First of all, the movie tries to sell itself as a thriller or a horror, it's not! It's a drama, and a very bad one. The plot is thin like a spider's web, the characters are bland and have no motive, there is no tension whatsoever because the obvious "villain" is completely non-intimidating, in fact, the only death in the movie is of a dog and it's off-screen. The only reason there is a dog in the movie is just so at least one creature dies. How pathetic is that?
It's ridiculous how this movie tries so hard to be something that it's not, with silly predictable plot "twists" and boring flashbacks at the end. Most of the movie is two annoying girls disputing the love of a third girl, who stands there doing nothing most of the time. The missing girl is the 4th and only serves the purpose of going missing, and her whereabouts are "revealed" to us in quite possibly the most predictable, dumb and horribly written scene I have ever watched in my life. Seriously, I would have more respect for this movie if it abruptly ended before that scene. Also, the men in the movie are almost completely irrelevant to the story.
The score of this movie is currently 5.0, which is absurd, obviously the producers came here and did their dirty job, there is even a review here that calls this movie "the best movie ever", another one says "the Netherlands' first young adult thriller". If this is true, poor Netherlands. There is still time to ban this movie and pretend it never happened.
Reviews
7 Reviews
Another movie that relies solely on its director's name
5 September 2020
Warning: Spoilers
After I watched the trailer I couldn't wait to see this movie. I love eerie, surreal movies that make you wonder what the f is going on, but only WHEN IT'S DONE WELL. That is clearly not the case here. This is just one of those cases in which the fame went to the director's head, making he feel like everything he does is genius work. His reputation is also responsible for 90% of the reviews praising this movie.
Where do I start? It should be a huge red flag that both good and bad reviews here are telling you that you can only understand the movie if you have read the book. That's like selling you a bad chocolate and telling you that you can only appreciate if you have eaten cocoa beans before. Thanks, but if I wanted cocoa I would have bought cocoa, not chocolate. AN ADAPTATION IS SUPPOSED TO ADAPT, it should work on its own, and not as a supporting feature.
About the movie itself, it's just painfully boring. Some things happen, sure, and it's a relief when they do, because a huge chunk of this movie is a boring couple having a very unnatural, pedantic and awkward conversation. I think there are 4 scenes in the car, one of them takes almost 20 minutes.
The dialogue in the family house is tense and creepy, but it gets old quickly. It goes like this: the mother laughs too much, the dad says something weird but innocent, Jake seems annoyed, the girl looks confused but starts to talk again, then the mother laughs and it goes on and on. I know it's intentional, but it's just boring and this repetition ruined the little tension this movie had in the beginning. After they leave the house the movie gets progessively worse, with more boring scenes in the car and then more "creepy" surreal stuff that you don't care about anymore because you already gave up and started scrolling through your phone.
What TRULY ruins this movie are the aforementioned horrible scenes in the car! WHY, CHARLIE? WHY? Why did you think those entire scenes were essential to the plot? Why would you START the movie with a scene like that? You could have told a lot without needing 10, 15 or almost 20 minutes of mindless chit-chatting inside of a car. I wish the editor a good recovery from Covid-19, because I can only assume he was sick and you guys thought "whatever, I know we should cut 40 minutes from this movie but what the hell, people will love it before they watch it because it's a Charlie Kaufman movie". I honestly feel sorry for anyone who gave this movie a try thinking its quality would be similar to that of Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind.
The ending, well, I didn't watch it, nor I will, but I've read about it here and I don't feel like I'm missing anything. There's one review here that explains the book and compares it to the movie, which made me hate this movie even more. Reading that review was far more entertaining than this movie.
IF you want to watch a very good creepy and surreal movie, watch "Mother!".
Where do I start? It should be a huge red flag that both good and bad reviews here are telling you that you can only understand the movie if you have read the book. That's like selling you a bad chocolate and telling you that you can only appreciate if you have eaten cocoa beans before. Thanks, but if I wanted cocoa I would have bought cocoa, not chocolate. AN ADAPTATION IS SUPPOSED TO ADAPT, it should work on its own, and not as a supporting feature.
About the movie itself, it's just painfully boring. Some things happen, sure, and it's a relief when they do, because a huge chunk of this movie is a boring couple having a very unnatural, pedantic and awkward conversation. I think there are 4 scenes in the car, one of them takes almost 20 minutes.
The dialogue in the family house is tense and creepy, but it gets old quickly. It goes like this: the mother laughs too much, the dad says something weird but innocent, Jake seems annoyed, the girl looks confused but starts to talk again, then the mother laughs and it goes on and on. I know it's intentional, but it's just boring and this repetition ruined the little tension this movie had in the beginning. After they leave the house the movie gets progessively worse, with more boring scenes in the car and then more "creepy" surreal stuff that you don't care about anymore because you already gave up and started scrolling through your phone.
What TRULY ruins this movie are the aforementioned horrible scenes in the car! WHY, CHARLIE? WHY? Why did you think those entire scenes were essential to the plot? Why would you START the movie with a scene like that? You could have told a lot without needing 10, 15 or almost 20 minutes of mindless chit-chatting inside of a car. I wish the editor a good recovery from Covid-19, because I can only assume he was sick and you guys thought "whatever, I know we should cut 40 minutes from this movie but what the hell, people will love it before they watch it because it's a Charlie Kaufman movie". I honestly feel sorry for anyone who gave this movie a try thinking its quality would be similar to that of Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind.
The ending, well, I didn't watch it, nor I will, but I've read about it here and I don't feel like I'm missing anything. There's one review here that explains the book and compares it to the movie, which made me hate this movie even more. Reading that review was far more entertaining than this movie.
IF you want to watch a very good creepy and surreal movie, watch "Mother!".
Time Trap
(2017)
A Nice Surprise
24 August 2020
I watched this on Netflix, and based on previous experiences with sci-fi and horror movies there, I swear I was expecting this to be terrible, but it turns out it was exactly my kind of film. The movie never loses tension, the characters are likable but sometimes pretty dumb, especially the male lead. I thought the concept was pretty original and very well executed.
The Vast of Night
(2019)
You know a movie is bad when you can't get past the first 15 minutes.
2 July 2020
I just tried to watch this movie but my ears couldn't take it anymore. I've never heard such a horrible, meaningless, boring dialogue in a movie before, especially between characters that are instantly unlikeble for some reason. Do they think that putting thousands of lines that keep reminding us of the era the movie takes place is gonna make it feel more natural? It doesn't. It's just boring.
I watch movies almost everyday and let me tell you, I've rarely given up on a movie so fast as I did on this one. In fact, it's very common for me to watch terrible movies and think about reviewing them on here, but I rarely do it out of laziness. NOT THIS ONE. I had to log in just to say how much I hated it! I was watching it with a friend and when I turned it off he thanked me. The little I saw of the cinematography that everyone is praising is also not impressive at all. Not only the boring dialogue goes on forever, but you also can barely see the characters' faces, the camera keeps a big distance from them and the result is basically an audiobook + stock footage.
"Oh, but you didn't watch until the end". That's the point. If you can't make your movie even slightly engaging in the first 15 minutes, then you can't possibly demant that I watch the rest to make a judgement. I usually finish even terrible movies, but this one I woudn't even try. If you're gonna make a bad movie at least try to start it well so you can trick your audience.
I watch movies almost everyday and let me tell you, I've rarely given up on a movie so fast as I did on this one. In fact, it's very common for me to watch terrible movies and think about reviewing them on here, but I rarely do it out of laziness. NOT THIS ONE. I had to log in just to say how much I hated it! I was watching it with a friend and when I turned it off he thanked me. The little I saw of the cinematography that everyone is praising is also not impressive at all. Not only the boring dialogue goes on forever, but you also can barely see the characters' faces, the camera keeps a big distance from them and the result is basically an audiobook + stock footage.
"Oh, but you didn't watch until the end". That's the point. If you can't make your movie even slightly engaging in the first 15 minutes, then you can't possibly demant that I watch the rest to make a judgement. I usually finish even terrible movies, but this one I woudn't even try. If you're gonna make a bad movie at least try to start it well so you can trick your audience.
Black Mirror: Bandersnatch
(2018)
An amazing experience that hopefully will create a new movie/series format.
30 December 2018
Warning: Spoilers
I will post here an answer I've written on Quora.
"I don't know about anything similar to this interactive episode, and that was precisely why I loved it so much, even though I got disappointed at some parts. I recommend watching with a friend like I did and alternate who makes the choices, it was very fun. Spoilers ahead.
The best thing about this episode is that it only works because it's interactive, as the protagonist loses his mind after realizing someone is making decisions for him. I believe this whole meta thing can be dissapoiting for some viewers, especially because after a while the episode makes us realize that our control over the narrative is kind of limited, which compromises the illusion of making decisions. I have to admit that even I got disappointed at that, but that's the most Black Mirror-ish thing about this episode: it doesn't follow our expectations.
To be fair, interactive doesn't mean being in control, it means...interacting, and we do interact with the protagonist, as I said before, he starts to realize we're controlling him and we even get to explain to him what's going on. That was actually much more clever than just controlling everything and then "the end". The only real problem I had with the episode is that I think the decisions should be more determining, but that would go against the premise of having limited endings and avoiding too much intricating, which is a problem the protagonist faces while creating his game. Also, I think the narrative should have been closed instead of going backwards, it became repetitive very quick. All in all, I was very satisfied.
I think this concept has a lot of potential and I hope this is the beginning of a new format. I sure loved it! Best episode so far."
"I don't know about anything similar to this interactive episode, and that was precisely why I loved it so much, even though I got disappointed at some parts. I recommend watching with a friend like I did and alternate who makes the choices, it was very fun. Spoilers ahead.
The best thing about this episode is that it only works because it's interactive, as the protagonist loses his mind after realizing someone is making decisions for him. I believe this whole meta thing can be dissapoiting for some viewers, especially because after a while the episode makes us realize that our control over the narrative is kind of limited, which compromises the illusion of making decisions. I have to admit that even I got disappointed at that, but that's the most Black Mirror-ish thing about this episode: it doesn't follow our expectations.
To be fair, interactive doesn't mean being in control, it means...interacting, and we do interact with the protagonist, as I said before, he starts to realize we're controlling him and we even get to explain to him what's going on. That was actually much more clever than just controlling everything and then "the end". The only real problem I had with the episode is that I think the decisions should be more determining, but that would go against the premise of having limited endings and avoiding too much intricating, which is a problem the protagonist faces while creating his game. Also, I think the narrative should have been closed instead of going backwards, it became repetitive very quick. All in all, I was very satisfied.
I think this concept has a lot of potential and I hope this is the beginning of a new format. I sure loved it! Best episode so far."
The Babysitter
(I) (2017)
Not funny, not scary, not thrilling, not worth it.
30 April 2018
Warning: Spoilers
This is the second worst movie I ever watched on Netflix, behind The Invitation. I couldn't even finish this crap, and I'm used to watch bad movies. This movie tries to be horror, comedy and teen. It's neither.
It isn't horror because it's not scary. The whole book thing is just a pathetic excuse to justify the murders and it's not even interesting. No demon appears, the people are just people without any supernatural powers and their only goal with the ritual is "to get what they want". Very original.
It isn't comedy because it's painfully unfunny. This film should be called Cringe Compilation 2017. Every single sentence that came out of the black guy's mouth made me roll my eyes so hard that I could see inside the back of my head. The blonde woman (not girl, these "youngsters" are on their 30's) shot in the chest was trying to beat the black guy at the cringe competition. Her whining is very irritating and the writers desperately tried to be funny by throwing terrible lines such as "nobody will suck my nipples anymore". Near the end there is another terrible scene with this girl when she complains that the boy grabbed her chest while trying to escape her. The writers tried their hardest to be self aware so the movie would look less ridiculous; it didn't work. The writers also think that a comedy doesn't have to be at least a little realistic. They CHOSE to set this "movie" on the suburbs, but not one neighbor hears the screaming, the gunshots and the explosion. The boy escaped the house and, instead of asking help to his neighbors, he hides in a basement. This isn't poetic license, it's just lazyness.
It isn't teen but tries very hard to be. Throwing obvious references to pop culture as if they were nerdy or something is just one of the things this movie does so teens might relate. But in case this wasn't enough, let's have a long lesbian kiss, that will lure in the horny teenagers for sure. But wait, some girls might watch this too, so let's have the hot guy shirtless through the entire movie, and let's make sure that the kid acknowledges this so we can show how self aware we are. If the horny teens are lucky to not die of boredom through the rest of the movie, at least they will have something to do in the bathroom. The attempt to portray a handsome kid as a loser and the ugly, fat kids as the bullies was just stupid.
I can't talk about the ending because I didn't watch it, and neither should you. All I can say is that this movie is pure crap and will make you reconsider watching anything labeled "original Netflix" again. If you like unfunny jokes, no plot and dialogue that will make you scatch your face and look at the watch out of embarassment, then go for it.
It isn't horror because it's not scary. The whole book thing is just a pathetic excuse to justify the murders and it's not even interesting. No demon appears, the people are just people without any supernatural powers and their only goal with the ritual is "to get what they want". Very original.
It isn't comedy because it's painfully unfunny. This film should be called Cringe Compilation 2017. Every single sentence that came out of the black guy's mouth made me roll my eyes so hard that I could see inside the back of my head. The blonde woman (not girl, these "youngsters" are on their 30's) shot in the chest was trying to beat the black guy at the cringe competition. Her whining is very irritating and the writers desperately tried to be funny by throwing terrible lines such as "nobody will suck my nipples anymore". Near the end there is another terrible scene with this girl when she complains that the boy grabbed her chest while trying to escape her. The writers tried their hardest to be self aware so the movie would look less ridiculous; it didn't work. The writers also think that a comedy doesn't have to be at least a little realistic. They CHOSE to set this "movie" on the suburbs, but not one neighbor hears the screaming, the gunshots and the explosion. The boy escaped the house and, instead of asking help to his neighbors, he hides in a basement. This isn't poetic license, it's just lazyness.
It isn't teen but tries very hard to be. Throwing obvious references to pop culture as if they were nerdy or something is just one of the things this movie does so teens might relate. But in case this wasn't enough, let's have a long lesbian kiss, that will lure in the horny teenagers for sure. But wait, some girls might watch this too, so let's have the hot guy shirtless through the entire movie, and let's make sure that the kid acknowledges this so we can show how self aware we are. If the horny teens are lucky to not die of boredom through the rest of the movie, at least they will have something to do in the bathroom. The attempt to portray a handsome kid as a loser and the ugly, fat kids as the bullies was just stupid.
I can't talk about the ending because I didn't watch it, and neither should you. All I can say is that this movie is pure crap and will make you reconsider watching anything labeled "original Netflix" again. If you like unfunny jokes, no plot and dialogue that will make you scatch your face and look at the watch out of embarassment, then go for it.
Did I just watch Nickelodeon?
18 April 2017
Whoever is writing these new episodes should watch the previous seasons of American Dad, because it doesn't feel like American Dad anymore. Almost all of them are out of character, not even Louis was funny in this episode. The side story with Stan and Klaus was one of the most pitiful and lazy I have ever seen, I will not include Francine's because they didn't even bother to develop hers. Roger was always the main character in the show, but now the show relies only on him. Those 21 minutes I'll never get it back, I wish I have done something more entertaining like waiting in a line.
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