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Compiled by me so you don't have to.
Also includes Surprising VA's and The 12 Days of Voicemas entries.
"Mystery loves company." the tagline of this movie shouts in glee but I beg to differ with this one.
The character design and animation may be true to the cartoon and real snappy but it's too bad that it's let down by everything else such as unfunny writing, weird characterisation, a loud and obnoxious tone and an also obnoxious, face punchingly uninteresting Blue Falcon complete with a weird sounding Shaggy to round off the package.
Dastardly and Muttley are the best thing about this romp but even they can't save Scoob from feeling very un-Scooby like.
And Warner would have gotten away with it too... if it wasn't for this meddling reviewer.
Worst Pikachu short ever!
Or at least it would have been had this not been the second part of the mini Ash/young Kukui story.
Ash's other mons head around the region to search for him and proceed to waste your time with unfunny jokes and nothing else but that.
Easily one of the lowest points of not just Sun & Moon but the entire show as a whole.
Weak introduction to Galar
What a pretty mediocre start to the Galar related stuff. When Ash seems to be more interested in food than actually seeing new Pokémon, you know you've kicked things off in the worst possible way.
A poor man's Bulbasaur and the Hidden Village...
Except if that episode was boring, soulless and contributed absolutely nothing worthwhile to the plot or characters whatsoever.
A complete waste of 22 minutes.
A rumbly tumbly disappointment
Winnie the Pooh decides to help his friends out during their birthdays by running back and fourth doing stuff for them.
And this is basically all you'll be doing throughout the entire meagre 2 to 3 hours that this game has to offer. Basically think of this game as the world's longest fetch quest, except not fun at all and a total downgrade from the Piglet game.
Disappointing stuff which is something that should never be said about something Pooh related but alas, it is what it is.
Worms Forts: Under Siege! (2004)
The weakest offering from the pink creatures
Interesting concept switching out the usual worms team battling each other for battles involving forts...
shame the game fails at everything else with a pace so slow and dull that by the time the game finally does get going it just isn't fun to play and a god-awful frame rate to boot.
I'll just stick to classic old Worms, thank you very much.
More sea scape capers a plenty
Although not as good as Battle for Bikini Bottom and also being surprisingly challenging towards the very end, that still doesn't stop The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie from still being an enjoyable enough game if you're looking for more thrills and spills with SpongeBob and the platforming genre.
It's just another typical anime fighter...
And it's not a very fun one either which is a real darn shame given the source material we're dealing with.
Could have been all out insane fun that went nuts but nope, Bandai-Namco just chose to go the safe route... again... because they haven't done this a billion times already.
Wonder Park (2019)
Could have been a fun animated adventure but instead by the time the credits roll, it exposes itself for what it truly is...
A heinous piece of hyperactive crap featuring the most unlikable characters I've seen in animation history.
Ni no Kuni (2019)
A right royal mess
Ni no Kuni (the movie) could and should have stood up well as a perfect companion piece to the two RPG video games but instead reveals itself to be a right royal mess of a movie that feels more like a parody rather than the real thing.
Even the English dub hammers this down even further complete with some of the most embarrassing and cringe-worthy uses of English accents I've seen killing any chances of a good performance (Max Mittelman is the only one who comes out completely unscathed but that's because he's the only one who was directed without having to do the accent).
A Bizarro-world nightmare come true
It's okay people, it's not like we needed eyesight to see this catastrophe unfold anyway.
Poketto monsutâ: Pikachu is Born! (2019)
Mediocre start to the series
Avast! At long last, the untold story of how Ash's Pikachu was like when it was just a baby Pichu is finally revealed aaannnd...
it revealed to us absolutely nothing that we didn't already know about Pikachu, inexcusably skipped the more interesting parts such as how Pikachu came to dislike being in a Poke-Ball and how Oak even got it and wasted half of the episode to Go and Koharu.
Very disappointing start to the series, even more so when you realise the same person who wrote A Silent Voice worked on this episode.
SpongeBob's Truth or Square (2009)
A disappointing fluff fare
Heavy Iron Studios' third and final round with the little yellow sponge is easily their most disappointing one of the trio.
While it is better than the massive pile of poop that is the TV special which this game shares the title of and was also released around the same time, Truth or Square also proves that it does not share any of the same charm or fun that both Battle for Bikini Bottom and The Movie games provided which is a real darn crying shame considering just how good they were.
What happened here Heavy Iron? As a certain Star Wars would say "You were the chosen one!"
At least the controls were decent.
Kingdom Hearts Re:coded (2010)
The most forgettable Kingdom Hearts adventure yet...
Jiminy Cricket is in a bit of panic. You see, his journal has a strange message ("Thank Namine") in it and the ol geezer is swearing he didn't write it so Mickey and his batch of chums gather round the table to check it out but WHOOPSIE, looks like the book is filled with bugs and glitches up the wazoo. So they create a digital version of Sora to help clear up the mess and maybe find out who's causing the problem.
If you can't already tell from the plot alone, then this is indeed the most dullest the franchise has ever been in terms of story and content wise, it follows the same route as well containing many of the same Disney worlds we've already trekked through about a gazillion times. Wonderland, Agrabah, Olympus... You've seen them all, you've heard them all and I'd be damned surprised if you don't have any of the themes drilled into your brain.
Not to mention the main characters aren't the same ones we've been following with since Day One and while Data Sora and Riku do have some nice moments here and there, it's quite frankly hard to get invested in just about everything else.
The game itself ain't anything to write home about either. The gameplay sees the Command Deck from Birth by Sleep making it's elegant return like it's Cinderella riding a coach and the game throws in some randomly generated rooms that make up a pretty big bulk of the game. Shame then that said rooms get tiring after a while because everything there is same old, same old.
Much like the whole of Re:Coded then. The whole thing feels like a retread of a retread, the story is guff and there's really not that much to keep you coming back.
Not the franchise's finest.
Good clean Keyblade hitting fun
What's more fun than having one HD collection?
Why, bringing both HD collections together of course.
Combining both the 1.5 and 2.5 collections, this is easily one of the best value for money compilations you can get containing most of the Kingdom Hearts games (or some games because the DS ones have been relagated to cutscene movies) on a single disc.
The glory of Kingdom Hearts, the card based antics of Chain of Memories, the majesty of II and the tales of Birth By Sleep are all present and correct and Square-Enix have done a superb job of remastering and updating these games for the consoles.
And of course there's also the cinematic films for 358:2 Days and Re:Coded.
Sure, not everything on the set is an instant win but for the massive amount of content that this set is filled to the brim with, I'd say it's still worth the price of admission.
So many "Oh's", so many "ah's" and so many "Aaah's" Are said in this poorly animated mess of a film you'd swear that the script was written by a robot who constantly loves to say stuff like that.
How Mark Hamill and the other talanted VA's got involved in something like this still remains a mystery.
Felix the Cat: The Movie (1988)
"Boy you could use a map? Ah ha ha ha ha."
That quote right there, that quote easily tells you right there that Felix The Cat is a downright insane person that would look fine at a local Asylum.
Come to think of it, so does this film too. It constantly strangles itself like a crappy Poundland Bart Simpson knockoff and shoves so much weird and trippy imagery down our eyelids and our throats that there is literally, and I mean LITERALLY, no room to breathe for an actual story.
Or actual characters too.
Felix The Cat: The Movie is an 82 minute hellhole, hold on, what am I even saying lads, this is not a film, this is an exercise in constant unbearableness. An exercise even someone like Winnie The Pooh would give up after 4 seconds.
I, one of the few poor unfortunate souls (Disney reverencing aside) actually had this sucker on DVD. And even as a young lad I thought, watching Superman watching The Three Stooges watching Laurel and Hardy watching paint dry would have been more enjoyable than this.
Literally right at the start, the film throws you out of your comfy sofa with noise. "Oh the noise! Noise! Noise!" The Grinch basically summed the film up there.
The film never once SHUTS UP, once one character's talked, then another talks and random sound effects are put here and there. It's as if everyone part of the production thought "Oh no! The film's gonna be crap if it's quiet! Oh my! The kiddie winks will get bored if we don't give em noise!" and they ran around the studio shouting and yelling and thought "Yeah, that would make a good film."
No, it didn't lads. No, it bladdy well didn't.
Also I think this must be the first animated film where you'll want everyone dead within under 4 seconds...
The incredibly irritating and rather psychopathic Felix who could make even Hannibal Lecter cry in his sleep.
The two random guys who want his bag.
The unbelievably retarded princess who actually withdrew her army at the start despite the fact she KNOWS she needed them. (What a dumbarse.)
There is literally not one single human being or animal to root for here, you'll want to literally blow up the dreaded place.
Oh yes and what about the abysmal animation that looks rushed, unfinished and probably has tons of errors?
To those saying it looks like a Saturday morning cartoon, trust me, it wouldn't even look good as a Saturday morning cartoon. Even those choppy 70's cartoons look better than this.
Voice acting is unbelievably grating. I actually came out with a massive headache shortly afterwards. (I'll take all those bad things I said about you back Scaredy Squirrel, you ain't as grating as these miserable lot here.) There's not even a famous person(unless you count Alice Playten from Ridley Scott's Legend and the Disney version of Doug). Not to mention it hardly even matches the chuffin lip synch and in some parts it's so bloody loud you can't even understand what they're saying. Christ el mundo, was all this sound editing done by a one year old? Even then they would have done better.
Felix The Cat: The Movie is an unbearable psychedelic trip that not only hurts the eyes but blows up the ears as if it's some crappy Michael Bay film. Even as a drug it still wouldn't be fun in the slightest.
Everything grates on your nerves within 1 second and it completely spits on the legacy of this beloved character.
Easily one of the worst animated films ever made and a horrible experience I never want to revisit again.
Now run away children, run as fast as you can and never look back at this damn thing.
Ahhh, bad animated films. We love these kinds of flicks don't we? We love moaning about the annoying characters that we want to bash their brains out, we laugh at the rushed and cheap animation and we cringe at the crappy songs that won't make any of the Disney songwriters cry in their sleep.
Now with this little beauty here called The Magic Voyage, you have to take it with a magic pinch of salt.
You can either call it a horrible horrible film that has no redeeming qualities and is just annoying to watch, or you can go the extra mile and call it a bad film but still unbelievably funny to watch.
Guess which path I'm taking Sherlocks? Yep, that's right, the second path because I found the Magic Voyage to be a hysterical piece of animated trash from our good ol friends in Germany.
Now I can sort of see what they were going for here, they wanted to give Disney a good run for their money and try to make an animated film. They tried but they more or less failed on all accounts.
The animation here is unbelievably bad, like Paddy The Pelican levels of awfulness. This kind of thing would feel more right at home on 70's Saturday Morning TV with some other "classics" like all those toons focusing on those popular stars.
Oh yes you're also in for a treat, because like it's little brother Felix The Cat, half of the dialogue doesn't even match with the lips. Great fun for all, you could take a shot each time they make this error.
Voice acting is pretty bad, not like Felix though but still bad nonetheless. Look Mr DeLuise, I love you man but you just wasn't right for the role of Christopher Columbus and the less said about that wood character thingy the better.
Are you a person who loves history? Too bad, better look elsewhere because this is also packed with tons of historical accuracy, it goes completely off the walls and makes even Pocahontas look even more accurate by comparison.
Oh yes and this film doesn't know when to take a quick breathe just like Felix, so it's pretty loud half the time. I'm pretty sure, if this film was a real person, it would be dead in under 10 minutes or so.
Magic Voyage was hysterically bad and incredibly funny to watch. It's basically a trainwreck that is so big you can't help but just watch it anyway. A gigantic failure for all involved and pushes animation back 80 million years. (Hold on, did animation even exist back then? Beats me.) Right, I'm off to make my own historically inaccurate animated film. Byyyeeee.
Not as bad as many people say it is
Well, now that I've got that travesty known as Thomas & The Tragic Failroad out of the way, I've decided I might as well review all the direct to DVD specials that came out afterwards starting with Calling All Engines, the first of these many specials to be released.
And while a lot of people have thrown mouldy bananas, broken TV's, basically everything but the kitchen sink at this special, and given it a lot of crap, I actually found this to be not as bad as many fans has said it is.
Yes, I do agree it's odd to see Diesel 10 be nice and yes there was no need to put those educational segments in (A lesson which HIT thankfully learned afterwards), but this was a good special. Obviously it's not meant to be taken as a classic like say Citizen Kane (yes that does sound retarded) but it's a neat little special with a decent enough story.
Diesel 10 and Lady are in this but thankfully are given much smaller roles. (Still weird to see Diesel 10 being friendly though, it's like WHA?) And there were a couple of funny moments here and there. The model work is good for what it is, nothing groundbreaking but still done nice and the narration by (everybody's favourite or at that's what I think he is, yes hit me with a frying pan already) Michael Angelis is good.
So yes, don't have too much to say about Calling All Engines. Certainly isn't the best special but it's a fine way to burn 60 minutes of your time off.
Really fun special
Oh ho ho ho, before you ask why do you sound like Santa I'm doing that because this special, the second one released, was so damn fun to watch. And this is a special based on a kid's show...
So in this one Thomas finds the long lost town of Great Waterton and everyone tries to restore it to it's former glory. Then Stanley walks into his life and oh dear, Thomas starts thinking everyone likes Stanley more than him. So he runs off at nights but silly Thomas, he ends up falling inside a deep mine and goes missing.
If there's one word to call this special then right from the get go, that would be...
There's some really darn good moments here from the bridge collapsing to Thomas ending up in the mine. (You see that, Magic Railroad, ya see that? That is what you should have done instead of giving us a mopey looking Peter Fonda.) The story here is much better than Calling All Engines and BAH DA DA DAAAAAA, for the first and probably only time (unless HIT ever plans something like this again) we got a star narrator, in this case 007 himself Pierce Brosnan who does well with the material.
Oh yes and putting the absolutely overblown WELCOME STANLEY! meme aside, Stanley was a fairly interesting character. Crying shame he's hardly seen if you ask me.
What a fun special this was and a perfect sendoff for the models. Sadly though even with the latest CG technology the specials kinda went downhill for a bit as we'll see next with Hero Of The Rails...
Ice Age: Collision Course (2016)
Time to put this franchise on ice forever!
Original is not a word that comes to mind when watching the fifth (yes FIFTH) entry in this tired, worn, quite frankly burned out franchise.
What does come to mind however is the fact this franchise has gone on for far too long.
If you can't come up with any original ideas and you have to scrap the deepest barrel for the most unoriginal idea as possible, it's time to go.
If you can't keep your characters fresh and funny and make them more boring, dull and annoying to watch, it's time to go.
If you're out of jokes to use and you pull some random rabbit out of a hat and it's a rabbit that says "Think of some really bad jokes mate.", it's time to go.
If you have 4 (yes, I do mean 4) writers and not one of them can give any good dialogue out, it's time to go.
And when a franchise that is constantly dead in the water is still going like THIS, it's time to go.
I don't care if these films still make money, Fox, it's time to put this franchise on ice forever!
Poketto monsutâ (1997)
Best Pokemon series in ages, trust me
NOTE: So I was here to make my daily visit to do another reviews when I noticed to my surprise that the XY series seems to not have got a lot of good reviews with people saying the new characters are annoying, nothing has changed, to even one person hating the show just because it's not got any creatures from Diamond & Pearl. Bloody hell guys, what did you expect? It's goddamn Pokémon for crying out loud, either bugger off and stop wasting our loyal time or stop watching the show.
Sorry about that anyways, I'm more or less here to quickly say that XY to me is possibly the best Pokémon series of all time. Honestly we loyal Poke fans needed a more refreshing series after the disastrous and not very fun at all trainwreck that was Black & White and this series delivered on every level.
The characters are charming, Serena one of the finest Poke girls to come since I don't know, Dawn from D&P, Bonnie quite a funny characters that made me laugh my socks off and Clemont a really interesting character.
Not to mention Ash being the most confident he's ever been in the franchise.
Other characters are great with Professor Sycamore being my favourite Professor of all time and Alain one of my all time favourites and most of Ash's rivals were good too. (Did feel sorry for Trevor though, got knocked out of the league pretty early.) Team Flare are HANDS DOWN (and I do mean that) better here than in the games. Little old me felt their plan, their motivations were more developed and done better than in the games. Lysandre truly was a mastermind and he was pretty damn menacing to say the least.
The animation is truly brilliant with episodes like the battle against Olympia, Kalos League battle against Sawyer and the finale of the Team Flare arc some of the highlights.
And voice-acting from both English and Japanese sides were great (do have to admit, not too much of a fan of the dub's music though).
So overall, XY is probably hands down the best Pokémon series of all time.
There, I said it. Just don't throw tomatoes or broken TV's at me though because it's not gonna change my opinion.
Highlander: The Source (2007)
Highlander: The Sickening
"There can only be one." muttered Christopher Lambert, ready to knock Sean Connery into eight million pieces.
And quite frankly as many people can agree, there should have only been one.
But unfortunately Hollywood always sees dollar signs in it's eyes and so that's why it's been running around like some cheapo Hanna-Barbera knock off and throwing all these so called "sequels" to the cult classic in our silly little faces.
Many people run up to the hills and shout the second is the worst one of all. Others walk to the forest and laugh at the sheer cheapness of Endgame. And a few others choke up when The Final Dimension is mentioned. (Hey that rhymes but you won't give a crap.)
But this miserable, this really really shoddy and miserable excuse for a sequel also cuts the mustard. In fact it doesn't just cut the mustard, it causes the mustard to explode onto the floor, making a gigantic mess of everything.
That also explains the film's plot. It is quite frankly a gigantic mess, it honestly feels like the writers were running all over the place to find the most silliest plot devices as possible.
Here's the deal matey, Duncan and a bunch of other no-ones must find something called "The Source." What is it? Well I don't have a bladdy clue because no one can be bothered to go into any detail on what it is and what it does.
I hope you have a ton of beer and a couple of friends at the ready because this would surely make a fun drinking game. You all could take a drink and laugh out loud at all the childish Channel 5 level dialogue that the actors churn out of their mouths.
Also I'm sure there must have been some decent effects somewhere... because at this point I can't find them at all. Just some incredible amount of dodgyness. Dodgy CG, dodgy models, dodgy everything. Even everyone's hair feels dodgy and I'm pretty sure that's not what they were going for, trust me.
Every single one of the cast members looks bewildered by the silliness of it all, Adrian Paul looks like he walked out of a pub incredibly drunk and Jim Byrnes is crying on the inside of his brain, probably asking the producers could he leave so he can head back to Voice Acting Land? Everyone else is a bunch of unknowns and most of em can't act for toffee.
Also there is no such thing as "Direction" as not a single bit of it is to be found here. Then again I didn't expect much from Brett "I made that Lawnmower Man film where all the effects looked cool back then but are now unbelievably awful to look at" Leonard.
Final drill to your brain or your eyes or any part of the body is that it was done by the sheer mastermind of awfulness, Syfy. Ahhh yes, that channel that can do great programs and miniseries but can't make a film to save their lives. It's no wonder we keep getting cluttered with this kind of crap.
Davis and Panzer (the producers trying to keep this dead horse of a franchise alive) pretty much agreed with us all so the plug was pulled on the franchise and despite news of a remake coming soon, no one has attempted to make a sequel ever since.
Thank goodness for that, these sequels have been getting more sillier and sillier. It's like these films are actually a competition to see who can make the worst sequel. Mr Mulcahy still takes the cake with 2 but Mr Leonard ain't behind with this stinker.
Fun for aficionados of truly bad cinema, painful for everyone else.
Off to the scrapyard this film goes
Never in many a day have I ever seen a film so pitful, so awful, so gut bustingly bad, you would want to smash your TV up in anger and the sight of the dreadful thing.
That thing is Thomas & The Ma *Coughcough*, sorry about that, I seem to have drank the wrong bottle of Cola. Ahh yes, Thomas & The Tragic Failroad.
This should in no way under any circumstances be considered a film, instead it should be called a 90 minute patience test that would even make an avid fan of the franchise go bananas.
Is there anything good though? Well yes there sort of is, Hummie Mann's score was good for the most part and I liked the voice acting. Some were good (like Neil Crone as Thomas), some were painfully miscast (Susan Roman as James).
Still at least the voice actors put on better performances than any of the miserable, lifeless, so called human actors this film has to offer.
These are not actors, these are dead lifeless vessels we're staring at.
The one that really takes the cake is Peter Fonda, who is so awful in this film it's not even fun to watch.
He looks and sounds so bored and his line delivery is so stilted, you'll be thinking he got drunk.
How he didn't get a Razzie I'll never know?
I know mate, those glory days of Easy Rider are way behind ya pal.
Alec Baldwin's irritating as Mr Conductor and only Mara Wilson (in her sad final role) seems to be doing better but it's still not saying much.
On the other hand, the villain Diesel 10 is crap, not menacing in the slightest, he's about as scary as a cute plush bear at a toy store. He and his useless comedy sidekicks are just here to be your typical clichéd Hollywood villains who laugh... a lot.
Newcomer Lady is quite frankly dull as incredibly soggy dishwater, she's hardly in the film and when she does appear she STILL does nowt for most of her screen time! Talk about a useless pile of scrap if I've seen one.
Plot's an old of cobbles too and the dialogue is so cringe worthy, it's not even funny. It's just depressing to listen to.
It's so awful the train's mouths don't even move. It's like it's god damn ventriloquism!
So crappy plot, useless villain, useless new character, lifeless performances all around (except for the voice cast) and ear bleedingly bad dialogue. Yep, another film to add in my bad books.
I just love how everyone says that this should have gone straight-to-video.
Nah guys, you're putting it way too mildly there.
Straight-to-the nearest bin-where-it-should-never be seen again is a far more better option.
No wonder Britt Allcroft buggered off after the film died at the box office.
Now off to the scrapyard you go so I can never remember this film again.
It's certainly caused a lot of *Snigger* confusion and delay.
The Fat Controller certainly wouldn't approve. At least he ain't in it though.
Dirty Grandpa (2016)
Really unwatchable mess
Mr De Niro continues to flush those glorious days of Goodfellas and Raging Bull down the toilet with this...
quite possibly the most unwatchable comedy ever made which is a reason why I won't take long with this stinker.
There's all sorts of jokes for all the family, sex jokes, toilet jokes, fart jokes, molestation jokes, rape jokes, homophobic jokes.
Oooh, fun for all the family.
Meanwhile I'm sat here wondering, why the hell is Robert De Niro in this? Surely he should have learned by now and same goes to Zac Efron too.
Even a drink won't get you pass this one, trust me.