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Compiled by me so you don't have to.
Also includes Surprising VA's and The 12 Days of Voicemas entries.
More wasted potential from Journeys
Hey look Mewtwo from the first Pokémon movie is back, this should be a cause for celebration right?
Nope. Not according to the writers anyway in this disappointing episode which wastes the first half with Ash and Gou messing about and kind of blows in the second half with a repetitive and boring battle that got old fast with the overuse of Shadow Ball. I mean I know the two were never gonna stand a chance against Mewtwo but come on man, at least use your other moves.
It was nice to hear Masachika as Mewtwo again but was it even worth it? Was it all worth it for such a stale and lifeless little episode? Not really in this case.
You're better off doing what Mewtwo did at the end of the first film and erase this episode out of your memory.
Mobile Suit Gundam Narrative (2018)
Not much of a narrative to be found here, I'm afraid!
It's a big ol' exposition filled Gundam movie but unfortunately in Narrative's case it's the boring kind of exposition complete with paper thin characters and animation that isn't any better than a regular episode of a Gundam TV series.
Voice acting is decent but otherwise, best to leave this one in the dust unless you're a die hard Gundam fan.
Run little sponge, run!
Yeah, not gonna lie. As a guy that enjoyed the previous two SpongeBob movie outings, I was not impressed with this one at all.
The animation is great, truly bringing the world of SpongeBob fully into the world of CG and the voice acting is decent as usual from the cast but in typical bad CG kids movie fashion, good animation and voice acting can only go so far especially when just about everything else is trite.
The story doesn't feel like it's taking SpongeBob to new territory, the villain was uninteresting and they soon start chucking flashback after flashback in your face to the point where it stops feeling a big movie adventure and more like a extended advert for that rubbish looking "Kamp Koral" spin-off nobody asked for.
What a disappointment, this was.
Fast and Furious Crossroads (2020)
A joke of a video game
Feels less like the real Fast and Furious movies and more like a crappy direct to video sequel... ya know... that kind of sequel with terrible acting or rather voice acting since this is a video game and some fundamentally stupid characters with wretched dialogue.
How the folks at Bandai-Namco and Universal gave this wolf in sheep's clothing a free pass is beyond me.
"Mystery loves company." the tagline of this movie shouts in glee but I beg to differ with this one.
The character design and animation may be true to the cartoon and real snappy but it's too bad that it's let down by everything else such as unfunny writing, weird characterisation, a loud and obnoxious tone and an also obnoxious, face punchingly uninteresting Blue Falcon complete with a weird sounding Shaggy to round off the package.
Dastardly and Muttley are the best thing about this romp but even they can't save Scoob from feeling very un-Scooby like.
And Warner would have gotten away with it too... if it wasn't for this meddling reviewer.
Worst Pikachu short ever!
Or at least it would have been had this not been the second part of the mini Ash/young Kukui story.
Ash's other mons head around the region to search for him and proceed to waste your time with unfunny jokes and nothing else but that.
Easily one of the lowest points of not just Sun & Moon but the entire show as a whole.
Weak introduction to Galar
What a pretty mediocre start to the Galar related stuff. When Ash seems to be more interested in food than actually seeing new Pokémon, you know you've kicked things off in the worst possible way.
A poor man's Bulbasaur and the Hidden Village...
Except if that episode was boring, soulless and contributed absolutely nothing worthwhile to the plot or characters whatsoever.
A complete waste of 22 minutes.
A rumbly tumbly disappointment
Winnie the Pooh decides to help his friends out during their birthdays by running back and fourth doing stuff for them.
And this is basically all you'll be doing throughout the entire meagre 2 to 3 hours that this game has to offer. Basically think of this game as the world's longest fetch quest, except not fun at all and a total downgrade from the Piglet game.
Disappointing stuff which is something that should never be said about something Pooh related but alas, it is what it is.
Worms Forts: Under Siege! (2004)
The weakest offering from the pink creatures
Interesting concept switching out the usual worms team battling each other for battles involving forts...
shame the game fails at everything else with a pace so slow and dull that by the time the game finally does get going it just isn't fun to play and a god-awful frame rate to boot.
I'll just stick to classic old Worms, thank you very much.
More sea scape capers a plenty
Although not as good as Battle for Bikini Bottom and also being surprisingly challenging towards the very end, that still doesn't stop The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie from still being an enjoyable enough game if you're looking for more thrills and spills with SpongeBob and the platforming genre.
It's just another typical anime fighter...
And it's not a very fun one either which is a real darn shame given the source material we're dealing with.
Could have been all out insane fun that went nuts but nope, Bandai-Namco just chose to go the safe route... again... because they haven't done this a billion times already.
Wonder Park (2019)
Could have been a fun animated adventure but instead by the time the credits roll, it exposes itself for what it truly is...
A heinous piece of hyperactive crap featuring the most unlikable characters I've seen in animation history.
Ni no kuni (2019)
A right royal mess
Ni no Kuni (the movie) could and should have stood up well as a perfect companion piece to the two RPG video games but instead reveals itself to be a right royal mess of a movie that feels more like a parody rather than the real thing.
Even the English dub hammers this down even further complete with some of the most embarrassing and cringe-worthy uses of English accents I've seen killing any chances of a good performance (Max Mittelman is the only one who comes out completely unscathed but that's because he's the only one who was directed without having to do the accent).
A Bizarro-world nightmare come true
It's okay people, it's not like we needed eyesight to see this catastrophe unfold anyway.
Poketto monsutâ: Pikachu is Born! (2019)
Mediocre start to the series
Avast! At long last, the untold story of how Ash's Pikachu was like when it was just a baby Pichu is finally revealed aaannnd...
it revealed to us absolutely nothing that we didn't already know about Pikachu, inexcusably skipped the more interesting parts such as how Pikachu came to dislike being in a Poke-Ball and how Oak even got it and wasted half of the episode to Go and Koharu.
Very disappointing start to the series, even more so when you realise the same person who wrote A Silent Voice worked on this episode.
SpongeBob's Truth or Square (2009)
A disappointing fluff fare
Heavy Iron Studios' third and final round with the little yellow sponge is easily their most disappointing one of the trio.
While it is better than the massive pile of poop that is the TV special which this game shares the title of and was also released around the same time, Truth or Square also proves that it does not share any of the same charm or fun that both Battle for Bikini Bottom and The Movie games provided which is a real darn crying shame considering just how good they were.
What happened here Heavy Iron? As a certain Star Wars would say "You were the chosen one!"
At least the controls were decent.
Kingdom Hearts Re:coded (2010)
The most forgettable Kingdom Hearts adventure yet...
Jiminy Cricket is in a bit of panic. You see, his journal has a strange message ("Thank Namine") in it and the ol geezer is swearing he didn't write it so Mickey and his batch of chums gather round the table to check it out but WHOOPSIE, looks like the book is filled with bugs and glitches up the wazoo. So they create a digital version of Sora to help clear up the mess and maybe find out who's causing the problem.
If you can't already tell from the plot alone, then this is indeed the most dullest the franchise has ever been in terms of story and content wise, it follows the same route as well containing many of the same Disney worlds we've already trekked through about a gazillion times. Wonderland, Agrabah, Olympus... You've seen them all, you've heard them all and I'd be damned surprised if you don't have any of the themes drilled into your brain.
Not to mention the main characters aren't the same ones we've been following with since Day One and while Data Sora and Riku do have some nice moments here and there, it's quite frankly hard to get invested in just about everything else.
The game itself ain't anything to write home about either. The gameplay sees the Command Deck from Birth by Sleep making it's elegant return like it's Cinderella riding a coach and the game throws in some randomly generated rooms that make up a pretty big bulk of the game. Shame then that said rooms get tiring after a while because everything there is same old, same old.
Much like the whole of Re:Coded then. The whole thing feels like a retread of a retread, the story is guff and there's really not that much to keep you coming back.
Not the franchise's finest.
Good clean Keyblade hitting fun
What's more fun than having one HD collection?
Why, bringing both HD collections together of course.
Combining both the 1.5 and 2.5 collections, this is easily one of the best value for money compilations you can get containing most of the Kingdom Hearts games (or some games because the DS ones have been relagated to cutscene movies) on a single disc.
The glory of Kingdom Hearts, the card based antics of Chain of Memories, the majesty of II and the tales of Birth By Sleep are all present and correct and Square-Enix have done a superb job of remastering and updating these games for the consoles.
And of course there's also the cinematic films for 358:2 Days and Re:Coded.
Sure, not everything on the set is an instant win but for the massive amount of content that this set is filled to the brim with, I'd say it's still worth the price of admission.
So many "Oh's", so many "ah's" and so many "Aaah's" Are said in this poorly animated mess of a film you'd swear that the script was written by a robot who constantly loves to say stuff like that.
How Mark Hamill and the other talanted VA's got involved in something like this still remains a mystery.
Felix the Cat: The Movie (1988)
"Boy you could use a map? Ah ha ha ha ha."
That quote right there, that quote easily tells you right there that Felix The Cat is a downright insane person that would look fine at a local Asylum.
Come to think of it, so does this film too. It constantly strangles itself like a crappy Poundland Bart Simpson knockoff and shoves so much weird and trippy imagery down our eyelids and our throats that there is literally, and I mean LITERALLY, no room to breathe for an actual story.
Or actual characters too.
Felix The Cat: The Movie is an 82 minute hellhole, hold on, what am I even saying lads, this is not a film, this is an exercise in constant unbearableness. An exercise even someone like Winnie The Pooh would give up after 4 seconds.
I, one of the few poor unfortunate souls (Disney reverencing aside) actually had this sucker on DVD. And even as a young lad I thought, watching Superman watching The Three Stooges watching Laurel and Hardy watching paint dry would have been more enjoyable than this.
Literally right at the start, the film throws you out of your comfy sofa with noise. "Oh the noise! Noise! Noise!" The Grinch basically summed the film up there.
The film never once SHUTS UP, once one character's talked, then another talks and random sound effects are put here and there. It's as if everyone part of the production thought "Oh no! The film's gonna be crap if it's quiet! Oh my! The kiddie winks will get bored if we don't give em noise!" and they ran around the studio shouting and yelling and thought "Yeah, that would make a good film."
No, it didn't lads. No, it bladdy well didn't.
Also I think this must be the first animated film where you'll want everyone dead within under 4 seconds...
The incredibly irritating and rather psychopathic Felix who could make even Hannibal Lecter cry in his sleep.
The two random guys who want his bag.
The unbelievably retarded princess who actually withdrew her army at the start despite the fact she KNOWS she needed them. (What a dumbarse.)
There is literally not one single human being or animal to root for here, you'll want to literally blow up the dreaded place.
Oh yes and what about the abysmal animation that looks rushed, unfinished and probably has tons of errors?
To those saying it looks like a Saturday morning cartoon, trust me, it wouldn't even look good as a Saturday morning cartoon. Even those choppy 70's cartoons look better than this.
Voice acting is unbelievably grating. I actually came out with a massive headache shortly afterwards. (I'll take all those bad things I said about you back Scaredy Squirrel, you ain't as grating as these miserable lot here.) There's not even a famous person(unless you count Alice Playten from Ridley Scott's Legend and the Disney version of Doug). Not to mention it hardly even matches the chuffin lip synch and in some parts it's so bloody loud you can't even understand what they're saying. Christ el mundo, was all this sound editing done by a one year old? Even then they would have done better.
Felix The Cat: The Movie is an unbearable psychedelic trip that not only hurts the eyes but blows up the ears as if it's some crappy Michael Bay film. Even as a drug it still wouldn't be fun in the slightest.
Everything grates on your nerves within 1 second and it completely spits on the legacy of this beloved character.
Easily one of the worst animated films ever made and a horrible experience I never want to revisit again.
Now run away children, run as fast as you can and never look back at this damn thing.
Ahhh, bad animated films. We love these kinds of flicks don't we? We love moaning about the annoying characters that we want to bash their brains out, we laugh at the rushed and cheap animation and we cringe at the crappy songs that won't make any of the Disney songwriters cry in their sleep.
Now with this little beauty here called The Magic Voyage, you have to take it with a magic pinch of salt.
You can either call it a horrible horrible film that has no redeeming qualities and is just annoying to watch, or you can go the extra mile and call it a bad film but still unbelievably funny to watch.
Guess which path I'm taking Sherlocks? Yep, that's right, the second path because I found the Magic Voyage to be a hysterical piece of animated trash from our good ol friends in Germany.
Now I can sort of see what they were going for here, they wanted to give Disney a good run for their money and try to make an animated film. They tried but they more or less failed on all accounts.
The animation here is unbelievably bad, like Paddy The Pelican levels of awfulness. This kind of thing would feel more right at home on 70's Saturday Morning TV with some other "classics" like all those toons focusing on those popular stars.
Oh yes you're also in for a treat, because like it's little brother Felix The Cat, half of the dialogue doesn't even match with the lips. Great fun for all, you could take a shot each time they make this error.
Voice acting is pretty bad, not like Felix though but still bad nonetheless. Look Mr DeLuise, I love you man but you just wasn't right for the role of Christopher Columbus and the less said about that wood character thingy the better.
Are you a person who loves history? Too bad, better look elsewhere because this is also packed with tons of historical accuracy, it goes completely off the walls and makes even Pocahontas look even more accurate by comparison.
Oh yes and this film doesn't know when to take a quick breathe just like Felix, so it's pretty loud half the time. I'm pretty sure, if this film was a real person, it would be dead in under 10 minutes or so.
Magic Voyage was hysterically bad and incredibly funny to watch. It's basically a trainwreck that is so big you can't help but just watch it anyway. A gigantic failure for all involved and pushes animation back 80 million years. (Hold on, did animation even exist back then? Beats me.) Right, I'm off to make my own historically inaccurate animated film. Byyyeeee.
Not as bad as many people say it is
Well, now that I've got that travesty known as Thomas & The Tragic Failroad out of the way, I've decided I might as well review all the direct to DVD specials that came out afterwards starting with Calling All Engines, the first of these many specials to be released.
And while a lot of people have thrown mouldy bananas, broken TV's, basically everything but the kitchen sink at this special, and given it a lot of crap, I actually found this to be not as bad as many fans has said it is.
Yes, I do agree it's odd to see Diesel 10 be nice and yes there was no need to put those educational segments in (A lesson which HIT thankfully learned afterwards), but this was a good special. Obviously it's not meant to be taken as a classic like say Citizen Kane (yes that does sound retarded) but it's a neat little special with a decent enough story.
Diesel 10 and Lady are in this but thankfully are given much smaller roles. (Still weird to see Diesel 10 being friendly though, it's like WHA?) And there were a couple of funny moments here and there. The model work is good for what it is, nothing groundbreaking but still done nice and the narration by (everybody's favourite or at that's what I think he is, yes hit me with a frying pan already) Michael Angelis is good.
So yes, don't have too much to say about Calling All Engines. Certainly isn't the best special but it's a fine way to burn 60 minutes of your time off.
Really fun special
Oh ho ho ho, before you ask why do you sound like Santa I'm doing that because this special, the second one released, was so damn fun to watch. And this is a special based on a kid's show...
So in this one Thomas finds the long lost town of Great Waterton and everyone tries to restore it to it's former glory. Then Stanley walks into his life and oh dear, Thomas starts thinking everyone likes Stanley more than him. So he runs off at nights but silly Thomas, he ends up falling inside a deep mine and goes missing.
If there's one word to call this special then right from the get go, that would be...
There's some really darn good moments here from the bridge collapsing to Thomas ending up in the mine. (You see that, Magic Railroad, ya see that? That is what you should have done instead of giving us a mopey looking Peter Fonda.) The story here is much better than Calling All Engines and BAH DA DA DAAAAAA, for the first and probably only time (unless HIT ever plans something like this again) we got a star narrator, in this case 007 himself Pierce Brosnan who does well with the material.
Oh yes and putting the absolutely overblown WELCOME STANLEY! meme aside, Stanley was a fairly interesting character. Crying shame he's hardly seen if you ask me.
What a fun special this was and a perfect sendoff for the models. Sadly though even with the latest CG technology the specials kinda went downhill for a bit as we'll see next with Hero Of The Rails...
Ice Age: Collision Course (2016)
Time to put this franchise on ice forever!
Original is not a word that comes to mind when watching the fifth (yes FIFTH) entry in this tired, worn, quite frankly burned out franchise.
What does come to mind however is the fact this franchise has gone on for far too long.
If you can't come up with any original ideas and you have to scrap the deepest barrel for the most unoriginal idea as possible, it's time to go.
If you can't keep your characters fresh and funny and make them more boring, dull and annoying to watch, it's time to go.
If you're out of jokes to use and you pull some random rabbit out of a hat and it's a rabbit that says "Think of some really bad jokes mate.", it's time to go.
If you have 4 (yes, I do mean 4) writers and not one of them can give any good dialogue out, it's time to go.
And when a franchise that is constantly dead in the water is still going like THIS, it's time to go.
I don't care if these films still make money, Fox, it's time to put this franchise on ice forever!