjected to frostbite until her arms fall off; and finally, the coup de grace--the actually dissection and dismemberment of a dead five-year-old's body on screen (and yes, they actually used the real dead body of a little boy for this sequence and yes it will offend you). Other than the experiments and story of the boys' survival at the camp there really is much in the way of plot. In fact, it really seems like T.F. Mous made the film either as a "we will never forget" statement or a "the Japanese are such jerks" statement. Whatever the case maybe, it's still a relatively entertaining film that kind of has to exist for art's sake. But you will probably wind up wondering whether or not dissecting an actual dead little boy on-screen is art or the ultimate form of exploitation. But for six bucks on e-bay it's kind of worth a look.

The Doom Generation (1995)

Disappointing Film, Great Soundtrack

[4/10 · 2 December 2008]

I bought this film when I was going through my "douchebag hipster" phase which occurred around my sophomore year of college. I was into anything that was considered subversive or artsy and involved happening young people smoking and delivering profanity-laced dialogue. At the time, I loved this film--it was flashy, violent and angst-ridden, basically everything I wanted to be. After I quit smoking, stopped dressing like a techno-druggie and stopped worrying about who had weed I could buy, I decided to view this film again. Man, this film is pretty flipping retarded. First off--I know that the director was trying to make a surreal road movie and that many of the elements of the film were subject to deus ex machina. However, I kind of had a problem with the fact that these kids were on the road for like two weeks, never really changed their clothes, never exercised, smoked like fiends and ate quick-stop chili dogs for breakfast lunch and dinner yet they all still looked like they just stepped out of a Hot Topic fashion shoot. White teeth, blowed dried hair and great skin adorned all of the "teenagers" in this film. Now, maybe I'm just being a movie snob I don't know. But if this film had been any good, I think I could forgive incongruencies such as the aforemntioned hygiene issues. However, the film itself was pretty much self-indulgent crap that I'm sure symbolized the fleeting nature of youth and innocence and hope or some other goofy avant-garde bull. However, if you can somehow accept this film for what it is--over the top, overly artsy-fartsy and trying to make a myriad of nonsensical "statements," then at least the crap becomes somewhat beautiful. In fact, I think I can only recommend this movie to people who are fans of the stars--it features a pre-Donnie Darko James Duvall and a pre-fame Rose McGowan (both actors are featured in pretty hot sex scenes, for those of you wondering). Jonathon Schaech I couldn't really give a crap about since he was the worst actor in the film He was pretty good in "That Thing You Do" but after that he fell off my radar. The cameos are kind of cool, early ones include Margaret Cho and Perry Farrel of Jane's Addiction. The best however come from Nicky Katt who plays a mentally unstable Burger joint employee who mistakes Rose McGowan's character for his ex-girlfriend.

Urotsukidôji IV (1993 Video)

Straight Up Awful--For Completists Only!

[2/10 · 2 December 2008]

Urotsukidoji, what happened? You used to be so cool back in the day! Ugly, perverted demons invading our world to find a human who would eventually become the biggest, most perverted demon of them all--way kewl! The first five OAVs (called Perfect Collection here in the US) were among the most imaginative, vile, grisly, sexual and breathtaking animated features I have ever seen--second only to the almighty "Akira"! I didn't even mind the fact that the episodes comprising the final two OAVs (Legend of the Demon Womb/Battle at the Shinjuku Skyskrapers) totally screwed up the continuity of the first three episodes. The animation was descent and the story, which has to do with an Nazi sorceror trying to harness the secret of the Overfiend was so delectably bizarre and undeniably weird that I had no choice but to let myself be caught up in the debauched charms of the Urotsukidoji saga. Then Urotsukidoji III: Return of the Overfiend came along and almost destroyed everything--granted I didn't mind the plethora of new demons and sub-humans that were added to the roster of the series' depraved characters. However, after the engrossing story of the first series, part III seemed forced, overblown and under-developed. The animation sucked and even though the DVD I purchased from Anime 18 has a Japanese dub it has no English subtitles. Why is this a problem? The dub is bad, really really bad (let's just say American porn stars aren't great at delivering ex positional dialogue). Still reeling from the catastrophe of Return of the Overfiend, I popped in Urotsukidoji IV: Inferno Road. This humongous waste of time and effort is probably one of the most disappointing conclusions of any series or film I have ever see ever. A couple of days before viewing this piece of trite garbage, my friend had been telling me how he hates movies that end with the main character waking up and coming to the realization that everything was just a dream. Now while it is never suggested that anything is a dream in Inferno Road, at the end of the film the main character Amano Jaku, comes to after being consumed by a powerful blast emanating from Overfiend. However, once Amano regains consciousness he realizes that he is back in 1988 Osaka on the exact same day that the whole Overfiend Saga begins. He looks to the heavens and shouts "Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!", which is exactly the same reaction I had when I realized I paid $30 for this piece of dreck.

Salò, or the 120 Days of Sodom (1975)

Salo

[6 November 2008]

If you're trying to track down a copy of the infamous Salo, or the 120 Days of Sodom, please spring for the 40 dollar Criterion Collection print it is far superior to any other version available. I bought the long-available Euro-Cult edition and the print is terrible, also, there is a factory-error on all the DVDs that occurs roughly ten minutes before the film ends; this error caused the disc to jump to the credits on my DVD player and I couldn't exactly get back to that scene due to the fact that there aren't any chapter stops. Just trying to help people avoid a mistake that I made.

As for the film--Salo was highly entertaining and even for this day and age it can be considered quite controversial. I see what Pasolini was trying to do and we could spend hours discussing his political and social commentaries on fascism and consumerism and how they corrupt innocence and what not...however my advice to you is to view Salo as a kind of ground breaker, something that kind of needed to be made, that needed to push the envelope and tick off a few people. Art is like that sometimes--it means different things to different individuals so what some might view as disgusting and sick might be totally innovative and fresh to others. Don't feel bad for liking Salo, and don't feel bad for not understanding what it was trying to say. It's a film and films for as long as I can remember were meant to entertain us.

Bully (2001)

See Kids, not Bully

[16 October 2008]

I saw this film shortly after I rented Larry Clark's 1995 film Kids. Kids was an extraordinarily good film with excellent cinematography, top-notch performances and an unbelievable soundtrack. Compared to Kids, Bully seems effortless, gratuitous and poorly executed. The plot centers around a group of Florida teenagers who become sick of the constant torment and brutality they are subjected to by the character played by Nick Stahl. So what do they plan to do? Talk to him--maybe reason things out? Have an intervention of some sort? No, out of the blue, one of the characters suggests that they just kill him. Groupthink takes over and pretty soon everybody wants a hand in killing this guy. Since its based on a real-life murder case, don't expect a happy ending or for anyone to get off easy; also, since this is a Larry Clark film, expect a lot of drug-taking as well as teenagers in various states of undress. The acting isn't horrible, though Bijou Philip's character is unbelievably annoying and Leo Fitzpatrick's (Telly from Kids) performance as a laconic, wannabe gangster-hit-man is pretty underperformed. Also, why does it seem like Brad Renfro was cast as a dumbass in every movie leading up to his death? He's as retarded in this film as he was in Deuces Wild! Final Grade: C-

Arena (2002–2005)

Lamest Show Ever!

[16 November 2005]

God how lame is this idea for a show: let's take avid online gaming groups, composed mainly of pimply-face high school dropouts and having them compete with each other for dumb prizes and bragging rights. Oh, and lets have a dumb ex-pro-football player host the show. Seriously, this show stinks, unless of course you like watching 25-year-old losers play Unreal Tournament for a half-hour, muttering "Darn it", "Crud", and "Dang It!" whenever they get "fragged." One of the lamest aspects of the show is the "professional" commentary given by the hosts as the players proceed into the game. They actually give player stats! What the hell do they say: "Billy Smith was top competitor in his chess club, chairman of the I Love Natalie Portman fanclub, and now resides in his mother's basement, holding an lower-management job at Staples"? Yeah, it would be a good idea to avoid this show, and if anyone ever meets Kevin Parirah, punch him in the mouth for me.

GameSpot TV (1998–2022)

Good reviews, but it's still missing something

[16 November 2005]

First let me say this: Adam Sessler, man, you are not funny, you look like a sick dog, you act poorly, and sometimes it's just downright embarrassing to watch you. Morgan Webb, you stink at acting, you are Goth (even though you say you aren't), you cant narrate well, and you probably don't even play video games. That said, the reviews on the show are pretty good--I know their definitely not written by Adam and Morgan. I usually watch the show while waiting for another G4 program to come on. Seriously though, Adam and Morgan: you need to learn how to host: the only time they seem to come alive is when they're hosting a video game convention or something. So G4, either teach your hosts how to be funny or something, or just fire them, please. It would be a service to us all.

Fastlane (2002–2003)

You have to be stupid or attention deficit to like this show

[16 November 2005]

This is without a doubt, one of the most pointless and horribly acted shows I have ever seen. Thank God it got canceled after only one season. The plot is entirely unoriginal: two hotshot great-looking cops are partnered up to bring down LA's crime and drug empires while wooing beautiful models and driving souped-up cars. The problem with this show is that it offers nothing new, not a thing. The acting is fair, but on many occasions it feels forced or overacted. And just when I thought that I would never have to even think about Fastlane coming on the air again, lame-ass video game channel G4 buys the rights and starts playing it every f***ing night of the week! I mean, it's bad enough that the channel encourages overweight losers to join the Army or the Navy (they have commercials and promos for it every other minute), now they want them to believe that they can indeed be as cool as Deaquon and what's-his-face. G4: go back to your roots! Drop the army promos and Fastlane and bring back more Cinematech and video game reviews! And while your at it, drop Adam Sessler and Morgan Webb (hosts of a lackluster video game show) off of a 50-story building. Back to the show, it sucks!

The Smashing Pumpkins: 1991-2000 Greatest Hits Video Collection (2001 Video)

One of the most influential bands of the 90s

[8/10 · 15 November 2005]

Once in a while there comes a band that has the power to really knock your socks off through their music and aesthetic image--Smashing Pumpkins is one of those bands. Their hits such as "Disarm", "Today", and "Cherub Rock" hearken back to the halycon days of alternative rock. While their darker more cynical songs "Bullet with Butterfly Wings", "Zero", and "1979" prove that they indeed had the chops to hang with the rest of the alt-rock gods. It's just too bad that the Pumpkins broke up when they did; I strongly believe that if they had just stuck together through the drudgery of Adore and the absolutely tedious Machina album, they could've made a huge comeback. I mean, just look at what Green Day achieved: they managed to make a great new album while cementing themselves among younger fans for years to come! Who knows, maybe if they had stuck together, Zero t-shirts might've been brought back into style and Billy Corgan's face might be the one plastered on this month's Rolling Stone. Instead, what do we fans get? Two lackluster experimental albums and a really crappy solo effort from Corgan. But back to the videos. My personal favorites are "Today" and "1979." Why? Because each video is done in such a relaxed, carefree way that you will find yourself just drifting off to sleep as the melodies carry you away. Yeah, I guess production-values on "Today" suck, but that's what makes it so great. "1979" on the other hand, delivers a Dazed and Confused-esquire "story" about kids on summer vacation (all though, they all where jackets and long pants throughout the video), who decide to cause mischief because they're bored. What's interesting about the video, is that even though it's supposed to take place in 1979, all the kids look like grunge-rockers (clearly the result of taking out an ad looking for teens for the video). Also, in the convenience store scene, if you look carefully enough you can pick out products that didn't exist until after 1979. But who the heck cares about this technical crap anyway? It's a freakin' music video! God, I wish they still made them like this, instead of all the "punk-rock" videos that have become a permanent fixture on FUSE and MTV. Whatever happened to real rock, instead of this well-I-flunked-out-of-college-guess-I'll-go-start-a-punk-band crap? It seems like MTV totally discourages music from artists like the Pumpkins; thanks, Good Charlotte. Well, anyway, if you're fan of alt-rock, pick this up--you won't regret it.

Dawson's Creek (1998–2003)

Totally unrealistic portrayal of American teens

[11 November 2005]

Okay, teenagers don't talk like the kids on Dawson's Creek, they don't act like them, and they don't look like them. I saw one episode where Dawson was getting ready to take his PSAT. What! He's like f**king 20 years old! And the super-intellectual dialogue is the most unrealistic thing ever! Whenever I hang out with my teenage friends, we mostly communicate with a series of grunts and "cool's." And on the subject of Pacey not going to college: the guy speaks like a f**king Harvard English Lit grad! And would these kids just make up their f**king minds over who they want to date? With all the time they spent on finding out who's screwing who, I would imagine they wouldn't have any time for homework, so it's amazing to me how Dawson got into USC and Joey got into Boston College. And how did they all wind up going to the same school? That's almost impossible!

Madman (1981)

Poor excuse for a film

[1/10 · 10 November 2005]

This movie blows like no other 80s teen slasher flick. The plot is unoriginal, the acting is poor, and all the "teen" counselors are like 30 years old! The only surprise in the film is when the "hero" suddenly gets hung out to dry in the first half of the film. The special effects suck and the whole movie has a feeling that it was written and shot in the same day. Definitely not a movie I would recommend to anyone interested in the teen slasher genre; rent Sleepaway Camp, Happy Birthday to Me, Friday the 13th, or a Nightmare on Elm Street instead. Oh, well, at least I saw it on cable and didn't rent this piece of crap.

Breeders (1997)

A waste of ten bucks

[10 November 2005]

I decided to pick up this movie after seeing it on the bargain rack at a Best Buy, and while it didn't totally stink, it still made me want to kick myself for having bought it. The plot centers around an all-girls college campus in Massachusetts. An alien being has found its way to the school and begins to slaughter and hypnotize the female students. In my opinion, the school setting was picked just so that the filmmakers could throw in the "important" girls' locker room scene. The lead actor, Todd Jansen, seems familiar; I think I've seen him on a TV show or two. The female leads are atrocious and are basically just used as eye candy.

Urotsukidôji II: Legend of the Demon Womb (1990 Video)

Better than the first

[8/10 · 10 November 2005]

Don't get me wrong, I liked the initial Legend of the Overfiend, but man, Munnihausen, Jr. sure is cool. I don't quite know where this story fits into the first's, though I have read that some people prefer to view it as an alternate storyline. The animation is good and not much has been cut out of the original edit (if you are watching the cut version). My only complaint would be the lack of screen time that this film allots to Amano, who is clearly the best character. If you're having a hard time finding this film to rent, you shouldn't look for it in Blockbuster or Hollywood video. Although Hollywood video used to rent the edited versions of the film, I guess they stopped when they realized that kids could rent them (in all honesty the covers do no justice to the graphic content).

Alien vs. Predator (2004)

Very poor

[3/10 · 10 November 2005]

I went to see Alien Vs. Predator not expecting much, I'll admit. But come on, I expected better than this piece of end-of-the-summer-guess-we'll-clear-out-the-cutting-room-floor garbage. The plot is generic: a squad of researchers enter an underground temple, which happens to house the malignant alien eggs (sounds a lot like a Sci-Fi original movie, doesn't it). The squad later finds out that the temple is used as Predator hunting grounds and that they've just screwed up bigtime by showing up during the annual hunt. The movie suffers from bad acting (excusing, of course, the great Lance Henrikson), horrible scripting, and the watered-down PG-13 rating the MPAA slapped it with. But a studio has gotta do what a studio has gotta do to maximize profits, I guess. If you're an Alien fan, don't go to see this movie; if you're a Predator fan, don't go to see this movie. If you like exploitative, cheap, no-artistic-merit-whatsoever films, what are you waiting for?

Tetsuo: The Iron Man (1989)

One of the weirdest cyberpunk films ever made

[8 November 2005]

Shinya Tsukamoto delivers one of the trippiest--and maybe one of the best--cyberpunk films this side of Akira and Blade Runner. The story centers around a Japanese "salaryman" who finds himself in the midst of a horrible transformation in which his body begins to meld with all things metal. After accidentally killing his girlfriend (in a gruesome, sexually-charged way), the salaryman must confront his own mutation, along with the insane metal fetishist who caused it.

Let me say that Tetsuo is not for all tastes, not even for those of you who liked the aforementioned Akira (actually, the movie's name is based on one of the protagonists from the film) and Blade Runner. It's hyperkinetic and pretty violent at times (especially with the S&M undertones). Those who liked Tetsuo will naturally want to move onto its sequel, Tetsuo II: Body Hammer. A third Tetsuo film is now rumored to be in pre-production.

A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)

Low on originality, but high on creative deaths

[7/10 · 8 November 2005]

I have always been a fan of the Nightmare series of films, and having been sorely disappointed by the lack of gore and silly stories of the previous two sequels, was desperately ready for some good-old fashioned Freddy mayhem. And while they didn't really deliver on the story part, I was greatly impressed by the death scenes--particularly the cockroach crush involving one of the female characters. I love the way Freddy plays on the weaknesses and hobbies of the teens (the asthma "suck the life out of you" scene, and the Karate-glove sequence) and this installment plays it to the hilt. The characters are also developed enough to make you care about them (sort of), and Robert Englund again returns to don the famous Krueger persona. And although I would've chosen a better lead actress for the part of Alice, I still think it deserves to be held in higher regard than the last two installments.

Hellraiser (1987)

Great Adaptation

[8/10 · 8 November 2005]

One of the most disturbing films of the 80s, Hellraiser managed to transcend the mindless teen slasher flicks of the day to become one of the most hailed horror films ever.

Adapted from the 1985 novella, The Hellbound Heart, Hellraiser tells the story of a family menaced by otherworldly demons who consider your pain their gain. Fully decked out in the whole S&M regalia, the demons (which include Pinhead and Chatterer, among others), are truly terrifying. There are minor differences that were lost when the novel was adapted to the screen, such as the moving of the Kirsty character from close family friend to daughter. Also, in the novel the demons weren't quite as colorful or descriptive as in the film.

If you really liked this one you should definitely move onto Hellbound: Hellraiser II, which many consider to be superior.

Better Luck Tomorrow (2002)

Pointless MTV-produced film about overachieving Asian students

[3/10 · 8 November 2005]

This film had potential. Lots and lots of potential. But sadly, like most MTV productions (save for Napoleon Dynamite), it falls flat on its face toward the midpoint. There really is no direct plot (except something about an academic decathalon), and the characters offer no sympathy whatsoever--they're all snotty Dawson's Creek-esquire rich brats. And for the record, there is one big, huge continuity error in the beginning of the movie: two of the main character discover a dead body in the backyard of a house and one of the character's voice-over declares, "It was the first time either of us had seen a dead body." Bull. Bull. Bull. You put the body there, moron! At the end of the film, they murder a fellow Asian student and put his body in that exact same spot! It's a shame that they didn't try to make a better Asian teen-oriented movie. See Attack the Gas Station! instead.