daniel_lalla Reviews

The Driver (1978)

Just horrible

[2/10 · 26 March 2016]

Terrible acting with people looking wistful at the camera or staring off into the distance. Long pauses, slow pace. Horrible dialogue that would be bad for a made-for-TV movie. And car chases. Bruce Dern earns special credit for smug detective over-acting and Ryan O'Neal for looking like a sad puppy staring into everyone's soul. Nicknames, clichés, schlock.

Maybe this was seen as a good film in 1978. I regret wasting time of my life I'd never get back. If you want to see some shots of New York as it was then, bad American cars and horrible acting and bad dialogue, this is the film for you...

I gave this 2 (instead of 1) stars for the driving scene with the Mercedes in the underground garage. It kept my attention for a few minutes. Honestly the only redeeming thing I can say about this film.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)

Just the most awful piece of dreck. This is why Spielberg is an overrated junk director.

[2/10 · 4 February 2016]

Horrible stereotypical Russian accents (that keep changing and sound like phlegm)? Quicksand - really, a movie with quicksand... ? Horrible acting? Fake characters with horrible dialogue? Magnets that are only magnetic part of the time? Scenes that make no sense? Gunshots that should have killed everyone yet inexplicably never do? A Teen actor brought in with a plot device: playing a stereotypical 50s greaser? Double agent bad guys like when you used to play with your friends when you were 6 years old? Nut shots? CGI monkeys (that save the day) and ShiaLeBeef swinging from trees? If that's what you want? THIS is the film for you. How a piece of junk like this gets made is beyond me. Furthermore, the fact that it made 185 million at a box office is proof that people will watch anything. You can't compete with nostalgia I guess but this is so formulaic as to be laughable. There are so many good films out there and the fact that people even wasted film stock making something like this is incomprehensible. A story that phones it in from beginning to end. If you want to enjoy this experience, perhaps watch the Rifftrax version - you might laugh a little then. Spielberg is only 'good' at making spectacles. He could never make a nuanced realistic movie in a million years. He wouldn't know real dialogue or acting if it hit him in the face. If someone can explain to me why this film is anything worth watching.. please... try. I'll listen.

24 Hours to Kill (1965)

Pretty bad, and all for nought...

[4/10 · 19 September 2015]

The reason to watch this film is for the exotic location as it was back then in the 1960s - hip, jet-set Beirut that benefited from an influx of wealth at the time. There is no sympathy for the major character who is it trouble. Hardly spoiling anything to say that you know from the outset that things aren't as he says - there's little suspense and also little sympathy. Actually Rooney is excellent at playing an annoying little creep - it was apparently his true character.

Great shots, interesting for the cars, the geography, but terrible acting largely and plastic characters.

Don't get me wrong - I'd still watch it, but don't expect much more.

Cutthroat Kitchen (2013– )

Completely useless 'pseudo cooking' show that's about (1) game show (2) stupid dialogue (3) oh yeah, a little bit about food

[1/10 · 6 September 2014]

Completely useless 'cooking' show that puts so much emphasis on trying to incorporate challenges, sabotages, handicaps and the like that the cooking takes third fiddle. Second fiddle is all the dumb cutaway shots of the 'chefs' trash talking their components and trying to pretend how much they know. Like I care. And the quality of the chef is very low. What does cooking a meal in a kiddy kitchen or with being forced to wear oven mitts have to do with anything. Somebody here said it's a lighthearted game show. What a coincidence! I'll never watch those again either! Food Network has totally jumped the shark featuring 'visit and live everything you eat at restaurant' shows (Guy Fieri) or dumb game shows like this and Fieri's supermarket thing. Or challenges ad nauseam. How many times do I have to see Booby Flay prove he's better than everyone else? This show is just the awful icing on the awful cake that is now Food Network.

Keyhole (2011)

Self indulgent tripe...

[1/10 · 8 March 2013]

I love unusual films, B&W films, cryptic films, film noir, gangster films, David Lynch films, and while this tries to be most of the aforementioned rolled into one, it is just bad beyond words. Swinging lights and cameras, bizarre cutaways, pseudo-meaningful narration.. Mix in a big name or two for 'star power'. Full of sound and fury and signifying nothing. I can't believe this film was commissioned.

Dialogue that you wouldn't even find in a cheap b-movie. Ghosts. Rattling chains. Gangsters. Dream sequence logic but not really ever engaging in any meaningful way. And I normally love movies like this! I like movies you have to work at to understand, this one makes me not want to even bother.

Just atrocious. Made want to stop watching movies, period. I have to wait a while and put on some real movies to get the bad taste of this one out of my system. Really... that bad. I considered two stars then I watched a little more and I wished I could give a zero.

Good Dog (2011–2012)

Horrible

[1/10 · 14 September 2012]

Self indulgent and self important tripe from a producer/writer who clearly thinks he's the smartest and sexiest thing on the planet, yet never conjures up a single laugh. Forget about empathy or identification with the characters. If you feel anything for this guy I suggest you seek psychiatric help to deal with your narcissism. Tries to resemble a certain American TV show (I'll let you figure out which one - it takes less than 5 minutes of viewing)

I'll continue because IMDb requires 10 lines of text but how many ways can you describe a turd? Perhaps we should ask the two viewers of this program outside of the actors' families why they watch this.

It makes me question Canadian content rules altogether and worry for the future of the species. Really. I think it's that bad.

Zombie Nightmare (1987)

Worst Movie Makes for Possibly Best MST3K Episode Ever

[1/10 · 22 March 2008]

This movie is bad...really bad. Did I say just how bad? Bad...This MUST have been a tax write-off for someone. The zombie rock tune at the beginning of the film (as bad as it is) is probably the highlight. A triumph of poorly made Canadian cinema.

Adam West must have been really starved for work when he got involved in this. Growing up in Montreal, the scenes from the West Island were a real hoot. Let's stop for an ice cream at the Twist & Creme and then kill some teenagers.

The plot is ridiculous and the acting is worse. I won't bother with a detailed synopsis. It would be pointless (and unbelievable).

EVERYONE (I'd qualify that by saying maybe everyone aged 30 and older) should watch the MST3K version of this. One memorable line: "Hank Peters...Italian Grocer" (watch and you'll know) A rotten tomato for sure

Alfred Hitchcock Presents: An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge (1959) Season 5, Episode 13

2 Versions - Hitchcock & Twilight Zone

[9/10 · 15 February 2008]

No spoilers...

I had first seen the French film version that was shown on the Twilight Zone in their 5th season. The Twilight Zone licensed the 1962 short-film version for 2 airings for $10 000, a fraction of what they were spending to produce episodes at the time and it helped them to tighten their budget as they were nearing end of that season. It won an award at Cannes. I had no idea and was surprised to see this telling of the story on Alfred Hitchcock Presents. The French version had nearly no dialog whatsoever, the story being told visually for the most part. Perhaps slightly more artistic but I thought this Hitchcock version was well acted and gripping.

Based on the short story by Ambrose Bierce, journalist and war writer who later mysteriously disappeared (perhaps adding to the mystique). Highly recommended, and not just for mystery show fans...