Malpaso13 Reviews

Unwelcome (2022)

Oh Boy

[3/10 · 28 June 2023]

Your enjoyment of this film will depend on a few factors.

Warning: the husband's character in this movie is infuriatingly weak, submissive, and stupid. The way this guy was written acted really blew it for me. It was wayyy too hard to root for him and I can't understand how this strong woman would suffer this fool. If you can get past THAT, there are a few fun moments.

Also, all the baddies are written over the top like a "Straw Dogs" parody, and way too ridiculous to take seriously. It kind of vacillates between folk horror and comedy horror, and straight-up horror. The dog is great, and it takes too long for the "horror to set in--they must've shot on a very low budget because the Red Caps are barely in it. They're quite entertaining.

The Wretched (2019)

Tonally, All Over the Place. Not Scary.

[3/10 · 1 August 2022]

At first, this plays a little like "Disturbia," then it gets needlessly graphic in some spots (if you like animals. I suggest you skip this one), and finally it borrows directly from "Evil Dead" and well, I know "Evil Dead," "Evil Dead" is a friend of mine, and this is not "Evil Dead." I guess my biggest criticism is that it's not scary at all and goes for cheap jumps and videos of people gutting deer for effect, and has a predictable, silly ending. Meh.

Disney's Magic Bake-Off (2021)

The Hosts want to be the Show

[4/10 · 28 August 2021]

It's a nice concept, the judges and contestants are fine...but the two hosts ham it up a little too much. The show is not about you, it's about the game and the contestants.

Fear Street: Part One - 1994 (2021)

Derivative and Boring

[4/10 · 3 July 2021]

The opening was solid. This is obviously an homage to "Scream" but they took the wrong route and emulated the typical 90's slashers with unlikeable characters and silly plot holes...only, there's usually someone to root for. Not here. "Hero" Deena is extremely unlikable and the actress who plays her resorts to vocal fry in serious moments. Oy. Maya Hawke was the best part of this movie and she was in it for all of 2 minutes.

The Norliss Tapes (1973 TV Movie)

Heavy on Dialogue, Light on Scares

[5/10 · 8 February 2021]

I'd not seen this telefilm, but heard a lot about it. A pilot for a proposed series that was never picked up by the network. Produced and directed by Dan Curtis, I'd put this in the lower tier of his TV work.

I've seen reviewers say it's on par with "The Night Stalker," but I'd have to disagree. The plot isn't as lean, the performances and direction, not in the same league. And for a 71 minute movie, it drags--while "The Night Stalker" crackles with energy and is fast-paced.

The main problem in the comparison here is Thinnes vs. McGavin. McGavin is a charming, versatile actor, a deft comedian who could play anything. Thinnes is monotone throughout the movie, and frankly, the "bad guy" his character faces off with is much less engaging and terrifying as Janos Skorzeny. That does Roy no favors.

If you've not seen either this or "The Night Stalker," watch "The Norliss Tapes" first. Then enjoy McGavin in the most-watched TV movie ever made (at that time, and long after) and see why one was given a sequel and a series order, and the other was left in the dust bin.

In Search of Darkness (2019)

I liked it

[7/10 · 10 August 2020]

While I would've liked 3 hours on "Evil Dead 2" alone, this was the "popcorn flick" of horror documentaries. You're not going to learn anything new, and it's pretty surface-level overall, but it's a nice visit back to the 80's.

Hammer House of Horror (1980)

Eh, I appreciate the effort

[5/10 · 2 July 2020]

Was really looking forward to this finally, but was a little disappointed. The stories themselves rely on tired horror tropes that are all too predictable. The results are some small thrills, gore, incoherent plots, and a whole lotta cheese. From evil little kids, naive parents, and the fact that every time you see a pet you know it's a goner--well, the actors are good, and one episode featuring Peter Cushing and a young Brian Cox is a standout. Go in with measured expectations and you should be fine.

The Night Sitter (2018)

Eh...not so much

[3/10 · 26 May 2020]

The setup wasn't bad but the execution left a lot to be desired. Outside of the leads (babysitter and the kid) performances range from hammy to amateurish, the script is a mess, and there's not a scare to be found. Maybe earned a four stars but the needless, cliched dog kill means it loses one star.

Revenge (II) (2017)

Great payback thriller

[9/10 · 21 February 2020]

I'm not sure why some reviewers are complaining about this film being "unrealistic," 90% of horror is unrealistic. This is a satisfying film of revenge anchored by a fanatastic performance by the lead actress. It's thrilling, disturbing, shocking, and most of all, entertaining and extremely satisfying. This is not docudrama people.

Nightmare Cinema (2018)

Ooof. What a waste of talent

[3/10 · 19 February 2020]

Disjointed, fright-free, head-scratching experience. With so many talented people involved, it's hard to figure how this turned out so bad. A mess IMO. If you liked it, happy for you. Me, not so much.

The Movies That Made Us (2019–2021)

The Narration Killed it for Me

[5/10 · 1 December 2019]

Fun concept and the content was pretty good (although there are no surprises for hard core movie fans), but the narrator was extremely grating so I had to turn it off 10 minutes in to the "Ghostbusters" episode. It's probably just me but that's a deal breaker.

Rendez-Vous (2015)

A Bit of a Waste

[2/10 · 14 March 2019]

This film is photographed beautifully, capturing the French countryside in all it's wonder. The movie itself? Not so wonderful. The "protagonist" is difficult to pull for, as her motivations for the rendez-vous of the title seem incredibly selfish and callous. You can tell from the first interaction with her future tryst, that she's all-in, and doesn't hide it, from anyone--all while her husband appears to be at worst, a workaholic. There are a couple twists that are not-so-subtly suggested by the Director (if you know Chekov's Gun concept, you'll get it right away). The final shot is infuriating and you just hope the husband wakes up and starts a new life somewhere.