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Reviews
The Dead Don't Die (2019)
Strangely Boring in a fun way. Grab some friends.
I watched this at a group event for my school. If i was alone this would probably be boring af. But it was kinda fun. The movie is so obscure, in the weirdest way. Until the end, i was unsue if it was trying to be funny. It is very boring and formulaic to the point that it gets a few awkward laughs. They introduce about 15 charecters, but only 4 charecters do anything. Alot of them have a 1 off storyline which never merges and ends with them dying. THey go as follows:
Gas station worker and power tool worker: Board themselves up, get three scenes or so in the same place, die off. Nothing granted.
Frank the farmer: Gets a few tresspassing zombies and dies. Nothing substantial
Hipsters from Cleveland: Die offscreen. Nothing substantial.
Kids in Juvy: Escape juvy and fate is unknown. Nothing substantial
Girl from dr strange: IS an alien, helps the main charecters for a second, nothing substatnail
So the main charecters die, and hermit crab bob shoves some anti-material exposition. Thats the end. Their was no point.
Descendants 3 (2019)
Dumbcendents
You would think with such a simple, dumb, boring, unoriginal, and dull plot, they would at least stay consistent. But the plot contridicts itself, makes no sense, and is really really stupid.
Their is a magical power system established. The charecter has a book, and the book is weaker than a staff that is weaker than a stone. But this system is often ignored. An example of this is when the staff is used to make some knight amour fight. In the most boring, lame fight scene ever, the book is used to "Make this amour bust a move". The amour than dances, and the spell is cancelled. So, what?
The movies enjoy basing their world off of the disney universe. In this universe, all disney charecters live in the same timeframe of one another, and instead of dying villains are sent to some random hoodlum with a magic forcefield. The villain is sleeping beuties grand daughter, who is mad because she isnt royalty? And because of this, no one likes her because she isnt a good person. Ok.
So the end is so terrible. Ok so this universe taks place cannonically in all other disney universes at once. And you know what they do? LET ALL THE CRIMINALS OUT! Every disney villain ever is free. Why? because the main charecters dad saved the main badguy girls life. Imagine, say, in the dc universe. Joker is on his deathbed. Batman doesnt want joker to die. The only one who can help poison ivy. So he fliies her out of prison to have her help. He is so thankful, he empties all of arkham assylum. NOw you might be thinking, thats the dumbest thing ive ever heard. Criminals on the street al because of one good deed from a single criminal? But because its disney, i guess its alright.
Wonder (2017)
Was so close to being great, but turned out "Meh"
This had alot of potential, but fell way to short. charecters were develouped, but slowly fell short. I can brief it by reviewing charecters
Aggy
Aggy was our protag. He was enjoyable, and wasnt a bad protag. His deal is he is deformed. many are mean to him about this, and he hates this. He seems like a normal 5th grade kid. I know that if i was in 5th grade, i would relate to him alot.
Will
will was aggys first friend. He is probably the best character. He starts of being nice to aggy because his mom wants him to. He turns out liking the guy, but his friends dont, so he talks bad about him. we have all had that time were a certain friend isnt very popular, and we pretend we dont like him in front of our cool friends. He punches a guy, which is dumb, but whatever.
Summer
summer wasnt really a character. her only trait was "nice". im not joking. She is shown being friends with aggy, but never shown doing anything besides being a "nice girl"
Julien
i hated this guy. not like in a "man i am so rooting against the villain of the movie", but in a he was a bad charecter way. he was so cliche. Cliche check list please
1.popular with a group of friends always
2. hates kids who are nice to the protag
3. bullies people for things real kids would never be mean about up in person
4. gets in a fight
5. does bad on a science fair project like a moronic bully would, and gets laughed at
6. has parents who stand up for him bullying rather than being real parents
the parents were a hug problem. real parents would punish there kids if they bullied a deformed kid. But these parents take him out of the school because he was punished for bullying. uhg SO CLICHE
so yeah it wasnt terrible, just wasnt good