olson-64848 Reviews

Ghost Stories (I) (2017)

They almost had me

[4/10 · 2 April 2024]

This movie has an incredible atmosphere, some beautiful cinematography is some gorgeous location. It also has an incredible hook; a man who has devoted his life to debunking ghosts and hoaxes and schucksters finally meets his idol. Except he thought he was dead. This Idol tells him that he has only found three cases that he couldn't debunk and he want our main charter to go and finally debunk them or prove the existence of an afterlife before he dies.

Incredible premise. Incredible actors. Terrible execution. And it comes down to the script. There is so much here to work with, and the writer really did try it all; with each story being very different from the last and, at times, subverting your expectations as to where this particular vinget will go.

Sadly, overall, it is mostly bland and derivative of better films.

It is worth a watch, as there is entertainment to be had and it is overall well made. It certainly isn't a bad movie, just mostly disappointing. Which is maybe worse than just being bad.

The Client List (2011–2013)

It at least deserved an ending...

[7/10 · 6 March 2024]

While I do agree with the 6.5 rating, I also think this deserved at least one more season to wrap things up. It was cheesy, it was dumb, it was way over the top, but it also always knew what it was and played the comedy where it needed to and the drama where it was necessary. The performances were typical of these low budget, off brand shows, with some being great while most are mediocre but tolerable, but that's part of the charm. It's just THAT kind of show. You know what you're in for with this. You either like it or you don't. I actually think the overall premise was much more intriguing than most other shows of this kind and it pushed more boundaries than most would even dare attempt. It was never perfect, but I don't think it aimed to be. And for what it was delivering, it was almost always perfect. The fact that it ended on a cliffhanger to the best story of the series is a really big shame. It could have gone places from there. I think it was finding it's tone and ground. Worth watching despite the major cliffhanger of an ending.

The Blair Witch Project (1999)

The Legend

[2/10 · 30 January 2024]

This movie is all about the moment when it was made and the advertising craze that it created. If you watch the movie as it is outside of that it is mostly a monotonous bore.

The best bits are the first 20 minutes when it is actually trying to be faux documentary and the last 3 minutes when something scary finally happens. And even that is a let down. .

This movie is essentially 70 minutes of people with no script wandering in circles and complaining about wandering in circles and having no script except to scream the F word at each other. I think this actually set a record when it was released for the number of times the F word was used. But it wasn't used effectively. It was used in place of lacking knowing what else to say.

We spend 45 minutes screaming at each other about a map that we find out was intentionally lost............

Oops I fell asleep.

It's a bore. It's a mess. I appreciate the low budget 'quality' and there have been some good films that spawned from this, but this is a bad film. It's just a nonsense, screaming, boring mess of a 'movie'.

It definitely does not hold up to the rest of time, sadly.

Pet Sematary: Bloodlines (2023)

Pet Semetary....where?

[2/10 · 17 January 2024]

I went into this knowing that it was straight to streaming, but also with an open mind. There have been many decent films that went to streaming rather than theaters, especially since the pandemic.

The cast was promising and the idea of a prequel and expanding on some of the lore eluded to in the novel was a great idea.

Sadly, we got... Something. I'm not sure what it is. It's certainly not a King inspired story, nor does it really have anything to do with the lore of Pet Semetary. Other than a few allusions to some vague 'Dead is better' moments and some quick scenes of the 'origins' of the Burial Grounds there was nothing.

It ended up being a very generic horror film that didn't have any identity of its own. It was boring, not scary and a really, really bad prequel to a great King story.

They should have gone all the way back and expanded on the few moments we got of the Indian tribe that was on the land and how it became cursed. Those 5 minutes, while not canon to the King legend, were FAR more exciting than the other 82 minutes of this movie.

Generic. Uninspired. Waste of an easy prequel that was mostly already written. Don't watch it. It truly is not worth it. I hope some day someone will write a great sequel all to do with the Indian tribe and the true origins of the burial grounds and how the land came to be cursed. That was the best part of the move and it was poorly handled in a quick sequence. That should have been the movie.

Unsolved Mysteries: Paranormal Rangers (2022) Season 3, Episode 5

Worst of the worst.

[1/10 · 17 August 2023]

Overall this revival has been pretty good. Not nearly as good as the original series, but it does at times envoke that same mystery and eerie feeling the original series was known for. Even in the episodes about the supernatural or paranormal this show usually offers some intriguing scientific basis that allows the viewer to question everything presented in a natural way while still questioning the rational explanation. It plays the fine line perfectly at times. Which is what makes this episode so tragic.

This episode goes so far beyond plausible it is ridiculous. You could tell this episode was weak on facts and intriguing lore when it is mainly an interview with one person who just seems to be telling stories of lore and saying they saw it. It's corroborated by a ranger who just so happens to not see what she saw but something similar, but not. It was a dog and his dad told him it was a skin walker so it must be that! Back to the women who tells the same story she told before. Must be a skin walker. This is absurd. The entire episode is dull, uninspired and worst of all, not the least bit convincing. This is a skip episode for sure. Fake and dull.

Manos Returns (2018)

It knows its bad...

[1/10 · 14 December 2022]

This is one of of those films, like the second BirdDemic, that knows that the reason the first film got any acclaim was because of how unintentionally bad it was. Where the first film got a cult following because it was bad, but you know the director was trying the first time, but just delivered something terrible, but so funny it found a cult following. This film tries to be bad/funny and doesn't succeed. Because it tries. It tries to be bad and funny and incoherent. That isn't what made the original the cult film what it is. Being aware of the terribleness is cool. Trying to replicate that into a purposefully funny and bad film will not get you that acclaim again in anyway. It just delivers a boring slog of a retread without any self awareness or humor. The more it tries to replicate and bring humor to it, the worse it got. It would have been better if it found a way to play the original plot totally straight and treated this like a real horror sequel. The comedy would have come from that. Treat this like a real sequel to a 'real' horror film and give us some horror. The comedy would have written itself by just doing that, and the horror moments would have hit hard. Instead it's just a bad attempt to make a bad movie to capitalize on the cult following of the original. It could have been something, but the f'd it up.

Welcome to Flatch (2022–2023)

I really wanted to like this

[7/10 · 9 December 2022]

I was a big fan of 'This Country's, the BBC show this is based on, and the first season of 'Flatch' was actually pretty good. It was different enough to be its own thing, but also different enough to be enjoyable for a fan of the original. The first season really started to grow the characters and establish some fun running jokes.

I was excited to see it get picked up a second season and see where they took the characters. Sadly, they ruined everything the first season was building. They seem to have turned every character into an idiot and made the 'super quirky'. The original series worked so well because the main two characters were outlandish and dumb, but good natured, while most of the other characters in the town were somewhat level headed in comparison (with the exception of a couple of townies they encountered, but were never made main characters).

In the second season of this show they made everyone as dumb and outlandish as the main characters. With no foil to the main characters it has become more obnoxious than anything. The storylines are just absurd and annoying more times than not.

I will give it credit for still having some truly humorous moment, but that's all the positive I can say anymore. I also, miss the more improv feel of the original series and the first few episodes of this American series. Now, it's more like The Office of Parks and Rec, which are shows I love, but I think the more free and improv feel really worked for this show a lot and now that it more 'acted' feelings it's taken a lot of the charm out.

I'm going to stick with it for a bit more, but I'm sad that's it's just become so stupid and at times insanely annoying overall. First season I would give a 7.5, the second season I would give a 3, so I've averages that out to about a 5.

Wednesday (2022– )

Absolutely awful

[3/10 · 25 November 2022]

How anyone can rate this highly I will never understand. The dialogue is so terrible that it makes the brilliant cast seem like terrible actors. If Tim Burton wanted to make Harry Potter movie then he should have done that. This is a huge failure of his attempt at that. I'm surprised that he directed the first four episodes. The cinematography is flat and boring. Nothing looks good or has any style to it. After four episodes I'm giving up. How this has an 8 rating is baffling. It's one of the worst things Tim Burton has done and the absolute worst thing Netflix has put out, which is saying a lot. I truly hope this does not get another season.

Red Letters (2019)

Painful

[1/10 · 16 August 2022]

This movie has to be one of the worst I have tried to watch in a long time. After about 35 minutes there was still nothing happening. At all. Bad acting, poorly filmed, horribly written. There is nothing redeeming about this pile of rubbish. Anyone giving this above a 2 had to have worked on the movie or has never seen a movie before. No tension, no pacing, slow, slow, slow and flat out boring. I turned it off after 35 of nothing happening. Avoid at all costs and save yourself the time. It isn't even so bad it's funny. It's just flat out terrible and boring.

Blown Away (2019– )

Love this show... but!

[8/10 · 22 July 2022]

This show is so great. It really shows an artistry that we take for granted. Everyone has a pice of glass in their home. Whether it's an old platter or a set of champagne flutes you got on your wedding. The skill and artistry behind those pieces is amazing. I loved the first two series so much.

Come season three it really let me down. The host is not an expert or glassmaker yet they give him so much time to put in his own opinion on pieces. He even talks over the actual judges at times. He tries so hard to be the voice, and shut down the actual experts. It's a shame. Because often what he says sways the actual experts to make a decision, which leads me to believe that it is very much a producer keeping certain personalities in the show rather than the best artist.

It is still worth watching for the beauty of what these artists make. But I sincerely hope that if they get another season they tell the host shut up.

Host the show. Stop trying to have any input on the judging when you have two or three actual glass artists judging and you know nothing.

I'm giving the overall series an 8/10 because it is well produced and it is great to see this art, and it did teach you about a medium I didn't know well, and the artists are amazing. But the host needs to go. Or at the very least needs to not be commenting on things he obviously know nothing about.

Masters of Horror: Imprint (2006) Season 1, Episode 13

Brilliant story let down by some bad acting

[7/10 · 9 July 2022]

This episode was brilliant in so many ways. The story was great, the direction was beautiful. The grotesque sequenses, which got this episode banned originally, were very well done. It's one of the best episodes by far.

However, the acting of the main male character was so atrocious it almost ruined the entire thing. He was absolutely awful. Overacting every single line to the point it was laughable.

It actually makes me feel bad for the Japanese actresses who were so, so good and real in every action, ever line delivered. Take the American, terrible actor out, or replace him with anyone else and this would be the masterpiece it was meant to be.

Definitely disturbing, brutal and beautiful. Very beautiful in the mocabre way. Not for the faint of heart.

But the lead male actor really, nearly, ruined the whole thing. I can only imagine how perfect this episode would be with a different actor in that role. Such a pity he ruins the incredible direction, story and acting of everyone around him. This could have been a 9 or 10 but he was so bad it gets a 7 from me.

Legendary (2020–2022)

It was so close...

[7/10 · 23 June 2022]

The first and second season were so good. They are worth watching. By the third season.... not so much. The judges are giving 10's for performances that don't deserve it and saving groups that don't deserve it with their 'flags'. How does a house make it it to the finals when the are the worst house? By having one single person save them. Is this not about the best house? Is this not about a single house being the best? Eliminating a house because a single person underperformed and keeping around a House that can't perform together it absurd. This is about the best HOUSE. Not the best performer. They lost me during season three. Makioveli should it NO eat be there. Ever. Waste of time and terrible judgement.

Antrum: The Deadliest Film Ever Made (2018)

The opening was the best part

[3/10 · 28 May 2022]

The opening mockumentary about the movie was the best part and interesting. You hear people talk about the film and where it came from and how it supposedly killed everyone at the initial screening, which is why it was banned and supposedly lost forever. There was some very intriguing lore there. I wish that would have been the whole movie. Instead we get shown the movie that was recently uncovered and it's pretty boring.

A girl and her brother go into the woods to try and find their dog... Or bury their dog; I'm still not sure. The sister has been telling her younger brother about the entrance to hell through a sort of folklore story.

They walk a lot, they barely talk for a while, they meet some rednecks who have some satanic plot. They dig some more. Supposedly digging their way to hell. Looking for a dog that died, but the brother loved him so the sister thinks she can find the dog again by digging their way to hell. It's convoluted and boring.

It looks like a movie made in the 70's through grainy after effects and the styling of clothes is appropriate. The acting isn't bad at all. For how young the leads are I think they did a good job overall in that respect. It just fails to capture any real suspense or even a slight thrill. There are moments of unease and some cool visuals, but most of that has nothing to do with the main storyline.

Overall, I think this was a huge missed opportunity. When the most compelling part of your movie is the first ten minutes (which actually isn't part of the 'movie') you have a problem.

It is slow, uneventful, messy and just uninspired. When I want to see more of a mockumentary about a cursed tape (which we have all seen before) then you know the rest is a dud.

I am giving it 3 stars because the mockumentary section was good, the acting was decent and it did give that 70's lost film kind of vibe at times. Beyond that there is nothing to see here. If you were drawn in by the marketing of the most horrifying, deadly movie then don't watch this. If you want to see a slightly well crafted 70's style movie then maybe give it a watch, but don't expect anything super compelling or scary at all.

This film will only kill you with boredom.

Love on the Spectrum U.S. (2022– )

Absolutely incredible!

[10/10 · 26 May 2022]

Growing up with a mom who devoted her life to working with children on the spectrum I may be a bit biased, but this show is just incredible! To see these beautiful people searching for love is astounding. My mom always worked with very young kids who I rarely got to see grow up, sadly. This show is so pure and perfectly produced. Letting these amazing people find themselves and hope for love and a partner is just so heartwarming. I love this way this show gives us an inside to autism and people in the spectrum that we normally don't get to see. It's amazing how much you can identify with these people as a neurotypical. They want and fear the same things as everyone else, especially in dating. It's beautiful to see these people come out of their shells and face their fears. It actually gives me more confidence in my own life to see this show. I hope it never ends and we see more like this.

Alaska Is a Drag (2017)

Pretty poor overall

[3/10 · 17 May 2022]

This had a genuine possibility of being good or even interesting, but it failed. The acting was decent, the writing was okay, there was some visual flair to a few scenes, but it really was a boring overall movie. There was no proper build up to anything. It was a flatline. They go to work, get in a fight, drink. Got to work, get in a fight, and then drink; sharing shallow and very little character background in boring quick conversation. One or two boxing sessions thrown in that don't build up properly. A drag transformation that gets little attention. It's all repetitive and bland. There is a good idea to be explored here, but they do nothing with it and nothing happens. Which makes the payoff feel underwhelming and pointless. It's disjointed, inconsistent and just kind of a bore. The characters are shallow and under written. It's just not that good, sadly. I would not recommend this movie.

Stitched (2018– )

It's a no

[3/10 · 7 May 2022]

This show fails from the first moment.

It is split into three challenges with four contestants to start.

Their first challenge is to design a signature design that shows what they do best. That's a great first challenge, but this show botches it completely but then limiting the contestant so such things as faux fur, unconventional materials, a specific genre of design. How is any contestant going to show who they are with such harsh restriction? Imagine being a bridal designer and asking to show your signature stiye with the theme of faux fur cocktail dress... And in only four hours.

On top of that they are given such a short amount of time they can't finish their design and are then judged on an unfinished garment.

Next, they are challenged to do something equally stupid with an equally absurd amount of time and restrictions, such as not using a sewimg machine or unconventional materials. Then judged on an unfinished garment. Again.

It all leads to a finale where they pick the best(?) of all the failed contestants. It's such a bad format it is painful to watch.

It is very clear these people are talented, but they went on the wrong show. A show that set them up to fail and then tried to celebrate their failures because of the restrictions the judges and produces knew were absurd and just dumb. Watching the judges try and praise a horrific garment to create drama before picking the only good thing the episode has produced is painful.

This format could work if it wasn't so horrifically executed. It's a true shame.

Next Level Chef (2022– )

The Platform

[7/10 · 28 March 2022]

Seriously. This is awful. The concept (obviously stolen from The Platform) could have worked, but it was very clear from the start, it was a fail.

They say it is a blind taste test, yet the judges are in there; guiding the contestants the entire time. They 'blind' taste the food, which is absurd because they just spent 90 minutes asking about their food, and guiding them to what they deliver. The judges pretend to be impartial and not know which dish belongs to which contestant during judgment. That is so insane! They were literally just asking the contestants what they were making and tasting everything!

Then when they get to the final judgment they act like because the plates are out of order they don't know which plate belongs to each contestant? "Who made the curry???" The contestant you just gave advice to on how to make curry, then watched make curry... Probably them... Yup, it was them.

For this show to work in this format they need an outside panel of judges that aren't the mentors. As it is, there is no way to be bias. They know what each person made, they know what dish belongs to each person. The judgment is nil. Whoever Gordan wants to further his brand will win. Whether they deserve it or not. I feel bad for the contestants of this failed vanity project for Ramsey.

Next Level Chef (2022– )

The Platform meets Master Chef meets The Voice

[7/10 · 28 March 2022]

Terrible. Just awful. Don't watch it even out of curiosity. It's so bad it isn't even funny bad. It's just awful. They tried, but it's such a fail I almost feel bad for Ramsey. Except he is a millionaire who conceived this mess. He should stick to cooking.

Next Level Chef (2022– )

Wow. Terrible. Disorienting.

[7/10 · 28 March 2022]

I love the concept, but the editing makes it so disorienting no one can follow it. It's such a cool concept (stolen from a Netflix movie), but the awful editing style makes it unwatchable. I wanted to like this, but after 3 episodes I had to give up. It gave me a headache. It's awful. Sorry, Gordan, this is a huge flop.

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark (2010)

Could have been good

[4/10 · 10 November 2019]

It's a great, if overdone concept, but every frame, every scene, feels like a rehearsal. It's like they only did one take of everything and thought that was the best they would get. The script itself wasn't bad, but the performances were so awful it deminishes anything that could have been. I can't say it enough, this film is like a first take. Something that should have been cut for better performances. Just terribly mundane and underwhelming. And who the out that awful wig on that child? Just poor exicution, sadly.

Prank Encounters (2019–2021)

TERRIBLE

[1/10 · 6 November 2019]

This show prefeces itself as being a prank show with actors supposedly interacting with 'real' people. There is no way in hell that any sane person would believe any of the set-ups this show claims to set up. On top of that the supposed 'real' people are clearly actors. And they are bad actors at that. Further, they keep making cuts to Gatten(?) Who is supposedly directing the action 'live'. But it is so clear he's watching these clips, if he even watched them at all, and has no direction on all of these actors. He probably filmed all of his 'surveilence' footage in one day. And then he shows up at the end to tell the 'actors' . We knew. THEY KNEW. And it's all boring and stupid. Gatten. Go back to Broadway! Outside of Stranger Things that is your true calling.

The Twilight Zone (2019–2020)

An abysmal effort

[1/10 · 26 September 2019]

I was really wanting this to be good. As a fan of the original series and, really, any horror anthology I can find, I was hoping this would be great. I am not as in love with Jordan Peele's other efforts (Get Out and Us) as much as most people, but I thought he might be the right person to bring this series back. Boy was I wrong! There is nothing good about these overly long, boring, PC political crap episodes. The original was topical, but not so on the nose cramming things down your throat. It's messages, in episodes that had them, were much more cleverly imbedded rather than hammered over your head.

The episodes are way too long for how much material they have to work with. This, you spend most of the episode going around in needless circles as they try to draw a simple idea out to a full hour. Which brings me to another point. The 'twists' are so easy to see coming from very early on most of the time so you're literally just watching all this useless crap knowing what the ending is so there is absolutely no payoff.

Rod Serling knew how to keep it short and to the point. By the time you figured out what was going on the episode was over and you were discovering the twist with the characters not sitting and waiting for them to figure out the obvious.

Absolutely abysmal. Go watch the original on Netflix. Hell any of the reboots over the years are better than this. 1/10 for some good performances.

Terror Tales (2016)

Do NOT watch this awful, awful 'movie'

[1/10 · 28 August 2019]

After reading the 10 star reviews ok here and some of the 'critic' (all of them are second rate horror vlogs that were sent free copies to review) the only thing I can think of is that not only were they given a free copy, but they either worked on, contributed to, or know someone involved in the production. Everything about this movie is just terrible. The camera work is bad and looks like it was filmed on an old camcorder. The audio is so bad and switches from white noise filled backgrounds to fairly clear but much louder audio from shot to shot. The editing is jarring and horribly done. People switch places and move about as though they shot a line, stepped aside to see how it turned out, and then tried to get the actors framed in the same place again for the next line. The acting is atrociously bad and the script is worse. The CGI is laughable at best. And the makeup effects are even worse. There is nothing worth watching here. I saw it for free on YouTube and it was still too expensive. 2 hours of the worst trash you will ever see; even if some of the overarching ideas are interesting, they are so poorly handled in every way you really can't tell. 0 stars. Negative stars. Just, please avoid this at all costs. Its an abomination to call this a film.

After (I) (2019)

Absolutely Awful

[1/10 · 7 August 2019]

There is nothing in this movie worth seeing. Awful script, awful acting, terrible plot. Just an astoundingly bad film based on even worse fan fiction.

Slasher (2016–2023)

Season one is good

[8/10 · 2 November 2018]

Season one is great! The acting is pretty solid and the script is creepy and well worry the watch. Season 2 is awful! The wiring and acting is so bad it isn't worth watching. I'm hoping season 3 is better