theo-57528 Reviews

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (2022)

How???

[4/10 · 10 December 2022]

How did a 19 year old undergraduate design and build an iron man suit thingy when she is still learning differential algebra?

How did the princess have such expertise riding a motorcycle?

How did the CIA conclude it was needed to commit a high level raid on the 19 year old's garage?

How do these underwater people swim so fast with the same hydrodynamics as normal people?

How do they talk underwater?

How do a bunch of people progress from an indigenous spear throwing tribe in the 1600s to harnessing mind boggling technology such as cloaking devices for their planes.

How, how, how does the underwater king generate jet powered propulsion with those little winglets on his ankles?

How did the ray guns on Wakonda's high tech flying machines fail to hit a single target?

How did Marvel manage to spend so much money yet not leave a bit of it aside to hire scriptwriters?

How did the mess end up being 2 hours 40 minutes?

The Comeback Trail (2020)

Verbose

[5/10 · 3 March 2022]

The great cast drags this one out of the mire. The script is a masterclass in verbosity. The only good bits are the Clousseau vs Dreyfus battles they lifted from the Pink Panther movies. The cinematography is dreary and amateurish.

Hawkeye (2021)

Did Marvel sack their scriptwriters

[6/10 · 23 December 2021]

Terrible disappointment. At the time of writing this, the average rating is 8. Clearly, these raters didn't watch until the end. To sum up, without spoiling too much...lots of drawn out uninteresting waffle, interspersed with interesting plot points and characters that were glossed over. I imagine the young kids they hired to write the story had neither the capability nor interest to embed into it any kind of compelling, interesting, or unpredictable character and plot development.

Lucy (I) (2014)

Outstandingly ludicrous

[7/10 · 1 December 2021]

There is not, and there never will be, a more ludicrous movie than this. But don't take this in a negative way. Watch this and be thoroughly entertained by the journey of ridiculousness that unfolds before you.

The Beatles: Get Back (2021)

Historical treasure

[10/10 · 25 November 2021]

A historical treasure, masterpiece, call it what you will. All I know is that this will be admired not for years, but for centuries. Watching these compositions being created is truly staggering.

Whiplash (2014)

Whiplash is more painful than whiplash

[3/10 · 23 October 2021]

Much loved movie by IMDB users, but I am baffled as to why. Much of the dialogue felt like improvisation. There are no characters remotely likeable. The underlying concept that musicians play better under duress is ridiculous... and that the best musicians became that way as a result of being traumatised is absurd. I don't think Jimi Hendrix rolled out those licks in a state of mind of high tension.

The Dead Don't Die (2019)

No life in this movie

[4/10 · 11 August 2021]

Very lazy scriptwriting, filming and directing. The actors did the best they could.

Conjuring the Devil (2020)

Astoundingly bad

[1/10 · 20 June 2021]

At time of writing, the average rating is 1.7. This is way too generous. The only interest for the viewer is to debate what aspect of the film is the worst aspect. The filming? Sound? Acting? Editing? Script? Makeup? Special effects? It's a tough call. I would give zero for each, but if I had to pick, it would be the filming.

Sicario (2015)

Snore-io

[4/10 · 1 April 2021]

I kept slapping myself awake to get through this movie...but I should have just gone to sleep. A barely existent plot that moves at the speed that grass grows. Couple that with a bunch of pointless chracters, and a main character that pretty much does and achieves nothing. But I did learn that Mexican kids are really bad soccer players.

Soul (2020)

Lamest Pixar film by far

[5/10 · 17 January 2021]

Ok, wow, that was so abstract and imaginative. But pleeease give me what Pixar normally delivers ... a great story told with entertaining characters. Why are movies getting worse and worse?

No Country for Old Men (2007)

Pseudo intellectual claptrap.

[4/10 · 22 December 2020]

There is insufficient plot in this movie to warrant an analysis...other than to say that the remarkable feat of creating a movie with no ending is not so remarkable when you have no story to provide an ending for. Simply dress it up with violence and intersperse it with random ramblings to make it sound intellectual and you have an Oscar winning movie.

Star Trek: Discovery (2017–2024)

Bold and the Beautiful with CGI

[2/10 · 12 December 2020]

If you are a Bold and the Beautiful fan but also love the dazzle of CGI, then this is for you. There is nothing more to be said. I pained myself until midway through season 2 before pulling the pin. I might need therapy.

David Attenborough: A Life on Our Planet (2020 TV Movie)

A masterpiece for the ages

[10/10 · 5 October 2020]

This will be shown in history classes for centuries to come.

Tenet (2020)

Shaken, but not stirred

[6/10 · 30 August 2020]

The tremendous amount of noise from the terrible score left the cinema shaken. But unfortunately, the movie failed to stir. Except to say that Nolan did a splendid job of recreating the elements of a Bond movie that have gone missing in recent years. The secret agent hero was cool, sophisticated, dignified, funny ... the opposite of the UFC gorilla portrayed by Daniel Craig. The villain was superb. The girl caught in the crossfire was spot on Bond. Even the general storyline and concepts would have done well in a Bond movie. But geez, forget about trying to decipher what is going on from scene to scene. Snippets of barely legible dialogue over a noisy score are all on offer. Perhaps Nolan thought it was better this way than to expose the audience to the terrible disappointment that sits behind the facade.

The Very Excellent Mr. Dundee (2020)

Should've been better

[6/10 · 20 July 2020]

Good potential in this Curb Your Enthusiasm copycat movie...but not executed right. Perhaps another director would have done the trick.

Air Force One (1997)

Was that wiring harness from an old Fiat 500??

[6/10 · 6 June 2020]

The stupidity of some of the concepts in this movie can be summed up by the viewer being asked to believe that a bunch of thin loose wires that look like they belong in an old Fiat are indeed what governs whether you can jettison the plane's fuel load. Do I need to say more? Oh yes I do actually, because Harrison Ford dragged this piece of crap into a watchable movie.

Witness (1985)

Watching the grass grow

[4/10 · 19 April 2020]

If you like watching the grass grow then this is the movie for you. There are numerous scenes that will keep you satisfied. For the rest of us this was utter boredom saved from 1 star only by Harrison Ford.

Johnny English Strikes Again (2018)

Ohhh brilliant!

[10/10 · 9 April 2020]

Absolutely superb and hilarious. This is a 9 or 10 movie unless, of course, you have a bad sense of humour. The Aston Martin was fantastic. The gags were brilliant. Bough was superb.

The Grand Tour: The Grand Tour Presents: Seamen (2019) Season 4, Episode 1

Bloody great show

[10/10 · 13 December 2019]

This episode was truly brilliant. Unbelievable cinematography and incredible locations to go along with all that great buffoonary.