alexivalle Reviews

Road House (2024)

Better than I thought

[6/10 · 7 April 2024]

I'll open by saying that I've never seen the Patrick Swayze one, but if you're worried about this film ruining the original, there's already a direct to DVD sequel in the 2000s you should hate more.

Now to this movie...I'm a big UFC fan, but I'm not a Conor fan, and I also like good action movies and cheesy action movies. This is the latter. I liked it. Overall, I thought it was slightly better than a "one time watch" movie. It's in the dumb fun category, basically.

I liked Gylanhaal in the interpreter, and I thought he was was decent here. Furthermore, some of the fight choreography was good. The setting and story were ok, and even though it's over 2 hours, I was pleasantly surprised to find that it didn't drag too much. Conor (who is basically playing an exaggerated version of himself) was entertaining, and I thought the UFC angle was integrated well into the plot. This film also has a lot of humor and I found that a decent amount of it landed. One henchman (I'll try to keep this spoiler free) had me laughing often.

Now to the negatives: some of the acting is bad, like really bad. The sheriff guy in particular, although he isn't the only one. Then there's the VFX. Oh my gosh, they are bad. This movie looks like it was made in iMovie at points. They also did some CGI body double thing to make the punches land during the fight scenes and at best, they are unnoticeable, and at worst, look awful. There's another scene where a character is hit with a car (all done in CGI) and it looks like Sharknado.

For a remake of a cheesy "so bad it's good" movie from the 80s that also feels like an athlete's vanity project, you could do much worse. I was looking forward to watching this one hoping it would be fun. Obviously, I wasn't expecting Goodfellas. And when the movie was over, I felt mostly satisfied. I would probably watch it again, but likely years later and not right now.

If this seems like a movie you'd be interested in, and you have Prime, check it out out of curiosity and grab some beers before you do. I already have Prime so the fact it was essentially free for me gives it some points in its favor.

I don't regret watching it. There's enough here to be fun for a couple hours.

6/10.

Bunker (II) (2022)

A cool concept in a slowly paced movie

[6/10 · 9 March 2023]

Bunker is horror/thriller film that clearly has a small budget. My girlfriend, one of my best friends and I all saw Bunker in a theater as part of the limited release.

We all generally liked it (we all gave it a 6/10), but agreed it could have been a lot better. We are all horror fans, and my friend and I both have degrees in World War I history.

There is a lot of good in this movie, including the acting of the lieutenant, the creature effects, the setting, and the costumes. I was really curious how that would work out, especially since there is a giant Hollywood trend to have WW1 set films (1917 and All Quiet on the Western Front come to mind, both movies I enjoyed). Needless to say, it is pretty immersive in the time period (except for a few obvious uses of green screen).

However, one aspect that really drags this film down is how inconsistent it is. For example, the acting of the main character varies from good and committed to distracting and over the top, the special effects are good (sometimes) and other times involve terrible CGI or obvious use of miniatures. The tension building is sometimes fantastic, and sometimes leads to absolutely nothing or repeats what we as an audience already know.

But the biggest problem with this film is the inconsistency of the pacing. If you've seen the trailer, there is clearly a lot of build up to the plot of this movie (they go in the Bunker and find something). I'm not against slowly paced films (I quite enjoyed some of these types of horror films, namely the Witch), but there is a giant middle portion of this movie that drags. This film is just under 2 hours, but feels easily like a 2 hour and 15 minute film.

I don't think it was worth watching in theaters, but if this film came on Shudder or Netflix, I'd give it a watch.

A Ghost Waits (2020)

A solid low budget drama-dy (Drama/Comedy)

[6/10 · 10 February 2021]

I agree a lot with FilmGuy's review. In fact, his review is what convinced me to give this film a chance. Obviously you can tell that this film is low budget and because of that, there are going to be confines and limits to the filmmaking. There are some editing errors, sure, but I didn't think any of it was too distracting.

I wouldn't exactly call this a comedy, nor a horror-comedy. There are some funny comedic moments, but it isn't structured like a comedy. It's kind of a three part mix: drama, horror-comedy-esque, and romance. Because of the mix, the tone is kind of inconsistent, which is probably the biggest problem. I would classify it more as a drama-dy romance with horror elements.

However, there are some really interesting ideas here about the afterlife, life itself, and death. It can take a bit to get there, but when it does, the film has interesting and unique ideas that elevate it beyond the usual "Ghost" movies. The two leads are fine and even have some good moments, but the film hits hardest in its emotional moments. These are easily the strongest portions of the film.

It's not the Conjuring, it's not before sunrise, but it's also not the Room or Paranormal Activity. If you're curious, I'd give it a watch. An interesting movie with some interesting lore 7/10

Cabin Fever (2016)

If You Saw This On Netflix, Stay Away

[2/10 · 1 November 2020]

I consider myself a horror connoisseur. It's my favorite genre. I love legitimately great horror films like the Shining or the Conjuring, cult classics like Evil Dead, and campy slashers like Friday the 13th part 8. The point is that I can typically enjoy a horror movie, even if it's kind of bad. But, this film is BAD. It's not even so bad it's good, it's not even enjoyable. It's So Bad it's BAD. I may have gotten a laugh a time or two, but they were very few and far between. Even drinking with friends while watching wouldn't make this enjoyable.

I'll be honest, I've never seen the original Cabin Fever. It's actually why I watched this one. I found this remake on Netflix and got 10 minutes in before realizing it had to be a remake (references to Call of Duty Black OPs and Grand Theft Auto 5 would be anachronistic in a 2002 film) and decided to press on. So as someone with no affiliation with the original source material, I can't compare it to the original. However, I can tell you that as a movie, this film is terrible. The writing is awful (I can't even put into words how bad), the acting is all over the place, and the characters are written to be so stupid that the characters from Friday the 13th (2009) look like Nobel Prize winners by comparison. It's not scary and they also have a few really terrible jump scares where it turns out to be their friends or some random person.

Horror typically requires some suspension of disbelief. But there's suspension of disbelief and then there's that little voice in your head practically begging you to turn it off. But, I completed the film just so that I can tell you to heed my warning and save yourself 90 minutes of your life. If there was any reason for you to watch it (even you horror fans out there), I'd be honest and tell you.

But just to be fair, here's the stuff I "liked":

-It's mercifully short -I'll admit that the gore is okay, but as someone who likes gore (you can go see any of my ratings on much worthier horror films), there are far better choices than this. -Some of the cinematography looked pretty good -The main guy wasn't the worst actor ever, even if everyone else is pretty bad. (Looking at you, girl who played Winston and the guy with the rifle) -The car chase scene/tracking scene was decent. Nowhere near the best I've ever seen, but competent. -This movie had some money thrown at it. I don't know if that makes it better or worse.

TLDR: Save your time. Pretty damn terrible

Child's Play (2019)

Different doesn't always equal better

[3/10 · 24 June 2019]

I'm by no means a Chucky purist and I went into this wanting to like it. I'm a fan of Child's Play 2 and Bride, but this was bad. I have no problem with them wanting to upgrade the story, so long as it makes sense. But it honestly felt like a 7th grader wrote this script and that thing isn't even Chucky in personality or actions. It honestly does a complete disservice to the franchise and fans have a right to be mad.

I'm going to try not to be all negative. Mark Hamill was good and the soundtrack was creative and good, but at the end of the day, it just has a nothing script to work with.

So what about for average movie goers. The plot is bad, the dialogue is bad, the horror is bad (jumpscare fakeouts galore), and there is only one creative kill. It's also super predictable and you can see everything coming a mile away. And I'm a huge horror fan so I don't usually say that. It parasitically relies on your knowledge of the first one to make things happen. They don't even have a good reason why the doll's name is Chucky besides the history of the franchise.

This movie also HEAVILY relies on another horror movie. Not like, oh it's influenced by it. No, that movie straight up influences the plot. I'm not going to spoil it, but it's pretty dumb. I'm personally mixed on that for 2 big reasons. 1. I actually like that other movie so I'm glad they used it. 2. The rights to that movie were probably really cheap so it feels like they chose it for no other reason than it was all Child's Play could afford.

There were parts where I felt this movie could have been at least interesting if it was a standalone film with no ties to Chucky. But then last act happens and it just sucks. Don't try to be different if you don't even have cool ideas how to do it. This is a stark contrast to a movie like It that knows how to appease fans of the original, but also be its own thing.

It isnt a 1/10 or anything, but I regret paying to watch it. 3/10. Maybe a Netflixer.

Feral (2017)

Meh Smaller scale zombie movie

[5/10 · 26 May 2019]

This isn't a world encompassing zombie movie like world war z or dawn of the dead. It's a backwoods cabin kind of film.

I can confirm virtually every other review on here that it is generic in its plot. But, it's not all bad, especially if you like those kinds of movies for what they are.

There were a couple scenes that I liked and it gets to the zombie attacks fairly quickly. Honestly, you could certainly do worse for a free movie on Hulu.

My main criticism is that the writing (dialogue wise) is pretty bad and it made me laugh a couple of times. There were also a few aerial shots that made no sense in terms of camerawork.

The acting is also hit and miss. I really like Scout Taylor Compton as an actress, so I'm slightly biased and I gave it an extra star just because of her. Other than her and the old guy, the rest of the cast leaves a lot to be desired.

I watch a lot of these types of films and I'd say it's a typical 4/10 zombie film. In that sense, its overall rating is a fairly accurate portrayal. I definitely disagree with anyone who says it's 1/10 bad. It's not like House of Dead (uwe boll).

If you're reading these reviews to determine whether it's worth 1.5 hours of your life, I'll sum it up: If you like zombie films where you're waiting for people to turn, you may find some enjoyment for what it is. If you don't usually like zombie films, probably a skip.

The Predator (2018)

With Apologies to AVPR

[2/10 · 14 September 2018]

As a true fan of the series who loves AVP, Predator, Predator 2, Predators, and Predator: Dark Ages, I have to apologize for all the bad stuff I've ever said about AVPR. At least AVPR has a predator in it (wolf) who does elite predator things.

This is a predator movie in name only. Shane Black should have called this "your mom jokes: the movie." I wanted to like it so bad, but the trailers did not impress me. I actually rewatched AVPR before this movie to lower my expectations after waiting 8 years since Predators for another film. Boy, were we all let down.

The CG can get REALLY BAD, the acting is all over the place, there's no tone, the editing is beyond amateur, the pacing sucks, and did I mention that every 4 minutes we have to cut away from the action so we can tell more unfunny jokes?

Remember Hawkin's trademark joke about his girlfriend from the original? You have to hear two characters make it again for (no joke) 30 consecutive seconds.

Also how is the Predator scanning a computer when he doesn't even have his mask on????!!!!!! It didn't make any sense. I wouldn't blame a single person if they told me they walked out and it pains me to think of someone being introduced to the predator franchise through this movie. Everyone with creative control should be ashamed of themselves.

AVPR might still have more bland, punchable, cliche horror trope "characters," but at least there are 20 minutes of Predator action. That's more than this movie offers and it's a total shame to say that, since no one wanted to like this more than me.

Hereditary (2018)

Nope, save your money-trailer is lying

[1/10 · 9 June 2018]

Coming from someone who actually LIKED the Witch, this movie is a total letdown. I legitimately walked out of this film after over an hour, which is something I've never done before in my life. The acting is bad, none of the characters act like people, the writing is bad, the cinematography takes away from any atmosphere or tension, and the pacing is some of the worst I've ever seen. It's not scary. It's not even fake scary (jump scares). Anything done in this movie has been done a million times better in good horror films, like the Conjuring or in the Witch.

I was scratching my head and rolling my eyes after every scene and the trailers are straight up lying to you.

It doesn't even work as a dark drama.It's a Lifetime Original Movie with a budget and a decapitation scene.

Save your time. Go watch better films.

Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance (2015)

A Decent Sequel, Albeit Without Any of the Charm of the First

[4/10 · 17 February 2017]

I'm not going to do spoilers for either Samurai Cop movies, but if you've never seen either and had to choose, definitely pick the first one. I'm a huge fan of it. Samurai Cop is one of my favorite movies of all time. In my opinion, "So bad it's good" doesn't even do it justice. I'd say it's more like "so bad, it's great and hilarious." The first movie has a certain charm to it. The editing and dialogue are absolutely awful, yet they have an inherent entertainment value, as it manages to perfectly become a top-tier parody of action/cop films, albeit unintentionally.

Here, it is clear that these film makers do have a love for the original film. But the problem is that they rely too much on nostalgic "hey remember when they did/said this in Samurai Cop moments" to create comedy, but forget to add anything distinct. The first 20 minutes or so are legitimately funny, but the act of repeating scenes from the original starts to wear thin after that. Another problem here is the script. They make the plot so over complicated that your brain has a hard time connected who any one of the new characters are (even though they tell you on-screen) or where exactly they are in the scene, space wise, to the action or to other characters. For example, pretty much EVERY character from the original is brought back here in a cameo/role. I wouldn't mind this if it was just a few, but some of them even defy logic or continuity. Moreover, practically every scene has one of these cameos and you will stop finding them funny after about the fifth one.

However, the biggest problem is the forced errors. It is common knowledge that the original has an abundance of mistakes, such as in editing, acting, cinematography, camera work, actual filming, and special effects. But those errors were the comedy in the first one. It's hard to describe the difference in these errors unless you watch both films, but in the original, you felt an innocent charm when you saw these, which made them funny. I said I wouldn't do spoilers, but for example, it is funny that every time they fight outside, the time of day changes, making it super obvious that they filmed it at various times of day. Sometimes a single punch or sword slash will be performed with several edits, each one filmed during several sun positions, creating different natural lighting effects. That is legitimately funny. Here, they attempt to recreate this artificially, such as making the a fight's color grade darker or lighter, throughout each frame of the fight scene. It made me roll my eyes constantly and wonder why they didn't simply set each fight scene outside and literally recreate it. The whole movie is like this. They also have a lot of flashback scenes. Like WAY TOO MANY.

Before I bash on it too much, there are some good elements, namely in the cast. For example, Fraser and Karedas are great in this roll and perfectly recreate their portrayals from the original. Between the two of them, they hold down the acting as you can see they both brought their best acting to these reprisals. All of the porn stars are funny as well. Not like in a comedic acting style, but in a "hey isn't it funny that lexi belle is in this" kind of way. I enjoyed that throughout this film and it never got stale. Tommy Wisseau is in this as well, and there are a couple of jokes from the Room, so I highly suggest you watch that film as well to be able to fully enjoy this one. Bai Ling is also a very talented actress and I thought she was great as well. Special effect wise, they opt for CG blood explosions that actually sort of fit, since the movie is so ridiculous already. There are also some bad green screen moments that made me laugh, as well.

Overall, the film will bring you some entertainment. I've seen people give it a 1/10. I don't think it's that bad. It definitely isn't anything great, but I think it is a good one time watch for hardcore fans. The thing that will instantly be noticed is that while the filmmakers are amazing at recreating the best parts of the original, their lack of new ideas or content will leave you wanting more.

Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007)

Has the gore, but not much more

[5/10 · 2 April 2016]

I'm a die hard Predator fan. I love AVP 1, but it should not have been pg13. That's what holds it back. However, this movie should have hired Amy Schumer to star in it, because it is a train wreck. The monster fights are pretty awesome and this Predator is one of my favorite ones, but every human, let me repeat that, EVERY HUMAN is annoyingly bad. That being said, if someone could fan edit this movie, showing only the predator and alien parts, I'd probably give it a 7 or 8 out of 10. The violence is what the first AVP should have looked like and there's some fan service for people who love alien and predator, but for everyone else, STAY FAR AWAY.