Marvo2369 Reviews

Gotham Knights (2022 Video Game)

Tiresome and Painful

[1/10 · 10 February 2024]

Ow. I just finished the game today (at least the main story anyway). And my hands are still in pain from the constant repetitive button mashing that is required to complete a simple boss fight or a group of villains. Let me take you through it - dodge, dodge, dodge, dodge, dodge, dodge some more, another dodge, HIT ONCE, dodge, dodge, dodge, dodge, etc etc. (all in very quick succession if you want to survive the game) and so on. This method repeats itself OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. And when a bad guy or crook has a difficult health bar to kill, getting one hit in every 10-20 seconds can take a really long time. I've spent hours on one boss fight dying over and over because you just can't seem to survive. Attacks become increasingly impossible to dodge unless you're so quick with your thumbs mashing the same button over and over again that you end up feeling like you're going to get arthritis. Unplayable is what I'd call it, and it becomes very gratuitous as the extended array of bad guys come at you non stop and it feels like you're one guy fighting a whole army on your own, dodging attacks from every angle and only get one hit in occasionally. Therefore, this game isn't healthy to play for your hands sake.

This leads me onto the gameplay mechanics themselves. They are just awful, undeveloped at best. Not only will your character just freeze in a position and not move when you command them to, but they will also just not respond to your basic button actions. For example, they might not dodge according to your thumb, and just stands there and takes the hit instead. Manoeuvrability in the game is very limited. You can't jump in a fight, you just have to rely on dodging and hitting. It's doesn't feel free or exciting to play, it feels systematic, with the exact same fighting pattern being required throughout. Fights never change or vary, they just remain the same and become more difficult for you to conquer (I had to turn the difficulty down from medium to easy just to complete the game). The final boss is incredibly difficult and I would suggest you just sprint as far away from her as possible and do ranged attacks, because you simply will not survive her up close attacks, no matter how quick you mash that same button.

Talking about development, there is none. It becomes very repetitive and boring very quickly, with the same basic level design used and reused throughout. Nothing will feel dynamic or interesting or exciting - everything will feel the same. All that changes is the environment around you, but for some of the interior scenes I'm pretty sure they just reuse scenes etc. But the level itself is the same formula over and over. Run through some corridors, and throw in some group fights to keep you engaged. It's like the developer sat there and just put the level design on a loop and reused the pattern to save themselves time. Threw in some fights, thought that will do, and then went back to whatever else was keeping them so busy. This game feels like a cheap afterthought with no love and attention given to it, which is disgusting for how much they charge you for it. It's the idea of 'that will do, we'll do our jobs worth and nothing more and get a good profit from it.' People spend a lot of money on games, and this is a ****take. Just put a little bit of love and care into making it. It's not much to ask for considering how much you want for your cheap work.

Speaking of cheap, the graphics are nothing, and I mean NOTHING. For a next gen game, they look worse than the likes of Arkham Knight. The difference is striking, and you can tell this was rushed with no detail given. It's a bland game with no detailed textures like the Arkham games, this just feels like a cheap PS2 game.

As for the story, nothing really much to comment on. It's ok, average at best. The side missions are cool with old villains coming back but again any excitement from this is soon taken away when you strain your thumbs trying to survive their ridiculously difficult boss battles. There's no detective work involved either, you don't feel like the characters unlike with Batman in the others, you feel like you wanna give up with it.

And I did. I abandoned this game a long time ago because I couldn't be bothered to finish it and wanted to play other games. So I left it, maybe to return to and grind through the last bit one day. Today is that day. And I'm glad it's over. Because I will never return to this game. It's not replayable to me, not in the slightest. I've had a horrendous time playing this game and really haven't enjoyed myself.

I know I'm late to the party to add this. But I just couldn't put myself through the rest of the game until now. I somehow found a bit of energy within me to do it. So save your time. Save your money. Save your hands.

0.5/10 (half a point for being a Batman game, that's it)

Fast X (2023)

Who keeps signing this crap off?

[1/10 · 30 January 2024]

There's no story interesting enough to last an hour here. The characters aren't developed you just get weird over dramatised scenes where Vin diesel is giving an emotional monologue to every character, teaching his what, let's say 10 year old son to drive... really? This film is so ludicrous it makes even less sense than them going to space in the last one. That was more enjoyable than this tripe somehow.

It seems they're just flogging a dead franchise and it's lost any sense of what it used to be, it sad to see that people actually care enough to keep watching and paying for this rubbish which just gives them money to make the next one. Whoever wrote this trash or directed it needs a good slap round the face and a wake up call to go with it.

Also the effects in this are awful even worse than Disney stuff. Hollywood is dead. There's no quality to movies anymore. It's just generic lame stuff. Even Jason momoas character has no development he's just there as a typical villain who just seems to threaten everyone by holding their families hostage. Wow. Real unique.

Characters have no story, film has no story, it's just boring action scenes. Save your time and money.

Spider-Man 2 (2023 Video Game)

Amazing Story, Rushed At The End

[8/10 · 1 November 2023]

This game is a very good game. It's thoroughly enjoyable with a well balanced story that shared enough time with both Miles and Peter, developing their own unique stories as well as integrating these into an overarching story that delivers an epic experience, one that can't be forgotten. The action sequences are epic, the scale is huge. The game kicks off with one of the biggest boss fights out of all three games, setting the bar really high with unique gameplay and an amazing cinematic experience. As the story progresses, you can't help but fall in love with how well Insomniac has blended these two characters individual stories together and yet kept them to their own motives.

The story is beautifully crafted and weaves together nicely with no real feeling of random switches, the switches between their missions feel relevant and motivated. The sheer magnitude of the story is impressive and progresses very smoothly and nicely into the Venom storyline, which makes perfect sense in this games world. However, after we are introduced to venom and we begin to explore his motive and storyline towards the end, it becomes very rushed and feels forced, with characters doing random things very suddenly just because it's nearing the end of the game and they have to before it ends. For example, Miles asking Hailey out when the world is ending, feels very sudden and randomly placed as he spends the whole game pining for her anyway. The introduction of Miles' new suit in the final chapters isn't motivated at all - it's very random and almost feels done because the developers felt they had to in order to keep it interesting and fresh, which wasn't needed. If you're going to introduce a new suit, give a reason for it. For example, the Anti suits in both games. They are both there for a reason. There is no context provided for Miles' new suit near the end it just happens, and I take issue with that. We have a rush through of all the venom content - the scream boss fight feels very forced just to pop in a quick cameo (if you're going to do this do it right and flesh it out more) and the whole motive for venom isn't really explained or investigated more than, he wants a rock to take over the world. Some more info on that would have been great.

It almost felt to me that venoms saga needed more development and more chapters. It almost felt like it needed to be it's own separate story and not crammed into the end of the game. It probably would have worked better as an expansion to the game at a later date, like a part 2, which would give the developers more time to explore the various symbiotes and venoms motive. Instead it feels again very quick and I could almost hear the developers saying 'we need to wrap this up now'. Just a few more chapters could have fixed this problem perhaps. The missions toward the end feel very forced and conversations happen at times they probably shouldn't, for example when the world is in danger and people are being killed etc. It just needed more fleshing out.

My second small gripe is the boss fights. Yes, the first one is great. Huge action sequence, love it. However from there on in it becomes very generic. Each boss fight follows the same formula and pattern. You get three rounds to punch them about a bit, and the rest of the action happens through cutscenes. What I loved about the first game was the variety in boss fights. Wether it was pressing different buttons or having to defeat them in a different way than before, it kept it engaging and exciting. This game feels like a monotonous boss run of the same thing over and over. Not much changes. Sure, they throw in a few developments on certain things, but it's mainly the same. They become very boring and by the end you're left wondering what you really did in those fights. My big issue with this is the final boss with venom. Man, you get 4 rounds with the guy and then it's a cutscene to the end. Yeah, he gets defeated in a cutscene. There's not much interaction or involvement with this either. You press a few buttons throughout but it's mainly sitting back and enjoying the show. Compared to the first game where you have to do more to stop Doc Ock, and the boss fight actually evolves throughout, this one is very generic and you're left wondering 'was that it?' To be honest, the first boss fight felt like much more of a 'final boss' than the actual final boss. This brings me onto my next concern.

The game has lots of great cinematic cutscenes. This is amazing. But it's not so amazing when you have no involvement in these scenes and you simply have to just watch them like a movie. These cutscenes are where most of the action takes place. Compared to the first game where you can interact throughout and press buttons or move the joysticks, this game limits you on what you can do. Most of if not all of the important action will happen in a cutscene. You have to sit there and watch it, and then when it's your turn, you do the same repeated pattern of simply beating up some bad guys and then the next cutscene rolls in. Give me more button pressing, give me more to do, make me feel like Spider-Man like I did in the first game! I loved how they incorporated the gamer into the cutscenes and the boss fights, but for some reason they severely reduced that in this one. A shame, because that's what I loved about it. I felt like I was Spider-Man, but in this game, I felt like a guy at the cinema watching a movie instead of being directly involved. That's what I wish for in the next game. More involvement on my end. Don't be afraid to make us do something in those scenes, it will keep us engaged and not looking away from the screen!

Don't get me wrong - this game is a beautiful game and is very well made as always. But what they done so we'll in the first two games, they took away in this one. Please, give it back to us. Make us Spider-Man again. Be greater...

Oppenheimer (I) (2023)

A Jumbled Historical Mess With A Good Message

[2/10 · 2 September 2023]

Christopher Nolan's first historical film. Yeah. Hopefully his last.

I'm a fan of The Dark Knight Trilogy, I love Inception, but Tenet really struggled under the weight of its own concept. Through a confusing jumbled plot, the audience really has to concentrate to get any understanding from it, and it's draining and exhausting. This is the same with Oppenheimer. This is the current pattern in Nolan's films. Overcomplicated plot structures that begin to unravel before they even have a chance to entertain you.

What could be a nice simple story about the man who created the Atomic bomb became a jumbled messy montage of the events through his life that you can't really figure out until the end. So throughout those 3 hours, you're left wondering who certain characters are, what their relevance is and therefore their scenes lose any meaning. You don't need to mess up the structure of a true story just to be clever or artsy, and it frustrates me when filmmakers do this. Some people prefer an intellectual story and to work it out as you go, like putting pieces of a puzzle together, and for example in Inception, this totally works. But for a historical piece? Nah, there's just no need to be clever with it.

The first hour is quite intense with overloads of information in quick scenes that are set after the events of what you're about to watch, mixed together with flashbacks and present day stuff, and you're just left confused what happened when. I went in to learn about his life, but I came out more confused than before. I still don't know what took place when, but I got the overall gist of it.

The overall message was decent. The idea of 'what have I created' showing us glimpses of the future is incredible and quite powerful. A very meaningful concept that is very true, why do we need to create such a weapon in the first place, and what the consequences of that are, probably eventually leading to our own destruction. His character is potent and Cillian Murphy plays it beautifully. But with the rushed dialogue and jumbled scenes you can't get any meaning until the last act, which really delivers. From the detonation scene about halfway through to the end is the interesting stuff I was after. However, the progression from experimenting with different types of bombs materials etc to suddenly having a ready bomb to test was very sudden and you didn't really get to see any of the physical development, it's just suddenly there and you're left wondering well how did they get there and what did they use to make it in the end. For me, I would have preferred more details about what they were doing and how they were doing it, I was interested in the process, much like we see in The Imitation Game. We are much more involved in his process and seeing his creation come to life - a brilliant example of what this film should have done. If you're going to show me a film about someone making an atomic bomb, show me how they do it. That's the interesting part!

You have to pay very close attention to this film if you really want to understand it and what they're saying, but I'm not a fan of those types of films. This didn't need to be a clever mind twister, it just needed to be a nice historical piece on the man who created the atomic bomb. It doesn't need to be artsy. Simplicity is often appreciated.

Also I can't see Robert Downey Junior as anyone other than Iron Man. He just acts the same.

Overall, a decent strong message, but way too overdone and complicated. It doesn't need to be an intellectual puzzle to work out. I'm not paying to put together his life from the pieces you provide. Just tell me the story of his life and work, that's it. That's all you need to do. I feel exhausted after watching it, and I don't want to and shouldn't feel like that after watching a film. And the 3 hours. THEY DRAG!

Blue Beetle (2023)

Long Winded Drag

[3/10 · 2 September 2023]

If I was James Gunn, I would have played the smart move and waited until I actually saw this film in theatres before confirming it was going to be the start of my new universe. When you announce a reboot, it should start strong and be memorable like Iron Man was for Marvel. But this is no Iron Man. This is nothing new, exciting or even interesting. It's the same as every Marvel movie nowadays - another churned out repeat and rehash of what already exists. This offers nothing new to the superhero genre, no exciting action, no unique sequences, just very generic stuff. There's nothing wrong with having a stereotypical superhero film, but it actually has to have a decent plot, engaging characters and decent writing to reach that level, which this doesn't.

Let's start with the obvious thing for me - the writing. The writing is TERRIBLE. What we get instead of clever dialogue that works is just dumb lines that you'd expect to hear in a cheap power rangers movie. Lines such as 'WHAT THE HECK' or 'WHAT THE...' 'WHAT THE HELL' 'GET OFF OF ME' are repeated a thousand billion times throughout this movie - as if the characters can't use their clever brains to react in different ways to situations. The result of this is a silly cartoonish film that offers no emotional depth, no real strong character elements and no interesting scenes. I'll provide a couple of examples where this happens.

Firstly, when Jamie has been caught in a trap and the villain is stomping towards him, all he can think to say is 'LET ME GO YOU PSYCHO' at the top of his lungs. Like, really? You should know as you're writing this garbage that people wouldn't react like that in real life. They're not gonna scream let me go because they know that isn't going to get them anywhere, and they certainly wouldn't call the guy about to kill them a psycho as it would just anger them more. It's just so cheesy and cringe it isn't needed. Either cut the dialogue out completely, or use something else. Maybe say instead 'please just let my family go'. That would have made him more of a hero and interesting character as his family would have been more important to him in that scenario, which we would engage with and like him more for. But instead, he acts selfish and thinks about himself first? Not really the way to make us like a character.

My second example is at the end, when the new girlfriend says 'I need to go'. When Jamie asks where, she says 'I'm gonna go back to my mums and look at her beautiful paintings'. Wow. That's the worst cringiest line I've ever heard. It just isn't needed! Writers need to learn when less is more. Focus on the emotion in that scene instead, which was important since it was the moment they finally kiss, which you spend the whole movie waiting for. GET IT OVER WITH ALREADY!

So, there's that. My next issue is the acting. It's not good. Everyone is overacting in this movie. All Jamie seems to do in tense situations is scream at the top of his lungs and it just becomes annoying. And I'm not kidding. He screeches. I have no problem with it happening once in a tense moment if he's angry, but it's overdone and overused. It's as if the director thinks it has more emotional impact but it doesn't. You either end up laughing at it or you just roll your eyes because you know they can't think of another clever way to express his emotions in that scene. The other noticeable one for me was the woman villain (can't remember her name). Nothing about her performance was striking other than her exaggeration on every line. It just feels like a cheap movie, again, like a power rangers film. That's the vibe it has for me.

Next is the pacing. The first half is ok, with some entertaining laughs (Uncle Rudy manages to salvage something in this film which is simply the humour) but from the middle onwards it really begins to drag. The action pieces aren't visually striking or interesting. The choices in direction are questionable most the time. But in the last third of the movie I'd say you really start to feel it. The exhaustion of the film and waiting for it to end. I could have walked out, but I chose to see it through. Wouldn't have missed much to be honest. Also the villains backstory is rushed through a single montage at the end in a really odd place so they could have used the rest of the screen time to portray that. It seems that the movie just seems to focus on several conversations instead of keeping the story flowing. It's like every 5 minutes someone will have a deep meaningful conversation with the main character. Uh, boring and cliche. Keep me engaged and interested cause if not I'll just switch off. Disney did Spider-Man Homecoming way better and I felt this should have had a similar vibe.

Overall, nothing much to see here. A very generic, dull and uninteresting basic plot with nothing much going for it. Not even the main character is interesting enough to keep you engaged.

If I was James Gunn, this would have been confirmed as the last of the old DC universe. But here we are. The bar has been set. How disappointing. I hope that James learns from this and changes the direction on future films with Blue Beetle, cause the director on this done a terrible job.

Secret Invasion (2023)

A God Awful Mess From Start To Finish

[1/10 · 27 July 2023]

I've seen paint dry quicker than this show. And that was more entertaining.

Where to even start? Well, let's start with the pace. This is the SLOWEST piece of marvel I've ever seen! It's up there with the likes of Legion - a slow, boring, sloppy mess that's duller than dishwater. There's limited to no action at all, and when there is action, it's so underwhelming. I remember two action scenes in total - the last being the 'final fight', and even that was awful with terrible cgi and VFX! Honestly, they looked like out of place cartoons stuck on a realistic background it was that bad! Their movements etc. Were so off due to the poor VFX they looked like puppets being moved on strings. Where did all the budget go??! Oh I know. They spent it all on those boring domestic scenes that took up WAY too much screen time and just consisted of a woman making tea constantly, moaning. That's right, the wife of Nick Fury, who just sits there endlessly pondering 'oh does he love me for who I truly am?' Well, who knows. What does it matter. There's an invasion on love. Get over it.

Then there's the invasion itself. An over complicated plot to wage war between the humans. Wow. Why do they go to so many extreme efforts to achieve this when they can LITERALLY SHAPESHIFT INTO ANYONE THEY WANT! They could have kidnapped the president and become him, and just made the call to send the nuke themselves. But they went for his head of security? Huh??! Why would they just make their own jobs harder for themselves? Oh I know why. Because the script says so. This series could have been an intense thrill with each episode showing the characters on the brink of nuclear war with constant action showing them trying to prevent the skrulls from becoming people or making those calls (I'm thinking mission impossible style). But instead we get some weak old man who can barely move and just aims a gun at people and never does anything else, just simply going round for a drink and 'chatting it out'. BORING.

More plot convenience for you - when the other skrulls are trying to kill Gravik, why not just shoot him?! They have weapons accessible to them, but they choose the harder route and go for the plastic bag option? SOMEONE MAKE SOME SENSE OUT OF IT! They could have literally killed him within 5 minutes. But no, this show DRAGS IT OUT SLOWER THAN A SLOTH CLIMBING A TREE.

Another one for you - when Gravik is trying to kill Nicks wife Priscilla, why send in military looking soldiers with guns and cause a loud scene, when you can LITERALLY SHAPESHIFT INTO ANYONE. He could have just changed into Nick fury, and done it himself! Madness! Maybe they wanted an excuse to have a fight scene, but trust me, you didn't need it! Her death would have made the series far more interesting and would have pushed fury to actually have a motive and personal investment in this series. Man, these screenwriters should be fired.

My other issue is how much this series tries to force itself into the MCU timeline and canon and continuously tries to justify itself through flashbacks. Wow, THE FLASHBACKS! SO MANY!!! You can't expect a series to go anywhere if you spend half an episode looking into the past! But for me, the story doesn't work. It doesn't fit into this part of the MCU timeline, therefore feels forced. Perhaps if this had come sooner, for example before the Captain Marvel film, I would have been more interested. However, what they did in Captain Marvel was make the skrulls to be good and peaceful. So this series just completely contradicts it and honestly, after watching all of the episodes, I can't say I know or understand what it has achieved, or what it was trying to achieve. Fury has gone back to space for who knows what reason, just leaving the mess he's created behind for earth to sort out, guess he's lazy? And that's another thing - in far from home, we saw him on a spaceship with the skrulls trying to find them a new home, but in the series, that's ignored. Apparently there were all these skrulls waiting on earth for him to find them a home, and fury was just, dawdling on a space station going through some ptsd? Well make your minds up writers. What's he doing? Finding a planet for the skrulls? Or moping?

I think I've expressed enough how much I hate this series. Everything about it is vile and boring, from the poor editing and camera angles in episode 6 (out of sync shots!) to the terrible cgi, to the bland music throughout that is so monotonous you'll be bored within 5 seconds of watching (yes, I kept checking the timeline to see how much I had left to go!). You shouldn't be left looking at the wall rather than the screen with anything like this (superhero content), bored out of your mind, checking the timeline to see how much is left to go. You should be constantly entertained and made to enjoy it and not want it to end. I honestly don't understand the hype for this series. At all.

Its a 0/10 for me. I just put 1 so I could write this honest review. IF YOU VALUE YOUR TIME AND APPRECIATE HOW SHORT LIFE IS, DONT WATCH! You've been warned.

Anyway, back to my wall...

Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One (2023)

Masterful Filmmaking

[9/10 · 16 July 2023]

Compare this to any other film that has been out this year... oh no wait. You can't.

This film like other Mission Impossible entries is just brilliant. Not perfect, but brilliant (I still had a few gripes but I'll get into that later). This film puts other films to shame. It shows big studios like Marvel and Disney up big time and embarrasses them. The amount of time, hard work, effort and determination that Tom Cruise and the team put into this film is majestic, and you can see that on the screen. From the stunts to a clever and intriguing story, this film is just a masterpiece from beginning to end. The amazing set pieces that the crew built themselves to the daring stunts that Tom Cruise puts his life and soul into training for just makes this movie all the more memorable and what an experience this was in cinemas. It had the audience going wild, laughing and going 'Woah' the whole time and it was such an amazing environment to be apart of. That's what these movies are - an experience. And this piece of art deserves to be seen on the big screen. I mean, they built their own train to crash and burn! I don't see marvel making anything practical now!

This film just shows what true filmmaking should be and you can feel the love that the filmmakers have for these characters and the franchise as a whole. Hayley Atwell is a brilliant addition to the team and she works really well on screen - her chemistry with Tom is beautiful to watch. A well written, well crafted piece that deserves your time and money to be seen.

Now for the tiny irritating parts.

I wasn't keen on the camerawork in one particular scene, where they are fighting in the alley in Venice. It looks too shaky and all over the place you can't really see what's going on too much. I think this may have been the problem with filming this on location in a tight narrow alley.

Pom's character feels kind of unnecessary like she's just there to have a henchman of some kind she doesn't have any personal development in the film tbh and her change in character towards the end is quite sudden and doesn't make much sense.

Kittridges character doesn't make much sense throughout. You can't really tell what he's in it for, is he good, or does he have secret motives? That's what you would think from watching it, but honestly after looking back on the early scenes, you can't help but feel like they didn't really know what to do with his character and he felt quite messy.

I'm not a fan of this idea that the police or forces chasing the heroes of the movie just magically appear in every location the heroes do without any prior explanation as to how they were able to follow them and get there so quickly. I mean, by the time it takes for Ethan and Grace to get into the action, there are the same two cops who are after them throughout the whole film, just magically involved with the action in EVERY scene. Whether it's Rome or Venice, they are there at the same time. I don't like how it's done and we're just expected to believe they have some superpower that gets them there quickly and on time for the main event. They didn't need to be involved in every action piece in my opinion. They could have been left out for some and caught up with them later. It was too much and too convenient because 'the script said so'. So just wish they'd thought more about what they could have done with those characters. They felt very stereotypical.

My last negative is the plot can feel quite confusing at times, with several people saying 'I hired you' 'it was me all along' that you have to concentrate quite hard to think back on what happened in earlier scenes and think what that character may have benefited from doing that or making that particular choice. The twists feel very heavily used in this film and for me in some cases it works but in others it's just confusing. For example, Kittridge hiring bounty hunters to go kill Fergusons character AND hiring Ethan to go after her just didn't add up, why would you send people to kill her for the key and send the best IMF agent to go get her and the key at the same time? It didn't make sense to me. Again, Kittridges character doesn't feel natural in this story. But maybe I missed something. Definitely need to rewatch to make sure I get everything, cause the thing with a MI film is they can be so fast paced that sometimes to catch a twist or some context you have to pause and rewind, but of course in a cinema this can't be done. Another example of the confusing twists is the director being on the train talking to the villain. I'm not sure what he was trying to get out of that interaction, but he didn't last the rest of the movie. So was he good or bad? The twists just felt rushed and slightly forced at times.

All of that being said, it is still a great film and technically is a masterful film. Especially the train scene at the end. What a joy to witness in cinemas.

Overall, I'll give it a 9/10 because it's the most enjoyable movie that's come out this year so far.

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023)

Unexpected but appreciated

[8/10 · 3 July 2023]

Well let's start off with the negatives and work from there.

The film does lack something that the original films were famous for, and that was a fear factor. Whether it was the deadly traps in the temples, or the horrifying and gruesome deaths in the action sequences, Indiana Jones was famous for its shocking imagery and it's scary suspenseful intense scenes. This film doesn't have any of that, but that's to be expected for a Disney film. It's heavily died down for the younger audience, which let's face it, kids aren't gonna watch a sequel to a franchise as old as this. But that's a problem with Disney, nothing to do with this film or the quality of it. Instead of servicing the fan base that was around for these films, they decide to try and make it appealing for their new audiences which to me doesn't make sense at all. But it was fine, just very 'Disneyfied' in terms of everything visual etc. It had that very generic Disney look, for example the underwater scene with the skeletons just looked like something out of Pirates of the Caribbean. But again, I can look past this.

The other gripe are the action sequences. Once again, the trailer has shown you anything and everything that was interesting in this film. It revealed all the action scenes to you and left nothing to the surprise in theatres. So basically all the action you see in the trailer is all you get. The rest is just story progression. Also, this film could have offered so much more in terms of variety in action other than the same generic chase sequences that ran throughout. That's right - every action sequence was pretty much just a car bike or train chase. Nothing else much happened really. So the action was nothing compared to the first few films. The other issue with the action is Indy doesn't really do much, and of course, that's because he can't. As old as Harrison Ford is, he's very limited to what he can do. And instead of the charming action we got in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, in this we just got him throwing a few weak punches, getting thrown down and pulling away in fear from a gun. So he doesn't offer much, and he physically can't. So the issue there for me is, he was too old for this type of movie. However, if you can set all that aside for a great story and interesting new adventure, then you're in for a treat.

Because besides the generic action and lack of physical movement from Indy, what we do have is an array of fun and engaging characters who all play their parts really well in a captivating classic Indiana Jones adventure. If you're an Indiana Jones fan, you'll totally get into this movie (even if it feels over the top ridiculous, which an Indiana Jones movie is supposed to be). It has that same charm and humour to it as the others and delivers a new and exciting (and interestingly clever) concept, and delivers beautiful nostalgia throughout. The film looks beautiful visually in places and you can tell the filmmakers loved making this movie. The work they put into this has paid off. The imagery throughout is masterful and offers some classic Indiana moments. The ending is beautiful and serves Indy justice in the end.

The overall story is meaningful and worthwhile, and for me delivers on everything important to Indy's legacy. You can tell the director took a lot of care with this film and made the script work to its favour and served me as a fan of the franchise well. The director took the past movies into consideration and used their history to craft this film well and for me it honestly paid off. Also, Phoebes character is not really that irritating and I found blended well into the story. Honestly, she integrated like any of the other female characters in the other films. And the dynamic between her and Indy worked well.

Overall, I almost missed this film because of the reviews. But I'm so glad I didn't. If you're an original Indiana Jones fan, you're gonna enjoy it. It's not the best entry, but it certainly is the last and a decent one at that. It's honestly worth the watch and I thoroughly enjoyed those 2 and a half hours. They flew by.

Give it a go. It's like marmite. You either love it, or you hate it. But boy I love it.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023)

A Lot of Heart and Raw Emotion

[7/10 · 3 May 2023]

This film was a great film. A solid decent entry into the MCU. Was it as good as the first two? Hard to say. Each one has felt so unique and special in its own right. But I can say I feel I definitely preferred the first two compared to this one. Although this one had a lot of heart to it, I felt that some of the plot and character wore a little thin in places.

I definitely liked the tone and style of this one, although it was quite shockingly violent, dark and scary for a 12 rated film, it still held a much more serious tone than the others, and I definitely enjoyed that take on the guardians. The balance between humour and drama was just right, with the comedy elements fitting in the right moments and the serious moments taking priority when they were needed, not being overshadowed by the humour like in Thor 4. However, some of the jokes did fall a bit flat and felt rather 'typical' for a guardians film, but I still enjoyed these moments as they were characterful as usual. Just a quick note on the age rating for this film, I think it's just outright unacceptable for any film to be rated 12 and contain the 'f' word in, along with other severe profanity. It seems standards in society continue to decrease. Parents, be warned!

I liked the story. It felt unique and raw, and held real emotion. I cried in one particular moment as it was so hitting, and that's not something I just do. I find it very hard to be affected emotionally by a film, and this one struck my heart. The meaning behind it is very strong and I love it when a film does that. My only gripe with the plot is as of course with all the other final films in a MCU trilogy is the hole in the theory of the plot which is - where were these villains before? Why have they only now gone after the heroes? Why wait? It seems too sudden, but that's a general problem with a lot of superhero films nowadays, as they become more generic with this formula. I guess maybe the villain just hides in a cocoon all that time and waits for Kevin to come and say 'ok it's your turn now.' It's fine having new villains but the problem with introducing them in a series of twenty odd films where all these characters integrate and crossover to deal with threats is why has it taken this villain so long in particular to show up? This can easily be solved in the script with a simple contextual background for the character. And I felt as though this was missing that necessary context, and so had the overall feeling of randomness. For example, why is Adam only now hatched and being sent after Rocket? Was endgame too early? Heck, even Guardians 2 when they were on the Sovereigns doorstep! Surely Adam would have been in the hatching process by then? If the High Evolutionary was always after Rocket, there's no reason provided why he hasn't been able to do it before. I dunno. Just give some context at the start of the movie. But I think that boils down to James Gunn having to make his trilogy within the confines of the MCU where everything has to be linked and connected and done in order. If James Gunn was allowed to make this trilogy separate, it might have made more sense overall. But because Feige has to have so many films done in one continuous series it has this random feeling to it. But hey, it's a superhero film. We're there to have fun and take nothing too seriously.

Which brings me into my second gripe. Adam himself was a very silly character. No infinity stone on his head and yet no explanation to what was in its place? He also had very little to do in this film and just sort of pops up here and there with no real solid importance other than to be there. I felt like he could have been more involved with the action pieces throughout.

Was it a good film? Yes, one that I very much enjoyed. Could the story be developed slightly? Of course. But it was a very solid film on its own. How it stands against the previous two, I wouldn't say it was better personally. I think people love to say this is the best film in the MCU since Endgame, well yeah, that's true, because it didn't have much competition in the first place. I mean look at Thor, Doctor Strange, all terrible entries. So Guardians was always going to be better than those because for one thing James Gunn can make a decent film. But it certainly isn't the best MCU film overall and I think the hype is a little carried away.

What I will say is that this film has a special power in its emotional intelligence and also in its action sequences. Every punch and blast feels powerful with real raw meaning behind it and the end result is incredibly satisfying. It's not often an action film can do that, but this felt powerful like no other. Worth your time.

Nope (2022)

A Slow Burner

[5/10 · 29 April 2023]

Ok. This is no 'Get Out'. This is not even on the same level. And that's not just because it isn't anywhere nearly as good, but also because it's a very different style of film in terms of story and genre. While the film had many good disturbing and scary/freaky moments that had me clenching intensely, I had some gripes.

The film suffers unfortunately for its pacing. It's so SLOW, and takes WAY too long to get going. Once the story is set up and we have a goal established, the characters combine very nicely and we have a great traditional unique dynamic and story going. However it takes so long for any real action to take place you're left wondering what the film is actually about and where it's going. Once you begin to understand it however, you realise that this film holds some great value in offering unique and iconic ideas (all I'll say is your not so typical UFO story). Alien films for me have to give me that disturbing sense and this film really delivered on that. Jordan Peele also does a terrific job in creating suspense and freaky moments. However, he needs to get there a lot sooner!

My second gripe is the backstory of 'Gordy' and the sitcom where the chimp kills everyone. For me, this background information literally held no relevance to the overarching story at all. It was like watching two films. It could have been interesting if it offered a reason as to why the young boy now adult alien feeder was doing what he was doing, however it fails to make this connection. In fact, it fails to make any connection at all to what the main storyline is. It feels very random and for me doesn't offer anything interesting other than a good excuse for Jordan Peele to include some violent action in a what is otherwise a long boring film?

My third gripe is the sister character. I think due to the poor acting ability of the actor herself, her character just becomes very annoying very quickly. And in a lot of the film she speaks so fast her words become one long blurred sentence and you can't make out what she's saying and leaves the audience confused.

My fourth and final gripe is the comedy elements that just have to take over near the end. Unfortunately, Jordan Peele's natural comedic sense start to seep in towards the end, with ridiculous over the top moments that just leave you dumbfounded at how stupid the characters are and the story loses any sense of seriousness or value. What starts off as a dark serious intense creepy atmospheric horror with so much potential soon becomes a goofy silly nonsensical comedy, and it really just ruins the feel of the movie as a whole. But, Peele can't help this. As I said, it's his natural instinct. It's a shame, but what he did well in 'Get Out' hasn't been replicated here.

While this is a completely different film and can be appreciated as it's own thing, it still lacks some qualities that could have emphasised the experience of this movie so much more. Real shame.

Ambulance (2022)

Fun, intense thrill ride with lots of action

[9/10 · 20 April 2023]

I read the bad reviews for this and almost missed it for that reason. So glad I didn't.

It's nice every so often to have a edge of your seat thrill ride action film, and this delivers on that. I'm not usually a fan of Michael Bay for his camera work and individual style as a filmmaker, but in this film, it works. And it works because that style really adds to the story and the feeling it's supposed to get across. If it was static the whole time, it probably would have been boring. It made the film fun and engaging and sure, it gives you a sense of motion sickness, but isn't that the point? We're supposed to feel what the characters are feeling, we are put into the action in every scene and for me that works so well in creating an intense atmosphere. For me, it only adds to this film and how it feels, and the result is a profound effect on me as a viewer.

This is one of those rare gems that really allows you to enjoy a solid story with some great action. Had GTA vibes for me.

Brilliant film, well executed in my opinion. Even if you've read the bad reviews, give it a watch. You might be surprised.

The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023)

Fun Film Lacking Basic Essentials of Storytelling

[6/10 · 12 April 2023]

So I think whoever wrote this decided to opt for the more fan service side of things with this movie, and trying to cram as many Easter eggs and references in as possible. That being said, there are still several missed opportunities with this movie that would have elevated it and made it just that more fun and nostalgic. Let's start with the plot.

The plot is very basic and to me a little confused. The first problem is Bowser retrieves this 'Super Star' to win over Princess Peach. Then when she says no, he threatens to use its power to destroy the Mushroom Kingdom. Well, she said no, and instead of using the star himself, he fired a massive Bullet Bill onto the mushroom kingdom instead? Now I loved that scene and that idea was so cool, but come on, a plot shouldn't predict itself through the dialogue like that. What was the whole point of the setup at the start if he just doesn't even use the super star? It just felt weird. Almost like two story ideas trying to be meshed together, but struggling to work. Anyway, the plot at the start is actually nice and I much prefer it. The context we get from Mario's world and it's characters is a really strong setup, however, as soon as we go into the Mushroom Kingdom, it's all rushed. One scene to the next (basically every scene from the trailer as with most films now, nothing is left to surprise nowadays), one location to the next, we don't have a second to breathe or explore these new worlds and environments with Mario. For example, the montage when they journey to the Kongs, we could have taken some time to explore those more and interact with them in fun ways. This would have made the film and journey feel much more exciting and would have reinforced this new world for Mario, but instead it just felt forced, like yeah, he's there because he has to be there, and this journey has to be over in 4 minutes. Yeah, cause he's used to this world already I guess...

Which brings me to my next point. By the time mario arrived, there should have been some context or a reason for peach to suddenly be massing her armies together. Instead, it's again forced. Oh Mario's here now guess we need to attack bowser, like huh?? Even just a reference to the opening scene through dialogue such as maybe the super star shaking the universe or having some effect on the mushroom kingdom? Then it would make more sense and Mario could fit into that story more easily. The odd thing for me is, why was mario even there? It's not like peach needed him because she was clearly ninja warrior herself and she was just gonna go take down bowser herself by the time mario shows up so, my question is, why did she wait all night and day for Mario to pass that course? Surely she would have just said, you know what, go back home, I'll get your brother. But again, there was no dialogue or anything to give any kind of explanation to this.

The 80's music for me with songs like 'Take on me' and 'thunderstruck' just felt really odd for a mario movie and I felt awkward watching those scenes. It was an odd experience and I felt confused as to what genre I was watching. They should have stuck to the key Mario themed music for these scenes tbh.

The kart scene was cool, but for me the rainbow road scene again felt rushed and forced. There could have been some dialogue to set this up, for example, someone saying 'the only way to get back is via the rainbow road' and making it out to be this dangerous path that Mario has to take. Just simple dialogue like that would have easily fixed this movie, but this poor scriptwriting shows the movie is not intelligent as it is.

Also, WHY DIDNT THEY HAVE A CHASE SCENE/BOSS FIGHT BETWEEN BOWSER AND MARIO IN THEIR KARTS?? AND why didn't we have a cool Luigi's mansion style scene in bowsers castle when Luigi was on his own? Could have introduced the Boo ghosts and had fun with it...

I also think there should have been a whole extra scene where Mario at some point returns to his parents in Brooklyn, for example, when him and Donkey Kong fall off the rainbow road. He could have gone back to his parents and told them everything, they don't believe him, and his father tells him to stop trying to be a hero and just live his life. This would have made the payoff at the end WAY better and wouldn't have made this character development feel rushed. Then, bowser could have captured princess peach and toad could have come to warn Mario, motivating him to get up and go back.

I definitely think the final battle should have taken place in bowsers castle, not in Brooklyn. Why they thought some Avengers looking boss fight would be cool I have no idea. They basically made bowser look like any other super villain and not unique, and I feel in this moment they could have truly honoured the game more. And we should have seen Mario in his FIRE AND ICE SUIT!

They had amazing opportunity with this film, but missed on so many points. For me, it just lacks those simple key storytelling aspects, which are context and character development. I get it's a kids film and I'm probably taking this way too seriously, but this doesn't mean they should compromise on the story quality! Despicable me was a way better film with an important message and this could have been the same! Sure it hit some great nostalgic points. And it was a funny film with amazing voice acting. But that doesn't make the story any better or more decent. They had an opportunity to make Mario something unique yet original, and they missed the mark in my opinion.

Fun film, needs more development. 6/10.

Bullet Train (2022)

Good fun but a bit messy

[6/10 · 10 April 2023]

First of all I'll begin by saying the film has style. And I love that style. It feels fun, bouncy and light - nothing to take too seriously. Also, the action is great (similar to John Wick style which I absolutely adore). But other than that, the film does suffer from an over complicated plot with so many twists and turns you can barely keep up.

The film is VERY fast paced, and introduces so many different characters at a time that you're left wondering who's who anymore. Sure, the film offers several flashback sequences and returns to these throughout to ensure consistency and to make sure you as the audience can just about keep up with the pace of this movie. But when there's so many plots going on at once, it begins to lose itself slightly, and soon becomes a bit messy in places, with a few holes throughout. For example, the 'Wolf' assassin trying to kill Brad Pitt's 'Ladybug' when he knew the actual person who killed his family was a woman called 'the Hornet'. That was a bit odd to me. I had to make up and guess a reason for this, which was purely the fact he maybe recognised Brad Pitt's character in that split second of seeing him?

However saying this, the films style allows for this messy plot, as it's so fun and wild you don't seem to care too much what's going on, so it justifies it in a sense, which I can just about cope with. And none of this takes away from the enjoyment of the movie itself.

For me, it's mainly the political references again that lets this movie down. Comments such as 'you look like any other white homeless man' and calling a girl 'Prince' and having her say 'I don't need to be a part of someone else's story, you're all part of mine' which is a cry at feminism, then of course another feminism boost when someone refers to God as 'She'. A film doesn't need to rely on cheap political jokes and references like this to make a film entertaining and if anything, it just irritates me because it ruins and spoils the experience of the movie. Sure, people need to feel represented and whatnot, but having racial comments about white men isn't going to achieve anything. Is it a case of making others feel better by slandering white men? If so how is that fair? Because if it was the other way around, it would not be tolerated...

Whenever Hollywood realises this and comes to their senses, I will stop talking about it. Until then, I will continue to call it out.

For that reason, it just scraped a 6/10.

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (2023)

Meh

[6/10 · 11 March 2023]

This film is a film. It's nothing more and nothing less. While it's perfectly adequate for an entertaining evening, it's nothing that will grab you and make you excited. It's plain, very very generic for its time and adds nothing unique to the marvel franchise. Whilst I could enjoy the film to the same extent I would enjoy going to the toilet (not bothered or fussed either way), I still had a few gripes with it.

It seems that the scriptwriters for marvel do not understand character development as a whole. Maybe they're told by marvel to not include any and leave the characters bland and dry, or maybe they just don't have that skill in storytelling. Perhaps they're just lazy and are used to the marvel mill. Either way, it's the same boring plot over and over again. These films are so generic now, you could write a formula from it. In fact I'm pretty sure marvel has done this and gives the same formula to each writer they hire as a strict rule they must follow, which removes the opportunity for any exciting characterful moments which would ultimately make their films unique. This film is a perfect example of that. The film has no backbone - it's just to fill a 'hole'. It's a checklist - you feel like you're watching someone tick off each element as you go. Antman himself has no development. Just like Doctor Strange, they've totally disregarded his character and showing him to have no personal development at all. Instead, we focus on the annoying teen which of course has to be a female hero of some kind, otherwise everyone would kick off!

He's just there, he exists because he has to and because his name is in the title, and that's honestly it. Same with the Wasp. Sure, have a new female hero, but don't make them the sole focus of a film that's meant to be about Lang and his 'family' who pretty much just bullies him at the start. Instead of the kid being in the wrong, of course it's always the father!!

I felt as though this film should have been instead called 'Janet Van Dyne and Kang: Quantumania'. The film holds nothing unique to its value, making it another piece of churned out fan service.

Another piece on the storytelling - what's ironic is the fact that the plot has 'holes' throughout. Why does Scott suddenly decide Kang is a villain? He has no idea who he is, what he's done. At the point in the film he meets Kang, he hasn't spoken to Janet yet. He just assumes that Kang is a bad guy and that's it. Because the script says so. Guess that justifies it right? It would have maybe been more exciting if Kang had shown Scott he was a good guy and Scott happily agreed to help, only then to realise he'd made a drastic mistake. This would have not only made the script more exciting, but it would have added that dramatic moment of realisation that this film lacked and made me actually feel quite tense. I guess Janet's now a telepath cause she's apparently unstoppable too and can transmit her thoughts into Scott's head. When in the quantum realm, right.

Secondly, why debut a classic villain such as MODOK only to kill him off in the same film? It's as if the studio wants us to laugh at their work. Honestly, MODOK is one of the biggest threats to the Avengers, and he's just killed off because what's the point of developing that character any further hey? Oh I know - it's cause he's a white male. They don't deserve character development anymore.

He could have escaped the quantum realm, become a masterful villain, we could have even done the inhuman storyline and used that as Ms Marvel's origin. But no, Marvel has to be weird and boring. Nothing engaging at all. The only exciting character for me was MODOK (despite the terrible choice in cgi) and I was looking forward to see him 'grow'. But I guess that will never happen now huh. It's the same old story with marvel - missed opportunities. Just like Thor. Just like No Way Home. We've seen all the amazing concept art and ideas that could have happened. What a waste of money.

And that brings me onto my other point - the cgi in one of the scenes is just absolutely awful. It's as if they ran out of budget for the VFX halfway through and decided to make one of the major action scenes cheap looking. For a billion dollar studio this is embarrassing. Garbage like that shouldn't be shown on any screen, let alone the big screen. But what's new? Guess we have to get used to the awful cgi now because it's all about the fan service right? So we should just tolerate it and accept it for what it is, even if it is an example of awful movie making.

The only salvageable piece of this movie is Jonathan Majors as Kang. But as I say with all the marvel actors - why he would choose this over anything else for his career baffles me. The way it's going, Marvel is just a career killer. They need to either up their game, or sack the man in charge.

How can they get so excited about a new phase when it's first film is so mediocre I looked away from the screen because I was bored? It's just generic. It holds no unique value. It's just the same as all the other garbage nowadays - the same generic fight sequences, the wars and battles all look the same etc. Etc. No character development for the characters that matter most, boring plot, no dramatic elements at all. I felt like Kang was probably more angry at the awful story he'd been given than poor old Janet turning on him. I think it would have worked so much better if Kang was a new addition to the Quantum realm, because it just creates 'holes' in all the other films too.

Why didn't kang escape in Antman and the wasp, when they literally opened the quantum realm to the real world! Or in endgame, when Scott escaped, or when they bloody time travelled through it! But no. He saw his opportunity when the annoying teen decided to randomly create a map of the quantum realm? Weird. Maybe he just took a day off and thought nah, I'm good.

Overall, nothing shocking. I'm used to this garbage now. But it gets a 6 for beating what we got last year. That's all I can give it. Meh.

Blonde (2022)

Didn't have to watch more than 30 minutes

[1/10 · 7 October 2022]

Such a shame this one had to be made. What baffles me is why some film makers thought it was a good idea to make a film based off a book in which some woman made up a load of nonsense and lies about Marilyn's life, it's completely mad!

I thought this was going to be a real life story about her, but it's just completely made up! What was the point of adapting a bunch of lies about someone's life? It's immoral and not film worthy.

Deserves to be taken off Netflix in my opinion and never shown again. Disrespectful and disappointing. It's like adapting some book someone's written and made up their own story for a famous person, it doesn't make sense. As soon as I realised, it went straight off.

I don't know if they thought they were being clever or smart, but it's rubbish.

(By the way, Ana de Armas is an amazing actor and should have known better than to do this)

0/10 💩

Top Gun: Maverick (2022)

What a sequel should be

[9/10 · 18 September 2022]

Watching the first Top Gun, I didn't really get it. I didn't connect with it on any kind of level and it didn't hold a very strong narrative for me. It felt like I was watching some fanboys go out in fighter planes aimlessly having fun with no real goal. It felt more like a typical 80's fun film with no serious intent. Therefore, I was hesitant to watch it's sequel. However, this took me by my surprise...

Not only does it honour its roots from the first one, serving a true nostalgic service to its fans, but it also builds and adapts on the original in a way that brings something new, fresh and exciting. It delivers an exceptional roster of characters and cast and the action scenes are incredible. What was missing from the first film was the electrifying tension and excitement of watching them swerve and survive in their fighter planes, but this one delivers that. Not only do you understand the world more, but you also connect with the film feeling as if you are in the plane with them. You begin to understand what's going in this world a lot more, and there are lots of awe inspiring moments that will make you go 'oh cool!'

This one holds a much stronger narrative. There is a goal, an aim and a mission, a clear directive and a solid structure. The only comments I would make on the story was the quick change in Rooster's character. I felt as though it could have been more gradual and there could have been a bit more said and done to build his trust in Maverick, but it's nothing major I would complain about.

My biggest gripe with this film is the meaningless relationship between Maverick and Penny. It doesn't add anything to the overall arc or story. The interesting scenes are the ones that revolve around the 'mission' aka the main storyline. But what we get are annoying little intersects where some irritating old flame takes Mavericks interest. She is simply there and holds no real value in the story. The ending where she turns up is so random, you completely forget about her involvement in the film in the big climax! We didn't need a love interest and especially not some random woman who we've never seen before in this world. She could have been completely missed and the story wouldn't have suffered for it. Maverick is a strong character on his own and the relationship between him and Rooster was enough to hold the film together, and so there should have been much more focus on this rather than him pining over an ex flame we don't know or care about at all. He didn't need a love interest.

Overall, the film is a masterpiece both technically and creatively, and is an example of how time and advanced technology can make a sequel even better than its predecessor. A truly wonderful film.

Pinocchio (I) (2022)

An example of what doesn't work

[3/10 · 17 September 2022]

Live action is a completely different form to cartoon film. A live action film requires a more believable approach, a film that makes the audience feel more involved and should make the world itself seem more realistic in its nature, otherwise the story doesn't work. With real people playing the parts, you need to have a sense of realism in order to engage with it, even if it's talking animals, it should still feel real to the audience, whereas a cartoon has a special charm about it, a charm you can sit back and simply enjoy without any complications, any realism, and just marvel at the fantastical world that you don't need to connect with too deeply.

There are some Disney remakes into live action films that work, and there are some that don't. Unfortunately, Pinnochio falls into the 'don't' category. Unfortunately, the film is just too wild and fantastical in itself to even feel real. It's too random and sprawled out to translate properly into live action form, and therefore it fails to create a deep meaningful story that the audience can connect with. It has no emotional impact, it has no sense of realism whatsoever. Instead, you end up basically watching a reanimated version of the same film but with less character and story. It ticks all the boxes of matching the story of the original, but it doesn't go anywhere else. It feels like that's all they do. They simply match every sequence in the story so the audience are somewhat satisfied and that's it, even if the outcome is so ridiculous and absurd that it just doesn't work with real people acting. At least with The Lion King, you can actually believe there may be a world out there with talking animals. This is not the case here. The film is so random in places because it tries so hard to recreate every sequence possible from the original, and it ends up struggling to create a meaningful ending. You just end up leaving the film with ok, and what? We go from point A to point B to point C that is the story of Pinnochio, but those points don't create meaning in this version, they don't lead to somewhere important, they don't develop the characters in any way, they just sort of fizzle out and then the next thing happens, with no emotional or intelligent connection between them. Pinocchio doesn't learn anything like he does in the cartoon - he just stays the same throughout! There's not the drive to be a real boy for his father like the original, the emotional side to their relationship is non existent. He's just there and his father is just as wooden as his son. No emotion. Not believable anyway. There's not the dynamic situations that change Pinnochio as a person, or him interacting with society in a way where you feel sorry for him - everyone just kind of accepts he's a puppet and moves on or tries to make profits from him. The film ends up being so silly and ridiculous you just can't help but laugh at the bits that should be tense and exciting and grip you.

The cgi is questionable, with clearly terrible shots that just don't work visually. Especially the ending, where it just looks like a badly animated version of the cartoon. None of the characters are believable in this film, not even the 'real' people.

The cartoon should be all you need, we didn't need this adaptation, and we didn't deserve it. Leave the cartoon as it is, don't mess with it or try to be clever. Let it keep its magical charm. There are films that are meant to be cartoons and others that are meant to be live action, in fact made for it. Pinnochio was and is meant to be a cartoon - not a live action film.

Thor: Love and Thunder (2022)

A Messy Script With No Love

[5/10 · 7 July 2022]

Let me begin by saying this film is fun. It is funny as usual like every MCU project has to be to appeal to a certain taste. As long as it doesn't ruin the good emotional moments, right? No, it doesn't. This film achieves a good balance of humour in the right places and emotion in the others. There are genuinely laugh out loud moments that make the film really special, but still holding its heart in place. Christian Bale as Gorr is the best possible decision ever made by Marvel. He delivers an astounding performance and portrays Gorr as Gorr in his own right, and you forget he plays the character as he loses all sense of Christian Bale as a human. Excellent casting. However, that doesn't mean it was all rainbows and sunshine.

I loved Thor: Ragnarok and it's one of the only films made by Taika Waititi so far that I actually like. I find his humour very different and unique but quite selective. For example, Jojo Rabbit misses the mark for me and just passes as a very odd strange little film. So I was excited for this one, because he was returning to familiar ground. But if you think this compares to Ragnarok, you are WRONG. This film is simply just nowhere near as good, and has so many weak points it feels like a disastrous attempt at a sequel.

First of all, before you go see this film, don't watch the trailers. If you have seen the trailers, you've seen the film already. The majority of the good jokes and scenes are in the trailer, so don't expect too much else from the movie. This is a recurring problem with movie trailers nowadays, as all they tend to do is give the entire plot away and ruin the surprises you would feel in the cinema. For example, what would be an iconic moment with Jane coming in as the Mighty Thor, just fails to get you excited in the theatre, as you've already seen it in the trailer... in fact, all the movie does is put those pieces from the trailer in chronological order and as you watch you already know what's coming in each scene because you've seen that same scene in the trailer, so you already know what's happening before it happens, therefore no surprise. You will end up going 'ah, this is where Jane comes in. Oh, now onto the next bit from the trailer. Oh that's cool, that was in the trailer too. I bet this scene will be next... oh yes I was right!' Therefore it is unfortunately very predictable and very formulaic. Also, you expect there to be a cool reason for Thor having a new gold suit, but don't get your hopes up. Somehow, randomly, he just musters it! I can't think of anything more random in a movie than the quick costume change! There are still some nice little surprises, but not enough to make the film exciting.

Then there's the story itself. The script. It feels so rushed and a bit all over the place it ends up becoming a messy attempt at cramming so many different things into one movie that doesn't even stretch over the 2 hour mark. One minute Thor is with the guardians, a second later he's off with Korg on his own adventure, then we have Jane come in, then there's the sudden rush to introduce her as Mighty Thor, oh then there's that battle, quickly Gorr comes in... and breathe. There's no room to fit the whole story in, so what we have is a rushed montage of clips with Thor and surrounding characters doing stuff together. Then before you know it, it's over and nothing important has really happened! Thor doesn't change as a character throughout, his purpose seems pretty pointless to be honest, and we have a random ending that just doesn't feel right, it feels like a completely different story altogether... unfortunately, the ending isn't satisfying, and you're just left wondering what the point was, ESPECIALLY in introducing Mighty Thor. Maybe we could have left that ending until another film and had the two live together in happiness with the child... but after nearly 2 hours of Thor realising he loves Jane again, that just gets all thrown out the window and we're back where we started at the beginning of the film... very strange.

As for the villain, his means are completely justified! The Gods are clearly awful characters, yet we spend the whole film trying to save them??! Doesn't make sense. Therefore, it doesn't really feel like a scary end of everything type plot, it just feels, again, pointless. Also, Korg's character was funny in Ragnarok. In this one, he's just THERE, and extremely irritating. It's like the character wasn't thought out well enough.

Overall, I think they had many ideas, but it just wasn't thought out enough. Unfortunately, the film suffers from its length and its lack of meaningful storytelling, and ends up falling down the 'pointless' rabbit hole. It seems that the setup at the end of Endgame was wasted, as Thor spends about 5 minutes with the Guardians, and the rest of the film is just him acting like an idiot falling head over heels for his ex. There's no story there. I genuinely feel as if Thor and Gorr, if they had sat down and talked, would have realised they were actually on the same team. It's an unsatisfying Thor Adventure and there's no love put into it, at least that's how it feels. There was no purpose to bring back Jane. It didn't match very well with her previous Thor films.

I'm only rating it 6 for the goats. They were amazing.

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022)

A Mess From Middle To End

[5/10 · 26 June 2022]

Let me start off by saying the first half of the film is actually pretty decent. You have an interesting plot and villain and it kicks off with high action too which was great. But then from about halfway in it really gets messy. First of all, those 'surprise' cameos aren't as 'surprising' as you might think, apart from one, who was a nice addition to the cast, however, his role was hardly worth the actors effort, as he was killed within 10 minutes of being seen. So much for his big debut into the MCU! (If I'd read that script I would have chucked it in the bin!) As were they all, yet somehow the less powerful heroes last longer (May I note they were women too!). My main gripe with these cameos is, what was the point of having them in there? To me it felt like a waste of time and money and in the end felt so pointless because they didn't bring in pre-existing characters from other universes which I was expecting. It was almost as if they went for it but then realised they couldn't afford it maybe? I don't know, I would have rather had them invest in returning characters such as vision (which would have made the film make way more sense!) and maybe even Hawkeye or Spider-Man who literally live in the same city this takes place!

The other thing is the whole 'multiverse' element. Yeah, there isn't really a multiverse, it's more of a 'let's spend 5 minutes in two different universes and call that a multiverse of madness'. They could have gone somewhere amazing with the film but they just... didn't.

Oh, and expect lots of woke political nonsense again as per usual.

Wanda is hardly justified in my opinion. Yes, you can say she was corrupted, but it was still her choice to read that book. She knew the consequences. And for her to cry about some made up kids and take it to this extreme, it's as if the writers didn't really know what to do with her character after wandavision so threw her in this film and had her rage about some made up fantasy she lived and kill people for it. I dunno. Strange was completely right. And for her to say he's a hypocrite, well, he did what he did to save the universe. She's doing what she's doing to save some random children from another universe...? If I got that right. Honestly, towards the end the script got so messy even I was lost.

As for the horror aspects, I love Sam Raimi's work, but this just felt cheesy, cheap and cringe, especially towards the end. Like a random guitar riff playing, or a sudden piano note, as if to make us jump, but it just doesn't work... it's not scary because the main villain is an avenger so it's not really that horrific... unfortunately marvel could never make a full on horror even if they wanted to. Their audience is children, and unfortunately that will always mean their films must appeal to children, which immediately takes away the serious storytelling side. I mean, Doctor strange himself doesn't really change throughout this film. He's just there and there because he has to be. Other than that, he doesn't really serve a meaningful purpose within the film. It's a shame because Benedict Cumberbatch plays him so well. Also, the dialogue in the end is just awful and cheesy, especially when America goes up to Strange as he's leaving and just goes 'sup'. Wow. Really intelligent writing. Most awkward moment I've seen in a marvel film so far.

While this film had many great and cool ideas to play with, it somehow falls down the rabbit hole of being another typical marvel film which doesn't take itself too seriously and has me laughing in the cinema at moments that were supposed to be serious. Honestly, I've never seen a superhero film attempt to be such a conventional typical superhero film from the early 2000's.

Saying all this, it's as enjoyable as any other marvel film ie if you wanna chill and watch a fun film that doesn't need to be taken too seriously.

Hopefully Thor will be different but Marvel, I'm not impressed :(

Gunpowder Milkshake (2021)

Up to a certain point

[5/10 · 17 September 2021]

Starts off well. Good likeable characters, interesting and fun story, amazing visuals with a lovely rich retro visual aesthetic with beautiful vibrant sets and colours. Great gratuitous action sequences not too dissimilar from Deadpool and many others. However, up to a certain point, the story becomes a bit, dull? And then of course I got the whole feminist boost aspect of it. The film started off as just a good non-political original entertaining action flick, but then comes the political side with the firm being a metaphor for what I can only assume is all men holding women back. Change the record? It's such a shame as it holds the film back from being so much more than a political statement.

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (2021)

No sense of style or story

[1/10 · 16 April 2021]

I love the MCU. All the way from Iron Man to Avengers: Endgame. I love all the films, and they have a certain magic to them when you watch them. I was excited to watch their first ever series, Wandavision. I was expecting something new and exciting, and it was ok, but wasn't great. I put this down mainly to not liking the characters as much perhaps. I was more excited to watch The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, as I knew it was going to be action packed and feature Zemo, one of my favourite villains. The first episode was terrible. They give us a magnificent, action packed opening, hint at an underlying storyline which I was excited to learn more about. Then the episode completely veers off into Sam's family background, and the rest of the episode revolves around an argument about a boat. What the hell. With very little going on in Bucky's world. Then at the end of the episode, we return to what I actually cared about and wanted to watch, which was the villain gang known as the Flagsmashers. Roll credits. Not much happened. Episode 2. Sam and Bucky randomly meet with no build up or real progression. Their stories don't intertwine, they just randomly appear together. Good action, boring villain, interesting characters. Then from episode 3 to 4, we have random bursts of bloody brutal violence that is completely unlike marvel and out of style. I thought these were kids shows? Bloody violence is not common in marvel films, but, here it is in a series. I personally liked the adult theme, but I wouldn't let my kids watch that. Episode 5, complete garbage. Repeat of episode 1 - great opening scene, rubbish filling about a meaningless boat. Maybe they ran out of ideas so decided to return to the pointless boat story? Oh and of course, the whole racial deal. I think the black super soldier puts it as 'a white folk shield'. Ok :/

Overall, to sum everything up, I don't know what the hell is going on at marvel, and I don't think they even know. Their style changes so much throughout the series I think they forgot what they are best at doing? They must have lost a sense of their audience too, which is primarily children. Each episode feels different, like it doesn't fit as a whole, and don't get me started on the weird camera choices (I am a filmmaker myself). Oh and the boring villain who no one cares about. Did I mention that? Can we see more of John Walker maybe? Far more interesting. Let's hope Loki saves them, cause this is no good.

Enola Holmes (2020)

Meaningless, Pointless, Insulting

[3/10 · 6 October 2020]

This film could have been a great adventure, but the biggest letdown of this film was the sexism. I understand women feel misrepresented in films and want more of the spotlight, and we should as film makers create more diversity, with more diverse cast etc. And women feel insulted by films and TV when they are not the focus. But that doesn't mean you can completely flip it onto men. If it's about equality, why are we accepting women characters referring to the male characters as 'useless' and other derogatory terms. Not all men are 'useless boys'. This is demeaning for a bloke and I'm fed up with seeing it in every film made for feminist reasons. Stereotypes of women aren't allowed, so why are stereotypes of men? With Mycroft being a horrible person and so controlling? To please a certain crowd by showing the viewer that the world apparently doesn't need men, as Enola doesn't need a father or her brothers, the men are not needed. I wonder if I made a Sherlock Holmes film with that in it against women. Without that, this film would have just made it, with an exceptional cast to fill the roles. The sense of adventure was great, the only other things that made this film lack were the unnecessary fourth wall breaking and the structure of the film. We seem to completely switch narratives at one point, which is very random and it does jar out quite big. Fourth wall breaking is risky, as it is done so seamlessly in Deadpool without fault, it can be hard to replicate, and it has to fit the story and the character. But for this film, it didn't work. It didn't suit her character and all these bits felt pointless and cringe worthy, not funny or smart or clever. It wouldn't have even worked with Sherlock, because that's not his character type. I find with adaptations, it only works if the source material is the same. So apart from the constant insults to men, meaningless fourth wall breaking and complete change in narrative, the film was alright. Henry Cavill was a great Sherlock.

Joker (I) (2019)

Just Perfect

[9/10 · 10 October 2019]

Just go see it. Perfect acting, cinematography, sound and story. A beautiful piece of work worth seeing even if you don't like superhero films.

Swiped (I) (2018)

Utter Rubbish

[1/10 · 13 July 2019]

This film could have been half decent if it was acted, edited, and filmed so much better. I am a professional film maker, and seeing this has really shocked me. How can a film be so bad? The sound work is tripe, the camera work is terrible in places, there's not enough cutting, editing looks and sounds like it was done in one afternoon, it's really an embarrassment. I will never understand how this film made its way onto Netflix, truly disappointed.

Toy Story 4 (2019)

Not what I was expecting

[2/10 · 2 July 2019]

I grew up with the toy story films as a kid and fell in love with the characters. Toy story 3 was a fitting end to the franchise, so I was not expecting a fourth film. I went to see this film thinking it would be sweet, fun, and a pleasure to watch. Instead I ended up getting deep meanings and messages from a kids film which was unnecessary, not only that, but they basically abandoned the whole gang we are used to and made this new toy 'Forky' the focus of attention. While it was a nice film, there were too many issues and political messages in there that are not needed in a kids film. My first problem is Gaby, she was made out to be the villain and ripped woody's voice box out but then they were all fine with her and helped her out. And it's only because she was a female. Also, the ratio of female characters to male ones was not equal at all, it was 2 males to the rest of the cast being females. Woody was made out to be some sort of idiot for trying to help out a toy in need and everyone hated him for it! Why?! Too many issues and the film wasn't needed. Also, don't make Bo Peep this big deal in the final film when in the first three she's hardly there, in fact, she's almost missable. Shame that they had to ruin such a good, original franchise.