timb-50989 Reviews

Criminal Record (2024– )

Subtle & a bit different than most crime dramas out of the US

[8/10 · 26 January 2024]

As a US resident I've become used to a particular approach to the subject of racism in policing, perhaps more closely hewing to stories originating in the states versus in the UK where this show is set.

The characters and their situations are more nuanced then many I see in crime dramas. After 4 episodes I am still not completely certain of the motivations of one(of the two) major characters. I suspect there is more beneath the surface then is readily apparent, but I'm not certain, and I'm enjoying the (potential) shades of gray as they surface.

The acting is impressive and the script well written.

In summation, if your looking for a formulaic approach each episode you will probably be disappointed. Stereotypical characters, ditto.

I could still be let down by where the show leads, in which case I will come back and modify my score and this associated review, but for now I'm enjoying the ride.

Highlander (1992–1998)

"There Can Be Only one!" - Don't I wish.

[3/10 · 1 January 2024]

The origin for this series, as well as others, plus several films is 1986's "Highlander" a great bad film. I love it despite it's flaws, a guilty pleasure.

Everything else that has spawned from it has been average or worse, sometimes much worse. This series being a good example. With a handsome leading man and a wonderful, if flawed movie, for it's origin story, how could it fail?

Badly written, with a plotline stretched incredibly thin over six awful seasons there really wasn't enough for one season. The story is repetitive, shallow and laughingly simple.

The acting is general awful. It's often hard to tell whether the writing is so badly handled that it doesn't allow the actors to succeed or it is the actors who were simply not up to the task. I lean towards the former, but does it really matter? Either way it ends up being cringe worthy.

If you haven't seen it, watch the original movie. Then follow the movie's tagline as advice & stop there.

Beacon 23 (2023– )

Incoherent

[3/10 · 16 December 2023]

I gave it a 4 because they did spend some money on it but I'm probably being overly generous.

I kept trying to watch it hoping it would start to make sense, offer me a plot line that didn't cause me to laugh out loud, or just go completely off the rails(episode 4 was so idiotic and out there I'm done).

Please don't misunderstand me, this isn't "out there" like a great film like the original "Jacobs Ladder", nor like "Doctor Who"(through Tom Baker's rendition at least). In fact, despite the infinitesimal budgets I can honestly say even bad episodes of "Dr. Who" have a leg up on this.

It's not funny, it's too stupid to take seriously, and whoever wrote the screen edit needs to be fired(I'm hoping the original writers book was better than this, I mean it had to be). Sorry, one last thing, I'm dropping this to a 3.

End of Days (1999)

Arnold Schwarzenegger? Really?

[3/10 · 2 December 2023]

Let me start by saying I have nothing against Arnold Schwarzenegger(AS from here forward). I have greatly enjoyed several of his movies over the years. Predator, Terminator, even comedies like Twins, but..

Casting of roles is something I rarely bring up when considering films. I'm human despite what my X might tell you. There are performers I tend to like even in films I don't end up caring for and visa-versa. I can honestly say AS isn't among that group. I am truly neutral.

But I'll kill the suspense here, I have a hard time of thinking of a more poorly cast part. I hate it when people say they don't understand other peoples reviews as if that's a reason you shouldn't watch a film. I think to myself, "Self, just write a review that stands on it's own two legs!" which is why I waited this long to bring it up. Yeah, I'm going to break my own rule and do it. Maybe you'll agree, maybe you won't after ignoring me and watching the movie anyway.

Okay, you probably ask if you haven't already stopped reading why do you say that? Here is my deep intellectual response.

AS plays the lead role of a drunken, washed up former cop. Let me repeat & clarify that. Seven time former Mr. Universe is cast as a drunken, washed up former cop(w/ a strong Austrian accent). Now if you're thinking, you idiot(a common thought not just for my X), this is 22 years after "Pumping Iron", 15 years after the first "Terminator" film. He was probably a mess by then. Do yourself a favor, Google "End of Days - Promo Shot of Arnold Schwarzenegger". I'm assuming this was taken by the studios and they would have been conscious of what they were doing. Am I wrong?

Nobody had an issue w/ that? But AS was in his movie prime(I'm old enough to remember, my X doesn't let me forget that) and I can only assume Hollywood's biggest concern was who would draw the most butts into theater seats at the time, not whether AS was perfect for the role.

Finally, you might say to yourself, "Self, why is this shmuck posting such a one dimensional review? What about the story? What about the effects? The other actors? Etcetera?"? First, you're wrong, I brought up his accent too. But besides that it struck me as one of the most egregiously miscast roles I've ever come across, I could never get past it and decide whether I actually liked the movie. Not since someone decided it was a good idea to cast a certain actor who played Rambo, and will remain nameless, in a musical, at least, has such a casting injustice been done.

I hold no grudge if you feel the need to read other reviews to judge every other aspect of this film. It would be dishonest for me to judge it on aspects I completely missed.

If you do watch it, and get by the AS casting, I wish I could hear what you thought of the movie because I'm afraid I'll never truly know if it was good or not.

Creation of the Gods I: Kingdom of Storms (2023)

Huh?

[5/10 · 15 October 2023]

I wish I didn't have to leave a rating to post a review, because I really can't tell you how good or bad this movie is. Why? Because I don't speak the language and thus have to resort to close captioning. Normally that isn't a problem. I probably watch several movies with subtitles each year for just this reason. Sometimes they go buy a bit too quickly to make for a comfortable read. Occasionally they present color problems, i.e. White text in a film set primarily in the snow. But this is a rare and special case. Whoever/whatever did the translations did a really poor job, they simply don't make sense for a significant percentage of the film. How often? I would guess somewhere between 10 and 20% of the time.

If you can watch the film in the native language, other reviewers seem to enjoy it. If, like I, you were planning to use closed captioning, I recommend you find another film.

The Head Hunter (2018)

Fantasy version of Alien (sort of :-) )

[7/10 · 13 May 2019]

As the title suggests, I thought of the original Alien movie as horror in a sci-fi setting. Here it is horror in a fantasy setting.

It had a raw singular focus, tense, & driven feeling to it that perfectly fit the story line, a father's desire for vengeance for his daughters death. Nothing else exists, nothing else is of consequence. Simple, I guess so, but simplicity that is understandable.

A bit slow at moments, but not terrible. Of all movies, remarkably, this aspect reminded me of the slow moments in Das Boat, hours & days of boredom punctuated by near madness.

For those looking for dazzling special effects, look elsewhere. None the less I hardly missed them with one caveat, the heads(hopefully that isn't a spoiler considering the title) could have been a little larger, some seemed toy like vs. intimidating or fearsome. It seems like the cost difference would have been negligible. Minor complaint.

When I saw the budget(30K) I took a step back. It didn't feel that way to me. It had what it needed. Probably one of the better(best?) low budget movies I have seen in a while.

H.P. Lovecraft: Two Left Arms (2013)

Another terrible Lovecraft adaptation

[1/10 · 28 August 2018]

EDIT: Seeing some people were unsatisfied with my review I looked it over to see if I could improve it. But the language was such a problem for me I'm not sure what else I could say. If there were even a couple of other reviews I would take mine down and let them speak. But there aren't so I am thinking my review is better than none. Honestly the movie is so incomprehensible I probably shouldn't have tried, I suspect that is the main reason there are no other reviews to date. Also, I tend to grade on a bell curve, i.e. Few 1s or 10s. Off the top of my head I honestly can't remember ever giving a movie a 1 before. This was THAT bad. Sorry I couldn't do better folks.

*****

Half broken English, half Italian, and no subtitles. I had to turn on cc to even understand the English portion. Maybe this movie was made for the large bi-lingual Italian/American horror audience which I don't happen to be a part of. I can say that the English dialogue must have been written by someone with a very poor grasp of the language because even with closed captions I often couldn't make sense of it.

I'm starting to think being an avid reader of Lovecraft is a curse. I keep hoping I will someday find a Lovecraft movie, show, play, something, anything, that does justice to his writing. As best as I could tell (from what I could understand) this doesn't come close.

Do yourself a favor and avoid this at all costs. Use the time to read one of his stories instead.

PS - How the heck' critics gave this a 6 boggles my mind.